Friday, December 26, 2008
Your Turn
Simple and to the point. Worst gift you ever got. I will also accept gift you always wanted but never got, or the worst gift you ever bought someone. Doesn't have to be Christmas. It could be something like your significant other gave you a set of free glasses he got from a free fill up on the way home on your anniversary night.
lotto scratch off tickets from my boyfriends father. his mother got me hanes socks this year. I have to wonder why they bother at all.
ReplyDeleteIt may not have been the gift that was bad as the thought (or lack thereof) behind it. Several years ago, I was competing with two other women for the attentions of a guy who probably wouldn't have been so attractive if he didn't have the other women trying to get him.
ReplyDeleteI was pretty happy being the front runner in this stupid little contest until he decided to give me a boxed set of plastic mugs with Marilyn Monroe's face on them, which he had so thoughtfully picked up at Wal-Mart (I wasn't even that big of a fan of Marilyn, and less of a fan of plastic mugs.)
I decided he was better off with the other two women.
My boyfriend of 3 years told me to wait in the car at 5:55 PM on Christmas Eve as he ran into a sporting goods store. He emerged a few minutes later with a pair of ski goggles, handed them to me and said "Merry Christmas". I lived in Santa Barbara at the time, didn't ski much, and certainly couldn't wear a men's size pair of goggles. Asshole.
ReplyDeleteGuy I was dating gave me a fucking bottle of Lady Stetson for a combined birthday (dec. 16th) and Christmas gift from JC Penny. He drove a fucking Jaguar. cheap bastard lasted another phone call. It's a toss up between Hanes socks, plastic mugs and Lady Stetson.
ReplyDeleteSoap.
ReplyDeleteEvery year, without fail, I'll get soap. I react terribly to it and no amount of expense has found me one that works but I always receive it, from Body Shop or Lush or wherever, just because I like toiletries. Ugh.
This was Valentine's Day with my first ex-fiance (well, he was then the current fiance). And this guy was rich from family money. So I was expecting something BRILLIANT for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. What did I get? A porcelain polar bear on a frickin' ice berg!!!! I didn't even try to hide my disappointment. He said, "Well, what would you have me do, send you a dozen roses that will just die?" "YES!" I said. Then he said, "But this will appreciate in value." I dumped him, but I've still got the porcelain polar bear. Know how much it's worth? I looked it up on the Internet and if I wanted to sell it on eBay I could probably get, oh, ELEVEN BUCKS!
ReplyDeleteMy ex gave me an earthquake kit for Christmas It was a big tote bag filled with stuff I would need if I was in an earthquake. I could barely lift it when I was jazzed up on caffiene never mind when there is the onset of a real emergency and you are in the midst of panic. He never understood why I was so pissed and why he never got much sex from me after that.
ReplyDeleteThis is NOT a joke...
ReplyDeletePancake mix.
Yup. A bag of pancake mix. Are you f***ing kidding me? It was from my girlfriend's (at the time), grandmother. The other gifts that year was a candle shaped like an orange, and a sun blocker thing you put in your windshield.
Yeah, I broke up with her...
Ye Gods, in a lifetime of crappy presents to pick out the single worst?
ReplyDeleteRelatively easy - but there are a number of contenders.
The time the ex and I were out at a bar to celebrate my birthday, he asked me for a $20, then came back about 2 minutes later with my present that he'd *just* gotten at the gift shop/boutique.
my gay brother bought me a vibrator and tipped off my mother to take a picture to show my reaction.
ReplyDeleteit was not good.
i bought him a book on boundaries for his birthday.
Jax, you should be GLAD someone else wants to purchase your sex toys! It saves you the embarassment, right?
ReplyDeleteWorst gift I've ever recieved? How about ANY scented candle. Nothing says No Thought Whatsoever like a goddamn scented candle. And they're usually from the Yankee Candle Company, and they always smell like shit.
Ok, this was from an ornament exchange at work. I got an ornament made from a milkbone dogbone. That went into the trash when I got home. I never participated in anything like that ever again. Learned my lesson.
