If any of Parrish Maguire's close (and all very beautiful) friends are wondering why their blushing-boy companion has been on the rag as of late, we can tell you: He's been duly chastised by his "people," and he ain't happy about it.
For some silly reason, Parrish's peeps were in an uproar about their client liking to get his sexy on with porn stars at private pool parties or liking to tag around his tortured BF at parties while he made goo-goo eyes at all the (other) pretty boys.
Parrish's advisors therefore advised:
"Reel it in, or else."
P-stuff, all crimson cheeks and quivering lower lip, did not question what the else referred to. He very well knew: The sizeable investment his employers had made in him would suddenly disappear faster than Lindsay Lohan's 9-to-5 gigs.
Also intimated to Mr. Maquire, who's gotten quite used to being the hot-stuff flavor of the month, was a reminder that he was hardly the first choice for the plum position he now enjoys.
Consequently, P.M. has been pulling the sour stuff on his close friends, taking out the frustration of no longer being able to get his gay on quite so openly on those unlucky enough to enjoy the gorgeous dude's myriad perks. As a result, partying it up with Parrish ain't at all what it used to be.
So, suffice it to say: Since P has had to zip his pants, his lip ain't following suit.
And It Ain't: Chris Hemsworth, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ryan Gosling
Taylor Lautner. Who for some reason reminds me so much of Tom Cruise.
ReplyDeleteOf course it's Taylor. Too easy Ted.
ReplyDeleteGotta be Taylor Lautner.
ReplyDeleteI thought Lautner was the one who's not getting sex from any side.
ReplyDeleteLautner was my first thought...after Twilight it's over, he'll be as well. That boy looks good but he can't act at all. Anyway, has he been eliminated?
ReplyDeleteI hate that Taylor is so poorly thought of. I'm a sucker for that bright white smile and the dark depths of Native eyes.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am a cougar & a twihard ;> *shamefulconfessiondujour*
HOLYFUCKPRAISEJESUS this was a Ted blind that didn't need translating!
ReplyDeleteTaylor, FTW. And he's peeved he got told, but he's smart enough to obey!
yayyyy I figured it out- I was a good girl, can I have a margarita now?!
Taylor L knows that he wasn't the first choice for the gig he currently enjoys?
ReplyDeleteBarton Fink, Taylor was almost replaced after the first movie. They didn't think he was a credible love interest for Bella (too young looking), so he went on a crazy routine to bulk himself up to stay in the series.
ReplyDeleteBarton, please share your psychic gaydar on Taylor.
ReplyDeletedef agree, taylor. he was the main guess last time for p.m., too. and when i read, like paisley mentioned, about being almost replaced, def cemented it.
ReplyDelete@Just Another Blonde - did the rules change? When did we need to start being good to have a margarita?
ReplyDeleteOne tequila!
Two Tequila!
Three Tequila!
Floor!
damn I love Fridays.
@sunnywuide1213, Lautner's a hard one to read, isn't he. I think he prefers himself, but he gives off a strong gay vibe at the same time. Maybe when he isn't available to himself, he dates guys?
ReplyDeleteThe gay part of the blind makes sense for Lautner, but other parts of it don't make much sense. Still, on the Taylor side of the equation, little Taylor features prominently in a recent story (about the 300,000 trailer). So ... hmm ...
Ted thinks he´s very clever leading readers to believe the subject of a vice is the wrong person. He even bragged about receiving cease and desist orders from the wrong celebrities.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, Parrish Maguire´s not Taylor. E! lawyers, to whom apparently he submits all vices, would not allow such an obvious guess. And he certainly has no intention of burning his bridges with Summit.
I think this is Chase Crawford. He wasn't the first choice for the Footloose movie, Zefron was.
ReplyDeleteI don't think PM is Taylor Lautner, in spite of popular opinion. I agree with Jaiden that it's Chase Crawford.
ReplyDeleteTaylor Lautner is about as Native American and Brad Pitt is Chinese. Please.
ReplyDeleteTo bitterella, From a Metis...
ReplyDeleteWord. ;)
I have to agree with Mimi. I have been reading Ted's E! column for years, and his BVs. He RARELY leads you down the right path on the BVs; there are only a handful of BVs, the ones that have gone on for years and years, that people know. If Ted is making a BV obvious, then he is leading you astray, almost always. For that reason, I do not think that this BV is Taylor Lautner. As any business person knows, if you are getting attenion, and that attention translates into your sponsors being happy and giving you more and more money, then you keep doing what you do. In Ted's case, he has hit the cash cow with the Twilight and Robsten gossip, and the BVs about Terry Tush Trade, Nevis Divine and Parrish Maguire. Everyone has these 3 BVs narrowed down to Kristen Stewart, Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Me? I am not so convinced. Ted and E! love the Twilight controversy.
ReplyDeleteWhomever this guy is I feel bad for him being forced into the closet just so he can keep his job. Isn't that against the law?
ReplyDeleteBut if this is Taylor, I can see Summit pulling the "You can easily be replaced" card like they did with the actress who played Victoria. But I would like to know what he has done that made them want to reign him in. Pool parties and ogling boys is hardly new in Hollywood. Maybe it was the trailer lawsuit (which everyone thinks is ridiculous) that got the brass to step in and tell him to stop being like a diva. Hopefully this isn't because he is gay, but because of diva antics which never go over well when you are starting out in the biz.
Who says that Ted's BVs are true anyway? I think he just makes them up to cater to either side of the Twitard fanbase. For the ones who want to believe that Kristen and Robert are a couple he openly admits that they are indeed in love with each other and for the ones who want to believe that they're all gay he writes those BVs. So every side gets what they want and Ted gets a lot of hits.
ReplyDelete