Friday, December 11, 2009
Your Turn
It is that time of the year where holiday parties abound. It is also for some reason the time of year where people drink a little too much at said holiday parties and then embarrass themselves for the next year or two. I want your best holiday party story. If you don't have a holiday party story, I would also love to know what your best or worst present was. I think that has been a topic before but there are always new people coming into the site or maybe you didn't get a chance to share before. My favorite holiday party story involves a former boss of mine who had been married several times. Despite his unattractiveness, every year he would invariably find some drunk woman who must have been blind to his looks from the consumption of alcohol and they would hook up in whatever corner of the venue where the party was held. There is nothing that quite prepares you for the shock of walking into the bathroom and seeing your boss and a co-worker having sex. Looks much more attractive in porn than it does staring at you in the face. Just saying.
I live and work in Denver, but one year the owner of our company decided I needed to fly out to the NYC office with him on his private jet and attend the office party there. He was a monster to work for and the thought of being trapped in a plane with him for several hours was horrifying. He made grown men cry on Wall St.
ReplyDeleteFast forward the party. Open bar and I got completely hammered. I threw up in a Sr. HR VP's wife's purse. I was never able to live it down. Thank the gods, I no longer work for them. Needless to say, one light beer for me at company functions now.
LOL@sunny. that's awesome!
ReplyDeletei think the funniest xmas party was when my mom's friend (who's like a bull in a china shop when he's sober) had a few too many, pretended to be a bull by putting his fingers on his head like horns and charged the xmas tree a la Keifer Sutherland.
broken ornaments, water and sap everywhere....good times!
the next year my mom put pylons and yellow CAUTION tape around the tree for the party, LOL.
When I worked in advertising in New York several years ago, almost everyone in my department was a big drinker. At our "Spring Fling" -- in April in place of a holiday party -- a relatively new hire got hammered, threw up all over herself and passed out in the bathroom. We tried to rouse her, but when she wouldn't come to, we had to call the ambulance. In what says an awful lot about my agency and my department, the party kept going until well into the next morning, though! Towards the end of the night, a senior manager was laying on the pool table with a very junior employee, sucking face and dry humping, while everyone else just chatted and danced. Good party, all in all.
ReplyDeleteoh and i think my fav present ever was the xmas after my parents got divorced.
ReplyDeletemy mom flew us out to Banff for 10 days all we did was ski and shop and eat our bitter little asses off! :)
it was fantastic.
I have 2 "worst" presents. The first was from one of my sorority sisters. She gave me a men's long -sleeved shirt that had a strange graphic and sleeves that were down to my KNEES. And you could tell she paid like 2 bucks for it. The second was from my husband. When the kids were small he decided that I would love some T-shirts. you know those throw-away t-shirts in the bargain bin that you can get for a buck? I got a few of those. Nice.
ReplyDeleteOh..so many stories but the best one was from my ex whose Xmas parties were always "employees only" (no spouses allowed) so that people could really cut loose. Anyway, one guy left fairly early and left his cell phone behind, and everyone else got smashed and dared the gay guy (who always bragged about the guys he was f*cking - seriously I met him - outrageous this guy) to fit the guy's cell phone up his ass. So off he trotted to the washroom with a witness to get it done. When the witness reported it was done, the others called the cellphone, which they had made sure to set to "vibrate" and apparently the howl that came from the bathroom got the attention of everyone in the restaurant bar. The next morning, the guy's cell phone was in a paper bag sitting on his desk. Needless to say, he never took it out of the bag.
ReplyDeleteAbout 14 years ago when I was starting out in my field a coworker let his wife get all drunk and sing karaoke "The Rose". Jesus dude, know when to wrap it up and ride the wife out of there.
ReplyDeleteI was going to get a VCR for Christmas. I was sleepless for weeks at the thought of an actual movie player. I told every one I knew, even strangers that I was getting a VCR. One friend questioned me, "Are you sure you are getting a VCR"? I practically snapped my neck shaking my head yes. On Christmas morning I was trembling as I opened the present containing the VCR. But it wasn't a VCR- it was a stereo reciever. I was dumbfounded and silent for like three days. Facing all my friend and admitting I didn't get the VCR was horrible. Really rough. Eventually I got a VCR but it just wasn't the same.
