Besides the joy I get from reading Kim Kardashian's blog, I would have to say that Gwyneth Paltrow's website is fast moving into the lead from the sheer amount of self righteous unbelievable crap she spews forth on an almost constant basis. What did she do this time you may be asking?
Well, Gwyneth has decided to share with the world her secret for the perfect Valentine's Day dinner. Now, you and I both know that the odds of Gwyneth eating any of this stuff she say she prepared and ate is a bunch of crap. Everything on the menu are things she says she either doesn't eat or has specifically stated she hates.
Now, in order to get your partner in the mood, Gwyneth suggest starting with oysters because of their known aphrodisiac qualities. OK, now I don't know if she has ever said yay or nay to seafood in the past, but I do know that if she were trying to get me to have sex with her, she is going to need something a whole lot stronger than oysters and I am going to need to see some cash.
For her main course, Gwyneth says that she loves Cornish hens and artichoke hearts. Uh huh. I would actually believe the artichoke part but if she is eating them she must not have prepared them herself. There is no way she spent the time in the kitchen necessary to cook artichokes. What she did was probably hire someone to do it and every few minutes she would come in and ask how come they were not finished. Cornish game hen? Right. You let me know when Gwyneth sits down and eats some chicken
But the very best part. What does Gwyneth suggest for dessert? And remember she says that she prepared and ate everything on the menu. She suggests molten chocolate cakes. Umm. Gwyneth. You are on record as saying you hate chocolate so forgive me if this doesn't sound as bad as you getting to come back for Iron Man 2.
She probably meant that she only likes HER chocolate. The way SHE prepares it. With HER own alabaster hands.
ReplyDeleteGwenyth was on the PBS show "On The Road: Spain" where she and two male chefs (Mark BIttman from the NYT "Minimalist" food column, and the guy who does the Iron Chef show on TV) and a Spanish actress essentially spent a few months driving around Spain eating any and everything they could get their hands on. A lot of what they ate was pretty scary stuff (weird seafood and animal parts not typical in the American diet). She might have rushed back to the hotel and regurgitated it all, but for the cameras she couldn't get the stuff in her mouth fast enough. Her Valentine's menu seems really tame in comparison to what she ate on the show.
ReplyDeletewhatever happened to her raw food only diet?
ReplyDeleteoh Enty you must watch the Oprah circle jerk from yesterday then.
ReplyDeleteit was all Gwynnie for an hour.
the only saving grace was Mario Batalli and his damn crocs.
I wish that this was printed yesterday because I could have sworn she told Oprah that she didn't eat anything with feet.
ReplyDeleteDoes anybody else remember how she defined her exclusion of meat?
Artichoke hearts are good for menopausal women. She is so thin she has the hormonal balance of an menopausal woman, and that helps regulate that.
ReplyDeleteShe needs an aphrodisiac to get Chris in the mood, or herself in the mood or both. I didn't think you needed that till you were 50 or something. Anyway this menu just does not sound like our Gwynnie. For one, I would be really surprised if she even knows how to use an oven.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I remember (too much!):
ReplyDeleteG was vegetarian macrobiotic - never raw - before kids, and loosened up after getting pregnant.
Since then, she also eats dairy, seafood and, on occasion, poultry.
Why can't I remember things that matter?
Not on my dollar- she said that she doesn't eat four legged animals that organic birds and fish were ok.
ReplyDeleteBut she eats EVERYTHING else.
snort!
i thought in reading about the tour with mario batali that he ate all the dishes but gwoopeth only ate (a lot of) the vegetarian dishes.
ReplyDeleteand yeah, i've heard repeatedly that she hates chocolate, too. stupid bunt.
mmmm. molten chocolate cake. had that several times on the cruise. oh, i'm hating my diet!!!!!!
Bionic Bunny: Noooo, Gwenyie ate all sorts of scary stuff; not sure if she consumed a single vegetable on the entire series (I don't think any of them ate anything that hadn't been up running around/swimming at some point in its lifespan).
ReplyDeleteI'm a vegetarian (and a very picky one) and I don't think there was a single dish on the entire series I would have gone near. Gwenyie gobbled it all up and swooned.
How/why anyone would ever take her seriously is beyond me.
Thanks jax I knew she told some tale about the legs on animals.
ReplyDeleteHer salad dressing recipe and ideas for roasting the turkey, stuffing as well from Thanksgiving were really, really good. I have to say.
ReplyDeleteshe doesn't eat animals, birds, or seafood unless she knows they have had a good life. WTF? watched her spout that on pbs(that traveling through spain crap show with fugly)
ReplyDeleteannoying lies.
"stupid,uneducated,poor americans, they'll embrace any diet i suggest"
ReplyDeleteme,me,me.....i'm very important you know, i have an oscar
Come on...Get off the girl's back. If Oprah was spouting this stuff, everyone would take as the word of God, once removed. Her whole communitarian, New Age take on life is just another way to look at things. Take what you like and forget the rest. Give her props for even bothering with her site. It's not as if she is doing it for the ad bucks. I loved the picaresque tone of the whole tour-through-Spain PBS series.
ReplyDeleteChris is in Japan with Coldplay. I wonder who she's making all that food for....
ReplyDeleteI just read my GOOP email. "Mallorcan hibiscus salt?" Give me a break!
ReplyDeleteI TOLD you guys LAST WEEK I saw that bitch eat chocolate before!!
ReplyDeleteEL, I love you and your blog, and you are a brother (or sister?) at the bar, but I think you may be twisting the dial a bit tight on GP. My respect and enjoyment of your work derives from your ability walk a fine line between empathy and exploitation. I'm a little worried you've lost your way on this one.
ReplyDeleteI thought she was vegan?
ReplyDeleteGwynnie certainly is privileged and she certainly does not live in this world - if you know what I mean ;-)
ReplyDeleteHaving said this, her Valentines dinner menu is very elegant and nice and I will try it soon!
I do feel sorry for her being married to such an unattractive man. He has zero sex appeal. Have you ever see him dance? OMG, he resembles Elaine on Seinfeld with his dance steps!!
Gwynnie can shove her noblesse oblige up her cleansed arse.
ReplyDeleteYou know what it is that bothers me? Okay. Maybe she really does have something that she wants to share with everyone. But it's the TONE she uses. For instance, if someone says "Oh, ayesha, I have to tell you about this new XXX I found at the health food store. As soon as I tried it, I thought of you. It's going to blow your mind. Here, try some and tell me what you think!" I'll be interested enough to listen with an open mind. But if someone is all "This XXX is the only kind to use. It's superior to all other XXXs because it's distilled in Provence by gypsies at dawn. You're still using THAT brand? That stuff is so cheap."
ReplyDeleteNo thank you.
You know what it is that bothers me? Okay. Maybe she really does have something that she wants to share with everyone. But it's the TONE she uses. For instance, if someone says "Oh, ayesha, I have to tell you about this new XXX I found at the health food store. As soon as I tried it, I thought of you. It's going to blow your mind. Here, try some and tell me what you think!" I'll be interested enough to listen with an open mind. But if someone is all "This XXX is the only kind to use. It's superior to all other XXXs because it's distilled in Provence by gypsies at dawn. You're still using THAT brand? That stuff is so cheap."
ReplyDeleteNo thank you.
no argument she is really annoying, with a serious odor of superiority. She also seems just plain weird...like from outerspace on her show with Batali. It's how sad she looks that makes me leery of piling on...
ReplyDelete