Today I thought I would ask all of you about the one thing in life you regret. I guess you could also make it something like the one thing you would change if you could go back and do it all over again.
I would have majored in psychology and earned a PhD. Instead, I switched majors a lot (graduated with a PoliSci degree) and am now a consultant at a software company. I like what I do, but I would have been a better therapist than consultant.
I regret letting my first husband force me into joint custody when we divorced and then letting my second husband convince me to split my 2 children up and move to another town. I no longer allow men to treat me that way but there is not a day go by that I don't feel regret for the way it has affected my son and daughter as well as me. I can remember returning my son to his dad at the end of my weekends and my daughter and me crying all the way back home. I remember the day I packed his room away and I couldn't stop crying. I knew better and I didn't follow my mother heart. That will never happen again and I will spend the remainder of my life making up for those poor decisions.
I regret going to college instead of hairdressing school. Its what I always wanted to do, but my dad was a prof at a local university and my tuition was free. And how ironic that I have two little girls who HATE I mean HATE to have their hair played with!
I would have listened to my gut and not married the guy I am now divorcing. 11 years down the drain, along with my hopes and dreams of ever having a family. My own damn fault, really. Trying my hardest not to be bitter though...
I regret being so obsessed with my weight and appearance that I set that example for my daughters, who are now weird about it, weird about food, weird about how they look. After all of that obsessing, I got sick and I got fat anyway!
I agree with NotSoAnonMom. When you get older you'll see that regret has no purpose. Don't worry about the future. Don't regret the past. Be happy in the moment. That's all there really is.
My youngest sister committed suicide 5 years ago. Not only would I be better sister I would also look for the warning signs. I feel I was so wrapped up in my own relationship and things in my life that I didn't take the time to notice she was in turmoil.
I also regret not following my gut instinct which ended up with me being married (although I would not give up the two kids for anything.) I also regret that, having lived in a homophobic household, I did not figure out I was gay until my 40's.
I also do not believe in regret. No matter how upset or embaraased I get about something, I think about all the things I wouldn't have, or seen, or accomplished. My life is such a mixture of every choice I have made.
I regret going to law school, but even more than that I regret going to law school at the school I chose. I am not in a mortgage worth of debt and there are no jobs despite passing the bar.
I agree with NotSoAnonMom. Sometimes there are things I wish could have been different but ultimately everything that has ever happened, or not happened, has all led me down the path to where I am today.
I "regret" staying in an abusive relationship with my first hustband as long as I did. I regret that I believed him everytime I tried to leave and he convinced me that no one wanted me (even my own family). I am thankful that I did get out.
I do agree with NotSoAnonMom & Quintessential Southerner - that experience has left me with a louder voice.
I regret taking Chemo. I wish I could go back and tell them, no thanks, I'm going to live just fine without it. Which I have for more then 16 yrs. BUT, now I suffer debilitating medical issues because I took the chemo.
i don't believe in regret either but i see nothing wrong with looking back and reflecting on choices you made. maybe considering how things may have been different if you'd made different ones.
so with that, i wish i'd chosen not to have sex so young---15. it was a terrible experience and had a negative effect on my self-esteem that lasted for many years.
but hey, i was 15 and he said he wouldn't call me again if i didn't....
I regret 3 things in life: 1) never learning how to play an instrument well (I took piano lessons for 3 years but hated it) 2) not learning a foreign language (took 2 years of Spanish and gave up after that) 3) not getting my masters in library science (got a useless masters in interdisciplinary studies instead)
These aren't huge, life-changing things, but had I followed through with them, I think I'd be more well-rounded (and have a real career).
i regret not going to college full time after graduating high school... however, i'm 31 and will be graduating next month. it's all about perseverance!
I regret not finishing college and getting my degree. I did go to college, but left to go experience life - lived in several different states and countries and don't regret a bit of that. But really truly wish I had just finished college!
I regret not knowing how to be a parent at 17 but went ahead with it anyways. 16 years later I have an out of control, disrespectful, full of hate child. I don't regret my child just that I was a child myself and made a lot of bad choices on her behalf resulting in where we are today.
I regret telling my now ex-husband about our son..I should have just moved to the other side of the country and started over. He is an abusive man who has only harmed my son emotionally...sometimes children are better off with their immature selfish fathers.
I tend not to regret the big stuff, even if some of my bigger and bolder decisions have brought with them suffering and struggle, they have made me who I am.
What I do tend to regret is the smaller stuff - for instance getting drunk in my favorite local bar and making out with the barman two nights ago. All in all, not a very wise decision, and I will now have to avoid said favorite local bar for a little while before I feel comfortable living it down. I should have at least considered going one neighbourhood over....
letting my heart lead the way instead of a sound mind with past relationships at 41 I'm still getting played by men I seem to beleive that's why I was single and celibate for 9 years ...
right now i'm regretting the current boyfriend. my situation isn't ideal, i'm still married, but separated. i really like this guy, but i think i'm too invested and he's not. he's really hot and cold. i kinda regret getting married in the first place, too. i'm just all around miserable.
I wish I would have saved myself for my husband. I love him with all my heart.
I encourage abstinence when I talk with my daughters, and this regret is the reason why. I hope to save them from feeling this way too. In fact, at the age I am now (37), very few people I talk to are glad that they had "all the experiences" and usually carry this regret too.
@Anonymous 12:35...I have my MLS and after working in three special libraries and four "information" type jobs I can only say that I can't wait to get the hell out of this profession.
I regret getting into a 5 figure debt. I couldnt tell you anything that I bought that was a necessity. Now I suffer financially but at least am paying it all off which I am proud of. Live and learn, I suppose. And I can promise it wont happen again :)
I regret marrying my first husband. There were warning bells which I should have listen to, but was too naive to listen. The man I am now married to wish we would have met when I was younger but things happen for a reason so I guess that's why we met at a late age. He is the greatest guy.
Maybe I'm just in a really good mood today, but I can't really think of anything big I regret...Pretty happy with everything. There is always the minor embarassing stuff to think about that makes you cringe, but nothing big.
I wish I could go back and tell him I still loved him that afternoon when my heart told me that I had to tell him. Instead I went home and cried and decided I'd tell him the next day.
I never had a chance. He started throwing up that night and by the next afternoon was in the hospital in a coma. Would telling him have prevented a brain tumor from killing him? No, but he would have known, and I wouldn't have spent all those years beating myself up about it.
Besides that, I don't regret anything. I can't, because it all made me who I am.
Like a lot of people here, I don't have a lot of regrets. Every dumb decision or choice I've made has led me to my present, which is pretty damn fantastic.
That being said, I do regret not seeing a friend of mine before he passed away. He died in his sleep unexpectedly and I always regret not being able to hug him and tell him how much I cared about him one last time.
not coming out of the closet earlier, thus denying the obvious to my family time and time again. it only made it that much harder when i finally got the courage to tell them. after they worked through the news, they just got all angry about how i lied to them for years. i just wasn't ready to fight the fight.
I regret not getting more education. I got a full scholarship to our state university but passed on it because I wasn't gutsy enough to tell my mother I wanted to go, and not brave enough to just do it. I wanted to go into nursing, she thought it was dirty work and that I would be better off with an office job.
I also regret marrying my husband, I knew before the wedding it wasn't right but I had already had sex with him and thought no other man would want me because I wasn't a virgin any more (this was 1962). Since the divorce I have not found one man who objected to my non-virginity.
