Seeing that video earlier this week of the guy jumping from the outside of Stratosphere in Las Vegas got me to thinking about scary things and the most scared I have ever been. I would love to know what is the scariest thing you have faced.
By far the scariest thing I have faced was when my little boy had 4 heart surgeries starting when he was 4-days-old. His last two were open-heart and all of them were completed before he was 3. I am scared all the time for him.
I am an anxious person already, and I had a hard delivery with both of my sons (emergency c-section on the first, uterine rupture on the second) and now I can't have any more kids. I am most scared about losing one of my boys. Funny because I am not a "helicopter parent" at all. I am more hands-off, and oh, well, they fell down, blah blah blah, but then I get all scared about something major happening to them. So I guess my greatest fear won't go away ever--hmm, when I look at it like that, it is comforting! Just kidding.
The big C, breast cancer. 5 years ago now and all gone! Those were some scary-ass times. I would wake up in the middle of the night several times a night thinking I was going to die. Sheer, unadulterated fear. Glad that's over.
It was canyon-jumping in Interlaken, Switzerland. It's like bungee-jumping with a rope instead of a bungee, and instead of falling straight down, you finish by swinging through a canyon. You fall 90 meters in 4 seconds -- it feels like 10 minutes!
When I was around 5, I got turned around so my head was at the foot of the bed, and I woke up trapped under the covers. I was screaming and trying desperately to claw my way out until my mom came and rescued me. Been claustrophobic ever since. Nothing in adulthood has come even close to scaring me that much.
Years ago, when I was about 11, my family used to camp all summer and there was no bathrooms in the trailers so we had a central shower room with water closets. I woke up one night and went (alone as usual) to the bathroom. On my way back a wild dog came after me and there was no way I would make it to our trailer. I climbed a tree (I don't even remember doing it) and, between the dog barking and me screaming, we woke up a bunch of people. I couldn't tell you what happened to that dog because I was in shock, but that, by far is the most scared I have ever been.
@bramblewitch, I know the feeling. I had my own breast cancer scare years ago and yes nighttime was the hardest for me. I finally found a breast cancer hotline support group that allowed me to call and talk to someone all night long until I got through my ordeal. I was lucky that it wasn't malignant.
My prayers go out to all of you who've had a health scare or went through it with a loved one.
I guess my most frightened time was facing giving birth the first time. For some reason, even though I looked like a walking house, it had not really dawned on me that I was actually going to go through childbirth until I was in labor, and I was white as a sheet and terrified. Luckily everything went fine and my fear didn't reappear with the other two kids.
Sue Ellen, when I write a long comment I always copy it on to my clipboard before hitting "publish." I've lost too many posts to the Blogger Poltergeists.
Sorry all you non mommies, but mine was sending my preemie to another hospital 2 hours after giving birth. They brought her in to see me for 5 minutes. I spent 5 days in the hospital knowing she was an hour away and I couldn't see her. She's fine by the way but it was scary and I had to put on a brave face to keep everyone else from being panicked.
Possibility of not being able to have kids. I am 29 years old and am not ready to take the fertility test yet because I do not want to be told I cannot have children.
A friend and I were driving home from a graduation party when we got pulled over by the cops. The cop smelled pot (he said) when he was talking to us and proceeded to take us out of the car so he could search us. Being that I am a lady, he had to call a female cop so she could search me, so we waited on the side of the road for 10 minutes. While we were waiting my friend got searched and the cop scared the hell out of me, telling me to "just tell him the truth" and it "won't be as bad", and contemplating arresting me. Finally the female cop came, she searched me (fully being searched on the side of the road with my hands spread out on the roof of the car, like I'm on Cops), found nothing and began searching the car for pot. Again they found nothing. They finally let us go an hour later with a stern warning to not let people smoke pot in a car we are planning to drive the same night.
I was so terrified because all the time and money and effort I have put into my education would all be for naught because you can't be a lot of things I'd like to be with a criminal record.
That being said, that's nothing compared to a health scare, or something being wrong with the kids I don't have.
About 15 years ago, I was on a ride at Six Flags called Power Dive. You are in a rocket that swings back and forth until it finally goes all the way over, but hovers completely upside down about 20 stories in the air. While hanging upside down, my lap bar popped open. Luckily, there was a shoulder harness or I would have completely fallen out. Thought I would poop my pants. (BTW-I was NOT the least bit overweight!)
Adopting and taking my babies home before the parents had signed away their rights. Very unnerving. My 2nd son's mom lied about the father and the real father found out before rights were signed. We waited about a week before we knew exactly what would happen, but he agreed with the adoption plan. So scary to have no control. I was also told in the hospital that this baby may have a heart condition. Found out later he was fine, but scary just the same.
Panic attacks and depression-had them for year. Ended up in the hospital thinking I was going to lose my mind or die. Scary stuff. Much better now after good meds and counseling.