ReplyDeleteMy first love broke my heart ten years ago. I ended up rebounding with a man who was engaged to a girl and they had a baby.. I was young and stupid. So he leaves her, we are together then of course he just goes back and forth between the two of us for a year before I wise up and leave them both alone for good. It wasn't pretty.
ReplyDeleteSo they get married.
I run into her a few years later and pull her aside to tell her how sorry I was..that I was a bad person for messing with a taken man..that it was stupid and mean and she would never have to worry about he and I ( he's still cheating with other women go figure ) hooking up again and that I valued their marriage.
Shoot to a couple of months later he and I ( we worked for the same company but dif locations ) were attending the annual Christmas party where his wife drug me into the bathroom to tell me that ever since I apologized she has felt a huge weight off of her back. We proceed to get drunk together.. I don't remember the last part of the night due to an awesome black out but I was informed the next day by several people that her and I were making out.
Oh.my.god.
I am an idiot.
So now her and I are friends .. but we don't make out. And I am still cool with her husband too. What a wacky life...
I was born on Christmas Day. My worst presents are the ones marked "Merry Christmas/Happy Birthday" because that means I'm not getting a birthday present.
ReplyDeleteMy ex's company at the time used to have a daytime party for the kids, then a grownup party in the evening. One year, a particular employee was VERY eager to be Santa for the kids - which was usually a job that was hard to fill. This sort of raised my suspicions - I worked for Human Services at the time with the victims of sexual abuse. So I did a little research and about five minutes before the party, I found out that the eager gentleman was a sex offender on children (this was before the days of mandatory registration). I quickly called my ex who had to wrestle the Santa suit off the guy and ended up wearing it himself - he had the physique.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, none of the kids saw the ex give Santa the beatdown, but it became legend.
My Worst Gift - I was part of the drill team in my high school..we all selected names and bought the most wonderful gifts for one another...I opened mine - and got a package of socks. It soured me on gift exchanges (you learn that whatever you give will be nicer than what you receive), and even 30 years later it still stings...bitch...
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add my worst gift was my first Xmas with my ex - he gave me a George Foreman grill and I burst into tears.
ReplyDeleteMy best present ever was my Raggedy Ann doll the year I was 7. I slept with her until my first husband, the Alien, burned her in the fireplace. Needless to say, he had a long dry spell.
ReplyDeleteChristmas Party tonight actually....may have to see if it can top last year's or the year before....I never think I can top what happened (my drunkeness) and then I do.....HAHA....last I t ripped over a really expensive Oriental Rug holding a full margarita in my hand.....I got an applause because I did not spill a drop....but boy did my knee hurt from hitting the floor.
ReplyDeleteLOL@RocketQueen, I always tell men never ever give a woman a gift with a plug attached.
ReplyDeleteOh Sunnyside123 I'm so sorry about your doll. But I do have to say I laughed until I cried when I read your post. If my husband ever burnt my beloved stuffed cow he'd be in for more than a long dry spell!
ReplyDelete@sunnyside- seriously! Rule to live by!
ReplyDeletesorry that should be sunnyside 1213....it's been a long day.
ReplyDeleteI get on well with my mother-in-law and it hurts me that at Christmas she goes out of her way to give everyone a present except for me.One time she gave me a second hand jumper with a hole in the back.I make her cakes.She loves my cakes but what she doesn't know is that recently I started putting about 10 times the amount of butter in them.Time to clog up those arteries!
ReplyDeleteMy husband's company has a holiday party every year. We had a long distance relationship for a while, but when we got engaged in July, I moved in with him in August and I had the opportunity to go with him to the party for the first time. He ignored me and hung out with his buddies from work while I sat there by myself. So I got really drunk, puked in the bushes outside the hotel ballroom where the party was being held, and passed out at a table in the courtyard. The worst part? Someone came up while I was passed out and took my engagement ring off of my finger (the hotel was very nice but in a shitty area). I was so upset - I loved that ring. But the silver lining is, my husband never left me alone at the company Xmas party again, and he had to buy me a new ring for Christmas AND give me a good Christmas gift too!