ReplyDeleteMy 21st birthday - just found out my mother who was dying from stomach cancer was in the hospital with heart failure - my "friends" thought it would be funny to give me an ugly sweater that one of their grandmothers had gifted them for Christmas the year before. I kept looking around to see where the real gift was, but that was it. Then they gave me a hard time because I didn't feel like getting wasted. I am not longer friends with these girls.
ReplyDeleteA former boss of mine gave me these horrid 80's style pierced earrings that changed color depending on your mood. She knew my ears weren't pierced and made a big deal of telling me how expensive they were.
ReplyDeleteOn a different job, another co-worker gave me a homemade candle in the shape of a blueberry pie. It looked like a 5th grade art project. I would have rather had a real pie.
Picture it - 1989, I was 11 years old and desperately wanted the Wizard of Oz for Christmas. I made it extremely clear to my mom that the Wizard of Oz was all I wanted, and she didn't have to get me anything else. The cost? About $10 at Costco. I seriously campaigned for it, and what did I end up getting? A generic version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. It wasn't Disney, it was from some no name studio, and to boot, it was in black and white.
ReplyDeleteColor me extremely disappointed. I must have cried a couple of buckets of tears and I ended up buying the Wizard of Oz one day on my own.
To this day, I have no clue why mom did that, but I am glad to report her gift giving has improved over the years.
I had broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years a month or two before my birthday. He bought me some scented lotion for my birthday even though I never wear perfume. It actually smelled really nice, so I started using it.
ReplyDeleteI developed a severe allergic reaction to them all over my legs, and I didn't realize at first that it was a reaction (I thought it was dry skin!) so I used more lotion. The reaction was so bad that I had to be put on medications to treat it. Everywhere I had used the lotion broke out in hives and a disgusting rash (thank god I hadn't put any on my face!). When the reaction cleared, I was left with weird white splotches on my legs for almost a year.
5 years later, I'm still good friends with the ex and he swears he didn't tamper with the lotion.
Worst gift ever?
ReplyDeleteBaby items. We don't have any children, nor do we currently have plans to have any, but my mother-in-law thinks it's cute to CONSTANTLY GIVE US BABY ITEMS FOR EVERY SINGLE CELEBRATORY OCCASION OR HOLIDAY. Diapers, bottles, onesies, rattles, books... you name it, it's collecting dust in a hall closet. She even gave us thrush medicine one Christmas.
On the upside, I never have to worry about buying crap for baby showers :)
I found my missing copy of the "Flowers of Evil" by Baudelaire in my sister's apartment. "I thought you didn't want it anymore" she said. She could have called me and asked, but instead, she just took it from my room when I wasn't there. "Get me something you would wear, because I love your stuff" she said. So for Channukah, I bought her her own copy of "Flowers"
ReplyDeleteA jar of black Jellybeans.
ReplyDeletea desk paper organizer made of bamboo from my then new boyfriend who is now my ex-husband. i never let him forget it.
ReplyDeletewow, i'm dragging up a lot of bad memories: he also bought me a "heavy rope" exercise jump rope one year and also a backpack on another occasion.
ReplyDeleteI also gave a shitty one.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 8 years old, I took my dad's hammer from his toolbox and wrapped it up for his Christmas present!
I am cracking up just typing this! God, I can't believe I did that. But hey, I was 8 and poor.
Now I'm old and poor!
A cake.
ReplyDeleteOne year at a company grab bag I asked for something (can't remember what it was as the maximum was $10).
Anyway much to my surprise someone bought me this huge cake. It was very embarrassing and inappropriate and none of us in the office could understand why this woman gave such a dumb gift.
The only thing I could do is offer it to everyone in the office. To this day I can't even think of german chocolate cake after that incident.
I think she had bought if for herself or a family member and realized she couldn't use it so she passed it off to her co-worker.
And the worst part she worked for me! She lost all credibility with me after that.
