About two weeks ago there was a story about a woman who gave a homeless man her platinum credit card when he asked her for some change. He went and bought a few things and then returned the card. My first reaction was how did he managed to use her credit card? Then, I started thinking about whether I would let a homeless person use my credit card. I don't know about that, but earlier this week I had a very interesting encounter in the parking lot of Ralph's which is a grocery store chain. As I was walking in the store a black woman who was about 50 or so approached me. She was well dressed and certainly did not look homeless or look like she was going to ask me for money, but she did. Here is a replay of the conversation as best as I can recall.
Woman - Excuse me, my name is Beverly. (she then shook my hand). Do you have AAA+?
Me - No, sorry I don't.
Woman - Well I am a teacher and my car needs to be towed and they will only accept cash. I still need exactly $31 to get the car towed. I am a teacher and I would hate to have to call in for a substitute on the third day of class, so could you please help me. She then described her clothes and said she would be willing to trade me her Neiman Marcus silk scarf.
Me - (Thinking) What in the hell would I do with a silk scarf? Is she for real? What if she is and I don't give her any money? How bad will the karma be? Do I trust her? Why doesn't she call someone she knows instead of hanging out in a Ralph's parking lot? I should let her use my phone.
At that point I heard some other people talking about her and they were asking a store manager how come they did not help her. I told her I did not have any cash on me which was true but maybe on the way out. So, I went inside and bought my daily ration of booze and bacon and also got $31 in cash back. As I walked out into the parking lot, I looked for her but did not see her and then she came running across the parking lot.
Woman - Are you looking for me? I hope you are looking for me.
Me - Here you go. (I handed her $31. I also noticed she had a wad of cash in her hand).
Woman - I did not get your name so I can repay you.
Me - Don't worry about it.
I don't know if it was a scam or not, but I decided that even if it was, it was inventive enough to get me to give up some money, and if it was not a scam, then I am glad I could help and I was imagining what it would be like for me if the van broke down and I had no one to call or anything and had no cash, how I would try and get the money. I had never seen her before and it is one of my regular booze stops. Plus, if it was a scam you would have to constantly move from one side of town to another to avoid running into people again.
Anyway, long story for a simple question. What is your policy for dealing with people who ask you for money on the street and do you think this woman was scamming me?
If it's a scam, I have no idea...but sometimes you just have to trust your instinct ...
ReplyDeleteI have an older homeless woman I always give something to when I see her..there but for the grace of god...
if i can afford it, and i have cash, i will usually give them a buck or 2. but only if they are nice, sometimes they are downright mean and scary!
ReplyDeleteI have and would. Although I am told my middle name is Gullible.
ReplyDeleteI would like to think it wasn't a scam, but Westcoasters....I don't know.
You're a good man, Enty. But it was a scam. The exact same woman (I'm guessing) tried the exact same spiel on me in the parking lot of Gelson's in West Hollywood. Same deal about being a teacher and needing some small amount of money for the tow truck. I had no cash on me but offered to call AAA. She declined, which set off an alarm bell. But I still felt a little guilty.
ReplyDeleteAbout a week later, I saw her dressed in the same clothes giving the same spiel to some women in front of the Pavilion's further down Santa Monica Blvd. in WeHo.
Heh, you obviously don't hang out in Westwood. For about 3 years we had a guy, in his 30s or 40s who would claim to be a USC student, using the UCLA library for a project. His story was that backpack was stolen and he needed bus money to get back to USC. The first time my mom saw him, she gave him $5. The second time I saw him, I told him my mom gave already gave him $5. (He then ran off.) The third time my mom saw him, she got very cross with him as she had already given him money for the same story. Again, he ran off before others in the parking lot could hear what my mom was saying.
ReplyDeleteSadly, in L.A., I always assume it's a scam because it usually is.
If I have it I give it.
ReplyDeletei give if i can. i have bought lunches and dinners too, which i prefer to do. i am not at all wealthy, but its never been a real hardship to share just a little. i know for some people it would be. i am lucky.
ReplyDeleteif in doubt, or in a large city, i give when the need feels the most genuine, and when and what i am able.
I work in a big city, so I usually assume people are trying to scam me because they usually are! I do give a little money on occasion to people I see on a regular basis, but I never ever pull out my wallet to give someone money because it is opening myself up to get robbed. One lady actually did shove me really hard to try to knock me over and everyone told me she was probably trying to snatch my purse. Good thing I get my balance!!!
ReplyDeleteOut of a city setting, it's a tough call. When I didn't work in the city, I believed people's stories more, so I was more likely to give people money, but I have never given anyone $31!
My normal response to some stranger wanting anything from me is: "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" and pretend I don't understand what they are talking about.
ReplyDeleteThat usually gives me a few seconds to get the hell away from them.
I've also mimed "I'm Deaf".
I'm not a good stranger to talk to - FYI.
Since I live in a big city, it would bankrupt me to give to every homeless I see. However, I do give money to people when the mood strikes me, or I buy them something to eat. I figure I've pissed way more than 5 or 10 dollars against the wall in my life, so what if I do it again?
ReplyDeleteAnd to answer the question, maybe you got scammed, maybe you didn't, but it did give you a story to tell. Is that worth 31 dollars? Maybe. If it made you feel good about yourself then it was worth it.
Give, without question. If someone is scamming, that's there problem. As far as I'm concerned, God will accept charity as long as the giver's heart is in the right place.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteReading Benjamin's answer reminded me of the same.
ReplyDeleteI live in NYC and a man on a bicycle approached me one evening in SoHo with some complicated story about his mom's apt uptown, yada yada, he needed help to get there, needed money (this was 5 years ago, I don't remember details). He seemed super genuine and offered to pay me back - took my info, gave me his name. I gave him $20.