ReplyDeleteAnon 1:21 - My mother-in-law gives me earrings that were clearly bought at the 99-cent store every year (while she has GORGEOUS jewelry that she gives away to my sisters-in-law every year). Why? Because I am her favorite son's wife and I'm not good enough for him. She's right, I got the best one of the bunch, so I resign myself to the fact that she gave me the gift that keeps on giving: HIM.
ReplyDeleteCraziest Xmas party story would have to be the one I was all dressed up and waiting to go to when the bf came home with flowers saying he didn't feel like going.... found out about a month later because he was messing around with a coworker who was going to be there..
ReplyDeleteWorst gift? Geez that is a long list. But I guess it would have to be from the same guy as above, who when I went out and got him a really nice coat scarf gloves, new bag for work and other clothes and video game, over 300$ worth he went and got me a 50$ necklace.. not even like a nice necklace on sale, just cheap silver and fake crystals...
i dont have any xmas party work stories yet, as i am still in graduate school. i look forward to sharing them in the future though!
ReplyDeletebest present i ever got as an american girl when i was about 8. my parent's knew how much i wanted one and hid the present so that when i had opened all the presents under the tree i would think i didnt get her (samantha...haha anyone else remember her?!)
then they said hm...i think santa might have left another present for you...needless to say it ended up being like an easter egg hunt for her. that was the best xmas i ever had. i was so happy.
worst xmas present ever - my grandma's sister is SUPER SUPER cheap and one year sent me a laminated bookmark and a disposable camera.
I got a t-shirt from my in law that read "blondes are smart".....I have dark brown hair
ReplyDeleteHoliday party - me, too much wine, a samba band, a wide open dance floor, no dance partner, but that didn't matter.
ReplyDeleteOy.
Worst present: wanted the wizard of oz on VHS at age 10, got a bootleg non-Disney Snow White.
Oy.
At one office party I got drunk and ended up blasting the place that I worked at giving everyone a good laugh at my expense for about two weeks after.
ReplyDeleteAnother party was a college one where our professor took us out to a bar. I was standing there and all of a sudden a girl in my class came from behind and said "hi" then slid her hand onto my crotch. At first I thought it was accidental but no, she kept it there and kept squeezing it. We didn't make out or anything but after that we couldn't look at each other. She wouldn't look at me out of embarrassment and I did the same for pretty much the same reason. It took months before we could say hi again.
I went to one party and the girls I worked with started discussing their vibrators and "proper vibrator usage for maximum success". I was just sitting there sinking it all in as they went on and on as if I weren't there. They got fairly graphic. I don't know if they remember that or not but I do. I remember one girl saying she was depressed because her boyfriend probably wanted to have sex and she "didn't feel like f--ing him" tonight.
I would highly recommend if you go to an office party do your best to stay stone cold sober because you will see and hear some of the most bizarre shit you've ever encountered.
I've seen the big boss at my first job dirty dancing with a front counter staff, you see the ones making out...it can be some awesome entertainment.
I have a good/ embarrassing NYE story. Should I tell now or wait til NYE? What the hell, I'll tell you now. I realize I can (and probably should) be anonymous, since this is probably a story for the Dlisted comment board, but whatever. Judge all you want.
ReplyDeleteSo NYE 2007, I went to my sister's party with all of her friends, who are at least 2-4 years older than I am. I was still in college when my drunken shenanigans were way more embarrassing and awkward.
Met a guy there, started flirting, made out with him at the bar (classy, I know). At the end of the night, it was clear we were going home with each other. He didn't live in town, and neither did I. I was supposed to stay at my sister's place, but there was no place for he and I to be alone. We stayed at his friend's two-bedroom place, who was dating (and is now married) one of my sister's friends. We stayed in an empty room, which was actually the room of my sister's friend (who is now my friend).
Nothing too scandalous happened, but in the morning I was making out with him topless, and on top of him. My sister's friend (who just met me that night) walked in and found us like that. She was really startled and quickly left. I felt so embarrassed. She and I joke about this til this day and she said I walked downstairs "cool as a cucumber".