Most things in my life, though, I only regret not doing them sooner or bigger or louder.
Let's see, I don't really do the regret thing for the most part, but I have been feeling lately that I wish I would have concentrated on one thing (music, art, sewing, etc...) to do exceptionally well, instead of doing all of these things moderately well. I am an artist by trade and i'm good, but I wish I was really, really good.
Also not a regret, I wish I never had to have cancer.
My behaviour and refusal to compromise in my last relationship. It drove my boyfriend of 4 years away and though I'm young and may meet someone else one day something inside tells me that I lost what may have been the love of my life. I would give anything for a second chance that's never gonna happen.
I also tend not to regret things. I did all the stuff you are not supposed to - lost my virginity early, hooked up with tons of guys, but today, I am happy, with a great career and a great man that I just absolutely adore.
The things I do regret are small - getting too drunk at some party, with not working out regurarly enough, stuff like that. But none of the big stuff. They made me who I am today.
The ex love of my life regrets letting me go. I gave my everything. There is nothing for me to regret, but I still hate that he didn't try hard. It is too late.
It's nothing but a small regret. I've always been a beach girl, growing up on Galveston Island. I identify with the surf and beach culture. I should have gone to California when I was 19 and experienced it as a beautiful young thing. Even if only for a vacation. I've been about 5 times now, and I must say, I can see my regret that I didn't do it sooner. I probably would have had a very different life than the hick life I have now living in Houston.
However, I'm very happy with the way everything worked out. I love my husband and son.
I did not have kids in my 20's. Why? I had a hysterectomy smack dab on my 30th birthday. Sad. I later had to hire a surrogatea woman and pay her $80,000 to carry my child, but what the hell. He's here now.
I was a pretty good mother, but I could have been better, especially with my first child.
I should have watched my weight more carefully when I stopped smoking 25 years ago instead of letting it get away from me. Then maybe I wouldn't have such creaky knees and sore feet.
I regret not cutting ties with my extremely toxic and abusive family many years before I actually did it. Not worth the many years of pain and suffering they inflicted on me (and told me it was all my fault; it wasn't). I broke off all contact with them about 8 years ago and life has been much more peaceful, pleasant, and healthy ever since.
I also regret letting go of a wonderful guy I should have hung onto. I was too immature and self-centered to see it at the time, and really regret my actions now.
I regret falling for the 'wrong' brother, and getting pregnant at 18 by a very, very abusive young man... But I don't regret the beautiful baby boy that resulted... I don't regret leaving that abusive man, but I do regret leaving him for another abusive man, which resulted in my son's death. I wish I could go back, and tell my young self that I don't need a 'man' to survive, and do it all by myself, 'cause I could have.
I would never have gotten an artificial disc, would have just gotten the fusion. Would have saved myself a four year nightmare, three revision surgeries, a metal reaction and the crippling pain I'm left with at age 33. Even better...I never would have lifted that grocery bin at work that injured my disc in the first place.
I deeply regret putting my daughter up for adoption, I was 19 & her father beat me so badly, that he almost beat me to death. I loved my child & the only way I could keep her safe, was to get her far away from me, his first victim, never would I let him make her his next victim. I miss her every day, even though it's been almost 24 yrs. I pray always that she's grown up happy & loved. I know I saved her life,oh, but what cost to my soul.
I regret not counting my blessings more every day because some people in here have suffered a lot, and I'm awed by their courage and resilience.
I was going to say that I regret not taking more chances in my 20s, not living life to the fullest while I was single and unencumbered, and not sleeping with the very hot Greek guy I dated right after I broke up with my boyfriend - he (the Greek) was far more sophisticated than me and scared the crap out of me. I should've gone for it.
But that's so fucking shallow compared to what some of ya'll have had to overcome.
I most regret that I was a thoughtless, insufferable brat when I was a teenager. My grandmother who helped raised me and loved me like her own died of cancer when I was 17 and will never know that I actually turned out to be someone who is considerate, grateful for what she has, and understands that there are consequences for her actions, as well as someone who finally did something with all that "potential". I wish I had spent more time learning from the incredible, strong woman I had in my life and less time thinking that I knew everything.
And Anonymous 3:52 - your daughter was very lucky to be born to someone of your courage and love and selflessness. One of my best friends adopted a baby whose teen mom was struggling in a very bad environment. My friend is a wonderful mom and her daughter is a happy, healthy little girl. I pray the same thing happened to your daughter.
Hi. I regret not standing up for myself against bullies, people who teased me or used me for their benefit. I regret not meeting new people in high school and not being in the group I was in. I am still conflicted on whether I regret not going to college or not. I couldv'e, my parents had the money for me, but I don't like studying(because I have terrible memory), homework, tests. I have a cognitive learning disorder, which makes it harder for me to understand somethings. I regret my mom never leaving my dad when I was a kid (she hasn't left him yet- he has an eating disorder and is verbally and emotionally abusive to us). I regret physically and verbally abusing my sister( who I have always and will always love). I also regret not taking control of my bowl system and eating healthy in high school. I believe that I could be happier and healthier looking, if i'd only knew then what I know now. Have a nice day.
Anonymous 3:52 - I am around the same age as you. I was adopted as an infant into a wonderful loving family. Every day I thank God for the life my mother gave me. I love her even though I have never met her. Even more so after having my own children. Know that you are loved too.
not saying goodbye to you SMO before you left this earth. i think you often and want to hear you make really hilarious inappropriate comments in public places again among so much else...we'll laugh together in heaven one day i hope
When Mom was a little girl doctors cured her of polio. She thought doctors were the nearest thing to God on Earth. Unfortunately she came across an arrogant bastard with a god complex and she would not listen to us and go to another doctor when he had a "little accident" during her cancer surgery.
After she died the SOB pronounced her dead and told us. "It was for the best."
I will regret all my life not guilting her into going to another doctor.
I regret not pressing charges. I regret that I was told " you come from such a good family and would you really want to embarrass your family going through a trial and everything? You do not want people to look at you and point now do you sweetie?". I regret that my parents took hush money from them. I regret that I was so hard to trust people in jr/sr high. Because I thought that guys only wanted one thing. I do not regret having pure and utter joy knowing that he is in prison and being passed around like a frisbee at a beach. I do not regret meeting my husband after getting out of an abusive relationship and having the wonderful life I have now. I do not regret having dessert first and getting the main course to go. I do not regret having the courage to never speak to certain family members.
I regret not going away to college. My parents and uncle were going to pay for it, which is really unheard of because I come from a family of 8 children. I didn't go. I wanted to stay near my friends and go to college in town. I ended up dropping out because I hated the program I was in an I am not even friends with those people anymore!
It seems I always have to do things the hard way. And I mean hard way. I regret that. I don't like myself very much and I regret that, too.
I regret not telling my mom I loved her when she was dying. I have never made that mistake again and now tell everyone how I feel.
I regret that my best friend's wife had a problem with me and I didn't see it. She made a fool out of me in front of a whole room of people and I cried for 2 days and still have a broken heart about it.
That's pretty much it. I am happy with my life overall, have 2 great children (24 and 21) and a wonderful husband that I have been married to for 25 years.
I regret all the years I spent drinking too much, and all the stupid problems and drama I created for myself along the way. I really regret the DUI I got, but it was the only thing that made me stop.
I regret not telling a friend just how busy I had become. It was my fault the friendship just tapered off. Hopefully, we can put our friendship back on track one day. I would also tell them that I think they are one of the greatest people on this planet and I miss them.