It is on video! My brother bought me a horrible 2 foot tall vase that was very gauche, then when I opened the second box, it was a matching vase. He proudly declared that there was no way he was going to buy me only one!
ReplyDeleteOne christmas my partner broke up with me xmas day.
ReplyDeleteYeah that was a pretty bad gift, although in hindsight it turned out to be the best gift ever;)
Ernestine - I think the embarrassment of buying a vibrator in the sex shop is significantly less than pulling it out of a box in front of your mother. Jax, your brother is a twit.
ReplyDeleteRor - I bought my mother pancake mix for Christmas once... apparently I'm a bad son (I did include some blueberry syrup, and it was blue corn pancake mix.)
Oh, so many!
ReplyDeleteFirst year of my marriage, my new husband asked his sister (who didn't like me) to help him buy my gift. So I got a lovely pair of wool slacks and matching sweater - size 18. I wore a 10.
17 years later I divorced him for Christmas. Best gift I ever gave.
This year it's a toss-up as to whether one gift is good or bad. My boss (female) gave me a luxury fancy Jackrabbit vibrator. I like the gift, but it's hard to discuss it in the office.
Freshman year of college I totally had a crush on this guy who worked at the university. We were both hockey fans, so I got him a t-shirt of his favorite team. He got me a USED keychain from my team and a USED version of Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits! This was 1993!!!
ReplyDeleteWhere to start..
ReplyDeleteI got a car magazine from my exboyfriend, with a pack of gum to make it really special.
Also, my mother, who I am pretty sure is crazy and is also a hoarder sends me large boxes filled with random things that make no sense. Like a giant blue MuuMuu sized 4XX (I'm a size 2), a bottle of soy sauce and a my little pony(I'm in my 30's).
However, I view that as giving me the gift of humor, so alls well that ends well.
My boyfriend in college gave me a quarter of pot for my b-day. It's my own fault for dating a guy everyone called "Doobie" I guess.
ReplyDeleteMy husband "Forgot" about Valentines Day one year and bought me the fugliest little vase with plastic flowers (ugly ones). We call that day Black Sunday in our house lol. Oh yeah, and he charged it on my visa too. Still married to him but remind him when every holiday is coming up and usually leave a picture of what I want with the words "What I want" written on it. He actually screwed up one year and bought me a totally different pair of pj's than the picture. His answer when I asked what the hell? I don't carry around a catologue with me. God I love him, but he drives me crazy sometimes
ReplyDeleteI won't do gift exchanges (tools), so here goes
ReplyDeleteBad Girls album by Donna Summer. Hated disco. A Virgo pendant from a boyfriend who believed astrology was complete bullshit. I basically agree, but it felt like a hidden meaning to me. I mailed it back to him after we had broken up. Felt good.
My husband takes the cake, though. Plastic flowers, brass picture frames from the checkout counter at Canadian Tire ($2), and a picture frame, amongst other things, from the dollar store. On our first Christmas together, no less.
this girl in my school gave me a dog collar with the note calling me a 'stupid bitch'.
ReplyDeleteluckily she gave it to me the 23rd so i was able to toilet paper her house on the 24th.
i bet that was a lot of was a lot of fun to wake up to christmas morning.
it's not that bad compared to others, but for the anticipation - hell yes.
ReplyDeletei'd spent every year of my childhood up til i graduated high school asking for a puppy (but my dad always said no, focus on your studies THEN it'll be okay). the year i graduated, i begged my brother to buy me one and he said yes.
i bought a kennel, leash, bowl, even dogtreats for basics and even had my local vet on call.
long tragedy short, i got a bunch of fluff pieces on a keychain.
apparently my dad stopped my brother before he hit the pet shop and said it was a useless idea b/c i was heading to college.
i hated my brother.
I have received both wrinkle cream (I'm 50) and 3 chuck roasts from my MIL.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind either product, per se, I just had a hard time thinking that these were the ways she saw me ... or thought she was bringing joy to me.