To make matters even worse, my drunk ass left my phone downstairs. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, so my sister was freaking out, since I was supposed to stay at her place that night. I probably had 10 missed calls from her and she was very close to calling the cops to see where I was.
My worst present was the first year I had separated from my ex-husband, and we were "talking" about a reconciliation. He bought me some diamond earrings, but I had a bad feeling about it and never took them out of the box. Fast forward to a week later, he calls and wants them back so he can return them to the store for a refund! (he was an alcoholic and needed some drinking money). His mother came over to my house to pick them up from me, and then he called later and was yelling at me, saying, "Where's the receipt? It was inside the box. I need the receipt to return them." Needless to say, you can say why he is my ex-husband. What a jerk.
ReplyDeleteWorst Christmas gift? My asshole dad put birth control in mine and my two sisters' stockings. My oldest sister was 16, next sister was 12 and I was 10. He's a doctor, so he could get the stuff easily. He thought it was funny. Clearly, it wasn't, and he's a dick.
ReplyDeleteMy mom's birthday is in November. A few years ago, I gave her a book for her birthday. When she was done reading it, she gave it to me to read. On Christmas morning, she came into my room, took the book, and gave it to me as a present.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, well, I've never been to a company Christmas party because I work in healthcare and apparently we're just lowly worker bees :/ But anyway, a friend worked for a law firm in NYC and would go to insane Christmas parties. She got drunk and had sex with her boss' best friend in the men's bathroom- and everyone knew it- including her boss! Afterwards, she came to my house (I was still living with my parents), puked in the bushes in front of my house, then turned around and came back out with me to some local bar. Puked there too, but then did a shot of Rumpleminz (<--- I don't think I spelled that correctly) to "freshen her breath". To this day, I'm amazed at her stamina. We don't exactly speak anymore, but I hear she hasn't slowed down much.
ReplyDeleteWorst present... well, my soon to be ex got me a cutting board one year. Who wraps a frickin' cutting board????
I don't have any good stories, or bad presents.
ReplyDeleteBut I do make horrible faces when I open gifts. I am genuinely happy to receive pretty much anything. Even if I end up never using it, I enjoy the thought, and blah blah blah, but when I open a gift I squint my eyes and look funny and make the giver feel like I am saying "wtf is this" in my head. I have tried smiling and going "oh wow!" or something like that as soon as I open it, but I feel like I am being super-fake. Any tips on a good present opening face?
A few years ago at my sister and brother-in-law's annual X-Mas party, I had too many Grey Goose Jello shots on top of too much else. On the way home, I knew I was going to be sick. We were in my husband's car, which was used in his business to drive customers around. Even totally drunk, I didn't want to ruin the car, so I took off my high heel and puked in it. When I filled that one, I took off the other and filled it too. Didn't get a drop in the car. Threw out the shoes at a highway rest shop.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to say I will go to my grave never having told anyone this story, but everyone I tell gets a big kick out of it.
we had a big christmas party when our first born was about 6 months old. my mom took baby for the night. anyways, my girlfriend had bought this amazing new bra that made her boobs look fabulous, so of course i went and bought the same one. i had lost my baby weight from my pregnancy plus about 20 pounds, and was thinnest I had ever been. i wore a sexy short minidress. i felt hotter than hot. so hot, in fact, that i pulled the top part of the dress down all ngiht to show everyone how 'great my boobs look!' most of them were people from my husbands work i hadn't met yet. oy. i just recently stopped cringing every time i remember. it was 12 years ago.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous 2:41 - I just howled at my desk reading your story. Well done!
ReplyDeleteIt is actually difficult for me to come up with a "wildest office Christmas party" because each year seems to outdo the next. One year the party was held at a very elegant hotel, and we had a brand new employee, 21 years old, just out of school, who proceeded to get roaring drunk. She was pretty and quite voluptuous, and her dress was about as tight as a sausage casing. She got rather "friendly" with one of the partners in our firm (a total sleezeball) whose fiancée was not amused. This girl was rubbing up against him, falling over almost into his lap, etc. She put on quite a show, then stumbled over to vomit into the potted palm nearby. She vomited a few more times in the same palm before she was hauled away and deposited in a cab.