I regret not having a brain/mind of mine own. Always wanting to "fit in" because I do not have siblings and felt like I needed "friends" or think what others think to be whole. I am working on it more and more each day to think on my own and make my own decisions.
To the women in the library science field, one wants an MLS and one has an MLS, I too have worked in that field for about 6 years, and can't wait to change careers.
I regret leaving NYC at 25 when I could not find a job and came back to my hometown. I was so happy then. I regret getting married, biggest mistake of my life. I endured years of an unhappy and emotionally abusive marriage, wasted the best years of my life. Now at 49, my life is a mess, living in an area I hate, divorced, no job (area I live in has high unemployment and I have been through three consecutive lay offs) but am stuck because I had a child with said horrible marriage and have joint custody. Though I am living in hell I can not leave my child.
To the women who divorced members of their family I commend you and wish I had the courage to divorce my emotionally and verbally abusive family.
I'm grateful I've never experienced physical abuse but can certainly understand how victims go back to their abuser. At least if it's physical you have the threat of death, when it's emotional or verbal it's a lot harder to see the damage.
I regret that I've become such a loner in life. I spent 14 years of my adult life working for my father, who I love dearly, but who underminded my self-confidence in so many ways. I never felt like what I did was good enough and he was so critical of every decision I made. I was a good manager, I know I was... but after we sold the business I became so scared to make any kind of decisions. And that transferred over into my personal life. I lost track of my friends... I only dated in long-distance relationships that never worked out. I am so self-conscious of my looks, I've put on 80 lbs and am so embarrassed about it - I'm so terrified to apply for any kind of a job because I'm afraid to fail - afraid I won't be able to measure up. I haven't dated in over 10 years because I don't feel attractive to anyone. And I'm so incredibly lonely. I'm a college educated, adult woman, who owns her own home but yet I'm basically working for minimum wage with an online job, so I never have to leave the house, and living day to day because I'm too afraid of getting out into the world. I deeply regret that I let myself get to this point, because when I look at the future I just see nothing. It's just a big fat blank wall. And the prospect of dying alone someday (No, I'm not suicidal) because I have no one in my life is my biggest regret of all.
I regret that I didn't move to NY when I left college, as I'd originally planned. Things have turned out well, but that would have been an interesting adventure.
Not protecting the one person I should have protected with my life. I find myself in another situation 20 years later where the same people are pushing me to do something almost as life-shaking as that regret 20 years ago. They are going to get an earful when the matter comes up in a few weeks at Thanksgiving.
I would be much more less independent and do more things with my husband who I found out had cheated on me. We have 3 beautiful children together, a beautiful home and he just walked out on us 2 weeks ago.
I am reliving my live with him everyday and trying to see where it has gone wrong; what I could have done differently.
In the name of efficiency, we had given ourselves "department" that each of us would be in charge of - He for landscaping, and anything with an engine/electrical in it and I for furniture and anything to do with the kids.
Somehow, in this process, he must have slipped away from me. He was away a lot and it was hard on me but I didnt complain because I thought he was sacrifying for us - working hard and doing all that traveling alone to make money for us.
After discovering his cheating, and found out that he was not alone in his travel - for at least the last 1 or 2 years - I came to a realization that I was the only person in the marriage; he had disengaged from us a long long time ago; I just didnt see it.
Next year would be our 25th anniversary and our youngest would be in college - our plan all along was for me to travel with him after next year.
So what I would change is to be less dependent. It is a very hard thing for me to say because I value my independence but in this case I think it may have contribute to the inpending break up of my marriage. (BTW - I am not a bimbo or a victim- I have a degree in Engineer and made more money than him - until he traveled so much that I had to stay home with our 3 kids.)
I couldn't even tell my daugher about this yet; She is away in college. I couldnt even tell anyone in my family yet. I havent tell any of my/our friends yet. I saw him about a week ago and I dont know/recognize who he is anymore.
I have thought long and hard about how I want to answer this.....
Of course I wish I would've tried harder in school, got a different degree,made more money....
But you know what?
I don't "regret" one single thing in my life, because I would not be who I am now, I would not have what I have now, and I would not have the knowledge to pass along to my wonderful children had I not did *exactly* what I have done.
Anonymous @ 7:33, I feel like you and I are alike in sooooooooo many ways it's scary!!!
I grew up with a brother who abused me mentally and sexually.
Abusing me mentally, he called me ugly, stupid, worthless, POS, etc. and I believed him. I regret that I never stood up to him or all the other people later on in my life that I let treat me so poorly because I thought I deserved to be treated that way.
I regret not telling someone that he was sexually abusing me much sooner. After he stopped, I still had to live with him. I was 14 at the time and it was like I was 5 all over again. My parents basically babysat me to make sure I would never be alone with him. I wish I would have said, "Either he goes or I do!" It felt like I was being punished for telling on him.
I regret pushing people away and only having one good friend now. I'm so lonely sometimes that it hurts.
I regret not appreciating what I have. I've had a lot of bad in my life but I've also had a lot of good too.
I don't regret a damn thing and won't waste my time feeling regretful. I could look at negative crap, but what's the point when there's more positive crap?
As a Mom I'm always guilty about not being a good enough Mom, but hell, that goes with the territory and everybody turned great, so I must have done something right.
I regret lots of things but I wouldnt change many of them they got me where I am today.
But if I could do it again I wouldnt take the job I have now, I have to return in two months after maternity leave and I have something aproaching a panic attack every time I think about going back. I would hand my notice in but I havent got another job to go to, my boss cant stand me and has a history of giving really bad refrences even to excelent practitioners and I have to return for 3 months or pay my maternity pay back. Also Im stuck there because of the above average pay and generous pension plan and sick pay. Bastards.
So Im going to finish the degree I started before I got pregnant then tell them to shove it up thier arse.
My mother wanted to mend that marriage, and she thougth that with having kids the hubby would grow up and become a man. It didn't happen when my elder brother was born - but then she didn't want to have an only child. Thus I was born.
I regret having feelings and memory.
If I hadn't, I wouldn't be suffering now from memories of incest from my father, of bullying from kids my age, of emotional abuse from my husband.
I regret being emphathetic.
If I weren't, I would not suffer from all around anguish when I see or hear about abuse, suffering and wars. I would not have done my best to protect my mother. And I would kill myself off and be done with life without any concern for how it would affect my kids.
I don't regret my kids being born.
But I regret giving them a shitty father. And I regret being such a wreck of a mother. They deserve better than me.
I regret going to college. I am now about to owe more than 100k for two bachelor's degrees and don't even have a job with it. I am perfectly happy with my promotion I just got...in retail. I actually love my job but it doesn't matter because now 100% of my pay is going to paying back my student loans.
Another thing, I wish I hadn't let myself get fat because I used to be GORGEOUS.
I am A 3:52, & first Enty thanks for being here & doing what you do, to entertain, inform, and help. You are awesome. thank you Kinsey, for your kind words, they really uplifted me & gave me solace. Thank you also to A, who shared the story of her adoption & life, with me, to tell me I was loved, how beautiful & kind of you to share that, bless you A, Enty, & Kinsey, I will keep your words in my heart, to bring me comfort, in the days ahead, for 12/14 is my daughters birthday, it's the day I cried, held her, & said good bye.
