Last week, this A list director of some very huge films was shooting his new movie. After work, our director went to a local restaurant (as was his routine) where he picked up two local floozies. After buying them a few drinks and impressing them with his big-shot “I’m a Big Hollywood Director” come-on, our director took the two tramps back to his hotel for a night of debauchery. Little did our director know what he was getting himself into!
Turns out that this pair of hometown hotties weren’t as dumb as our director thought. In fact, there were certified pros, if you get my meaning. (Word has it ugly pros, too – but hey, whattaya want.)
Anyway, flash forward a few hours
Our director wakes up the next morning feeling all kinds of groggy. He discovers his wallet missing, and worst of all – his laptop stolen. On the purloined laptop was reportedly the script to his new movie and several highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only visual FX sequences for the new movie that could be leaked any day now. Not surprisingly, the studio is furious with our director and his utter lack of discretion.
First who comes to mind is Michael Bay.
ReplyDeletehope it was not a film for universal. i would not want to face the wrath of sumner redstone.
ReplyDeleteMichael Bay?
ReplyDeleteBrett Ratner. He's gross. I know he swears up and down that he doesn't drink or do drugs, but I don't believe that for a second. And I know for a fact he always has multiple ladies on the line.
ReplyDeletei agree brett is gross.
ReplyDeletedef. michael bay...and they are still filming TF2
ReplyDeleteThis reads like it was written by someone else. Im not saying that it was, of course, just suggesting that perhaps Ent is in an odd mood.
ReplyDeleteSteven Speilberg?
ReplyDeleteOK that was a dumb guess, I'll go with Brett Ratner
The film Ratner has in production, according to IMDB, is named 'The Incredible Shrinking Man,' so irony kind of demands it be him.
ReplyDelete'highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only' is this some kind of secret agent hint? Maybe a James Bond reference? I don't know..just grabbing.
ReplyDeleteSteven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese are currently filming.
ReplyDeleteMark Forster, director for Quantum of Solace, Kite Runner, Monster's Ball
ReplyDeleteAnd Finding Neverland. Could very well be Forster, Lauren.
ReplyDeleteThis is just my random guess. So I live in Tucson, AZ and in the past week they've been shooting some scenes for TF2 here, people have been seeing Shia and Megan around, and Tucson is known as having "Hometown Hotties" (co-eds who pose for playboy spreads etc..) just my random 2 cents
ReplyDeleteSpielberg isn't filming as a director right now. Coen brothers are filming right now.
ReplyDeleteIt's Michael Bay: This happened in LA by the way it was written, local director, local restaurant - if the laptop was stolen he would have to tell the producers, and the studio what happened. He claims it was hookers, but how dumb are you? I bet there is a lot more to this story, and part of it is WHY the "hookers" took the stuff, cuz I bet his wallet and laptop weren't the only things missing in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI refuse to be a party to Bay or the Rat, they are what's wrong with movies and Hollywood in general today. Don't support them and they will go away.
Is Brett Ratner even A list? By the looks of IMDB, it doesn't look that way. No Oscars or even nods listed. No awards period.
ReplyDeleteMichael Bay.
ReplyDeletei'm on the bay bus.
ReplyDeleteMarc Forster hasn't done "huge films" all of his up until Bond 23 have been expensive art pieces and not money makers.
ReplyDeleteIs Joel Schumacher filming anything right now? Otherwise I'm with everyone that it's Michael Bay and Transformers 2.
Yes Ratner is A-list. The three Rush Hour films and X-Men have made a shit load of money.
ReplyDeletezandra- I don't think it's L.A., maybe I'm reading it wrong but it wouldn't have all the "local" references if it were there I don't think, I read it as he went to a local restaurant where they were filming and "hometown hotties" definitely doesn't scream L.A. to me?
ReplyDeleteI'm also sitting on the dock of Michael Bay for this one...
ReplyDeleteratner has a thing for black hookers..i knew a high priced escort when i was in college that used to fuck him and her madame said that's all he wants is black ladies. back then i didn't know who he was.....ugh...he's such a dirtbag. he promised to help this one out with her career as an actress if she would see him behind the madames back...ugh. my old asshole boss is BFF with him as well and he's a big paparazzi dude. covered up many times brett was paying to play...hiding it....he's such a fucking creep..
ReplyDeleteI immediately thought of Bay, too. I'm also from Tucson and if this were in LA, why would the hot-shot director be staying in a hotel? Surely he would have his own home or be renting his own home there.
ReplyDeletePlus, the part about the FX sequences, too, made me think of Transformers.
Plus, why would he spring the "I'm a Big Hollywood Director" if he were in Hollywood???? Wouldn't he assume the chicks there know him. Or wouldn't he go to his usual place to hire them? ;-)
I agree with the Michael Bay guess.