ReplyDeleteThe wife of another employee was on a rampage of her own. This woman had some kind of mental problem and was on medication. When she would drink, the mix of the alcohol and medication would make her extremely sexually aggressive towards other women, especially the youngest in the office. This night she had already grabbed the breasts of pretty much every woman under the age of 50 and tried to shove her tongue into a few mouths. Her husband was a total wimp who couldn't control her at all (and probably enjoyed her antics), so she was running around wreaking havoc all night. She managed to corner two 22 year olds out by the pool. They had a choice: either jump into the cold water in their evening dresses or submit to the attacks of this psycho-drunk. They both jumped. That was about 10 years ago, and still a very hot topic of conversation whenever an office party is being planned.
while not technically a "holiday" party, it was a winter birthday party, so close enough.
ReplyDeleteWine and cheese party. I'm very petite. I drank three BOTTLES of wine. Later in the evening my boyfriend was doing a little dance and I apparently thought it was my turn, too. On all fours, I crawled towards him, pulled myself up his body using his clothes as handles, and proceeded to make out with him standing, drag him to the floor, and make out with him .. uhm.. suggestively on the floor. It was filmed.
I then lost focus or patience with that and did my own little dance in the doorway involving me with my back to the camera, my skirt up in the air, and my thong on full display along with my ass. Oh yeah, there were pictures, and hell yes I deleted them.
the film of the dance still exists somewhere.
Worst Christmas party story: back in college I was working at a fast food restaurant. Our restaurant rented a catering hall for our party, all young people, all thinking we were soooo sophisticated. I wore a fabulous vintage dress. My two last memories are dancing to Rock Lobster and then literally reeling in the ladies room because I just could not stand up. I was told I was driven home, someone walked me to the front door, opened it, and I fell in face first. My escorts skedaddled. My parents never said a thing about it, to this day I don't know if I made it to my room by myself or if they carried me. Since then, I enjoy myself carefully at company parties.
ReplyDeleteWorst gift? I've had lots of bad gifts. One boyfriend had his friend do a portrait of us from a photo. This portrait was HORRIBLE! I mean we looked like paint-by-number. Boyfriend was very mad I wasn't thrilled. Another boyfriend of a year gave me a CD of a band I didn't even like, and that was it (I'd spent way more thought and money on him). Same boyfriend gave me three carnations from the supermarket on Valentine's Day; he was a shitty gifter.
I got really really drunk at a new years party....and made out with a big ol fat guy. Like...huge. =/
ReplyDeleteand some other guy tried hooking up with me...I was seriously that drunk I considered it.
^^^^was told the next morning. lol
We used to have a holiday party at our office, lots of booze, food, clients and employees. Some coworkers were all about planning the after party, where they would take the men of our office out to drink, smoke and hook up in various hotels downtown. Well, a couple of years ago, the soon to be ex-wife of of one of the men, stumbled in, drunker than cooter brown and causes a scene. Screaming (in front of clients no less) about such and such screwing her husband. She accused several but failed to pick out the right girl who was indeed sleeping with her husband. The group of girls ran to the restroom, where the guilty one was reemed out while another one of the guys escorted the jilted wife home. Good times.
ReplyDeleteI invited one of my brothers to a Christmas party with my colleagues at a rented party hall. People from almost all departments were there, including my supervisor. Said supervisor brought along very attractive wife, late 40s, great proportions. Late into the party, everyone's drunk, supervisor's wife was hammered and when a merengue number was played she tried to make a Cuban sandwich with my brother. Luckily, they were in a corner of the dance floor, and my boss was in another. I freaked, and politely separated the two. When I looked over at where my boss was on the dance floor, he was dancing and getting frisky with one of my coworkers. As my brother and I were leaving, and I was letting my brother have it, we spotted my supervisor getting in his car and leaving with that same coworker and not his wife. The wife didn't leave the party alone either. Uh huh.