Many not so good things have happened to me in my life, but I don't regret most of them now, because after reading all of your comments, I know that these things have or will make me a stronger person. Many of you have had much worse things happen to you in your lives and I am so sorry.
I currently regret one thing: wanting to get out of my abusive marriage so fast that I didn't protect my financial rights - I took responsibility for all the marital debt instead of only the 50% I was responsible for by law and I agreed to pay my abusive ex alimony for a year so he wouldn't come after me for more and I could just get out. I'm facing bankruptcy because of this, not being able to live in the house for which I paid all the bills for until my ex finally agreed to leave just before our divorce and other stupid financial decisions I made.
However, this is a relatively small thing compared to what many of you have had to go through, and I know I will get through this, even though I've just been laid off and don't have another job yet.
I hope those of you who feel so lonely and bad now will get some help somehow, someway. I know I don't really know you, but I'm worried about you - no one should have to live life so unhappy. Even though I'm kind of messed up now, I wish I could help you or let you share my support system of family and friends - they are what has gotten me through many tough times and are helping me get through this current bumpy time too.
I would have my daughter removed from the classroom of a very inexperienced and apparently neurotic 2nd grade teacher much sooner than I did. It took years to repair the damage 5 months with one bad teacher did to a gifted child with undiagnosed ADHD. :(
To everyone who regrets not having gone to school for something, it's never too late to go back to school. This college drop-out went to beauty school at 33, and it was the best thing I ever did. And my great aunt got her high school diploma at 61 years old, after raising 5 children. Never too late.
Not telling my parents that my runaway sister was staying at my place, and instead of letting her return on Monday as we had planned, talking her out of going to California and then calling the parents. Instead, I stayed quiet and allowed her to stay, and she ended up being accidentally shot (not by me incidentally) and killed the day before (Sunday) she was going to go home to face the parents. That one event shaped my life like no other.
Oh, I'm past the anonymous feature time. So I'll keep that one to myself.
The one thing I regret most, though, is beating myself up over all the times I've done/said something stupid or inappropriate. Things that the other people who were involved probably don't remember or have forgiven me for years ago. All it takes is hearing something random and I don't just remember one thing, I remember so many - like it becomes a giant wave big enough to surf. I hate feeling that way.
I believe that whatever we have now was meant to be, regardless of what path we might have taken. There are certain lessons in life we need to learn - would it matter if it were done in a different house with different spouses and different jobs? The effect would be the same.
I wish I would have been more committed, I have had excellent jobs but never stayed at one more than a year, I've done some incredible work, yet have not saved enough for retirement or to buy a house. I regret not telling my parents how much I loved them before they died. I regret my siblings and I going our separate ways and having no contact but it is for the best as they are emotionally abusive as I am a half-sibling and they never let me forget it.
I regret not knowing the people who post on this site. You are incredible individuals, who add a significant amount of colour to my life. I love it when Enty allows/encourages us to vent to muse, to wonder what if? I often wonder what would have happened if I would have married the boy from school, but then I would not have this life, I wonder what would have happened if I would have learned to love myself years ago, but then I wouldn't have had the wonder and delight of emerging hope and peace in my later years. The only regret I have is not being more adventurous..not having the courage to just go and see the world. Maybe later..
My biggest regret is encouraging a dear friend to go to the police to report a rape. That seems outrageous, right? My regret is due to the fact that the man's defense lawyer raked my friend over the coals when she was in the witness stand. He blamed her for the rape, asking her about her sexual history and blaming her promiscuity for "wanting it." This happened in the early 1990s. His bullsh** convinced the jury to declare the POS not guilty.
Another thing I regret is ending a relationship with a man in 1998 because my mother thought he was not right for me. Last year, he spent almost a year looking for me. He tracked me down, and have been seeing each other secretly for over a year. I haven't said anything to my mother for fear of jinxing my new good fortune of having him in my life again; besides, it's really none of her business. It was making my personal life her business that caused me to end the relationship in the first place.
I regret having an abortion in 2003, when I was 33 yrs old. I am pro choice; I just wish I had more children. I absolutely do not regret my one daughter, aged 18 years. I had her when I was in college. She is the best decision I have ever made.
I grew up with "respect your elders" and "your elders are always right". Completely screwed up my life. I mean, because of my mother and her aunts and their pathetically warped views of the world, I was a 18 year-old high school graduate thinking her life was over. It's also what got me to marry because I didn't think I would meet anyone else. Seriously. The only thing I can do now is move forward. Painfully, slowly move forward.
I regret being a married man's mistress. Hurt his family, ruined my life, and the only one who paid for (and still is, likely will until I manage to move out of this small town) was myself. Never, ever again.
Definitely go to college.
ReplyDeletei regret growing up so fast. i couldnt wait to be an adult. i dressed too mature for my age and hung out with the wrong crowd.
ReplyDeletenow at 24 all i want is to do it over again and hold on to being a kid....
I don't believe in regret.
ReplyDeleteIt all happens for a reason, even if you are embarrased to hell every time you think of it, or saddened by it.
I would have majored in psychology and earned a PhD. Instead, I switched majors a lot (graduated with a PoliSci degree) and am now a consultant at a software company. I like what I do, but I would have been a better therapist than consultant.
ReplyDeleteYup, going to college.
ReplyDeleteAnd keeping my big mouth shut at 'that' audition; I sabotaged it, didn't get it, and now see it as 'the one that got away.'
@ NotSoAnonMom - I could not agree more. Well said.
ReplyDeleteI regret letting my first husband force me into joint custody when we divorced and then letting my second husband convince me to split my 2 children up and move to another town. I no longer allow men to treat me that way but there is not a day go by that I don't feel regret for the way it has affected my son and daughter as well as me. I can remember returning my son to his dad at the end of my weekends and my daughter and me crying all the way back home. I remember the day I packed his room away and I couldn't stop crying. I knew better and I didn't follow my mother heart. That will never happen again and I will spend the remainder of my life making up for those poor decisions.
ReplyDeleteI regret going to college instead of hairdressing school. Its what I always wanted to do, but my dad was a prof at a local university and my tuition was free. And how ironic that I have two little girls who HATE I mean HATE to have their hair played with!
ReplyDeleteI would have listened to my gut and not married the guy I am now divorcing. 11 years down the drain, along with my hopes and dreams of ever having a family. My own damn fault, really. Trying my hardest not to be bitter though...
ReplyDeleteI regret being so obsessed with my weight and appearance that I set that example for my daughters, who are now weird about it, weird about food, weird about how they look. After all of that obsessing, I got sick and I got fat anyway!
ReplyDeleteI agree with NotSoAnonMom. When you get older you'll see that regret has no purpose. Don't worry about the future. Don't regret the past. Be happy in the moment. That's all there really is.
ReplyDeletenot participating in a study abroad program in college. should have also majored in a foreign language instead.
ReplyDeleteOVERALL not listening to my intuitions or inner voice when i was in my 20s. especially early 20s.
My youngest sister committed suicide 5 years ago. Not only would I be better sister I would also look for the warning signs. I feel I was so wrapped up in my own relationship and things in my life that I didn't take the time to notice she was in turmoil.
ReplyDeleteI also regret not following my gut instinct which ended up with me being married (although I would not give up the two kids for anything.) I also regret that, having lived in a homophobic household, I did not figure out I was gay until my 40's.
ReplyDeleteI also do not believe in regret. No matter how upset or embaraased I get about something, I think about all the things I wouldn't have, or seen, or accomplished. My life is such a mixture of every choice I have made.