A friend of mine, knowing that I don't care for poetry and don't particularly care for gay themed lit (yes, I'm gay) one X-mas gave me a tome the size of a Buick Electra that could only be called "The Oxford Companion to Homosexual Verse", so that I could learn. The only reason I didn't throw it at her is that her mother had shipped her some muumuus big enough to cover a commercial oven (seriously, she and I could both get one at the same time) that were agressively hideous, and to top it off, cheap. With the note "I know you've gained a little weight, dear"
ReplyDeleteI figured passive aggressive gifts just ran in the family. The next year I got her and AARP membership
One Christmas my ex-husband (it's funny how many of these gifts are from exes) had my washer and dryer moved up from the basement (not a new w & d, mind you, just moved the old ones) for my "big" gift. That was just one of the nails in the coffin for our marriage...
ReplyDelete(Age 8?) My brother and I were allowed to open one of our presents on Christmas Eve, and the one I picked turned out to be socks. I was so mad my mom wouldn't let me pick a different one. The next day made up for it, though. :)
ReplyDeleteI had just given birth to our daughter and my then husband came to the hospital, sans flowers. Of course I gave him holy hell for it. Later his brother stopped by with a dyed green carnation from a gas station that my ex had told him to buy for me.
ReplyDeleteSame ex-husband gave me a pizza for Christmas about 3 years later. After all the presents were opened, I asked him where the heck was my present and he said "Remember the pizza we had delivered the other night? Merry Christmas!" And he wonders why he became my EX.
I have to add though that for Valentine's Day one year, my now-husband gave me a seedling from under the tree in a park where we first told each other "I love you". Yes, the second one is a keeper. ;)
You know the "free gift" you get when you buy perfume or make-up...MIL always gifts me the "free gift" and keeps the perfume or make-up for herself. Speaks volumes about my MIL...
ReplyDeleteI got underwear straight off a lingerie model. He got dumped for being too stupid to lie. lol
ReplyDeleteWell now - 1972...Just married-first Christmas-(ex)mother-in-law made me a lamp from..now picture this-a lamp made of styrofoam egg carton bottoms..glued together lengthwise-making 6? panels all the way around..bulb in the middle - got that?...now..the egg cup has a small circle on the bottom and a "fried/cracked marble" inserted...for a multi-coloured "accent lamp".... only brought it out when I knew they were coming over..we were at a family gathering when I opened it...brillant acting on my part..I oooh and ahhhed ..but couldn't look my ex in the eye for fear of screaming with laughter..I'm sure we were high too...
ReplyDeleteAlso fast-forward to husband #2 -an early family get together..1988? one sweet sister-in-law got me a travel-pack of toilet seat covers (my job had me traveling a couple time a year)...not a bad gift...lovely thought...just seemed SO odd...
I am unfortunately recovering from being sick (and a lot of other stressful things), but the more I read these items, the funnier it got!
ReplyDelete"Also, my mother, who I am pretty sure is crazy and is also a hoarder sends me large boxes filled with random things that make no sense. Like a giant blue MuuMuu sized 4XX (I'm a size 2), a bottle of soy sauce and a my little pony(I'm in my 30's)."
This was the tip-over. Almost had computer spew from this one.
Ror - pancake mix? I am SOOOO sorry.
One year my husband got me $2 dollar T-shirts from some Bristish fottball team. Oy. Thankfully, he's done MUCH better since then.
I have to tell you guys the best gift I ever got. Every summer the neighborhood has yard sales. One day my 7-year old son, who does not do this kind of thing at all, came home with a handmade basket of blue plastic flowers in a basket made out of a milk gallon container woven together with yarn. It was hideous. I hate plastic flowers. I hate most shades of blue. He brought it home and said, "I bought this just for you, mom."
ReplyDeleteI will never throw it out.