Almost forgot-the worst one was being raped. It was a boy I knew and was out drinking with one night. He violently raped me and held me hostage, threatening me with my life and even smothering me with a pillow. The whole thing lasted about 6 hours. Even though I tried pressing charges, the states attorney didn't take the case because it was my word against his. Sad. It was about 20 years ago, and I'm better, but now my biggest fear is for my daughter and who she is able to trust.
I was on safari in South Africa and a spitting cobra made its way into the shower I was taking. I don't like snakes of any kind, but the lethal variety isn't fun to face, especially up close and while naked. I managed to back out of there and escape, but I nearly had heart failure in the process.
I also was told a few years ago I likely had cancer. Ultimately an incorrect diagnosis. Horrible for a few weeks, but in terms of sheer terror, I think the snake was worse.
Burying my daughter. And I have a social phobia, so when everyone from my in-laws church showed up at the funeral and there were 100 strangers there all looking at me in pity, it made it so much worse and I cannot recover now. And it was the first funeral I ever went to.
Wow, this is sad. I think I have you all beat, except for the death one.
I handed over my 5 day old embryo to another woman, a paid surrogate, to carry my son for 9 months. I say that I loved him so much that I gave him to someone else for 9 months in hopes that he would return. Scary as hell.
The most scared... Gods above, there are honestly a number of those in my life, and the vast majority noone would believe because of the supernatural element involved. What can I say, it comes with the territory - I accept it, and frankly don't talk about it to most people and honestly most of my friends because of the potential to lose said friends because they'll think I'm a wack job. Anyway, in the top 10 - actually, the top 5 - having to tell my parents that my baby sister had been accidentally shot and killed. My biggest fear was that this news was literally going to kill my mother, who had a heart condition. To that end, I called the Rabbi of my parent's synagogue, her physician, and had an Atlanta city policeman standing by to summon an ambulance if necessary, prior to telling them the news. On the bright side, my mother didn't have a heart attack, however she did say something that almost killed me, when she said "why wasn't it you? why couldn't it have been you?"
I could have swore we did this one once aout a year or so ago.
I have gotten myself into some pretty dicey situations on hikes and climbs. Some of them of have just about caused heart failure. One of them was a sudden lightening storm on the top of a mountain with no place to take cover.
Going to Vegas in a few days and we were just joking about that bungee thing off the Stratosphere.
I'm petrified of heights and small spaces so if I have to stand on a kitchen chair to change a lightbulb or stay a minute too long in a Macy's dressing room, I'm in full panic mode.
Child birth scared me just thinking about it beforehand, but thankfully an odd calmness came over me once I got to the hospital. Good drugs, I guess.
Hiding in my closet in the middle of the night listening to my husband firing his gun looking for me in a drunken stupor. My dog found me and I was afraid to let him in the closet with me for fear I would be found before husband passed out. I remember feeling so guilty about the little dog hoping he wouldn't kill him.
I can relate to the infertility fear, went through it for a few years and the fear of possibly not being able to bear children is indescribable. I did eventually get pregnant now have three beautiful boys. :-)
I can also relate to the abusive husband; I never showed him fear when my ex would go nuts, but deep down inside I was terrified that he would kill me. I thank God every day he is not only out of my life (for the most part, still deal with him on occasion when he wants to talk to the kids) but that I have now married the man of my dreams.
1. Evacuating Tower 2 on 9/11 and watching up close people jumping.
2. Guy pulled a gun on me when I was working retail & alone in the store. The same moment, a bunch of people walked in and he took off. But that 10 seconds or so between gun and flight -- fucking terrifying.
Merlin D. Bear--my heart goes out to you. I have a mother just like yours. I found it best not to talk to her anymore. It makes my life much brighter. 1. My water breaking at 31 weeks, & hearing all of the things that could go wrong with having a preemie, including not survivng, before I went into emergency labor. The doctors scare the shit out of you, & make you sign every release form imaginable. 2. Breast cancer 2 years ago. Just as I was moving on, I developed a blood clot in my leg, & enlarged fibroids & polyps in my uterus from the medicine I am taking to prevent it coming back. It is a horrible way to live, because you just don't know what will happen next.
Here's another one from the archive... definitely scary when it happened but not in a horrible way, if that makes sense? Anyway, bit of background... I was 20 years old and living with an older female roommate. Both of us were/are Wiccan, and she had issues with debilitating asthma attacks. So, in the folly and ignorance of youth, I volunteered to help her by trying a healing "working" on her. What I'm going to describe is not going to make sense to the vast majority of you, however bear in mind that I'm not going into the technical details, just covering what happened. The concept was that I would act as a channel for the Divine, pulling energies through myself and putting them into her, to alleviate her asthma. The scary happened while I was working at channeling the Life force... I started at her head and "pulled" it down her back (she was lying face down on the floor) ... and as I did, I watched some moles and miscellaneous scars/blemishes on her back literally, in real time, grow skin under and over themselves and then flake off. Whether anyone believes me or not, I don't care - because I know what I saw happen and I know *why* it happened - however it was certainly scary as all hell when it was happening. And incidentally it took care of her asthma issues for a couple of months.