ReplyDeleteNot a Christmas party, but a work event in January (close enough)...the setting was an outdoor cocktail party at a posh resort in SoCal. The lead singer of the band performing was so rip roaring drunk, he stumbled off stage to light his cigarette...with a massive outdoor heat lamp! I was sure he was going down in flames, but someone wrestled it away from him and he passed out in the bushes instead.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, one of the execs at the office held a holiday party at his place. One of the most respected managers got roaring drunk and proceeded to hit on a new employee. She was not amused. She was also the new human resources director.
ReplyDeleteThe exec tried really hard to keep the manager in his job by promising to get him enrolled in AA and other services. But the HR woman wouldn't budge. The manager lost his job.
Meanwhile, those employees who were snorting coke in the exec's bathroom during the party called up everyone in the company across the country to spread the gossip.
One year I was at a friends X-mas party. I hadn't been at the party that long or touched anything to drink when the X-mas tree started to look like it danced.
ReplyDeleteI asked what was in the shrimp cocktail when her cat launched out of the tree like a rocket leaped on her fathers head. The cat stole the shrimp her father heald and jumped into her manger scene to bat at wisemen.
Word of warning: Do not give your cat catnip mice right before your X-mas party.
My mother gives the worst gifts. Once she gave me a toilet scrubber shaped like a penguin.
ReplyDeleteYES.
ReplyDeleteThis past summer, we had a sendoff party for our awesome party-guy boss. By the end of the night, four people (out of the 25 or so of us there) had thrown up, including the boss. All but one were parents of young kids. ;-)
Then I lit a shot of sambuca on fire and was promptly asked never to return to Tia's on the Waterfront, Boston, MA.
My best gay and I took care of the vomitous, then went out dancing. ;-)
My company has a party every summer, a few years ago several people got really hammered - passing out, puking, the whole nine yards. I was pretty drunk but managing to keep myself in check, until the cab ride home where I proceeded to puke all over myself. The cab I was sharing with the head of my department. Ugh. I apologized the next day and everything was fine.
ReplyDeleteThat party has become legendary as the one where so many people got sick - including "someone puking in the cab" but almost no one knows that it was me.
At a Christmas party one year a guy who was normally very very quiet and reserved (I swear it was 5 years before I heard him speak) had a little too much to drink and in the middle of talking to our CEO he fell off his barstool. He got bundled into a cab but got belligerant with the driver and refused to reveal where he lived so the cab came back to the party and the guy's supervisor had to tell the driver the guy's address.
OH WAIT. THIS IS THE BEST ONE.
ReplyDeleteIn my company's office in a major European city, they have an apartment that people from the American office stay in when traveling to the European office.
Most of the European employees live far outside the city, so on the night of the office party, a few people decided to stay overnight at the apartment: two executives (Finance and Tech), both in their 40s, and Finance Exec's wife.
The wife of Finance Exec, plastered, got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. She got disoriented on the way back and went into the wrong bedroom, climbing into bed with Tech Exec by mistake.
Tech Exec rolled over, saw a woman had climbed into bed with him, shrugged, and went to sleep.
A few hours later, Tech Exec woke up to Finance Exec screaming bloody murder at him. This is normally SUCH a polite, proper and mild-mannered man -- I can't even imagine him doing this.
Finance Exec's wife was mortified. Tech Exec was shocked. To this day, though they have a cordial working relationship, relations between Finance Exec and Tech Exec are frosty at best.
One year at the television station I worked for two of the camera men decided to shot Christmas greetings from each of the employees. They kept a list and produced a wonderfully funny and original piece, expect they left me out. When the footage was finished one of the asses was looking over at me and grinning. I hope the jerk gets hit by a American speed skater at the Winter games..he's one of the producers.
ReplyDeleteOne year my mother gave all her kids art and money. I got an ugly, ugly, cheap framed poster and a box of melted chocolate.
Um- can't really think of any Christmas Parties Past, but I'll be having a "Present" party with my current co-worker-lady-friends whom have been known to get drunk and naked quite often, so I'll totally have to get back to you on that one...(Hopefully w/pics.)