2--not 1, but 2--diet cookbooks from Weight Watchers, from my mother for Christmas 1987. I think I cried for at least a good half-hour over that one (why yes, I HAVE been pudgy since puberty...why do you ask?). I actually kept the damn things out of a sense of daughterly guilt, until I finally gave them away to a friend who was very happy to get them. To this day, I don't think my mom understands quite why that upset me so much... (I love her very much and vice versa, but tact and subtlety are concepts with which she is completely unfamiliar--this is, after all, the same woman who left me a voice mail message informing me that a former high school classmate of mine had been killed in a car wreck; I made the mistake of checking my messages from work that day. I wasn't devastated or anything like that--more just sad that someone that young was gone--but she also still doesn't quite get that you don't leave death announcements as voice mails...*sigh*)
ReplyDeleteHello all, I've been reading without joining in for sometime now, I love this site and everyone who posts, you people are awesome!
ReplyDeleteMy worse gift is a good one.
My stepmothers mom passed away a few years back, she was in her 70's.
My stepmom wrapped up some of her mothers newer clothes, and gave them to me for Christmas. Imagine my suprise. I was in my 30's. The clothes were along the lines of kittens on sweatshirts, and lots of horizontal strips. Yeah. thanks.
Oh, my bad, one more item....two years ago my dad and stepmother gave me sister and I, gifts with the casino they frequents name all over them....BBQ tools and Wine openers. By the way, my folks have a nice middle class income...
ReplyDeleteNice ta meetcha, Fierros. And the "evil" stepmother stereotype continues... :)
ReplyDeletea towel. from my dad. when i was 16. i was in shock/depressed because he got my sister some cool books/cds and some cool games for my little brother and all i got was a fucking towel.
ReplyDeleteFor our wedding, my husband's parents AND grandma pitched in together to get us 2 bath towel sets. Nice huh? They weren't even pricey towels or monogrammed, just cheap towels from Walmart.
ReplyDeleteA candle from a white trash friend at work. The wick had already been lit and the wax was melted. Stellar.
ReplyDeleteA tin bracelet pressed with pink "foxy." I was handed this on a first date. He got out of a candy machine at the bowling alley.
ReplyDeleteI apologize if this is a bit lengthy, but my family just lost an unbelieveable woman on Nov 20th, who just happened to (unintentionally) be the BEST bad/tacky/cheap gift-giver ever. (sorry Aunt Cheryl, but it's true-yet another goofy, yet wonderful thing I miss about you!). So, forgive me if I go off on slight tangents in recounting the story of her best "bad" gift & the impact it has had on our entire family. :D
ReplyDeleteShe was my favorite aunt (the only girl in a family w/ 4 kids-my dad is the "baby") & she passed away after a short-but very hard fought-battle w/ pancreatic cancer :(. She was an awesome woman w/ the best (& goofiest) sense of humor, who never had a bad day in her life-even during her bouts with cancer. She beat breast cancer 15 yrs ago, & even while losing this battle, was ALWAYS happy, positive & upbeat. I swear, even when she was in horrible pain, she never once complained & NEVER felt self-pity. Her only concern(s) were about her family (she has 4 kids, & 10 grandkids, 3 brothers, at least 30 nieces & nephews & countless cousins-who are all extremely close)-I was (& still am) in awe of that. (Quick side note of an example of how thoughtful she was: she was the ONLY person, outside my immediate family, who sent me a card wishing me good luck when I took the Texas Bar Exam-it meant the world to me)
Everyone just came to expect her gifts to be the ones you stay away from-thankfully, I don't believe she ever caught on, we were very discreet in our avoidance of her presents :D. My dad's side of the family decided that during our annual Christmas party, we would do a "white elephant"-type thing, instead of our usual practice of each family bringing a gift for each of the kids in that family to open (this was b/c everyone wanted to be involved, as much fun as it was to watch kids open presents, & b/c the "kids" were growing up & were having their own families. That & our family is huge: I have 10 first cousins-all but one is married w/ multiple kids, & it was starting getting a little expensive for those families with lots of kids). We first tried a "Secret Santa" thing, but never really got that into it, so decided to go the White Elephant-route.