Gosh anything I think I will say will pale in compare to what you all have been through and had to deal with.
I'm going to just say that the scariest time in my life was when I was younger, stupid and making a lot of dumb decisions, one of which almost led me to completely throw my life and all I had work with away. That and the brief period of time when my landlord was stalking me.
Down in South (aka South Central) LA at about 3:30am surrounded by the Hoover Street Crips. Long story short - my ex and I were at a concert at the LA Coliseum and decided to park in the local neighborhood. Bad choice. We got back to the car about 11:30pm and someone had stolen the battery. By the time we got a ride back to the Valley to an all-night auto parts store and returned to South LA they were in the process of removing the car stereo. They split when we pulled up and as my husband was literally throwing the battery in and connecting it with a coat hanger a group of 15 to 20 gang members surrounded us. By the grace of God we got out of there. As scared as we were, I think the Crips were more astounded that we actually came back for the vehicle. Bad move on our part, but my ex was pissed-off and was not about to lose his truck.
Last year: Losing my very young former husband to a couple of strokes out of the blue. Then inheriting his mortgage sized debt and nearly losing my home because of it.
When I was a teenager I was on the YMCA swim team. One winter evening we were coming back from a swim meet. I was in the car with several other kids, one of whose mother was driving. It was dark and snowing out and there was a lot of traffic. The lady driving pulled out to pass another car, and as we were passing she hit an ice patch. We slid to the right, slammed into the car we were passing, bounced off it down into the median and up the other side of the highway - right into the path of an oncoming eighteen wheeler.
As you can see, I'm still here. The lady driving managed to keep her cool, got the car under control, and got us back into the median. But thinking about it now I can still those big bright lights heading right for us. It's an eerie thing. For those few seconds time stood still.
Merlin, I believe you. There are forces that humans don't understand yet, and with the right people and under the right circumstances, they can do things that seem like miracles.
Holy crap... I have always had a theory that everyone has terrible pain in their lives that we will never know. Reading all of yours has confirmed it for me.
My mom was murdered about 5 years ago and I got the infamous knock on the door at 1:00 a.m. while my husband was in Germany. My sister refused to be involved in the prosecution so I had to go to every hearing and court date to make sure that the guy paid. He was enormous (my mom never had a chance against him) and he would walk past me and stare me down. Scary guy. He ultimately got the max (22 years in my state) and now I live in fear that he will be released early.
I would also like to add to all of my infertility sisters that it will work out. I went through "the process" a few years ago and now have 10 month old twins. I would wake up in the middle of the night terrified that it wouldn't happen for us. In a strange way I think it actually makes you a better parent when you are either blessed through infertility treatment or adoption.
I'm going through the scariest time of my life right now. I admitted my mother to hospice today after taking care of her for the past 2 years. She has end stage congestive heart failure and dementia, her life expectancy is less than a month. I quit my job to take care of her full time, I'm an only child and there are no other close relatives to help. I know I've done the utmost for her care and her passing will be a blessing, but my life the last few years has totally revolved around her and the drastic changes in my life that are fast approaching completely terrifies me.
I am an only child too and my biggest fear is what you are talking about. I am so sorry for you. That being said a hospice is probably the best place for her to be, you could probably even sleep there if you want. My mom used to work in one and my Godmother was in there when she passed, and they let us stay and do whatever we wanted, not like I wanted to really do anything, but it was better than a hospital. :(
The scariest time emotionally was when I was 25 and admitted my father to the hospital after his last stroke, because I knew he wasn't coming out and I was really and truly alone for the first time in my life. I have been afraid for my life on several occasions, most recently during a riot in Oakland after some court hearing or other regarding the BART shooting of 18 months ago where some dumbass pointed a gun at me because I was treating an injury on a cop who had taken a broken bottle to the head. Anyone in a vehicle with a siren was fair game, because we all are obviously The Man.
When I was ten my brilliant parents decided to move from LA to a farm. So dumb. Anyways, my dad had an accident where his glove got caught in a piece of equiptment and twisted his thumb completely off. He came running into the kitchen and dropped right at my feet, just screaming and screaming. .............
