Judas Jack-Off is a stunningly beautiful star. Gorgeous hair, supple muscles, good pro résumé, too. He's also as hot as he is coy and conniving. But by comparison, let's just say J.J. makes our ever-shy, closeted movie idol Toothy Tile look like an out-and-out saint of gay liberation and openness.
See, Judas, a gangly type with flat abs and the concrete ass to go with it, was planning on marrying his boyfriend. Out of the country, mind you, but marriage just the same. To a man! You know, one of those big gay ceremonies that probably makes Ken Starr think about popping pills again.
Huge prob: Judas' myriad fans would have gone ape-crap over this happy Romeo-and-Romeo fact had they ever found out, which is exactly why Judas—at his representatives' behest—went ahead and...
...not only dumped his partner and fiancé, but he took up with his latest leading lady instead. Jeez, how 2008, already.
And all because a pile of veteran Hollywood starmakers told J.J. that his way-decent career would become about as relevant as Lindsay Lohan's alcohol ankle monitor should he get hitched to the BF. And I can't decide which is the best part of all, that every tabloid around is buying J.J.'s just-pumped-up fake romance, or that Judas had the (typical) ass-wipe nerve to go back to the poor, dumped boyfriend and want sex.
What is it about dudes and dogs? So seldom can you tell the diff.
It Ain't: Joe Jonas, Robert Pattinson, Jake Gyllenhaal
George Wendt
ReplyDeleteexcept for the marriage thing, this is just like last weeks ted c. blind item...
ReplyDeleteI don't have any guesses yet. I just think it's hilarious Ted used Jake Gyllenhaal as one of the Ain'ts. As in, It ain't Toothy Tile!
ReplyDeleteok, here goes my first guess ever on a blind item: Haydn Christianson just got engaged to his latest leading lady, Rachel Bilson. I've read comments on other sites that imply this a fake romance/engagement to promote their upcoming movie.
ReplyDeleteooo i like the hayden guess. i was thinking maybe zac effron?? he's a lil young to be getting married to anyone though, i would think.
ReplyDeleteI like the Hayden guess, but I thought he and Rachel were in Jumpers together, which came out last year. Are they working on anything new?
ReplyDeleteRyan...that is so funny! Norm!
ReplyDeleteI like the Hayden guess also. The romance was just pumped up with the latest engagement rumor.
ReplyDeleteI'll take Hayden for $500.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking Hayden too. But I think Rachel is aware of his relationship, which he was in or is in while with her. Wasn't there some blind item about them out shopping for things to decorate his boyfriend's house? He also doesn't seem like the "it" boy this is describing. BUT. I could be wrong. I don't know.
ReplyDeletedamn blogger eating my posts !! i thought Hayden too, but does he have fans LOL
ReplyDeleteI get to much of headache reading his posts.
ReplyDeleteIt's gotta be Hayden C. The "just-pumped-up fake romance" would fit if he and Rachel just got engaged.
ReplyDeleteif it is hayden i wonder if rachel got his former boyfriends engagement ring haha
ReplyDeleteHaydon and rachel have been "together" for two years. I think they are just good friends in a mutually beneficial relationship. I remember that BI about decorating his bf's house. Rachel is definately in on it. I think it is someone who is in a much newer romance.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBesides, Hayden isn't "stunningly beautiful" and doesn't have much for muscles either.
ReplyDeleteHe might be stunningly beautiful to Ted. LOL
ReplyDelete'Hayden isn't "stunningly beautiful"'
ReplyDeleteThat was sure my first thought, LOL!
Leo!! Leo!! Leo!!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe the hookup just hasn't happened yet?
i don't think he needed to include the PS that is wasn't Joe Jonas or robert Pattison...neither of them are stunningly beautiful, in fact, i think Joe Jonas is down right ugly...that being said, i have no idea who this is, but i like thinking it is Zac Efron
ReplyDeleteAlso, Hayden is Canadian, and Canada does have gay marriage.
ReplyDeletemaybe daniel radcliffe ?? he's shown his ass on broadway....? Not sure who the costar would be though
ReplyDeleteShoot. I was hoping it was Robert Pattinson and Tom Sturridge.
ReplyDeletesounds like artie lang
ReplyDeleteI'M AT A LOSS, BUT I GUESS 30 AND UNDER...
ReplyDeleteYeah, Hayden Christiansen.
ReplyDeleteBlogger ate my comment too.
ReplyDeleteI was saying that I understand the Hayden guess, but this sounds much more recent. We're looking at a couple that's hooked up in 2009, hence the 'how 2008' clue that Ted dropped.
So who's hooked up in the past 2 months?