Our version of the white elephant exchange is that everyone that wants to participate brings a gift-that can't cost more than $20-& writes on the tag if it's for a boy or a girl, the gifts are put it 2 piles & #'s are then drawn to decide the order in which we get to open/steal presents. #s 2 & up have the option of either stealing a gift that had already been opened, or chose one from the unopened pile-of your gender-(if your gift was stolen from you, you were "up" again, i.e., you could steal an already opened gift you wanted, or chose an unopened one & hope for the best). Each gift could ONLY be stolen 3 times, & whoever had it after that was "safe", & got to keep it.
Well, we started out giving "good" gifts (& some people always give "good" presents-these are generally the always popular gift cards) but one year, after I ended up w/ a Chia pet (yes, from Aunt Cheryl), we thought it'd be funny to wrap it back up...after we had opened it & used it!! (the only evidence that it had previously been used was the opened seed packet that we simply re-closed w/ a paper clip :D)...and toss it back in for someone else to enjoy. To our relief, everyone else in my family has the same goofy sense of humor we do, & thought it was hilarious-they especially loved it when we told them we had grown our own little Chia plant & re-gifted it w/ the remaining seeds. We were really thrilled when the little Chia donkey reappeared the next Christmas! That was probably 15 years ago, & the Chia Pet is the most coveted gift. Another classic, courtesy of Aunt Cheryl, which has been consistantly re-gifted for probably 10 years, is a Veg-O-Matic.
This year was the first year we didn't exchange gifts. It just didn't feel right w/o Aunt Cheryl there...not sure it ever will, but hopefully we'll get it going again next year in her memory, maybe try & encourage everyone to only bring tacky Chia Pet-type presents.
Again, sorry for the novel-but when I think "bad" gifts, my thoughts immediately go to my favorite aunt. I still think the fact that she's really gone hasn't fully sunk in yet, & probably won't until my family is decorating our trucks & float for the St. Patrick's Day parade in downtown Houston & she won't be there...sigh. Thanks for "listening"-sorry for going slightly OT. Hope everyone had a fantasic holiday & has a wonderful new year!!
Okay, I'm really late to the party this time, but had to give my 2 cents worth.
ReplyDeleteMy ex husband, a proven capable good gift giver, got very passive aggressive towards the end of our 12 year relationship. The second to last year we were together, he asked me what I wanted and I told him one thing: Rod Stewart's standards CD. On Christmas morning, we were traveling and he left the suitcase wide open with the CD right on top. Only it was not the CD I asked for. It was Volume II of the 2 volume set. I played it off in a "It's okay, honey" kind of way.
The next year, guess what I got? A brand new version of the same CD. So wrong CD 2 years running. Ass.
Oh, and my ex in laws got us sheets for our bed one year for Christmas. California King sheets. We had a Full size bed. No receipt. They have a Cal King bed. I'm pretty sure those were either regifts or "holy crap we didn't get them anything" sheets. They sat in the garage for years until we finally threw them away.
Yellow Rose, love the white elephant story. I always wrap up some cereal or baked beans. A picture of yourself is also always a good idea. In a fabulous frame, of course.
ReplyDeleteLOL twunty! Fantastic ideas-definitely going to have to remember those next year! :D
ReplyDeleteAs a child, I once conspired with my younger brother and my dad and we *almost* bought my mother an iron for Christmas. I then had the presence of mind to float the idea past her in some subtle way, like "Timmy's buying his mother an iron for Christmas, isn't that great?" Her answer: "If my child got that for me, I'd throw it at him." Mom got Chanel No. 5 instead.
ReplyDeleteWorst gift ever for me? When I was with my ex-boyfriend, I gave his parents some expensive scotch and imported chocolates for Christmas. They got me a plastic bucket full of cleaning products, from Walmart. We're talking Mr. Clean, scrubby sponges, no-name window cleaner, dishcloths, some with the price tags still on. That Christmas dinner was the longest, most unpleasant evening...