Then I went online and googled his name and found an online blog with the EXACT SAME STORY from some other young woman suspecting she'd been scammed. Taught me a lesson!!
Since then I've seen the same man, who has approached me TWO MORE TIMES (is it my face?) for the same. First of these repeats I yelled out "YOU'RE A CON MAN, THIS MAN IS A LIAR!!! YOU'RE A CON MAN" on the busy streets of SoHo.
The second of these repeats, I grabbed his jacket sleeve and began kicking him in the shins with my pointy heels and screaming at him about what a #$@$Q%$#@^# he was (it was later, I'd been drinking).
It felt AWESOME to kick him in the shins. A painful but harmless injury. My male friends then chased him with threats down the street, which I'm sure they enjoyed too.
Great story...
I think it was a scam. When I lived closer to the University campus around here, I kept seeing the same guy asking random people for money because his car had a flat. I saw him literally a half dozen times around campus throughout a particular semester. It really pissed me off because the first time I saw him, I believed it.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather you just flat-out ask me for some money than come up with some bullshit sob story. Save me some time. Hell if some homeless guy said, "I need 5 bucks for a 40 oz" I'd be more apt to give it just for the honesty.
i used to work at a sandwich shop and would get a free sandwich, chips, bread or whatever when i worked. living in a city college neighborhood there were a bunch of homeless people and just traveler hippie types. i would give them my food if i saw them. i figure if they were actually going to use the money to buy food i was giving them a hell of a lot more food then they would probably make money to buy.
ReplyDeleteThere was a guy who was always outside my work. Had a brace and sign that he was a vet and had a family to support. Of course, vets get disability if they can't work so I thought it was just a scam. That being said, on hot days I would give him water or v8 juice.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I work at a "unique grocery store." That is all that I will say about it, but I see more people and more scams in my job, that I just outright don't give anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhile I love people, I also really loathe that they will be so creative and ingenious even, when coming up for a way to scam others, and that same ingenuity is never used in the opposite way.
She scammed you. If her car was broken down in the store parking lot, she could have asked them to use their phone to call a friend (or someone) to bring her the funds.
ReplyDeleteAddicts call what she did "skimming" and they do it to get cash so they can get high. She may have been well-dressed, but we all know that addicts come in all shapes and sizes.
If I'm wrong, I apologize. My policy is to donate to centers and organizations.
I have given a few dollars here and there. When gas was up to $4.00+ a couple of years ago a teenager asked me for a few dollars to get home and I gave him more mostly because I could tell he was humiliated. You have to be careful though. My husband was once approached at a gas station by a homeless man. He offered to buy him something to eat and the homeless man tried punch him in the face and grab his car keys out of his hand.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing about scams. I live in a college town and there are now what are obviously college kids dressing up as homeless people and standing on corners. They look ridiculously hobo-chic
I don't live anywhere near California and I had a similar thing happen to me in a Target parking lot. It was a couple whose car had run out of gas and needed $5 to get it back home. If I was really in that situation I would be calling friends and family to bail me out not asking for handouts. I said no, but then I had my 6 month neice with me and was getting her in the carseat. If I hadn't had her with me, I may have given the 5 bucks.
ReplyDeleteI live in Florida near where two interstates intersect. We get so many people asking for handouts that it just drives you crazy. They come up to your car as soon as you stop, are at most stoplights and on/off ramps.
ReplyDeleteAugust is stinking hot and rainy but it is the only month you get some relief from them.
But then - last week when I was coming out of my deli there was a woman who asked me for food. She looked really hungry and said she didn't need cash, just a sandwich please.
ReplyDeleteI had no cash and no card.
I still feel bad for not doing something. That one was real. : (
I would have done the same.
ReplyDeleteI still wonder what became of a young woman and her child that I followed around a parking lot 15-16years ago, because I was compelled to help.
I was a single-mom then, too, with not a lot extra, but tons of support around me. I was picking up odds & ends near Christmas in a discount store. A young Mom came in the store with a gorgeous little girl about 3 y/o. They were both in shabby, but very clean clothes, and the tiny Mom was very patient and kind to her child, as she carefully counted out nickels, dimes & pennies to buy a single can of corn beef hash that was certain to be their dinner. You could see the stress and strain in her face, but none of it carried through into her voice while speaking to that little girl at her side.
(I still get choked up thinking about them)
I got in my car and started to drive away, but found myself circling the parking lot, searching for them until I found them. I was really embarassed, and worried that I'd seem arrogant or rude, but I pulled up next to them and told the young woman how much I admired her gentle parenting. I held out a $20 and told her to get themselves something they needed. She started to cry and called me an Angel.
I don't think so. I think that young woman's example of decency in obvious adversity means that little Girl had a tough, sweet Angel for a Mom.
I think about those two often, and always hope that things got better and turned out really well for them both. The little girl would be about my Kiddo's age now. A young woman.
A few years ago I was in a bar with a few friends when a homeless guy from the neighborhood came in. Before they hussled him out, he bummed a cigarette off me. No big deal until he asked for another, saying he wanted "one for the road." I don't know why we found it so funny, but to this day when someone asks for a little too much, we say it's "one for the road."
ReplyDeleteEnty, you probably got scammed, but it's really hard to go through life thinking the absolute worst about everyone. Any money is alot of money to be scammed, but it could have been worse.
I never give anyone who approaches me on the street money because I assume they are just going to use it for drugs or alcohol. I prefer to give money to known charities that will see that the people who really need the money get it.
ReplyDeleteA couple months ago I was walking along and a gal with a Starbucks container approaches me and asks for a dollar so she can pay for a bus ride. I told her I didn't have a dollar (a lie). As I was walking away I thought I should have told her that perhaps it would have been wise to check her money before buying her Starbucks drink.
