Congratulations Mario Batali!! You Are Gwyneth Paltrow's Only Fat Friend

Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow is tired of Mario Batali being fat. The reason? Well if you believe the sources of the NY Post, it is because she doesn't have any other fat friends and so wants him to change. Yeah, I am actually pretty happy about this. Not the fact that she criticizes her friend for being fat, but for the fact that since I weigh significantly more than Mario, I am in no danger of ever attracting the friendship of Gwyneth. That really is a weight off my shoulders. Can you imagine if I ever said anything nice about her and then she decided she wanted to be my friend?

Now I don't ever have to worry about that possibility. It isn't something that is keeping me up at night, but it's good to know that you can't be Gwyneth's friend if you weigh more than 100 pounds. What kind of person picks their friends based on their weight? Oh, that's right. This is Gwyneth Paltrow we are discussing here. Ms. Superficial, and the person who thinks we are all idiots if we don't follow every piece of advice she gives us, because her life is perfect.

Whatever. At least I get to eat.