ReplyDeleteI have a happy soul.
I regret going to law school, but even more than that I regret going to law school at the school I chose. I am not in a mortgage worth of debt and there are no jobs despite passing the bar.
ReplyDelete“My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I had the chance.”
ReplyDelete-Denis Leary
no regrets for me, but i enjoy his :p
I wish I would have exercised every day and made it a habit. It is a struggle now and so is my weight.
ReplyDeleteI agree with NotSoAnonMom. Sometimes there are things I wish could have been different but ultimately everything that has ever happened, or not happened, has all led me down the path to where I am today.
ReplyDeleteI "regret" staying in an abusive relationship with my first hustband as long as I did. I regret that I believed him everytime I tried to leave and he convinced me that no one wanted me (even my own family). I am thankful that I did get out.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with NotSoAnonMom & Quintessential Southerner - that experience has left me with a louder voice.
I regret taking Chemo. I wish I could go back and tell them, no thanks, I'm going to live just fine without it. Which I have for more then 16 yrs. BUT, now I suffer debilitating medical issues because I took the chemo.
ReplyDeletei don't believe in regret either but i see nothing wrong with looking back and reflecting on choices you made. maybe considering how things may have been different if you'd made different ones.
ReplyDeleteso with that, i wish i'd chosen not to have sex so young---15. it was a terrible experience and had a negative effect on my self-esteem that lasted for many years.
but hey, i was 15 and he said he wouldn't call me again if i didn't....
I regret 3 things in life:
ReplyDelete1) never learning how to play an instrument well (I took piano lessons for 3 years but hated it)
2) not learning a foreign language (took 2 years of Spanish and gave up after that)
3) not getting my masters in library science (got a useless masters in interdisciplinary studies instead)
These aren't huge, life-changing things, but had I followed through with them, I think I'd be more well-rounded (and have a real career).
I regret playing around too long and only now settling down with the man I have always loved and it is too late to have a family together.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had never done drugs. Especially the nose candy. Don't use anymore, but it engulfed half my life.
ReplyDeletei regret not going to college full time after graduating high school... however, i'm 31 and will be graduating next month. it's all about perseverance!
ReplyDeleteI regret not finishing college and getting my degree. I did go to college, but left to go experience life - lived in several different states and countries and don't regret a bit of that. But really truly wish I had just finished college!
ReplyDeleteI regret not knowing how to be a parent at 17 but went ahead with it anyways. 16 years later I have an out of control, disrespectful, full of hate child. I don't regret my child just that I was a child myself and made a lot of bad choices on her behalf resulting in where we are today.
ReplyDeleteI have no regrets because everything in life has made me who I am and (hopefully) taught me something.
ReplyDeleteYou've done what you've done, so own it and, most importantly, learn from it.
Getting herpes
ReplyDeleteI regret telling my now ex-husband about our son..I should have just moved to the other side of the country and started over. He is an abusive man who has only harmed my son emotionally...sometimes children are better off with their immature selfish fathers.
ReplyDeleteI regret going to law school. I hate being a lawyer, but I'm stuck b/c of the outrageous student loans I took out to pay for it. Stupid, stupid me.
ReplyDeleteI tend not to regret the big stuff, even if some of my bigger and bolder decisions have brought with them suffering and struggle, they have made me who I am.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do tend to regret is the smaller stuff - for instance getting drunk in my favorite local bar and making out with the barman two nights ago. All in all, not a very wise decision, and I will now have to avoid said favorite local bar for a little while before I feel comfortable living it down. I should have at least considered going one neighbourhood over....
Not telling my nephew I love him that last time.
ReplyDeleteletting my heart lead the way instead of a sound mind with past relationships at 41 I'm still getting played by men I seem to beleive that's why I was single and celibate for 9 years ...
ReplyDeleteright now i'm regretting the current boyfriend. my situation isn't ideal, i'm still married, but separated. i really like this guy, but i think i'm too invested and he's not. he's really hot and cold.
ReplyDeletei kinda regret getting married in the first place, too. i'm just all around miserable.
I wish I would have saved myself for my husband. I love him with all my heart.
ReplyDeleteI encourage abstinence when I talk with my daughters, and this regret is the reason why. I hope to save them from feeling this way too. In fact, at the age I am now (37), very few people I talk to are glad that they had "all the experiences" and usually carry this regret too.
@Anonymous 12:35...I have my MLS and after working in three special libraries and four "information" type jobs I can only say that I can't wait to get the hell out of this profession.
ReplyDeleteI regret getting into a 5 figure debt. I couldnt tell you anything that I bought that was a necessity. Now I suffer financially but at least am paying it all off which I am proud of. Live and learn, I suppose. And I can promise it wont happen again :)
ReplyDeleteI regret marrying my first husband. There were warning bells which I should have listen to, but was too naive to listen. The man I am now married to wish we would have met when I was younger but things happen for a reason so I guess that's why we met at a late age. He is the greatest guy.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm just in a really good mood today, but I can't really think of anything big I regret...Pretty happy with everything. There is always the minor embarassing stuff to think about that makes you cringe, but nothing big.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could go back and tell him I still loved him that afternoon when my heart told me that I had to tell him. Instead I went home and cried and decided I'd tell him the next day.
ReplyDeleteI never had a chance. He started throwing up that night and by the next afternoon was in the hospital in a coma. Would telling him have prevented a brain tumor from killing him? No, but he would have known, and I wouldn't have spent all those years beating myself up about it.
Besides that, I don't regret anything. I can't, because it all made me who I am.
RIP- SMS
I too regret marrying my husband, mostly out of family pressure on his side.
ReplyDeleteHe ran off to be a rockstar. I don't regret the divorce.
getting married.
ReplyDeleteLike a lot of people here, I don't have a lot of regrets. Every dumb decision or choice I've made has led me to my present, which is pretty damn fantastic.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I do regret not seeing a friend of mine before he passed away. He died in his sleep unexpectedly and I always regret not being able to hug him and tell him how much I cared about him one last time.
not coming out of the closet earlier, thus denying the obvious to my family time and time again. it only made it that much harder when i finally got the courage to tell them. after they worked through the news, they just got all angry about how i lied to them for years. i just wasn't ready to fight the fight.
ReplyDeleteI regret not realizing I am in control of my life when I was younger. Ever since I got that one piece of the puzzle, I've been on the right track.
ReplyDeleteI regret letting myself be pressured by my mother in to marrying my husband.
ReplyDeleteI regret not getting more education. I got a full scholarship to our state university but passed on it because I wasn't gutsy enough to tell my mother I wanted to go, and not brave enough to just do it. I wanted to go into nursing, she thought it was dirty work and that I would be better off with an office job.
ReplyDeleteI also regret marrying my husband, I knew before the wedding it wasn't right but I had already had sex with him and thought no other man would want me because I wasn't a virgin any more (this was 1962). Since the divorce I have not found one man who objected to my non-virginity.
Most things in my life, though, I only regret not doing them sooner or bigger or louder.
Racking up so much student loan debt (thanks, MLS!) that I can't afford to change careers.
ReplyDeleteNot trying harder in my last serious relationship. To this day I think she was "the one" and I let it go.
ReplyDeleteLet's see, I don't really do the regret thing for the most part, but I have been feeling lately that I wish I would have concentrated on one thing (music, art, sewing, etc...) to do exceptionally well, instead of doing all of these things moderately well. I am an artist by trade and i'm good, but I wish I was really, really good.