When my younger daughter was in elementary school, she told me one morning that her leg was sore. When I checked it, there was a very large bony mass on the inside of her leg. I freaked out & thought of the worse possible scenario. I had to wait all day to get her into the dr. then it was off for x-rays. The pediatrician took pity on me and made sure I had the test results before leaving the x-ray dept. It all turned out ok, no cancer. She still has the bump and she still occasionally complains about it!
this is the first "your turn" i've read all the way through; the stories are captivating. what a strong bunch of individuals.
when i was in 8th grade my dad was in a pretty terrible car accident that completely crushed his right hip. since his job didn't give him health insurance, by the time my mom and i made it to the hospital he was still in the ER, on a stretcher against a wall, half-naked and moaning in pain. the doctors weren't putting him on priority since he had no insurance. he still had bits of glass stuck in his hair and dried blood all over him. when the doctor finally decided to show up and read us the standard "these are the risks of being in surgery" when he got to the risk of "potential death" my stomach hit the floor. you think your parents are invincible.
I was 21 and head-over-heels in love. We'd just rented rooms in a house in Berkeley, all prepped for the new semester... Marriage to this lovely woman seemed inevitable and Life Was Fine. The next day, I was walking to school and saw my new next-door-neighbor. He had a lovely house, fine landscaping, a big Caddy-- this was a man of means. He gave me a big smile and said he'd seen us moving in and it reminded him of being young and in love--- we were sharing this unlikely but honest young guy/older guy moment. Just then this, er, SCREEEECHING came out of their bedroom window. It was like listening to a drunken sailor with Tourette's. She cussed him out with a venom that I'd never imagined could be real. It must've taken years to percolate. I looked at the window. I looked at his face. I looked at his face again. For a heartbeat I could've SWORN that I saw my face in his face. "Um, yes; sorry about that." "No, no, no, it is okay..." That old guy avoided me for the next two years; ashamed, I guess. I am 47 now. My wife, inflamed with decades-old recriminations, slights and innuendoes enshrined and calcified by a million trillion chemical mis-steps, hugs not eagerly returned, birthday cards with-held--- she yells at me outside the bedroom window. She is yelling as I write this. That was me, somehow. The next-door neighbor years ago was ME, come to warn me that our love would curdle and smoke to this greasy stain it is today. I couldn't listen. How could I? How could I?
Wow. Our CDAN community is really made up of some very tough people who have been through so much. My heart goes out to all of you for what you've had to go through and what, in some cases, you're still going through.
But Bradley. Your post just broke my heart : ( As someone who has seen too much love curdling with my loved ones, myself, co-workers, etc., I hope you can find a way to be happy. If that means getting a divorce, I hope you do it. You can still find happiness and I hope you don't think that it's too late or that life has passed you by - it hasn't! I'm worried for you and I hope you will be okay.
I've been through a lot - miscarriage alone in my parent's house when I was 17, raped when I was 16, divorced from who I thought was the love of my life a year ago after he turned into a verbally and emotionally abusive person, the subsequent stalking, threatening and harrassment, getting and having to enforce a restraining order from which the drama didn't stop until a couple of months ago, getting laid off in December, being at the end of my money right now, getting ready to file bankruptcy and lose my house right now... But there have not been very many moments of sheer terror because frankly I've flattened down my emotions and reactions with weed.
I do have a couple of moments of sheer terror though that cut through everything - the two times that I left my ex-husband. Since he barely worked, both times I had a 2-3 hour window to throw as much stuff in my car as I could. Both times, the feeling of terror that he would come home early and catch me and then what would he do to me - that was the worst that I remember. The feeling of relief after getting in my car and driving away was so intense that I felt like I might pass out.
Experiencing a home invasion robbery when I was 9 years old. Men w/guys came into our home, tied up myself and my parents. Horrible experience I would wish on no one, let alone a kid.
By far the scariest thing I have faced was when my little boy had 4 heart surgeries starting when he was 4-days-old. His last two were open-heart and all of them were completed before he was 3. I am scared all the time for him.
ReplyDeleteI am an anxious person already, and I had a hard delivery with both of my sons (emergency c-section on the first, uterine rupture on the second) and now I can't have any more kids. I am most scared about losing one of my boys. Funny because I am not a "helicopter parent" at all. I am more hands-off, and oh, well, they fell down, blah blah blah, but then I get all scared about something major happening to them. So I guess my greatest fear won't go away ever--hmm, when I look at it like that, it is comforting! Just kidding.
ReplyDeletefunny, two mommy posts :) Sorry!
ReplyDeleteSame here Ms Cool
ReplyDeleteIt was definitely handing my infant over to the nurse so that she could be taken in for open heart surgery.
Without a doubt, infertility.
ReplyDeleteThe possibility of knowing that everything you've ever hoped and dreamed may never be.
The big C, breast cancer. 5 years ago now and all gone! Those were some scary-ass times. I would wake up in the middle of the night several times a night thinking I was going to die. Sheer, unadulterated fear. Glad that's over.
ReplyDeleteAlong the line of the video...
ReplyDeleteIt was canyon-jumping in Interlaken, Switzerland. It's like bungee-jumping with a rope instead of a bungee, and instead of falling straight down, you finish by swinging through a canyon. You fall 90 meters in 4 seconds -- it feels like 10 minutes!