Just wanted to add another story of mine: the several times I've been to Paris, there was this guy on the Metro going from car to car asking for money. The guy was visibly disabled, limping & stumbling from seat to seat with his hand out. The first time I saw him I was about 17 years old and I was very shaken by the incident. Well about a week later I saw him again only this time I watched him out the window of the subway car as it pulled away. He was in fact not disabled at all and once the train started to leave, he walked completely normal over to a bench to wait for the next train. I saw this asshole THREE YEARS LATER in Paris on the Metro and this time I was with my family. I wanted to kick his ass so bad but I was trying to not be the Ugly American.
ReplyDeleteI hate to say this but I have absolutely no doubt that this was a scam. I've had people try various versions of this scam on me in a number of cities across the country. What was she going to do once the car was towed since she doesn't have any money? Have you ever known a well dressed person with a Neiman Marcus silk scarf who did not have a cell phone, a credit/atm card, or friends/colleagues/neighbors who could help them? I imagine the woman needed the money since she was going to such lengths to get it but I'm 100% sure that it wasn't because her car needed to be towed.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago I was in a bar with a few friends when a homeless guy from the neighborhood came in. Before they hussled him out, he bummed a cigarette off me. No big deal until he asked for another, saying he wanted "one for the road." I don't know why we found it so funny, but to this day when someone asks for a little too much, we say it's "one for the road."
ReplyDeleteEnty, you probably got scammed, but it's really hard to go through life thinking the absolute worst about everyone. Any money is alot of money to be scammed, but it could have been worse.
I forgot to say, the absolute worst place for menacing beggars I have ever been to is in the Mountain View CA area.
ReplyDeleteOh ya, it's a scam. It happened to my husband in a Safeway parking lot. My hubby felt pretty stupid when he noticed the guy had a fist full of bills shortly after hitting us up for $10 for a tow.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I give, sometimes I don't. The most I ever gave was $20.00 to this guy who had this story about how he ended up in the hospital & needed money to get home (to another local county, which he couldn't get a bus to). He looked really down on his luck, so I gave it to him. He may have scammed me but I figure I would have spent that $20 on something stupid anyway, so hopefully it went to a good cause.
ReplyDeleteBless your bacon heart, but I'm pretty sure it was a scam. Even in the most dire of situations, I'd probably exhaust every number in my cell phone before I start pan-handling money from strangers. I even feel kinda funny asking for two pennies or a nickel when I'm in line & want to give exact change.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little, I used to give my change to homeless people. Now that I'm older and I see so many homeless people, I don't give them any money. One of my friends was briefly homeless after he became a druggie. He cleaned himself up, went back to college, and got a masters. Now he works at the IMF and is currently getting his PhD at American University. I asked him if he ever gives money to homeless people, and he said, "No. I didn't ask for money when I was homeless. If I can pull myself out of that, so can they." He's one of the most inspiring people I know.
ReplyDeleteHowever, just because I don't give homeless people money, doesn't mean I'm not giving. If I have extra food, I'll give it to the homeless people on my way to work. I like making sure that what I do give them will be for something good, rather than to fuel a habit.
I have a hard time trusting people, especially after dealing with gypsies in Spain and scammers in Turkey. I would've walked right past her and said I couldn't help her. Sounds like a scam to me. Why didn't she have a phone? And why didn't she ask to use a phone? I would contact a friend or family member before I asked a stranger. You're too nice, Enty.
scam.
ReplyDeleteI usually only give two or three $ to the homeless guys near my house whenver they ask. Usually I dont have cash on me, and I am a broke recent grad. I did get cash out the other day though with the sole intention to have it on hand when they asked.
ReplyDeleteSomething else I do, which I think makes a difference as well, is just be super friendly. I walk my dog past a shelter every night, and stop and talk with the guys hanging outside, I think its a nice change for them to have someone stop and talk, instead of walk by rudely and ignore them, which I see alot of.
Just because someone ran into trouble somewhere down the road, it doesnt give a person free reign to be rude to them.
Keep in mind that many people hitting others up for money in H'wood are or could be failed actors. Actors!
ReplyDeleteIn the situation described, especially since she was seen subsequently going through the same routine, it must have been a scam, but, the way I see it, the money was given as an honest response to an honest need, so the karmic debt is hers.
$31? Hardly any money at all. Good karma? Enty. Bad karma? Scammer.
It was probably a scam, but you get the good karma for helping despite your misgivings.
ReplyDeleteMy personal viewpoint is that I'm very lucky, so I give a little, especially to street performers who are out there working hard for my dollar.
I also give (with a smile) to people who seem to have lost hope, just to give them at least one bright spot in their day. But if they're scary or obnoxious, I just keep walking.
Oh, I did get scammed at the Santa Monica pier. This breakdancing performer asked for money before he was going to do a flip over a small kid. I threw in a buck, why not? The beguiling bastard didn't do the flip, and just did some lame trick instead. I'm so mad I fell for that. A week later I was in NYC and some street performers did the same thing. At least then I knew better to wait until the end of the show to determine if the performance was worthy of my money. And no, they didn't.
ReplyDelete"As I was walking in the store a black woman who was about 50 or so approached me."
ReplyDeleteSHOULD HAVE READ:
As I was walking in the store a women who was about 50 or so...We didn't need to know the ethnicity.
I rarely give money to beggars. Rarely.
I think it was very nice what you did... I'm tired of thinking the worst of everyone... I help out when I can, even if it is a scam.
ReplyDeleteThoughtElf - your story made me cry.
ReplyDeleteI usually give because like most others have said - I probably would have spent it on something stupid anyway.
