"We Are Going To Have To Saw Your Penis."

The headline is not really what a man wants to hear from a doctor. Hell, I don't want to hear it from anyone or dream it or think about it. It pains me to even write about this, but it was a choice between this or the woman who managed to get pregnant twice at the same time and so I went with this primarily to manage my fears and to overcome. Deep breath. Of course if you prefer to talk about the woman who is pregnant with two babies not conceived at the same time, then click here.

To show you what idiots guys are, the subject of this story decided he wanted to add a little length to his member. This by the way is not from some foreign country but right in the OC. Orange County California. Mr. Idiot decided the best way to accomplish that was to place his penis in one of those things that holds free weights to a bar. You know the thing that screws on the bar so the weights don't go crashing to the floor. He inserted his penis and then began to tighten the screw. He then began to increase in size alright. There was no blood flow so it started to swell. It swelled to such an extent that the screw could not be unfastened.

So, he went to the hospital. I'm not sure if he called 911 or not, but there is NO way I would ever call them for that. Those calls are recorded and you just know it would end up on the internet in a day or two.

Mr. Idiot - I need an ambulance
911 - What's the emergency?
Mr. Idiot - My dick got caught in a screw clamp.
911 - Trying to make it bigger?
Mr. Idiot - Yes

So, when he got to the hospital, doctors determined the only way they were going to be able to remove the clamp was by sawing it off. Yep. Sawing with a power tool on your penis. The power tool they chose was the type of saw used to remove people from trapped cars.

"Squad members cut through the inch-thick ring -- producing sparks that flew across the room -- during a two-hour process. They also slid a little piece of metal between the collar and his thing, so if it slipped past it wouldn’t hit his thing."

Thanks to the skill of the doctors and the rescue squad, Mr. Idiot managed to not lose his penis.

(Thanks Rebecca)