ReplyDeleteMany years ago I worked at one of Canada's biggest law firms. The Christmas parties were AWESOME! It was employees only, open bar and you can imagine it got a little rowdy. The year before I started, firm legend has it, one of the very senior partners was standing at one (yes one!) of the bars and turned to the very openly gay IT guy beside him and shoved his tongue down the IT guy's throat. They were putting on quite the show and stopped only when the very senior partner's wife (who also worked at the firm) pulled them apart. Good times.
ReplyDeleteWorst Christmas gift (so far anyway) was the hub's and mine first Christmas as a married couple. I bought him a truckload of presents and he bought me a space heater and part 2 of a computer game I did not have part 1 of. It took him a while to get out of the doghouse.
Worst gift? One Christmas abouit 3 years ago I was at my brother's house for Xmas and he and his wife gave me a wrapped gift and also handed me -- I was touched and surprised to find -- a small, flat wrapped package from my sister-in-law's mother (who just happens to be an embarrassingly ignorant alcoholic who was physically, mentally, and verbally abusive to my SIL when SIL was growing up).
ReplyDeleteI opened the present from my brother and SIL first and it was a package of equipment for my iPod (speakers and some other gadgets-- very nice!). I then opened the package from SIL's crazy drunk of a mother.... and it was one of those garish religious illustrated pamphlets that one finds for free outside one's door. You know, the kind that shows ridiculous scenarios of some earnest Christian fighting the good fight with some demon against evil in order to find salvation.
UGH!
As a result of working in a bar I have been witness to some of the most horrifying things to happen at Christmas parties, but none tops this one.
ReplyDeleteA group of 20 came in for a lunch time party, mostly older women in their 50's, so I didn't expect anything too rowdy. They had a few drinks, some people drank too much, but all was normal until someone(not me b/c I don't keep tabs on people) noticed this one lady had been missing for a good 20minutes. After a search of the building they found her knocked out in a locked bathroom stall, covered with vomit and shit. Shit as in feces, not just random debris. She had vomited all over herself, pooped her pants(pantyhose), and had somehow managed to bang her head on the wall(door?) hard enough to knock herself out. Her co-workers called her husband who came and fireman carried her out of there through the back and into the alley. Nice, huh? The kicker though? She took off her poop pantyhose and left them on the floor in the stall. That's a classy gal.
As far as personal party stories go I'm not too big on the alcohol, so I don't bother going to work parties. However, I did attend a party one time where this random girl accused a co-worker of mine of hitting on her boyfriend(who the co-worker didn't know and didn't hit on), so my co-worker popped her one in the face. HA! Just like that too. The girl comes marching up and accuses her, my totally smashed co-worker lazily says "what", chick repeats herself and my co-worker just punches her in the face. If I wasn't so shocked at the time I would have laughed and laughed like I do now when I regale others with the tale.
The first guy I dated was when we were in college. He asked me to the school holiday dance. When we got there, he acted like he had no interest in spending time with me, so I ditched him and spent the rest of the night with another guy (who turned out to be a loser). Fastforward 20 years... I started spending time with the first guy again a few weeks ago. Here's hoping it goes better this time around, but so far it seems promising. We're both in a more mature place, we have so much in common, and he's been so sweet to me.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago I worked for the partners of a very large, very conservative insurance brokerage firm. You can imagine my surprise at the first company holiday party I attended - when one of the senior vice presidents came fully dressed in drag. I was told by the others, who were used to it by then, that he dressed up as a woman every chance he could get ~ and damn, he made a fine one. When I returned to work the following Monday, an oldtimer showed me a photo album of all their company parties...and yep, there he was in a different dress every time.
ReplyDeleteI went swimming in my underwear, and may have taken my top off to a few people...unfortunately, I can't claim youthful exuberance...this was 2 days ago.