Yay Hayden! I hope George Lucas wasn't one of the veteran Hollywood starmakers forcing him in the closet, the big Ewok.
ReplyDeleteHayden
ReplyDeleteHe says how 2008 of him -
Didn't they start this bogus thing in 2008?
Also - Rachel is his newest leading lady - they have another movie coming out.
I agree with Katie. Hayden and Rachel are old news. I think this is someone recent.
ReplyDeleteVery sad.
I posted Haydn and Rachel because they just announced their engagement last week... that's pretty 2009 of them, *girl? They weren't even talked about as a couple, then whammo! engaged!
ReplyDeleteHookedOnCDAN - nice user name! :)
ReplyDeleteHayden doesn't fit. He's not hot and not muscular.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like someone that doesn't have or hasn't ever really had gay rumors circulating in the past.
That being said, I don't really have a guess to throw out there.
Chris Pine. he is hot and has a new movie coming out - Star Trek.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mooshki! It's totally true... I live for my RSS feeder and new CDAN posts! I save those for last, like dessert. Yum!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!
What's James Franco up to these days?
ReplyDeleteI'll go with Hayden too. Does anyone notice he talks funny? Like he is trying to sound straight when he speaks?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow nicole, That explains his bad acting. Thanks
ReplyDeleteAdrien Brody/Elsa Pataky
ReplyDeleteGiallo(2009)
Google him "shirtless" he has a much better body than i thought
HookedonCDAN: They have been together for two years. It has been on the gossip sites for awhile now. I thought this was common knowledge that they are in a bearded relationship. They met on the set of Jumper. She was on the rebound from Adam Brody and wanted an "upgrade" for the tabloids. The gay rumors had started about him and he wanted to nip them in the bud. They are announcing an engagement bc they have a movie due out in April so they will get more press for the movie.
ReplyDeleteI'll say it again, the BI has to be about a newer couple that started in 2009 as Ted states in his blind item.
Who else recently got engaged besides Hayden and Rachel?
ReplyDeleteHayden and Rachel have been "together" for a while but it's been fairly low key. Back in the Annakin Skywalker days, there was a rumor that he was stuffed into the closet by George Lucas who didn't want anyone to associate Vader with homosexuality. At the time he was supposedly in a committed relationship with another Canadian guy. According to the rumor, Lucas bought any pictures that had been published of the couple and tried to shut down any newspapers or magazines that referred to the relationship.
ReplyDeletei can't get past the 'stunningly beautiful' part. i see no way that's hayden christenson.
ReplyDeleteIf you are an older gay man, I can see how you would find Hayden Christiansen "stunningly beautiful".
ReplyDeleteSomeone off of Gossip Girl. Take your pick.
ReplyDeleteTaste does not change with age. If anything, we get choosier. Hayden is not attractive.
ReplyDeleteTaylor Kitsch came to mind until I got to the word 'gangly.' Kitsch isn't gangly, but he fits the rest. Canadian as well.
i dont see the b.i. saying anything about judas being engaged, just that he took up with his lastest leading lady and stay in the closet, which is what everyone seemed to be doing in 2008. it has to be a relationship that started in 2009, not necessarily an engagement. i could see ed westwick bc he is supposedly dating jessica szhor or chace with taylor and the gossip girl fans seem obsessed with both of them, but again neither are gangly. the gangly clue is throwing me off.
ReplyDeleteHe clearly isn't the answer, but boy does that physical description fit Jared Padalecki. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat/who do the ain'ts have in common?
ReplyDeleteIt's got to be someone young and hot, based on the blinds. Hayden C has been with Rachel too long for this to be him. Same thing with Zefron and Vanessa. Who is early/mid 20's and just hooked up with a costar?
ReplyDeleteJared Padalecki. He broke up with Jensen Ackles to go out with the horrendous actress on Supernatural.
ReplyDeleteSurely it is Hayden Christiansen?! Doesn't 'a pile of veteran Hollywood starmakers' refer to George Lucas, Stephen Spielburg, et al?
ReplyDeleteAnd the reference to 'just-pumped-up' - wouldn't that the just announced engagement?
I might slightly be clutching at straws here just because I really can't think who else it might be other than HC.
Hayden Christiansen a) is hot? b) has myriad fans? and c) has a way-decent career? Really?
ReplyDeleteAlso, concerning Hayden and the George Lucas thing. Enty wrote something earlier about how Hayden dissed Star Wars and didn't want to work with George Lucas again. I really doubt George Lucas gives a damn who Hayden wants to marry.
ReplyDeleteRYAN REYNOLDS!
ReplyDeleteRYAN REYNOLDS!
ReplyDelete