My palms still sweat whenever I think about it.
I know what you mean, Taylor. Handing over your child is one of the worst moments. Sorry you have had to go through it, too.
ReplyDeleteSorry for all you have been through, bramblewitch. I am glad you are in the clear now. I can't imagine.
When I was around 5, I got turned around so my head was at the foot of the bed, and I woke up trapped under the covers. I was screaming and trying desperately to claw my way out until my mom came and rescued me. Been claustrophobic ever since. Nothing in adulthood has come even close to scaring me that much.
ReplyDeleteYears ago, when I was about 11, my family used to camp all summer and there was no bathrooms in the trailers so we had a central shower room with water closets. I woke up one night and went (alone as usual) to the bathroom. On my way back a wild dog came after me and there was no way I would make it to our trailer. I climbed a tree (I don't even remember doing it) and, between the dog barking and me screaming, we woke up a bunch of people. I couldn't tell you what happened to that dog because I was in shock, but that, by far is the most scared I have ever been.
ReplyDeleteI just wrote out my whole story and then got an Error page when I attempted to post it. Bullshit.
ReplyDelete@bramblewitch, I know the feeling. I had my own breast cancer scare years ago and yes nighttime was the hardest for me. I finally found a breast cancer hotline support group that allowed me to call and talk to someone all night long until I got through my ordeal. I was lucky that it wasn't malignant.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers go out to all of you who've had a health scare or went through it with a loved one.
I guess my most frightened time was facing giving birth the first time. For some reason, even though I looked like a walking house, it had not really dawned on me that I was actually going to go through childbirth until I was in labor, and I was white as a sheet and terrified. Luckily everything went fine and my fear didn't reappear with the other two kids.
ReplyDeleteSue Ellen, when I write a long comment I always copy it on to my clipboard before hitting "publish." I've lost too many posts to the Blogger Poltergeists.
ReplyDeleteSorry all you non mommies, but mine was sending my preemie to another hospital 2 hours after giving birth. They brought her in to see me for 5 minutes. I spent 5 days in the hospital knowing she was an hour away and I couldn't see her. She's fine by the way but it was scary and I had to put on a brave face to keep everyone else from being panicked.
ReplyDeletePossibility of not being able to have kids. I am 29 years old and am not ready to take the fertility test yet because I do not want to be told I cannot have children.
ReplyDeleteTrying this again...
ReplyDeleteA friend and I were driving home from a graduation party when we got pulled over by the cops. The cop smelled pot (he said) when he was talking to us and proceeded to take us out of the car so he could search us. Being that I am a lady, he had to call a female cop so she could search me, so we waited on the side of the road for 10 minutes. While we were waiting my friend got searched and the cop scared the hell out of me, telling me to "just tell him the truth" and it "won't be as bad", and contemplating arresting me. Finally the female cop came, she searched me (fully being searched on the side of the road with my hands spread out on the roof of the car, like I'm on Cops), found nothing and began searching the car for pot. Again they found nothing. They finally let us go an hour later with a stern warning to not let people smoke pot in a car we are planning to drive the same night.
I was so terrified because all the time and money and effort I have put into my education would all be for naught because you can't be a lot of things I'd like to be with a criminal record.
That being said, that's nothing compared to a health scare, or something being wrong with the kids I don't have.
@Mooshki
ReplyDeleteI copied it the second time around. Lesson learned.
Have several:
ReplyDeleteAbout 15 years ago, I was on a ride at Six Flags called Power Dive. You are in a rocket that swings back and forth until it finally goes all the way over, but hovers completely upside down about 20 stories in the air. While hanging upside down, my lap bar popped open. Luckily, there was a shoulder harness or I would have completely fallen out. Thought I would poop my pants. (BTW-I was NOT the least bit overweight!)
Adopting and taking my babies home before the parents had signed away their rights. Very unnerving. My 2nd son's mom lied about the father and the real father found out before rights were signed. We waited about a week before we knew exactly what would happen, but he agreed with the adoption plan. So scary to have no control. I was also told in the hospital that this baby may have a heart condition. Found out later he was fine, but scary just the same.
Panic attacks and depression-had them for year. Ended up in the hospital thinking I was going to lose my mind or die. Scary stuff. Much better now after good meds and counseling.
Almost forgot-the worst one was being raped. It was a boy I knew and was out drinking with one night. He violently raped me and held me hostage, threatening me with my life and even smothering me with a pillow. The whole thing lasted about 6 hours. Even though I tried pressing charges, the states attorney didn't take the case because it was my word against his. Sad. It was about 20 years ago, and I'm better, but now my biggest fear is for my daughter and who she is able to trust.
ReplyDeleteMy mom being diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately, she's now an 8 1/2 year survivor.
