Hide Your Children - Chris Klein Is Coming
I am warning you right now. Hide your children. Cover their eyes and ears so they are never exposed to Chris Klein auditioning for Mamma Mia. I'm not sure if Chris Klein was actually on coke or not during this audition, but he certainly seems fascinated with Mandy Moore. No mention of whether Suri is his daughter though. This would have been the time to ask. Note to future casting directors. If Chris Klein shows up looking at you with the crazy eyes, ask him if he is the father.
You almost hope this is fake or some Funny Or Die reject because if this is real, then Chris needs help.
Umm, "Enty", I saw this on dlisted YESTERDAY!
ReplyDeleteThis is not real, is it?
ReplyDeletePlease say it's not real.
I saw this yesterday and couldn't stop laughing. Freaky!!
ReplyDeleteHe was the best punk'd ever!
ReplyDeleteSomeone remind me...was Katie dating Chris when she went out with Tom? I thought they had been broken up for awhile.
ReplyDeleteI don't think anyone can fake pupils that huge
ReplyDeleteshe dated chris for years,they broke up,she got knocked up by Josh Hartnett and then Tommy rode in on his white shoes to save the day.
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ReplyDeleteHe's either a total douche, or he's a genius at performance art. I vote for the first. Remember his Elle interview? I'm posting it in its entirety, because it's pure gold. And by "pure gold," of course I mean "utter shit."
ReplyDeleteELLE: If you could play only one album to woo women, what would it be?
CHRIS KLEIN: I've been lucky enough that I don't need music for that.
ELLE: Is there a dish that you prepare to impress women?
CK: I don't need food to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food.
ELLE: What's the one thing you could tell a woman to convince her that you aren't Paul, the thick jock you played in Election?
CK: Hello.
ELLE: This would convince her?
CK: Absolutely. You start making eyes across the room. Right then it's not a Paul Metzler situation. It's a predator-prey situation.
ELLE: Have you always been this confident?
ReplyDeleteCK: I grew into myself fairly late. The first girl I was ever with, you know, kissing and getting blow jobs, I was a freshman in high school and she was a senior. And she was hot too, by the way.
ELLE: When would have been a better time to start? Fifth grade?
CK: It's just that right at that moment, I didn't really get it. But she showed me the ropes, and I took it from there.
ELLE: Is there a common misconception that you feel you need to correct when you're with a woman?
CK: If there is and they don't get it right away, they're gone.
ELLE: Is there anything you don't want women to learn about you?
CK: Nothing. I don't have many secrets. At the same time, I stay very closed off until a woman deserves to know me completely.
ELLE: Isn't it tough for a woman to figure you out if you won't talk?
CK: Hey, man, I'm not here to hold hands and babysit. She's got to come to the table with something.
ELLE: Any weaknesses in relationships?
CK: Trying to control the situation. You have to give her enough credit to let her take the reins once in a while. But if it's a two-week spark-off, f--k it. Have a blast and fizzle out. It can be just as fun.
ELLE: How do you extricate yourself from these “spark-offs�?
CK: I don't placate. I tell 'em straight up.
ELLE: Let's pretend we're dating. What do you say to get rid of me?
CK: You and I are definitely not dating. Role-playing is fun and all, but you're a dude and I'm an alpha heterosexual.
ELLE: You're an actor, for God's sake! Pretend.
CK: How hot are you?
ELLE: I'm a solid 7.5.
CK: I only date 8 to 10s.
ELLE: What's the worst thing a woman has ever said to you?
CK: "You're an asshole." The time it really hurt was when a stranger said it. I was just trying to tell this chick to get lost. I try to treat all women with respect whether they're pretty or ugly. I want to be nice and be like, "Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face."
ELLE: Are you cool with it if a woman you like gains a few pounds?
ReplyDeleteCK: I'm not tolerant of that at all.
ELLE: So do you tell them to lose weight?
CK: When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no.
ELLE: Don't you think they're just looking for you to say, “You look beautiful to me, honey�?
CK: If they do, it's placating. I don't placate.
ELLE: Who's "the one that got away?"
CK: Every beautiful actress I've ever worked with. I've got this policy that you don't sleep with them; it complicates stuff. So it's the Heather Grahams, the Rebecca Romijns, the Mena Suvaris, and the Leelee Sobieskis of the world. They all got away.
ELLE: There's a lot on the Web about your being a devout Christian.
CK: That's because I went to Texas Christian University.
ELLE: So it's not as chaste as people might think?
CK: There you can be as dirty or as clean as you want to be. The ratio at TCU was three women to one man. It's an expensive school, full of daddy's little girls. I liked it when they called me Daddy. And they did, too, because they were all hungry.
ELLE: If you assembled all the women you've ever slept with in a room, what would they say about you?
CK: "We ended on good terms."
ELLE: If you had to commit to the number of women you'd like to sleep with before you marry, how many would it be?
CK: I think that for every dude the number is massive, and it just takes that one chick to punch you in the face, and all of a sudden you're walking down the aisle, whether you like it or not.
ELLE: Speaking of marriage, why did your engagement to Katie Holmes end?
CK: We both came to realize that it had run its course. We started dating when we were 20. We had an absolute ball, but we grew up. There's no reason to fight that.
ELLE: Do you feel like you'll ever be friends?
CK: Are we friends? Absolutely. Do we talk? No.
ELLE: Do you follow coverage of her engagement to Tom Cruise?
CK: No way. I've got fantasy football to play.
Also very interesting:
ReplyDelete“Mad Money” star Katie, 29, and Chris, 27, started dating in January 2000. They got engaged at Christmas 2003, but Chris has said they split in March 2005 because they fell out of love.