ReplyDeleteI used to work at a conservative law firm, owned by a father and his two sons. The host of one year's Christmas party was the younger son, who was liberal and a patron of the arts. The office arrived at his two story house and served good wine and fancy food on trays with Mozart playing in the background. About an hour in, the host asked everyone to join him at the foot of the stairwell in the center of the house. Then he went to a boom box on a table nearby and pressed play. A song from the musical "Cats" began to play and then, one of of the office's couriers appeared at the top of the stairs. He was wearing a black leotard with cat ears, whiskers and tail. Full on cat costume. He gaily sang with the tune, mimicking a scene from the Broadway show. To the horror of the uptight lawyers, once he made his way to the bottom of the stairs, he weaved playfully through his audience, bending over and wagging his, um, tail, all while singing. He gave it his all. The stodgy grumps were clearly embarrassed, while the liberal host looked on, laughing, enjoying their embarrassment. This courier now works in NY in the movie industry.
ReplyDeleteI never received a gift I didn't like, but I gave an awful gift. But it wasn't my choice. I was in fifth grade and my class had picked names from a hat to be that person's secret Santa. I had gotten the name of my crush, Lawrence. I thought this was my chance for him to really notice me, so I wanted to impress him with a great present. On the paper with his name on it was also a list of the three things he wrote that he really wanted for Christmas, as everyone did, and I was to buy one, as everyone did for their pick.
I immediately told my mother that I must go shopping, not mentioning that I adored this boy, of course. I emphasized that I wanted to get his top choice of gift, which I think was a remote control truck. Mom and I went shopping the weekend before the Christmas party where the gifts were to be exchanged. We walked thru the five and dime store. I was leading Mom to the toy section to get Lawrence's truck, when a bin in the center of the aisle stopped Mom in her tracks. It was a bin of dress socks on sale. Mom said to me, "We should buy the boy what he needs, not what he wants." I was like, "Noooooooo!" But I couldn't sway her. She placed two pairs of black socks in the basket and that was that. And when she wrapped them for my poor, unfortunate recipient, she didn't place the socks in a box. She simply wrapped them in gift paper.
At the gift giving, I handed Lawrence his present. As soon as he took it in his hands, he lamented, "Oh man, socks!" He detected what they were immediately. He refused to speak to me for a long time after that. Thanks, Mom.
Dear Rocket Queen - I will trade the George Foreman grill for the ugly t-shirts. At least you can cook on the grill. lol
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, sister.
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ReplyDelete@thatsomeone...
ReplyDeleteThe Cats story is THE BEST! Thanks!
A few years ago I was working a holiday job at a highend retailer. I had just bought a new house and wanted the extra money to help furnish it and also to get the discount. Anyway we had our Christmas party at a downtown swank hotel. Most of us also opted to get rooms for the night so we could drink and not drive. Anyway a group of us were waiting at the elevator to go up to our rooms. As the elevator door opened there was our married, female, half naked store manager(who I detested) and the stock boy in a very compromising position. Oh and did I mention that the regional manager was also waiting at the elevator with us? They were both fired on the spot.
ReplyDeleteWow, Christmas Party Stories, thank heavens this year I got it right with not one single embarrasing blight. The first year I started at the company i work at, had only been working for them for 3 months before the party. I don't remember very much after the flaming Stroh Rum the CEO insisted everyone drink but apparently we are never allowed back at that venue due to almost setting the curtains alight and some of the male colleagues' venture into bushjumping. The next year, was suitably tipsy and thought it would be a good idea to join in the soccer being played. Wasnt doing too badly until I started chasing the ball down the hill and gaining way too much momentum, face planted into the bushes infront of everyone. Had a grassburnt lip and nose for the rest of the day, and certainly never lived that one down.
ReplyDeleteChristmas party at work, during the afternoon, bunch of people came back to my house afterwards. We had tons to drink and eat and everyone was having a blast. I started doing shooters...and the next thing i woke up in bed the next morning. Apparently while being a great hostess, i basically drank too much and left my own party at 7pm after dancing and falling down. Nice !!
ReplyDeleteBut everyone keeps asking when we're doing it again LOL
I got drunk at a Christmas party for a law firm I worked for back in the early 90's and started pole-dancing...my ex husband stopped me from taking any clothes off, thank God.
ReplyDeleteWorst gift I ever got: it's a toss-up between a stone clock shaped like a camel (WTF??) and a pair of used jeans, complete with smelly crotch. Ugh.
you smelled the crotch? lol
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