This person was scammed. This person is not Enty, because Enty would know if s/he was scammed or not. And would have written this entry much better.
ReplyDeleteBut that's neither here nor there, it doesn't change the probability of a scam.
Last year a newspaper did a huge story about the professional "homeless" and how they can make $40K or more a year doing that. Not everyone's that kind of pro, but it does make me look askance. Sometimes I do help, though.
Scam? Yes but it shouldn't affect your ability to give. Of COURSE you should give to the needy, not the scammers but if you have a doubt and you have the money to give, it's ok. Your conscience is clear and the blessings come your way. That's my philosophy anyway.
ReplyDeleteI take it on a case by case basis. Once a guy approached me, he was banged up and holding a bicycle. He said he just had a bike accident and needed $ for a cab home. It was kind of shocking and I gave him $20. Fast forward to 2 years later and the same guy with the same story tried to hit me up again! I called him on it and he slunk away with his tail between his legs.
ReplyDeleteThe first alarm bell for me was: How many teachers can afford a scarf from Neiman Marcus?
ReplyDeleteIt was a scam, sorry Enty. But I do give a few bucks here and there when my "real need" antenna go off.
@Leave Race Out of It, Why should we leave ethnicity out of it? Enty was telling about his encounter. Sorry if it was a black woman but that is really what happened to him.
ReplyDelete@Dawn
ReplyDeleteOMG that's the SAME guy!!! I didn't read through all the comments before I posted mine but yes, same guy, in SoHo. Small world.
Ditto to dvz. A Neiman Marcus scarf on a teacher?
ReplyDeleteI usually just say 'sorry' and keep moving (As in, sorry I don't have any cash OR sorry, I'm not going to help you even though I do have cash.).
A few years ago when we lived in VA my hubby came across a van broken down on the highway. He stopped to help - the van was a family with 3 kids. Long story short - they had no money, were from out of town and knew noone local. Hubby paid to have the van towed to a local motel and paid for the room for one night. The family got ahold of a family member who was going to come pick them up the next day. The man told my hubby to come back the next morning and he would pay himback for everything - the family member was bringing the $$$$$. The next day my hubby went back and of course they were gone - no $$$, no thank you, nothing.
ReplyDeleteLast post from me. Did you see how everyone in this thread with a scam story or a real story did NOT signify the person's ethnicity?
ReplyDeleteI have kids to go pick up. Happy Friday!
Scam.
ReplyDeleteWe also have the same guys, looking well fed, clean shaven and in very clean clothes who stand on the off ramp with a sign that says they have been laid off and need to feed the two kids. I told them my company was hiring - guess what, never showed to put in an application.
My particular charity is an outreach center that is run by ex-homeless out of a storefront. For my birthday, in lieu of presents, I asked for food, socks and toiletries which were donated. Usually do a Xmas collection too.
One thing I will tell you, when I get to the center and I open my car, all the guys come running out, without being asked, to help unload the car. One time a young man saw that there were new backpacks in the donation and he was so happy and excited I thought he would start dancing in the street.
That's what keeps me going.
The woman was scamming you.
ReplyDeleteIf she really needed money to call a tow truck, she would not ask another person for money once she received $31.
You're too nice.
I live in NYC, and I see the same people asking for money, so I never give away my money.
There is one woman that has been pregnant forever.
The only time I have given money away is when I like one of the singers or musicians.
I never give money to friends or roommates.
It causes too many problems.
Been there, done that, never again.
You have to pick your battles. I've had people who were dripping gold ask me for money and I've had truly homeless people ask.
ReplyDeleteThe only time this p.o.'ed me is when I found out later the homeless person (who looked sterotypical homeless)had MONEY. As in posh upper crust old family money.
All his needs were taken care of he lived way better then I do and he chooses to play at being homeless as more a social experiment. My Aunt told me afterwards he's "richer then God. Don't ever feel sorry for him again."
"Even if it were a scam, I still would've spent it on something else stupid." Why not donate it to a good cause, for which you can get a tax refund? Don't let bad people take away something that can be used for good.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, positively a scam, and one that is played out everywhere. If you google it, you'll find all kinds of stories. It makes me angry because they prey on people's willingness to help someone in trouble.
ReplyDeleteAccording to our local cops, these people pull down terrific amounts of cash, and all tax-free, of course. It's far more lucrative than holding down a real job. Our cops have actually trailed them back to their cars, then followed them to their homes in suburbia. That's how well they do with this scam.
Same goes for the beggars at the exit ramps and intersections. Our local news have also surveilled some of these characters, and learned the same thing. They dress up in ragged clothes, drive across town, park their car, grab their sign and walk a few block to their begging station. At the end of their day, they drive back home to suburbia.
Our cops actually used this to good effect in setting up a sting operation. They dressed like homeless people, made themselves signs, and stood on the streetcorners soliciting handouts from passing cars. Anytime a car stopped to give them something, they surreptitiously checked for booze on the driver's breath, and if he was wearing a seatbelt. They radioed to their swoop car to nail violators. They made hundreds of dollars in just a few hours on each corner, which they donated to the local shelter - but their real motivation was to nail drunks and people without seatbelts.
Of course, some of the beggars are for real, but because of the con artists, I won't give handouts to anybody. I donate to the local foodshelves and homeless shelters instead.
i gave money, just $5 i think, to a homeless vet holding a sign "why lie? i need beer."
ReplyDeleteat least he was honest. and who DOESN'T need a beer these days?!
I usually give people something when they ask. Like others have said - there but for the grace of God...