ReplyDeleteI was on safari in South Africa and a spitting cobra made its way into the shower I was taking. I don't like snakes of any kind, but the lethal variety isn't fun to face, especially up close and while naked. I managed to back out of there and escape, but I nearly had heart failure in the process.
ReplyDeleteI also was told a few years ago I likely had cancer. Ultimately an incorrect diagnosis. Horrible for a few weeks, but in terms of sheer terror, I think the snake was worse.
Burying my daughter. And I have a social phobia, so when everyone from my in-laws church showed up at the funeral and there were 100 strangers there all looking at me in pity, it made it so much worse and I cannot recover now. And it was the first funeral I ever went to.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is sad. I think I have you all beat, except for the death one.
ReplyDeleteI handed over my 5 day old embryo to another woman, a paid surrogate, to carry my son for 9 months. I say that I loved him so much that I gave him to someone else for 9 months in hopes that he would return. Scary as hell.
being caught at the border with an (unknown) escaped fugitive....ahh the 90's.
ReplyDeleteThe most scared... Gods above, there are honestly a number of those in my life, and the vast majority noone would believe because of the supernatural element involved.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say, it comes with the territory - I accept it, and frankly don't talk about it to most people and honestly most of my friends because of the potential to lose said friends because they'll think I'm a wack job.
Anyway, in the top 10 - actually, the top 5 - having to tell my parents that my baby sister had been accidentally shot and killed. My biggest fear was that this news was literally going to kill my mother, who had a heart condition. To that end, I called the Rabbi of my parent's synagogue, her physician, and had an Atlanta city policeman standing by to summon an ambulance if necessary, prior to telling them the news.
On the bright side, my mother didn't have a heart attack, however she did say something that almost killed me, when she said "why wasn't it you? why couldn't it have been you?"
I could have swore we did this one once aout a year or so ago.
ReplyDeleteI have gotten myself into some pretty dicey situations on hikes and climbs. Some of them of have just about caused heart failure. One of them was a sudden lightening storm on the top of a mountain with no place to take cover.
Going to Vegas in a few days and we were just joking about that bungee thing off the Stratosphere.
ReplyDeleteI'm petrified of heights and small spaces so if I have to stand on a kitchen chair to change a lightbulb or stay a minute too long in a Macy's dressing room, I'm in full panic mode.
Child birth scared me just thinking about it beforehand, but thankfully an odd calmness came over me once I got to the hospital. Good drugs, I guess.
Wow, Merlin, that's awful. Oh, and by the way, I already think you're a wack job but I love you anyway. ;)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for all of you who have suffered tragedies, and happy for those of you who avoided them!
wow, Merlin..you can't unring that bell. sorry you had to hear that on top of it all.
ReplyDeleteQuitting drugs was the scariest thing I ever faced.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm glad I did it.
Hiding in my closet in the middle of the night listening to my husband firing his gun looking for me in a drunken stupor. My dog found me and I was afraid to let him in the closet with me for fear I would be found before husband passed out. I remember feeling so guilty about the little dog hoping he wouldn't kill him.
ReplyDeleteWow, big hugs to all of you.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the infertility fear, went through it for a few years and the fear of possibly not being able to bear children is indescribable. I did eventually get pregnant now have three beautiful boys. :-)
I can also relate to the abusive husband; I never showed him fear when my ex would go nuts, but deep down inside I was terrified that he would kill me. I thank God every day he is not only out of my life (for the most part, still deal with him on occasion when he wants to talk to the kids) but that I have now married the man of my dreams.
1. Evacuating Tower 2 on 9/11 and watching up close people jumping.
ReplyDelete2. Guy pulled a gun on me when I was working retail & alone in the store. The same moment, a bunch of people walked in and he took off. But that 10 seconds or so between gun and flight -- fucking terrifying.
My mom's funeral.
ReplyDelete@DrCocks - I'm sorry, but you have me so worried...You said your husband, not your ex? :s
ReplyDeleteZiplining over a gorge in Mexico 180 feet in the air - terrified of heights. Thought I'd pee all the way across.
ReplyDeleteMerlin D. Bear--my heart goes out to you. I have a mother just like yours. I found it best not to talk to her anymore. It makes my life much brighter.
ReplyDelete1. My water breaking at 31 weeks, & hearing all of the things that could go wrong with having a preemie, including not survivng, before I went into emergency labor. The doctors scare the shit out of you, & make you sign every release form imaginable.
2. Breast cancer 2 years ago. Just as I was moving on, I developed a blood clot in my leg, & enlarged fibroids & polyps in my uterus from the medicine I am taking to prevent it coming back. It is a horrible way to live, because you just don't know what will happen next.
Here's another one from the archive... definitely scary when it happened but not in a horrible way, if that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, bit of background... I was 20 years old and living with an older female roommate.
