Over the past 24 hours I have read some of the most ridiculous ideas for movies that despite my incredulity and I am sure yours appear to be on track to get made. Here is a sample of the foolishness that Hollywood has in store for us.
The Hollywood Reporter reports that DreamWorks is in negotiations with Mattel to buy the movie rights to the View-Master toy. You remember the toy don't you? Little round circles with negatives of pictures in the holes which you would watch through your own personal view finder. Click the lever and it advances to the next picture. That sounds like a real winner doesn't it? The plan right now calls for some kind of "Transformers" magic to be done to the toy. I guess that is the buzzword right now. Say something is Transformers like and get a greenlight for a movie that will lose a ton. I think this trend will immediately cease when GI Joe hits theatres. This movie is going to be one of the most truly awful pieces of crap that has ever hit the big screen. You thought Speed Racer was a bomb. That stink you are smelling is GI Joe coming to a theatre near you.
Did you enjoy the television show TJ Hooker? Well, you probably did if you enjoyed seeing William Shatner with dyed hair and stuffing himself into a policeman's uniform. Oh, or if you were a big fan of Adrian Zmed. Adrian who? Exactly. Now granted Heather Locklear was on the show as well and her Academy Award level acting skill just brought it all together seamlessly. Well, they are going to make a TJ Hooker movie now. It is scheduled to be a comedy and my first reaction was it must be less expensive to just make a Police Academy sequel or something and save the embarrassment of William Shatner wanting to have a cameo. Besides Steve Guttenberg needs the work and that voices guy is doing GEICO commercials.
Another horrible television show that is making its way to the movies is Baywatch. Because we all know that what the world really needs is an extended version of that show. I'm sure Pamela needs the work and that The Hoff will contribute the soundtrack to the album, but honestly I would rather watch what they do to the View-Master toy than watch 80 minutes of this trash. And that by the way would probably be 80 minutes including about 8 minutes for opening and closing credits.
We never did get an official reveal for the tj hooker blind.
ReplyDeleteI can't see todays kids finding any enjoyment in a viewmaster. It was entertainment only when I lost tv privileges.
What TJ Hooker BI?!!
ReplyDeleteDid I miss something?
Ah, to see those man boobs fopping up and down in slow motion.
ReplyDeleteMontana- some actor was a frequent client of a Tijuana hooker (hence the tj hooker) and she got knocked up.0
ReplyDeletehey i bought a vintage view master from the 50's at a flea market a few weeks ago. it came with cool slides of Europe in the 50's and the queens coronation.
ReplyDeleteTinker Toys! Don't forget the You Sunk my Battleship movie!
They gave Pauly Shore more than one movie, even one was too many so nothing they do surprises me.
ReplyDeleteToo bad there's no such thing as an original thought (or plot line) any more.
ReplyDeleteWho's Adrian Zmed?!? Why, he only appeared in one of the finest movies along with Michelle Pfeiffer singing "Cool Rider" - Grease 2!!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget---he was also in that classic "Bachelor Party".
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting on the Kerplunk movie.
ReplyDeletethey could make a great movie if they mixed baywatch with battleship...
ReplyDeleteI think the studios pick what movies they will do with their magic 8 ball.
ReplyDeleteMr Yutz, studio exec: "Oh Magic 8 Ball, Will Hungry Hungry Hippos be box office gold?"
Shake shake shake Magic 8 reads "reply hazy try again later."
Yutz: " Shit!" Presses intercom for secretary. " Tell Bruckheimer we're a go on-- TOYWARS Shrinky Dinks vs Colorforms."
Oh but Enty, I did love Adrian Zmed. I watched Grease 2 over and over as a little girl. Guess I was weird, cause I also liked Shanana and the whole Greaser look.
ReplyDeletemaybe the viewmaster will be like the wardrobe in lion,witch wardrobe. or take you to other worlds like Charlie Bone books.
ReplyDeleteOr itcould be a complete waste of millions of dollars by a big corporation.
The 'voices' guy died almost a year ago. Don LaFontaine.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/03/arts/television/03lafontaine.html
Sadly, all the 'free credit report' guys are yet healthier than I'd like.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget that Zmed replaced Denny Terrio as host/principal dancer on "Dance Fever," the syndicated death knell of disco.
If they do a Baywatch movie as seen thru a Viewfinder, I'm there.
ReplyDeleteIt's unfortunate that View Master is viewed as something "boring", because I can remember being enthralled by it as a kid. It was even more exciting when I would use my mom's old View Master and see the slides that her family bought when she was a preteen, including some amazing ones of the Sequoia National Forest. Kids these days are so overstimulated that they can't see the potential that View Master has.
ReplyDeleteAs for TJ Hooker, my bf is a huge fan of the Shat so I cannot say a negative thing about him/his oeuvre. But it was a bit on the cheesy side.... Granted, we don't know which contemporary TV hits are going to be viewed as "cheesy" 20 years later, and a lot of the shows that garner huge ratings might age a lot worse than TJ Hooker. Still, either of these arguments does not comprise a willingness to vouch for movie projects for these two ideas, though the TJ Hooker one might excite my partner if it features Shatner in any significant capacity.