ReplyDeleteFunny story - I'm a single parent with 2 boys in college. On a budget to say the least. Driving thru McDonald's for my typical lunch - two 89 cent hambugers, no drink. Costs me exactly $1.95. A homeless guy was standing by the drive-thru line asking people to buy him food. He got to me and I told him I'd buy him what I was having. Nope - he wanted the $4.00 chicken sandwich. Decided to save the lecture and just rolled-up my window and drove on. Isn't there a saying about beggars not being choosy. Punk.
P.S. What's with all the global warming ads?
I never give cash. I am more than happy to buy them food. A few years ago I was walking out of a KFC when some kids stopped me. They asked me if I could spare them some change. I told them no but would buy them anything they wanted at KFC. They looked so surprised that I would do that. There were three of them altogether.I got them there orders and paid for it. It was two days before Christmas. I was happy to do it for them.
ReplyDeleteVery rarely do I give out money or help people out...unless my gut instinct tells me it's for a good cause.
ReplyDeleteI’m a grew up in a small town (<2,000) and learned from a young age the importance of helping those around you when possible. That said, when I moved to a large city I didn’t give money to everyone who asked, specifically the transient homeless population, or anyone who is pushy or demanding, but I would always pitch a few dollars to those I saw on a regular basis.
ReplyDeleteI’ve had people approach me in parking lots, or at the front of stores (hilariously enough, the liquor stores are the only stores that allow soliciting for funds) with stories of burned down houses, no money to pay for medications, etc. and I tend to give money to them. If I get scammed, that's their shame, not mine.
We get scammers like that here in Vancouver. They usually stop motorists and say their car or truck broke down over there--somewhere. I give change when I have it to one real down and outer that sits on a corner near where I get off the bus. Most of the time though I don't. I had my hours cut at work drastically last year and we are barely scraping by. Chances are the pan handlers I walk by and say no to have more money in their pockets than I do on any given day.
ReplyDeleteI would've offered to drive her to her school...
ReplyDeleteAs a general rule I'll make a contribution if they have kids or animals with them. Adults by themselves, rarely unless I get some kind of good vibe. Or they have some kind of interesting or amusing rap. Instead I give money and contributions regularly to local food pantries and shelters.
ReplyDeleteAs a general rule I'll make a contribution if they have kids or animals with them. Adults by themselves, rarely unless I get some kind of good vibe. Or they have some kind of interesting or amusing rap. Instead I give money and contributions regularly to local food pantries and shelters.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if this sounds legit. I've had a few well dressed people approach me with varying stories asking for help but I've also decided to try to take an interest in the problem and not the solution so instead of giving them money, I offer them tangible help (food, phone to make a call etc). If they take it, I know it's for real, if not, then I figure I tried.
ReplyDeleteI volunteer at a soup kitchen and the homeless drug addicts come on the night when people are also dropping off clothing donations (and there's some nice stuff too) and if it's a designer label, they will offer them up as 'collateral' in exchange for cash to buy more drugs. That's often why homeless people look really well dressed - it's because they are wearing the clothes that we wear for a few years and then donate.
I've personally stopped giving money because of what I've seen first hand with homeless kids who are trying to get clean but who fall back into it and panhandle. As soon as they have enough $ (and they usually make it the fastest because they are young and people feel a huge guilt towards them), they are stuck in the cycle of drug addiction. Often homeless people will feel like they don't deserve a job or to get back on their feet so they ask for money even though they are ashamed. They feel that people judge them but most judge themselves more, so it becomes easier just to beg.
Out here in the boonies, we only see people begging for money at the interstate on-ramps. It's pretty easy to pass them by, but we have stopped and given them a few dollars if we didn't recognize them to be repeat offenders.
ReplyDeleteIn the city, I would tend to ignore people begging for money. It might be because I feel more on-guard when I'm in the city, and I don't want to be taken advantage of or unwittingly put myself in danger. My city friends think I'm paranoid for that, but they've probably learned the nuances to urban culture that I still haven't mastered.
There is a guy in Sydney who does this exact same thing. He hit me up at major bus stop Wynyard saying he needed exactly $X for his car to be looked at by the NRMA (like AAA). I gave him a few dollars as it sounded legit and he had cash in his hand already. I then saw him pulling the exact same thing with same story a few weeks later.
ReplyDeleteYes, she is a scammer. I remember once a woman used the "I came to town because my mother's in the hospital and my car ran out of gas."
ReplyDeleteI have a policy of NOT digging in my purse for my wallet in public or taking my wallet out because that's a BIG target for thieves.
So I declined.
Several days later, she was back in the same parking lot saying the same thing. I called her on it and she ran away!
Enty, you are not to be blamed for your kindness. You have good karma and it will follow you.
We used to have a big problem with beggars on street light medians. I always wondered if they were really homeless and needed money for their kids, as their signs said, or just needed drug money.
So I started making "care bags." WHen I was at the grocery store, I'd buy ready-to-eat stuff on sale, bottled water, fruit, etc. and make up bags, which included plastic utensils.
So I'd give them out instead of money.
I gave it to one guy and soon after, he was at the same corner. He flagged me down.
"I don't have anythign with me today!" I told him.
"That's not why I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to thank you for the food. At first, I didn't think it was very much, but after I ate it, I was full! Thanks!"
That made it all worthwhile!
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ReplyDeletenunaurbiz, I love that idea. I noticed that the man remembered you. I find it interesting that the person who was truly in need remembered your generosity. A lot of the stories about scammers, the people don't remember who they hit up for cash and repeat the same story to the same person days or weeks later.
ReplyDeleteWhat sort of stuff do you put in your care bags? That might be something that I would be interested in doing myself, but can't think of what would be non-perishable and portable at the same time.
As a rule, I don't give. I've known of too many beggars who live in nicer houses than I do, make more money than I do, and don't have to spend 8 hours a day with a bunch of lawyers. Sometimes I fall for a story, though...