ReplyDeleteAlso not a regret, I wish I never had to have cancer.
My behaviour and refusal to compromise in my last relationship. It drove my boyfriend of 4 years away and though I'm young and may meet someone else one day something inside tells me that I lost what may have been the love of my life. I would give anything for a second chance that's never gonna happen.
ReplyDeleteputting on weight, I am not even overweight. But I wish I was skinny like before.
ReplyDeleteI also tend not to regret things. I did all the stuff you are not supposed to - lost my virginity early, hooked up with tons of guys, but today, I am happy, with a great career and a great man that I just absolutely adore.
ReplyDeleteThe things I do regret are small - getting too drunk at some party, with not working out regurarly enough, stuff like that. But none of the big stuff. They made me who I am today.
regret not keeping in regular contact with my mom when she was alive.
ReplyDeleteThe ex love of my life regrets letting me go. I gave my everything. There is nothing for me to regret, but I still hate that he didn't try hard. It is too late.
ReplyDeleteIt's nothing but a small regret. I've always been a beach girl, growing up on Galveston Island. I identify with the surf and beach culture. I should have gone to California when I was 19 and experienced it as a beautiful young thing. Even if only for a vacation. I've been about 5 times now, and I must say, I can see my regret that I didn't do it sooner. I probably would have had a very different life than the hick life I have now living in Houston.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm very happy with the way everything worked out. I love my husband and son.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI did not have kids in my 20's. Why? I had a hysterectomy smack dab on my 30th birthday. Sad. I later had to hire a surrogatea woman and pay her $80,000 to carry my child, but what the hell. He's here now.
ReplyDeleteI don't regret I just learn but I wish that my undergraduate grades were better and I would have done an internship.
ReplyDeleteI hate it that in high school I slept with the brother of my first love when he went away to college.
ReplyDeleteI recently found him online - his wife is SO homely and they just had their first kid.
I don't believe in regret either, but damn it - I would definitely play that scenario a bit differently
I regret not having sex with some of the men I turned down years ago.
ReplyDeleteTwo things come to me immediately.
ReplyDeleteI was a pretty good mother, but I could have been better, especially with my first child.
I should have watched my weight more carefully when I stopped smoking 25 years ago instead of letting it get away from me. Then maybe I wouldn't have such creaky knees and sore feet.
Being too proud/stubborn to ask for help when I really needed it.
ReplyDeleteI regret not cutting ties with my extremely toxic and abusive family many years before I actually did it. Not worth the many years of pain and suffering they inflicted on me (and told me it was all my fault; it wasn't). I broke off all contact with them about 8 years ago and life has been much more peaceful, pleasant, and healthy ever since.
ReplyDeleteI also regret letting go of a wonderful guy I should have hung onto. I was too immature and self-centered to see it at the time, and really regret my actions now.
I regret not reporting that a family member molested. I just got my life back about 3 years ago. I spent 20 years self-medicating with food and men.
ReplyDeleteI regret not getting a dog sooner. The selfless companionship he provides is incredible.
I must admit that I'm fascinated that most of you regret getting married and not going to college. Why is marriage so idealized in society?
kimberly, i so agree with your last paragraph. one should only get married when it is their time.
ReplyDeleteI regret falling for the 'wrong' brother, and getting pregnant at 18 by a very, very abusive young man... But I don't regret the beautiful baby boy that resulted...
ReplyDeleteI don't regret leaving that abusive man, but I do regret leaving him for another abusive man, which resulted in my son's death.
I wish I could go back, and tell my young self that I don't need a 'man' to survive, and do it all by myself, 'cause I could have.
I would never have gotten an artificial disc, would have just gotten the fusion. Would have saved myself a four year nightmare, three revision surgeries, a metal reaction and the crippling pain I'm left with at age 33. Even better...I never would have lifted that grocery bin at work that injured my disc in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had stopped working when my son was born. I would give anything to turn back the clock on that one.
ReplyDeleteI deeply regret putting my daughter up for adoption, I was 19 & her father beat me so badly, that he almost beat me to death. I loved my child & the only way I could keep her safe, was to get her far away from me, his first victim, never would I let him make her his next victim. I miss her every day, even though it's been almost 24 yrs. I pray always that she's grown up happy & loved. I know I saved her life,oh, but what cost to my soul.
ReplyDeleteI regret not counting my blessings more every day because some people in here have suffered a lot, and I'm awed by their courage and resilience.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say that I regret not taking more chances in my 20s, not living life to the fullest while I was single and unencumbered, and not sleeping with the very hot Greek guy I dated right after I broke up with my boyfriend - he (the Greek) was far more sophisticated than me and scared the crap out of me. I should've gone for it.
But that's so fucking shallow compared to what some of ya'll have had to overcome.
Buying our house
ReplyDeleteI most regret that I was a thoughtless, insufferable brat when I was a teenager. My grandmother who helped raised me and loved me like her own died of cancer when I was 17 and will never know that I actually turned out to be someone who is considerate, grateful for what she has, and understands that there are consequences for her actions, as well as someone who finally did something with all that "potential". I wish I had spent more time learning from the incredible, strong woman I had in my life and less time thinking that I knew everything.
ReplyDeleteAnd Anonymous 3:52 - your daughter was very lucky to be born to someone of your courage and love and selflessness. One of my best friends adopted a baby whose teen mom was struggling in a very bad environment. My friend is a wonderful mom and her daughter is a happy, healthy little girl. I pray the same thing happened to your daughter.
ReplyDeleteLAW SCHOOL!
ReplyDeleteI graduated law school at 30.
ReplyDeleteI wish I applied right after undergrad, but I wanted to make money working on Wall Street.
Hi. I regret not standing up for myself against bullies, people who teased me or used me for their benefit. I regret not meeting new people in high school and not being in the group I was in. I am still conflicted on whether I regret not going to college or not. I couldv'e, my parents had the money for me, but I don't like studying(because I have terrible memory), homework, tests. I have a cognitive learning disorder, which makes it harder for me to understand somethings. I regret my mom never leaving my dad when I was a kid (she hasn't left him yet- he has an eating disorder and is verbally and emotionally abusive to us). I regret physically and verbally abusing my sister( who I have always and will always love). I also regret not taking control of my bowl system and eating healthy in high school. I believe that I could be happier and healthier looking, if i'd only knew then what I know now. Have a nice day.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 3:52 - I am around the same age as you. I was adopted as an infant into a wonderful loving family. Every day I thank God for the life my mother gave me. I love her even though I have never met her. Even more so after having my own children. Know that you are loved too.
ReplyDeleteVery few regrets...
ReplyDeleteMaybe...dumping a few close friends cold. But now trying to mend those fences.
Being flippant about money...OY.
not saying goodbye to you SMO before you left this earth. i think you often and want to hear you make really hilarious inappropriate comments in public places again among so much else...we'll laugh together in heaven one day i hope
ReplyDeleteNot MAKING my mother get a second opinion.
ReplyDeleteWhen Mom was a little girl doctors cured her of polio. She thought doctors were the nearest thing to God on Earth. Unfortunately she came across an arrogant bastard with a god complex and she would not listen to us and go to another doctor when he had a "little accident" during her cancer surgery.
After she died the SOB pronounced her dead and told us. "It was for the best."
I will regret all my life not guilting her into going to another doctor.