Both of us were/are Wiccan, and she had issues with debilitating asthma attacks. So, in the folly and ignorance of youth, I volunteered to help her by trying a healing "working" on her.
What I'm going to describe is not going to make sense to the vast majority of you, however bear in mind that I'm not going into the technical details, just covering what happened.
The concept was that I would act as a channel for the Divine, pulling energies through myself and putting them into her, to alleviate her asthma.
The scary happened while I was working at channeling the Life force... I started at her head and "pulled" it down her back (she was lying face down on the floor) ... and as I did, I watched some moles and miscellaneous scars/blemishes on her back literally, in real time, grow skin under and over themselves and then flake off.
Whether anyone believes me or not, I don't care - because I know what I saw happen and I know *why* it happened - however it was certainly scary as all hell when it was happening.
And incidentally it took care of her asthma issues for a couple of months.
1. About a 9' long cottonmouth. Took off running and never looked back.
ReplyDelete2. Rebuilding after Katrina and suing Allstate when they wouldn't cover legitimate claims. Yeah, I won, but I was terrified I wouldn't. 'nuff said.
Gosh anything I think I will say will pale in compare to what you all have been through and had to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to just say that the scariest time in my life was when I was younger, stupid and making a lot of dumb decisions, one of which almost led me to completely throw my life and all I had work with away. That and the brief period of time when my landlord was stalking me.
Down in South (aka South Central) LA at about 3:30am surrounded by the Hoover Street Crips. Long story short - my ex and I were at a concert at the LA Coliseum and decided to park in the local neighborhood. Bad choice. We got back to the car about 11:30pm and someone had stolen the battery. By the time we got a ride back to the Valley to an all-night auto parts store and returned to South LA they were in the process of removing the car stereo. They split when we pulled up and as my husband was literally throwing the battery in and connecting it with a coat hanger a group of 15 to 20 gang members surrounded us. By the grace of God we got out of there. As scared as we were, I think the Crips were more astounded that we actually came back for the vehicle. Bad move on our part, but my ex was pissed-off and was not about to lose his truck.
ReplyDeleteLast year: Losing my very young former husband to a couple of strokes out of the blue. Then inheriting his mortgage sized debt and nearly losing my home because of it.
ReplyDeleteI knew you guys were a strong group. My hearts go out to all of you who have faced so much!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a teenager I was on the YMCA swim team. One winter evening we were coming back from a swim meet. I was in the car with several other kids, one of whose mother was driving. It was dark and snowing out and there was a lot of traffic. The lady driving pulled out to pass another car, and as we were passing she hit an ice patch. We slid to the right, slammed into the car we were passing, bounced off it down into the median and up the other side of the highway - right into the path of an oncoming eighteen wheeler.
ReplyDeleteAs you can see, I'm still here. The lady driving managed to keep her cool, got the car under control, and got us back into the median. But thinking about it now I can still those big bright lights heading right for us. It's an eerie thing. For those few seconds time stood still.
Merlin, I believe you. There are forces that humans don't understand yet, and with the right people and under the right circumstances, they can do things that seem like miracles.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap... I have always had a theory that everyone has terrible pain in their lives that we will never know. Reading all of yours has confirmed it for me.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was murdered about 5 years ago and I got the infamous knock on the door at 1:00 a.m. while my husband was in Germany. My sister refused to be involved in the prosecution so I had to go to every hearing and court date to make sure that the guy paid. He was enormous (my mom never had a chance against him) and he would walk past me and stare me down. Scary guy. He ultimately got the max (22 years in my state) and now I live in fear that he will be released early.
I would also like to add to all of my infertility sisters that it will work out. I went through "the process" a few years ago and now have 10 month old twins. I would wake up in the middle of the night terrified that it wouldn't happen for us. In a strange way I think it actually makes you a better parent when you are either blessed through infertility treatment or adoption.
ReplyDeleteI'm going through the scariest time of my life right now. I admitted my mother to hospice today after taking care of her for the past 2 years. She has end stage congestive heart failure and dementia, her life expectancy is less than a month. I quit my job to take care of her full time, I'm an only child and there are no other close relatives to help. I know I've done the utmost for her care and her passing will be a blessing, but my life the last few years has totally revolved around her and the drastic changes in my life that are fast approaching completely terrifies me.
ReplyDelete@amazonblue
ReplyDeleteI am an only child too and my biggest fear is what you are talking about. I am so sorry for you. That being said a hospice is probably the best place for her to be, you could probably even sleep there if you want. My mom used to work in one and my Godmother was in there when she passed, and they let us stay and do whatever we wanted, not like I wanted to really do anything, but it was better than a hospital. :(
You might already know this, I don't know...
Wow. Everyone's stories are just incredible.