ReplyDeleteThere was a guy riding the bus with me, and we passed the time of day and he had just gotten out of the hospital. He pulled up his t-shirt and showed me his stitches and they were horrific, from just below his throat, down past his navel. He said his ex-wife, who was married to his brother now, got angry at him and stabbed him. He was going to see a friend to try to borrow the $5 co-pay for his prescription for painkillers, and he just wanted to get his drugs and get home to bed. I was horrified and handed him $10 to take care of it.
Maybe a week later there was a ruckus at the courthouse. We turned on the news and learned that some guy had come into the courthouse and said his brother was outside in the car and was going to kill him if he didn't come back out with at least $500. The guy said his brother's wife, who used to be his wife, had stabbed him not long before...and "I think I know him!" I said.
Well, in the end it turned out that the brother and wife had never left their home 50 miles away in another state, the brother's wife had never been married to the guy, the guy had stabbed himself (!!!!!), and he was holding the employees in the courthouse hostage for money.
Obviously I am not a good judge of people.
If someone really needs help, I'm the first to open my wallet. But it's my opinion that most of the street beggars are there because they choose to be, and I don't give them money.
Here in our city, the guy needs $5 for cab fare to the hospital. His little girl got hurt and they wont treat her till he gets there to sign.
ReplyDeleteI gave him the money just in case. It was a scam
My only rule for being in public:
ReplyDeleteIgnore people unless they say my name.
I've lived in a place for 7 years where all I here is "Preez ansuh question for suhvey!" "Herro! Herro! I ruv you!" "Do you want to hear about the Mother of God?", so now I don't respond to anybody unless I hear them say my name.
Call me a bitch if you want, but having the above shouted at you every time you go out really gets old.
I just give the person what I have. There was one time I took the person to dinner to Burger King. Another time, I was really poor with a toddler and all I had was 13 cents. The person took it. I figure if it's a scam, it's their karma. If I have the money, I give. It's one way I thank the universe for what i have - because if I'm able to give, I'm not doing too bad. Also, who am I to decide whether a person needs money or not?
ReplyDeleteA guy once came into the place where I worked and said he was on his way to the next big city because he had gotten call his mother was in the hospital. Could anyone in the office spare him some money for gas?
ReplyDeleteI told him I would be delighted to fill his tank up for if he would give me his mother's name and the hospital she was in so I could call to confirm his story. His face lit up. He said, I have the number out in the truck. He walked out to his truck, opened the door, got in and away he went.
Scam.
She got me for $34 about a month ago outside the Staples Center. :>)
ReplyDeleteIt was a scam. I live in San Francisco and I hear these stories on a daily basis. One woman told me her car was stolen and she needed $50 for a Greyhound ticket. The towed/stolen car scam is big here. I have had a woman tell me she was pregnant trying to go to a homeless shelter, but I always see her on my corner drinking Colt 45.
ReplyDeleteI don't carry cash on me, so I never have anything to give. My mother does though. One time she gave a guy $10 to get home and she followed him to see what he would do. He brought drugs and shot up. She never fell for a story again.
My husband gives everyone money. He is a professor and his students hit him up on a regular basis, which we actually have had a few conflicts over. It's not the money, but the using aspect of it that I do not like.
Give if you want to give. Don't if you don't want to. The only thing that makes me sad is hearing about abuse of homeless people. It really isn't anyone's place to abuse another person, regardless of whether they are "scamming" people or not.
ReplyDeleteRemember that we are all blessed with different gifts--they might have the physical capability to "go out and get a job" but maybe their mental and/or emotional capability limits them to panhandling. If you have a problem with it--use your able body to walk on by.
If you live in the Minneapolis area, and are looking for a good charity http://www.simpsonhousing.org/ has a million ways for you to donate time or money.
Scam or not, your money went to a charity case. You seriously have to have issues or be really down on your luck to have to resort to this for money.
ReplyDeleteIf everyone was a scammer like we think they are, poverty wouldn't exist. Maybe she was laid off and ran out of unemployment and she's smart enough to know no one will donate to her for this reason yet she has to have $ to survive. There are MANY of these cases right now. A scam doesn't necessarily mean they're bringing in hundreds for a couple hours effort and living the high life.
If it makes you feel any better, next time take the scarf! lol
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ReplyDeleteI've given to a variety of people for many years. Along the way I've learned a couple of lessons.
ReplyDeleteOnce I was at a restaurant eating lunch with a friend. A man came up and asked us for money to get something to eat. She gave him change, I gave him enough money to buy a meal at the restaurant. He turned around and walked out. I had the nerve to be surprised that he didn't buy food. Lesson learned.
Second, a church that I visited used to let us buy food coupons years ago for the homeless that they could in turn submit to various restaurants for food. Once I gave the coupons to a woman who asked for money for food and she was so happy. She asked me what restaurants accepted the coupons, I told her and she thanked me. I'd like to think she actually used them.
Now when they ask for money for food I give them food. If they ask for any other kind of help if I feel comfortable I will try to support them. If I do not feel comfortable I'll give them the mean, irritated look and say leave me alone. Both ways work for me.
It sounds like Enty was scammed but it was harmless to him. He will be far wiser the next time.
Definitely a scam. I live in Alberta, and that same scam is common here.
ReplyDeleteI have given in the past, but don't anymore. Panhandlers are very aggressive, and a lot of them rake in more than $200 a day, tax free. I figure, if they are making more money than me, I'd rather feed my kids.
My husband is from a big city, and he knew most of the pandhandlers by name. Those that aren't addicts (a minority) ate better than we did, and had bigger houses. Whenever someone approaches him for money, he asks for their sob story, and says he will only give them money if it's original and entertaining. To date, no one has impressed him enough to get him to part with a penny.
