Dear Richard,
Are you trying to kill me? I know I have had harsh words for you and your airline, but I never thought you would make an attempt at my life. Well, except for the food poisoning I know I will get the next time I am forced to eat one of the meals your airline pretends are edible.
It is the middle of summer over here and for some reason I found myself in Phoenix last week. Well, with the temperature never dropping beneath 100, I decided to try and head to more northern climes. Having never been to Indianapolis, I thought that might be a pleasant place to stay a few days. I do so enjoy auto racing. I think that is one of the few things we have in common. Little did I know that you must have been following my every move and had hatched a secret plan.
I flew on an airline called Southwest. Although the flight was crowded, the crew could not have been more friendly. The flight was without incident and soon we began to descend. My seatmate excused himself to retrieve something from the overhead compartment before landing. I graciously got up and stood by while he removed one of his pieces of hand luggage. As he did so, something dropped to the ground and ran up his leg. At the moment, the man brushed his leg and a scorpion stung him. Was that scorpion meant for me Richard? As the man dropped down to one knee his son moved from his seat out to the aisle and tried to get the bag down for his father. At that point five baby scorpions were spotted. Deadly? No, but they would have given me a bad sting if I had reached for my luggage first. I am on to you Richard. From now on I shall be on my guard.
WHAT!!!!! That is terrifying!
ReplyDelete"I've had it with these mother f-ing scorpions on this mother f-ing plane!"
ReplyDelete"I am on to you Richard"
ReplyDeletelol
jebus. i would've crapped my pants for sure!!
I'm sure they came from someone's luggage that they left sit in the garage.
ReplyDeleteThe worst scorpion stories are the ones about the people who are eating popcorn and get stung by a scorpion who crawled into the bowl.
PS I'm more disgusted by the story in the sidebar of the source about the condom in the french onion soup.
ReplyDeleteCreamy white topping indeed.
oh man, this is just to much funny for me! *wipes tear* i think i need a nap now =)
ReplyDeleteNo kidding. I am gagging from the pic DNfromMN.
ReplyDeleteomg omg omg
ReplyDeleteLOL@on to u
ReplyDeleteI hate scorpions. Got stung by a baby one he/she never saw daylight hehehe. I did have a reaction but it wasn't that bad.
Holy shit, I'd be so terrified.
ReplyDeleteDn - yes, I saw that story and was big time freaked out! AACK!
ReplyDeleteI'll take scorpions any day over five kids in the seats adjacent to mine and a 7-hour flight.
ReplyDeleteHuh?!?!
ReplyDeleteIsn't Scorpion venom deadly as in fatal?
I am on to you Richard. LOL!
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why I will never live anywhere near anywhere that has scorpions. Those little buggers scare me to death!
lol @ Babs' comment!
ReplyDeleteScorpion venom is not as deadly as we would be led to believe. Very very painful, yes, but generally "only" small children and the elderly are at risk of death after a sting. And baby scorpion venom is stronger than the adult kind - I think it's because it is more concentrated. I live in Phoenix : ) Our cat keeps the scorpions away, but I don't suppose Southwest will start supplying cats (or Samuel L Jackson) on flights to keep the problem under control.
ReplyDeleteHa ha Caroline - Scorps on a Plane!
ReplyDeletesomeone please help me!... what am i missing? who's richard? would it help me if i watched "snakes on a plane"?
ReplyDeleteichew - Here ya go.
ReplyDeleteEnt gets a kick out of writing letters to Richard Branson
Were I on that plane, I'd still be screaming.
ReplyDeleteHey, is this you, Enty?
ReplyDeleteHerbstsommer didn't want to panic passengers, so he quietly told a seat mate. "The gentleman sitting next to us said, 'Yup, I killed it with my foot, it's on the floor'," Herbstsommer said.
http://www.14wfie.com/Global/story.asp?S=10766404
I love love love these letters to Richard.
ReplyDeleteLove the dear Richard letters. BTW, I have been stung by a scorpion once when I was a child. It must have crawled in the bed in the cabin my family was staying in. I woke up in incredible pain. It is difficult to even explain how painful it was. I think there are some deadly scorpions in the world, but not all of them are. When in the Navy, I had to do an honor guard at a funeral for a man that we were told had died from a scorpion sting overseas.
ReplyDeleteLOOL, Babs!! Dayem!
ReplyDeleteFunny Richard letter -- have to share my real (gross-out) scorpion story. I live in the southwest U.S. and scorpions are known to nestle in shoes and clothes hanging in closets. One summer day I was putting on a t-shirt and an icky scorpion stung my armpit. Ouch.
ReplyDeleteI love the "DEAR RICHARD" letters.
ReplyDelete" I can tell you Richard it was not love at first sting."
We have tons of scorpions here in Oklahoma. I am always shakin' my shoes before I put them on. Never been stung, but supposedly they're not supposed to be worse than bee stings.
ReplyDeleteI'm bettin' the scorpions came from someone's luggage.
LOL at the Sam Jackson references.
I can only imagine the terror of watching a scorpion crawl up your pant leg...*shiver*
ReplyDeleteActually, it sounds like somebody was lain with babies, like Kelis, and it took the mama scorpion 65 hours to give bith to the babies, so she just laid up in the luggage for the return flight home. Hey, it happens, ask Kelis.
ReplyDeleteA DEAR RICHARD LETTER! enty, you're THE BEST. these are my favorite!
ReplyDeleteteehee @ richard invading sw airlines! (did you fit in one seat or two?)
One more reason I won't move from the NW.
ReplyDeleteSo, are you saying SW gave you food poisoning? From peanuts? Or did you mean Virgin Air?