ReplyDeleteThe scariest time emotionally was when I was 25 and admitted my father to the hospital after his last stroke, because I knew he wasn't coming out and I was really and truly alone for the first time in my life. I have been afraid for my life on several occasions, most recently during a riot in Oakland after some court hearing or other regarding the BART shooting of 18 months ago where some dumbass pointed a gun at me because I was treating an injury on a cop who had taken a broken bottle to the head. Anyone in a vehicle with a siren was fair game, because we all are obviously The Man.
When I was ten my brilliant parents decided to move from LA to a farm. So dumb. Anyways, my dad had an accident where his glove got caught in a piece of equiptment and twisted his thumb completely off. He came running into the kitchen and dropped right at my feet, just screaming and screaming.
ReplyDelete.............
When my younger daughter was in elementary school, she told me one morning that her leg was sore. When I checked it, there was a very large bony mass on the inside of her leg. I freaked out & thought of the worse possible scenario. I had to wait all day to get her into the dr. then it was off for x-rays. The pediatrician took pity on me and made sure I had the test results before leaving the x-ray dept. It all turned out ok, no cancer. She still has the bump and she still occasionally complains about it!
You're all an amazing bunch. I vow to try to listen to everyone's perspective on future contraversial discussions with a little more empathy.
ReplyDeleteWhat a collage of souls :)
this is the first "your turn" i've read all the way through; the stories are captivating. what a strong bunch of individuals.
ReplyDeletewhen i was in 8th grade my dad was in a pretty terrible car accident that completely crushed his right hip. since his job didn't give him health insurance, by the time my mom and i made it to the hospital he was still in the ER, on a stretcher against a wall, half-naked and moaning in pain. the doctors weren't putting him on priority since he had no insurance. he still had bits of glass stuck in his hair and dried blood all over him. when the doctor finally decided to show up and read us the standard "these are the risks of being in surgery" when he got to the risk of "potential death" my stomach hit the floor. you think your parents are invincible.
I was 21 and head-over-heels in love. We'd just rented rooms in a house in Berkeley, all prepped for the new semester... Marriage to this lovely woman seemed inevitable and Life Was Fine. The next day, I was walking to school and saw my new next-door-neighbor. He had a lovely house, fine landscaping, a big Caddy-- this was a man of means.
ReplyDeleteHe gave me a big smile and said he'd seen us moving in and it reminded him of being young and in love--- we were sharing this unlikely but honest young guy/older guy moment.
Just then this, er, SCREEEECHING came out of their bedroom window.
It was like listening to a drunken sailor with Tourette's. She cussed him out with a venom that I'd never imagined could be real. It must've taken years to percolate. I looked at the window. I looked at his face. I looked at his face again. For a heartbeat I could've SWORN that I saw my face in his face.
"Um, yes; sorry about that."
"No, no, no, it is okay..."
That old guy avoided me for the next two years; ashamed, I guess.
I am 47 now.
My wife, inflamed with decades-old recriminations, slights and innuendoes enshrined and calcified by a million trillion chemical mis-steps, hugs not eagerly returned, birthday cards with-held--- she yells at me outside the bedroom window.
She is yelling as I write this.
That was me, somehow. The next-door neighbor years ago was ME, come to warn me that our love would curdle and smoke to this greasy stain it is today.
I couldn't listen. How could I?
How could I?
Wow. Our CDAN community is really made up of some very tough people who have been through so much. My heart goes out to all of you for what you've had to go through and what, in some cases, you're still going through.
ReplyDeleteBut Bradley. Your post just broke my heart : ( As someone who has seen too much love curdling with my loved ones, myself, co-workers, etc., I hope you can find a way to be happy. If that means getting a divorce, I hope you do it. You can still find happiness and I hope you don't think that it's too late or that life has passed you by - it hasn't! I'm worried for you and I hope you will be okay.
I've been through a lot - miscarriage alone in my parent's house when I was 17, raped when I was 16, divorced from who I thought was the love of my life a year ago after he turned into a verbally and emotionally abusive person, the subsequent stalking, threatening and harrassment, getting and having to enforce a restraining order from which the drama didn't stop until a couple of months ago, getting laid off in December, being at the end of my money right now, getting ready to file bankruptcy and lose my house right now... But there have not been very many moments of sheer terror because frankly I've flattened down my emotions and reactions with weed.
I do have a couple of moments of sheer terror though that cut through everything - the two times that I left my ex-husband. Since he barely worked, both times I had a 2-3 hour window to throw as much stuff in my car as I could. Both times, the feeling of terror that he would come home early and catch me and then what would he do to me - that was the worst that I remember. The feeling of relief after getting in my car and driving away was so intense that I felt like I might pass out.
Experiencing a home invasion robbery when I was 9 years old. Men w/guys came into our home, tied up myself and my parents.
ReplyDeleteHorrible experience I would wish on no one, let alone a kid.
2010 with Kate Gosselin remaining a public persona
ReplyDelete