It's a total scam, no question. And you said you were a lawyer?? oh well, I still read your blog every day.
ReplyDeleteI forgot this story about professional panhandlers. One day I walked out of Macy's in San Francisco and I saw my co-worker with her daughter holding up a homeless sign in front of the store begging! This was back in 1998 and I knew she was making $35,000k a year, because she was doing the same job as me. I asked her about it when I saw her at work the next day, all cleaned up and working, she said she said it was tax free and with her kid she got more!
ReplyDeleteI never saw panhandlers the same way again.
What comes into mind is "There but for God go I." That being said, I try to give what I can.
ReplyDeleteTOTAL SCAM! Sorry but here in NYC, I have experienced this many times, played out in quite a few different ways. My first encounter was when i had just come to live in NYC. I had a man standing ourside on 57th street one cold winter night, asking for EXACTLY $13 dollars to get to Connecticut, going to the Goodspeed Opera House! I really did believe him. He had a very deep baritone voice, like an operatic tone to his voice, and i was sold! i told him to wait there (not like he was going anywhere else) and I ran to the bank and got the money and ran back and gave it to him. And I thought for sure that was the right thing to do. Unfortunately for me, all of the posters above who pointed out that this is a scam are CORRECT! I saw him doing the same thing to others on the street a few days later!
ReplyDeleteI have also encountered a woman running up and down Madison Ave. with her drivers license out and an EMPY OIL CAN and asking for any money to buy some oil for her car, which broke down. Swearing up and down that she was not lying to me and her car did break down. I knew it was a scam, bec of my run-in with the Lying 'Opera Singer' but I offered to help find the police and take her to a cop, maybe he could help her or help her tow her car or get her some gasoil. She refusted me and said they would not help her.I told her that if a cop could not help her, there was nothing i could do. And I knew she was scamming me. I saw her many times over the years on madison asking others for the same thing, and she also approached me again. Not remembering she approached me once before! All of the people she was asking for help as they were walking by, they were telling others on the street that it was a scam and not to give her any money. I guess she did not remember approaching them either!
Then to top it off there was a man who was playing the same scam(carrying an empty Oil can and showing his license to prove his credibility) and he also stopped me and asked me for money.
As I walked by him, I shouted back to him "I ALREADY DID THIS ONE! I know, you have no money for gas and you can't go to a cop! You need straight hard cash. You are preaching to the choir, buddy!"
Every single teacher I know has a second job, they are so poorly paid it's embarrassing, a college degree and stretching a 10 month paycheck into 12 months is ridiculous. You probably weren't scammed, so it was nice thing to do.
ReplyDeleteI get subway sandwich cards for a full meal and I hand those out, even if they end up trading them for booze money I know they will be able to have one meal that day if they are hungry. I don't know how most of them ended up on the streets, but many of them served in the armed forces and are vets, the trend is really alarming. No one should be going hungry in this country. No one is begging for the fun of it all.
Wow, there are so many nice people here (ThoughtElf, JW, nunaurbiz et al.)sharing their stories. Real angels! Nice to know that there are still people in this world who are willing to help out others.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is from a big city, and he knew most of the pandhandlers by name. Those that aren't addicts (a minority) ate better than we did, and had bigger houses. Whenever someone approaches him for money, he asks for their sob story, and says he will only give them money if it's original and entertaining. To date, no one has impressed him enough to get him to part with a penny.
I was quite irritated by that comment. If your husband knows those people are scammers then why does he want to hear their sob story anyway? He either knows them and then he should just walk by and if he doesn't (which I'm assuming because otherwise I think that he wouldn't waste his precious time listening to their stories) he shouldn't humiliate those people by telling them to entertain them. How heartless and inhumane is that?
This reminds me of the story about some sick monsters approaching a group of homeless people and tell them to fight each other for their own sick amusement and that the last one standing will get a few dollars from them.
Scam.
ReplyDeleteI've been hit up a couple of times myself with a variation on this - it's always the car is broken down or they're out of gas and have to get somewhere.
I'll be the first to confess to my cynicism, however in contrast, I'm also one of the biggest softies on the planet. It just depends. If there's a child involved and I've got cash, I'll do what I can. I don't care, scam or not, there's a child involved.
this happens in every city and is a very well known scam. in parking lots, gas stations, etc...
ReplyDeletethe stories are all a little different everytime but same standard im stranded need money for gas, tow, whatever.
How can you possibly give money to everyone who asks? I'd be broke in a week.
ReplyDeleteI give money yearly to the local soup kitchen, but none to people on the street. Especially after the homeless alcoholic hit me in the head when I wouldn't hand over the teriyaki I had just purchased.
To further add to the scam theory, a friend of mine followed a van around the city as it dropped "homeless-looking guys with signs" all over the downtown area. Modern day Oliver Twist?
Yes it's a scam. She may have been a former teacher, but probably is now a drug addict. Teachers have friends, colleagues, administrators, etc. that they can call. They don't panhandle.
ReplyDeleteI heard a similar tale in the parking lot of a Home Depot a few years ago from a dude claiming that he needed for gas to get to the next town. I gave him some, but then all my co-workers told me later he was a routine scammer. I avoided him and other similar scammers from then on. I loved reading all the stories of people actually calling these scammers out!
ReplyDelete@sun08 - Yes, we have those too. Trustafarians.
@ThoughtElf - Beautiful story
so a scammer got scammed? KARMA!