I regret not pressing charges. I regret that I was told " you come from such a good family and would you really want to embarrass your family going through a trial and everything? You do not want people to look at you and point now do you sweetie?". I regret that my parents took hush money from them. I regret that I was so hard to trust people in jr/sr high. Because I thought that guys only wanted one thing.
ReplyDeleteI do not regret having pure and utter joy knowing that he is in prison and being passed around like a frisbee at a beach. I do not regret meeting my husband after getting out of an abusive relationship and having the wonderful life I have now. I do not regret having dessert first and getting the main course to go. I do not regret having the courage to never speak to certain family members.
I regret not going away to college. My parents and uncle were going to pay for it, which is really unheard of because I come from a family of 8 children. I didn't go. I wanted to stay near my friends and go to college in town. I ended up dropping out because I hated the program I was in an I am not even friends with those people anymore!
ReplyDeleteIt seems I always have to do things the hard way. And I mean hard way. I regret that. I don't like myself very much and I regret that, too.
I regret not telling my mom I loved her when she was dying. I have never made that mistake again and now tell everyone how I feel.
ReplyDeleteI regret that my best friend's wife had a problem with me and I didn't see it. She made a fool out of me in front of a whole room of people and I cried for 2 days and still have a broken heart about it.
That's pretty much it. I am happy with my life overall, have 2 great children (24 and 21) and a wonderful husband that I have been married to for 25 years.
I regret all the years I spent drinking too much, and all the stupid problems and drama I created for myself along the way. I really regret the DUI I got, but it was the only thing that made me stop.
ReplyDeleteI regret not telling a friend just how busy I had become. It was my fault the friendship just tapered off. Hopefully, we can put our friendship back on track one day. I would also tell them that I think they are one of the greatest people on this planet and I miss them.
ReplyDeleteNo way I'm answering this one, by name OR anonymous, tonight...can't go there right now.
ReplyDeleteLove y'all, have a great evening!
I regret not having a brain/mind of mine own. Always wanting to "fit in" because I do not have siblings and felt like I needed "friends" or think what others think to be whole. I am working on it more and more each day to think on my own and make my own decisions.
ReplyDeleteI regret not going to the RIGHT University.
ReplyDeleteTo the women in the library science field, one wants an MLS and one has an MLS, I too have worked in that field for about 6 years, and can't wait to change careers.
It's not worth the MLS.
I regret leaving NYC at 25 when I could not find a job and came back to my hometown. I was so happy then. I regret getting married, biggest mistake of my life. I endured years of an unhappy and emotionally abusive marriage, wasted the best years of my life. Now at 49, my life is a mess, living in an area I hate, divorced, no job (area I live in has high unemployment and I have been through three consecutive lay offs) but am stuck because I had a child with said horrible marriage and have joint custody. Though I am living in hell I can not leave my child.
ReplyDeleteTo the women who divorced members of their family I commend you and wish I had the courage to divorce my emotionally and verbally abusive family.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful I've never experienced physical abuse but can certainly understand how victims go back to their abuser. At least if it's physical you have the threat of death, when it's emotional or verbal it's a lot harder to see the damage.
I regret that I've become such a loner in life. I spent 14 years of my adult life working for my father, who I love dearly, but who underminded my self-confidence in so many ways. I never felt like what I did was good enough and he was so critical of every decision I made. I was a good manager, I know I was... but after we sold the business I became so scared to make any kind of decisions. And that transferred over into my personal life. I lost track of my friends... I only dated in long-distance relationships that never worked out. I am so self-conscious of my looks, I've put on 80 lbs and am so embarrassed about it - I'm so terrified to apply for any kind of a job because I'm afraid to fail - afraid I won't be able to measure up. I haven't dated in over 10 years because I don't feel attractive to anyone. And I'm so incredibly lonely. I'm a college educated, adult woman, who owns her own home but yet I'm basically working for minimum wage with an online job, so I never have to leave the house, and living day to day because I'm too afraid of getting out into the world. I deeply regret that I let myself get to this point, because when I look at the future I just see nothing. It's just a big fat blank wall. And the prospect of dying alone someday (No, I'm not suicidal) because I have no one in my life is my biggest regret of all.
ReplyDeleteI regret that I didn't move to NY when I left college, as I'd originally planned. Things have turned out well, but that would have been an interesting adventure.
ReplyDeleteNot protecting the one person I should have protected with my life. I find myself in another situation 20 years later where the same people are pushing me to do something almost as life-shaking as that regret 20 years ago. They are going to get an earful when the matter comes up in a few weeks at Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteI would be much more less independent and do more things with my husband who I found out had cheated on me. We have 3 beautiful children together, a beautiful home and he just walked out on us 2 weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteI am reliving my live with him everyday and trying to see where it has gone wrong; what I could have done differently.
In the name of efficiency, we had given ourselves "department" that each of us would be in charge of - He for landscaping, and anything with an engine/electrical in it and I for furniture and anything to do with the kids.
Somehow, in this process, he must have slipped away from me. He was away a lot and it was hard on me but I didnt complain because I thought he was sacrifying for us - working hard and doing all that traveling alone to make money for us.
After discovering his cheating, and found out that he was not alone in his travel - for at least the last 1 or 2 years - I came to a realization that I was the only person in the marriage; he had disengaged from us a long long time ago; I just didnt see it.
Next year would be our 25th anniversary and our youngest would be in college - our plan all along was for me to travel with him after next year.
So what I would change is to be less dependent. It is a very hard thing for me to say because I value my independence but in this case I think it may have contribute to the inpending break up of my marriage. (BTW - I am not a bimbo or a victim- I have a degree in Engineer and made more money than him - until he traveled so much that I had to stay home with our 3 kids.)
I couldn't even tell my daugher about this yet; She is away in college. I couldnt even tell anyone in my family yet. I havent tell any of my/our friends yet. I saw him about a week ago and I dont know/recognize who he is anymore.
Thank you Enty for giving me a forum to share.
well, now i regret reading all these bleeding heart, whiny regrets from other people
ReplyDeletebe thankful you're in the universe right now and stop regretting the past...dumbasses
Anon 8:39: STFU.
ReplyDeleteI have thought long and hard about how I want to answer this.....
Of course I wish I would've tried harder in school, got a different degree,made more money....
But you know what?
I don't "regret" one single thing in my life, because I would not be who I am now, I would not have what I have now, and I would not have the knowledge to pass along to my wonderful children had I not did *exactly* what I have done.
Anonymous @ 7:33, I feel like you and I are alike in sooooooooo many ways it's scary!!!
ReplyDeleteI grew up with a brother who abused me mentally and sexually.
Abusing me mentally, he called me ugly, stupid, worthless, POS, etc. and I believed him. I regret that I never stood up to him or all the other people later on in my life that I let treat me so poorly because I thought I deserved to be treated that way.
I regret not telling someone that he was sexually abusing me much sooner. After he stopped, I still had to live with him. I was 14 at the time and it was like I was 5 all over again. My parents basically babysat me to make sure I would never be alone with him. I wish I would have said, "Either he goes or I do!" It felt like I was being punished for telling on him.
I regret pushing people away and only having one good friend now. I'm so lonely sometimes that it hurts.
I regret not appreciating what I have. I've had a lot of bad in my life but I've also had a lot of good too.
I don't regret a damn thing and won't waste my time feeling regretful. I could look at negative crap, but what's the point when there's more positive crap?
ReplyDeleteAs a Mom I'm always guilty about not being a good enough Mom, but hell, that goes with the territory and everybody turned great, so I must have done something right.