A month after the breakup, Katie flew to Los Angeles from New York to meet Tom. Two months after that - on June 17, 2005 - Tom announced Katie had accepted his wedding proposal.
But even before their engagement was made public, Chris told the source that he had impregnated Katie, says the pal. “Shortly after his relationship with Katie ended, Chris and I had a heart-to-heart,” the source - who passed a polygraph test - told The Enquirer.
“We were having dinner at Cafeteria, a restaurant in NY’s Chelsea district, when Chris blurted out ‘Dude, you know I got Katie preggers.’
“There was a long silence. I realized Chris had said more than he intended. My next thought was: What happened to the baby?”
Chris never said - and the source says he didn’t ask.
“From the look in Chris’ eyes, I realized this was highly personal. I didn’t want to probe any further. We quickly went on to another topic,” the source said.
“Chris never brought it up again, but I know he must be reminded of Katie’s pregnancy every time he sees her daughter Suri.”
jax, why do you think that Josh H. is the dad? I don't remember her dating him at all.
ReplyDeletemooshkie, do you think Suri is the same baby?
"CK: I grew into myself fairly late. The first girl I was ever with, you know, kissing and getting blow jobs, I was a freshman in high school and she was a senior. And she was hot too, by the way."
ReplyDeleteFellow CDAN commentators, please fill me in on this and consider it an act of inter-cultural public service:
1)Is this normal? Are high school freshmen getting blow jobs just par for the course (and considering it "fairly late")?
2) What age is the average high school freshman?
Thank you.
Schmooey, Most freshman are 14. I think BJ's are quite common among young teenagers. It's the girls way of staying a virgin.
ReplyDeleteMooshki,
ReplyDeleteThank you for that Elle interview. I now understand how big of a douche this guy is.
I still think Tom's cousin supplied the baby batter that became Suri. Obviously this guy's a couple tacos short of the combination plate, and full of shit.
ReplyDeleteWOW. Thanks Mooshki. I knew he was a douche, but I didn't know just how big of a fucking douchey mcdouche he was. What a jerk.
ReplyDeleteI actually loved his charater in Election. It is one of my fav's. He should try to be more like Paul Metzler. Fucktard.
Sorry for all of the swearing. He just made me angry :)
Back when Chris was "supposed" to be getting BJ's high school was normal. Now grade school children are also doing it so middle school is unfortunately becoming the "norm" for BJ's.
ReplyDeleteOMG. Learning the common sexual exploits of children makes me batty. And I currently have my first bun in the oven. So, does this mean I have to give the birds and the bees talk before kindergarten?
ReplyDeleteboo...video removed.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, Mooshki. He must not have had a PR person. No respect for women whatsoever, obviously.
ReplyDeleteHe reminds me so much of Finn from Glee.
@Susan,
ReplyDeleteThat's a possibility.
I watched this earlier and was quite convinced that it was a joke from Funny or Die or something...but now that I've read that interview I'm thinking he's horrible enough for this to be real. I never really had an opinion about this guy and never saw any interviews with him, but if that elle interview is any indication...WOW. Just...wow.
ReplyDeleteThat's disturbing.
ReplyDeleteI'm in my 20s, and I think 14 is way too young to be stuffing a penis in any part of one's body.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,160192,00.html
ReplyDeleteya it's fox news,but they are the ONLY page still up from that time....everything else has since "disappeared" to do with Kate and Josh.
as for William providing sperm,the kid looks nothing like him or Cruise,time to let that one die.
mooshki - oh my GOD; i cant believe that interview. Every single answer is... priceless!
ReplyDeleteAwww... for some reason I always liked him. See how I put it in past tense now? That Elle interview was quite interesting, thanks for posting it mooshki.
ReplyDeleteI do think Suri looks a bit like Tom, though. I think she has his nose (NOT a good thing).
I'm w/ Jax on Josh Hartnett. I even remember when they were briefly dating. Then all of a sudden, Cruise was jumping on sofas and the biggest PR blitz in the history of mankind began.
ReplyDeleteWow. Just Wow. Thanks to all who provided more information on this. The Elle article is fascinating and so is the one on the Fox News site.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion on this whole thing has changed. Katie has obviously never been with anyone who wasn't crazy so I guess that's why she's fine with this whole Cruise crap.
Spending so much time with gender-role loving Klein did some deep damage apparently.
How soon after Katie and Tom were married was Suri born? I thought it was more than 9 months.
ReplyDeleteTom & Katie got married after Suri was born. She was "born" in April of 2006 (some people believe she was born earlier than that, but was announced in April to go along with the Tom Cruise timeline) and they got married in November of 2006.
ReplyDeleteTom was on Oprah last week and claims that Suri was born exactly one year to the date after he met Katie.
ReplyDeletethere was also a lot of flak about falsified birth certificates, and IIRC, brooke sheilds was actually in the hospital at the same time, giving birth (i think it was brooke). too bad the scios managed to get the site "tomcruiseisnuts" taken down.
ReplyDeleteremember they also kept suri hidden for quite awhile, a lot of speculation was it was because she was actually older than what was reported.
After viewing the video and reading Mooshki's post, it's OFFICIAL: Katie Holmes has the WORST taste in men.
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ReplyDeleteBummer. It seems to be blocked now.
ReplyDelete@Susan or for anyone else who has toddlers, elem school kids, tweens, teens - Check out the website
ReplyDeletehttp://www.birdsandbeesandkids.com
great site. great products for parents of every aged kid.
sex talk starts YOUNG but it's the reproduction talk. And it isn't one talk; it's many.
Hope this helps!!