I'm rich. I just wanted all of you to be the first to know and to thank you for it. Here is the e-mail showing me just how rich I am and of course my response.
Dear Friend,
I am glad to inform you that I have successfully concluded the transaction,the money has been transferred to Australia through the assistant of Mr.Howard Ferraro who is an Australian based businessman.Currently I am in Australia now.However,I did not forget you because you are the source of my success,you made me what I am now though you are not there to complete this project with me but I gave all the credit and thanks to you.I know it is not your fault or rather your wish to back off on me and the transaction,I understand it was simply because of some circumstances you could not control. In appreciate of your assistance I have mapped out as a compensation and wrote on your favor a certified bank draft worth of 2.7 Million Euro(Two Million Seven Hundred Thousand Euro Only) I left the draft with my managaer Mr Gerado Fischer on my departure to Australia.I would like you to contact him on the below info and instruct him where to send the draft to because i have directed him.
Attn:Mr Gerado Fischer
Email Address to contact:geradofischer@aim.com
As soon as you recieve the draft you let me know because i am busy here trying to put things together and may not be chanced to email you frequently.Feel free to contact him for your bank draft.I will stop here.Once again,thank you very much and remain blessed.
Regards,
Mr Damle Ahsok.
Dear Damle,
Thank you so much for the money. You have no idea how much it is going to come in handy. I'm trying to move from parent's place, but the nickles and dimes that fall into the couch are not adding up to the deposit as quickly as I would have liked. So, when you did this for me, I jumped up and nearly split my pants. That wouldn't have been pretty. I hate doing laundry so, sometimes I go commando. I keep hoping that if I go to the laundromat I will run into Pamela Anderson? Do you know her? Baywatch. Yeah, she is the blond. Wait, they all are. Well, just look her up on the internet.
I want to thank you for making out the check in my name. My name isn't friend though and so a check like that might be tough to cash. Plus, I'm not really into checks right now. I could say it was because of the credit crisis, but honestly, it is just that my bank and I don't get along. Apparently when you have a negative balance they expect you to make it current, and long story short, they kind of closed it. I would take it to one of those check cashing places, but I don't think they have enough money to cover it. Plus, have you ever been in one of those places? The lines are outrageous. Do you have check cashing places in Romania? You must right? I mean lots of people need pay day advances in the world not just here.
Thanks for giving me all the credit for your success, but that seems a little unwarranted. I mean what did I really do? I opened your e-mail. Sure, I was sending out good vibes and kept following The Secret wishing for money. Did you get the vibes? I guess that book works huh? Have you read it? It is pretty tough to follow, but I guess we are both quick learners. Well, I am quick for most things but one of my friends takes this stats class, and I have to say that when she starts talking about it my mind goes into this deep glassy eyed haze. It is kind of like being drunk, but without the buzz. Do you get drunk? I don't really get drunk, I just like to stay at a constant mellow state. I find sipping vodka out of a coffee cup at work does the trick pretty well. Plus, it makes the days go by quicker if you know what I mean. I guess you do since you are some big shot business type guy.
So, I will send an e-mail to Gerardo. Hey, he isn't by any chance the same Gerardo is he? I always wondered what happened to Gerardo? Who knew that Rico Suave would be his only hit. It is kind of my theme song so it will be cool to actually talk to him. There is hardly a day that goes by when I don't tell my secretary, "Rico" and make her answer back "Suave." Sometimes when it gets to be about the 34th time of the day she uses a different word to answer me back, but I won't get into that right now because I'm sure she wouldn't want people to know she has a vocabulary like that.
As soon as I get the money I will let you know and then maybe we could hang out in Australia together. I think it is summer there now or something close to it. We could hit the beaches. I love the beach. Sure, I get the odd beached whale comment, but I don't mind. Hey, will you do me a favor. Will you flush a toilet there and see if the water goes down the opposite direction? I'll wait. Go ahead.
Anyway, I really wanted to thank you again. This is like the best day I have had since I discovered dirty martinis. Now that I think about it though the next day was awful. Apparently olive juice is not necessarily a good thing for your digestive tract if you drink a quart of it. But live and learn I suppose.
EL