I regret lots of things but I wouldnt change many of them they got me where I am today.
ReplyDeleteBut if I could do it again I wouldnt take the job I have now, I have to return in two months after maternity leave and I have something aproaching a panic attack every time I think about going back. I would hand my notice in but I havent got another job to go to, my boss cant stand me and has a history of giving really bad refrences even to excelent practitioners and I have to return for 3 months or pay my maternity pay back. Also Im stuck there because of the above average pay and generous pension plan and sick pay. Bastards.
So Im going to finish the degree I started before I got pregnant then tell them to shove it up thier arse.
@ 8:39pm .... AKA Ror.
ReplyDeleteRor, you of all people should have regrets since you MURDERED a man.
This comment, among others, goes to (repeatedly) prove that you do not have a conscience.
I regret being born.
ReplyDeleteMy mother wanted to mend that marriage, and she thougth that with having kids the hubby would grow up and become a man. It didn't happen when my elder brother was born - but then she didn't want to have an only child. Thus I was born.
I regret having feelings and memory.
If I hadn't, I wouldn't be suffering now from memories of incest from my father, of bullying from kids my age, of emotional abuse from my husband.
I regret being emphathetic.
If I weren't, I would not suffer from all around anguish when I see or hear about abuse, suffering and wars. I would not have done my best to protect my mother. And I would kill myself off and be done with life without any concern for how it would affect my kids.
I don't regret my kids being born.
But I regret giving them a shitty father. And I regret being such a wreck of a mother. They deserve better than me.
Getting married so young.
ReplyDeleteI regret going to college. I am now about to owe more than 100k for two bachelor's degrees and don't even have a job with it. I am perfectly happy with my promotion I just got...in retail. I actually love my job but it doesn't matter because now 100% of my pay is going to paying back my student loans.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing, I wish I hadn't let myself get fat because I used to be GORGEOUS.
Anonymous @ 2:07 PM
ReplyDeleteI regret not being one of the men you turned down years ago, and then running into you today..
I am A 3:52, & first Enty thanks for being here & doing what you do, to entertain, inform, and help. You are awesome. thank you Kinsey, for your kind words, they really uplifted me & gave me solace. Thank you also to A, who shared the story of her adoption & life, with me, to tell me I was loved, how beautiful & kind of you to share that, bless you A, Enty, & Kinsey, I will keep your words in my heart, to bring me comfort, in the days ahead, for 12/14 is my daughters birthday, it's the day I cried, held her, & said good bye.
ReplyDeleteMany not so good things have happened to me in my life, but I don't regret most of them now, because after reading all of your comments, I know that these things have or will make me a stronger person. Many of you have had much worse things happen to you in your lives and I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI currently regret one thing: wanting to get out of my abusive marriage so fast that I didn't protect my financial rights - I took responsibility for all the marital debt instead of only the 50% I was responsible for by law and I agreed to pay my abusive ex alimony for a year so he wouldn't come after me for more and I could just get out. I'm facing bankruptcy because of this, not being able to live in the house for which I paid all the bills for until my ex finally agreed to leave just before our divorce and other stupid financial decisions I made.
However, this is a relatively small thing compared to what many of you have had to go through, and I know I will get through this, even though I've just been laid off and don't have another job yet.
I hope those of you who feel so lonely and bad now will get some help somehow, someway. I know I don't really know you, but I'm worried about you - no one should have to live life so unhappy. Even though I'm kind of messed up now, I wish I could help you or let you share my support system of family and friends - they are what has gotten me through many tough times and are helping me get through this current bumpy time too.
I would have my daughter removed from the classroom of a very inexperienced and apparently neurotic 2nd grade teacher much sooner than I did. It took years to repair the damage 5 months with one bad teacher did to a gifted child with undiagnosed ADHD. :(
ReplyDeleteTo everyone who regrets not having gone to school for something, it's never too late to go back to school. This college drop-out went to beauty school at 33, and it was the best thing I ever did. And my great aunt got her high school diploma at 61 years old, after raising 5 children. Never too late.
ReplyDeleteNot telling my parents that my runaway sister was staying at my place, and instead of letting her return on Monday as we had planned, talking her out of going to California and then calling the parents.
ReplyDeleteInstead, I stayed quiet and allowed her to stay, and she ended up being accidentally shot (not by me incidentally) and killed the day before (Sunday) she was going to go home to face the parents.
That one event shaped my life like no other.
Oh, I'm past the anonymous feature time. So I'll keep that one to myself.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I regret most, though, is beating myself up over all the times I've done/said something stupid or inappropriate. Things that the other people who were involved probably don't remember or have forgiven me for years ago. All it takes is hearing something random and I don't just remember one thing, I remember so many - like it becomes a giant wave big enough to surf. I hate feeling that way.
I believe that whatever we have now was meant to be, regardless of what path we might have taken. There are certain lessons in life we need to learn - would it matter if it were done in a different house with different spouses and different jobs? The effect would be the same.
sorry I clicked too soon. Meant to add, it's what we do now that makes the difference.
ReplyDeleteI wish I would have been more committed, I have had excellent jobs but never stayed at one more than a year, I've done some incredible work, yet have not saved enough for retirement or to buy a house. I regret not telling my parents how much I loved them before they died. I regret my siblings and I going our separate ways and having no contact but it is for the best as they are emotionally abusive as I am a half-sibling and they never let me forget it.
ReplyDeleteI regret not knowing the people who post on this site. You are incredible individuals, who add a significant amount of colour to my life. I love it when Enty allows/encourages us to vent to muse, to wonder what if? I often wonder what would have happened if I would have married the boy from school, but then I would not have this life, I wonder what would have happened if I would have learned to love myself years ago, but then I wouldn't have had the wonder and delight of emerging hope and peace in my later years. The only regret I have is not being more adventurous..not having the courage to just go and see the world. Maybe later..
ReplyDeleteMy first time commenting non anonymously.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest regret is encouraging a dear friend to go to the police to report a rape. That seems outrageous, right? My regret is due to the fact that the man's defense lawyer raked my friend over the coals when she was in the witness stand. He blamed her for the rape, asking her about her sexual history and blaming her promiscuity for "wanting it." This happened in the early 1990s. His bullsh** convinced the jury to declare the POS not guilty.
Another thing I regret is ending a relationship with a man in 1998 because my mother thought he was not right for me. Last year, he spent almost a year looking for me. He tracked me down, and have been seeing each other secretly for over a year. I haven't said anything to my mother for fear of jinxing my new good fortune of having him in my life again; besides, it's really none of her business. It was making my personal life her business that caused me to end the relationship in the first place.
I regret having an abortion in 2003, when I was 33 yrs old. I am pro choice; I just wish I had more children. I absolutely do not regret my one daughter, aged 18 years. I had her when I was in college. She is the best decision I have ever made.
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ReplyDeleteI grew up with "respect your elders" and "your elders are always right". Completely screwed up my life. I mean, because of my mother and her aunts and their pathetically warped views of the world, I was a 18 year-old high school graduate thinking her life was over. It's also what got me to marry because I didn't think I would meet anyone else. Seriously. The only thing I can do now is move forward. Painfully, slowly move forward.
ReplyDeleteI regret being a married man's mistress. Hurt his family, ruined my life, and the only one who paid for (and still is, likely will until I manage to move out of this small town) was myself.
ReplyDeleteNever, ever again.