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ReplyDeleteYou got scammed. Most people, if their car don't start, got to store and hope someone from security or a worker can give them a boost. But the deal breaker for me was when she pulled the "I'm a teacher" line. If she's wearing a hermes scarf, she is not a teacher. And if I have to hear "i'm a teacher" one more time from someone trying to get out of paying money I will scream. She was appealing to your better judgement.
ReplyDeleteBut even it it wasn't a scam, at least you did something nice for someone so that sometimes makes up for doubts and gets you Karma points.
ETA I also had someone beg for money outside of a donut store once. I offered to buy her a sandwich, which she refused because it wasn't a healthy place to eat. The next week I saw her harrassing people on the street who refused to give her money because they were black and should know how hard her life was. She was screaming at them.
ReplyDeleteWord to the wise. If they are begging for money, don't give them anything. But if they accept food, then they do need it.
Did she scam you? Doesn't matter; the best part about this story is that you tried to help your fellow man so I say, "Bravo, kind sir!". God knows I do not do my part but there's still a part of me that's able to appreciate those who do. It counts and you really are making the world a better place.
ReplyDeleteI was once accosted by a very skinny, weathered, worn man who was very nicely dressed in what looked like Abercrobie and Fitch gear (this was a long time ago). He asked for money and I very rudely refused, did not look at him and replied as I continued to walk past him. He starts yelling after me and I ignored him. He then ran after me, caught up with me, I loudly sighed, rolled my eyes towards him and loudly screamed "NO! No money for you!". This guy's hands are trembling and I was sure this was alcohol withdrawal and so I was duly disgusted. Turns out I'd left my debit card in the ATM, he'd noticed, tried to call after me to inform me and when I ignored him he grabbed the card, chased after me and returned it to me, with his alcohol withdrawal induced trembling hands. (I have tears in my eyes from shame as I type this.) He was one of the neighborhood beggars and from that point on whenever I saw him I ALWAYS looked him in the eye, gave him the appropriate greeting, always had a sweet and humble smile for him and ALWAYS broke off some cash for him. I've since moved and I no longer give money to beggars, but I am no longer rude, never disrespectful, I don't roll my eyes, I don't sigh loudly, I try and be as humane as possible when refusing assistance.
It's a variation on a scam I get all the time, but I give them a couple of bucks if I have any cash on me. Being a liberal Dem, I believe in welfare, and since the state and country aren't doing a very good job of that right now (IMO), it's a way for me to help. Even if they're going to use it for drugs or something, I'd rather they ask for the money than steal it.
ReplyDeleteAs a warning, a much more dangerous scam I fell for was a 12-year-old girl who approached me when I was in my yard, said she was lost, and asked if she could use my phone to call her mom. Of course, I let her in. She made the call, and she told the person on the other end where she was, then described my house and mentioned that I had a "very big dog." I didn't catch on right away, but shortly after she left I realized that she was casing my house. Luckily, in addition to the "very big dog," I clearly had nothing of value worth stealing. :)
ReplyDeleteScam! I don't give. Especially to men. I figure if men are out there begging they have been very, very bad to women and probably children too. And same goes to women. I just see them begging less. Charity begins at home. There's plenty of people I can help without helping strangers on the street who could be dangerous. And, according to this thread, that's probably a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI work at a hospital. One day I was crossing the street to go to work and a young girl with a precious child in a stroller stopped me. The child had a hospital armband on her little wrist. The young mother asked me if I had a few bucks so she could catch the bus home. She said she had someone bring her and her daughter to the hospital in the middle of the night and now she didn't have a way home. I gave her $20. I continued to cross the street, she had reached the sidewalk on the other side. As I watched, a tough looking guy started walking with her. I assume he was her boyfriend and he had been hanging back while she ran her scam. At first I felt so stupid, but then I decided that had done the right thing. I gave her the $$ with the best of intentions. What she did with the $$$ was between her and the Good Lord. If she scammed me (which I'm sure she did) shame on her.
ReplyDeleteI rarely give money because I almost always use my debit card. It's easy to say I have no cash, because I don't. I have on many occasions (living in Atlanta there are a lot of pan-handlers) given my doggie bag of food, after dinner if they ask for it, and they seem appreciative...
ReplyDeleteOn another note. I once saw 2 guys, in a decent car, in the parking lot of office depot making card board "give me money" signs.. Made me sick!! I thought, these jerks probably make more then I do in a day..
I am happy that I am not alone in being faced with this same dilemma of giving to people asking for money. I struggle with this daily as I live in an affluent neighborhood of LA and work in a not-so-affluent area. Even walking down the street in busy parts of West Hollywood near corners and shopping malls there are people with signs everywhere.
ReplyDeleteI gave money to a woman recently for gas...She looked like sh++ and claimed her life was totally "fukced up right now". She started crying and for some reason I had an inkling she wasn't bullshitting...It was quite an act if she was. Like some of you have said, she must have needed the money for something since she went to such lengths to get it. And while I think her "brother" was probably the same boyfriend she claimed to be running from, I wanted to believe she needed the $ to get to where she was going and not to remain in the same shitty situtation.
To me, the money is not the problem so much is the FEELING of being scammed or lied to when my heart is in the right place. Considering that two days prior to this, a person graciously returned my new iPhone to me after I lost it, I figured this was my way of paying it forward.
I have no "rule" to follow because it often depends on my mood. In LA, i agree, it's probably a scam the majority of the time.
I should probably avoid giving money like that at a gas station or wherever and avoid too much interaction if I'm alone. I don't want to end up a statistic.
I wish we could be sure that everyone has good intentions. But I see those homeless folks who really ARE in need and I think of my husband always saying..."There but for the grace of god..." So I give a little if I can and donate my time to charities if possible when I don't have money to spare.
And so it goes...Scammed or not, kudos and good karma to all of you who give when you can with the best of intentions.