ReplyDeleteAnd I also agree with missbliss, this post did not sound like EL. Odd.
Not that it affects anything, I just wanted to say I noticed as well, missbliss!
ummm....I agree. Since when has Enty ever used the term "hometown Hotties"? and "whattya want"? Maybe he is hitting the sauce again....
ReplyDeleteto sassafrass: i think you're on to something. aren't they working on that sherlock holmes movie? probably not filmed yet...... hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who thought of James Cameron. He's so skeezy.
ReplyDeleteYa def. michael bay.
ReplyDeleteThat's so weird that some of you noticed the way this was written. I did too. In the last two/three weeks ent has made some mistakes in his grammar. Not large one's like misspelled words, but missing comas and definite, indefinite and partitive articles.
Usually indicative of typing too fast (or typing slower than you are thinking), or being mentally distracted enough for your brain to fill in the articles, even if you didn't write them in.
Hope he's ok.
I had to look up who Bay was. Honestly, he has not been nominated for anything buy a Director's guild Award. Don't you have to win an award to be AList by Enty's definition?
ReplyDeleteRatner has been nominated for one no-name award.
ReplyDeleteSomething is definitely up with Enty's writing. It is almost....girlike.
ReplyDeleteIts not just gramatical errors. Its the use of the exclamation point, numerous expressions (floozies, tramps, hometown hotties etc), and the general tone.
ReplyDeleteI could be wrong, but somewhow I dont think so
Terence Young.
ReplyDeleteDon't count out James Cameron.
ReplyDeleteJust finished shooting Avatar, which has been VERY hush-hush in reports from the set, supposedly some awesome new effects sequences, and let's face it, not known for being able to keep his fly zipped.
It is Michael Bay it happened in Albuquerque New Mexico it was in the paper and I happen to know this for a fact because I read it. It happened about 3 weeks ago. I also know someone who was on set the following week when they were shooting at white sands.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete'certified' pros - implies legalized prostitution - in nevada,rode island, australia, amsterdam...
ReplyDeleteI am pretty certain that Jonathan Mostow is filming in Boston now with Bruce Willis. Not sure in MA is a hottie mecca, but its a guess that hasn't been presented yet and he did do a Terminator movie...
ReplyDeleteI thought Bay after reading the first sentence.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't read as if it happened in LA. I took local to mean in the location. If it were LA, I think it would have said something about it being his usual haunt or the restaurant would have been named. Also, the hotel implies outta town.
Isn't Brett Ratner gay? I know he's Rebecca Gayheart's ex, but I always thought there were rumors about him. He comes across as rather fey too.
MissBliss - I just posted the same thing farther down. feels like ghost writer day on cdan
ReplyDeleteespecially to not know about Mr. Tori's adopted daughter in Canada
ReplyDeleteand it absolutely does read like a girl wrote it, right down to the exclamation point (that is not intended to be offensive!!)
I did some digging since blonde ambition noted she read this in the paper. I found something about Michael Bay's apartment being burglarized, but no mention of what was stolen. Of course, it didn't mention a couple ho's being involved.
ReplyDeleteIt fucking is Michael Bay. Found the post on TMZ.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.tmz.com/2008/09/12/michael-bay-burglarized-no-special-fx-involved/
and #15 comment: I went to see Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight and Shia LeBeouf was on and he said that Michael had brought these Mexican chicks home with him from Chili's and they robbed him.. pretty funny!
great find, sassafrass!!
ReplyDeleteBusted...*L*
ReplyDeleteAs for the "girl-like" comments about Ent's writing:
ReplyDeleteI've always assumed that Ent is a woman using the overweight fat guy persona as a cover.... Anyone else thought that before?
Lordy do I love the Enty conspiracy theory threads. (The good-spirited ones, not the hostile ones.)
ReplyDeleteThe answer is simple guys, Enty's in love! :)
I think when he's busy or happy, he doesn't proofread his entries as closely, just types away. And I think he is a guy, just one who's very in touch with his feminine side. That's part of what makes him so freakin' awesome!
Ooh, brainypirate...be careful where you tred. I've always had a conspiracy theory that Enty is someone else in disguise. For a while I thought it was Rashida Jones (don't ask).
ReplyDeleteBut there is some strong support for Enty so I just don't go there! I love the concept of a 440lb+ man living in his mom's basement though!
lainey revealed sjp is the actress being ignored!
ReplyDeleteI think when he's busy or happy, he doesn't proofread his entries as closely, just types away.
ReplyDeletealso when he's idle and grumpy, but nobody cares.
brainypirate, yea, i do think that sometimes.
I think Enty's writing is frequently quite feminine, but I'm with gilly - the backstory is funny as hell!
ReplyDeletelol, gillybean! You know Ent aint the adorable fatty on the boat, so he is he/she? Ah, i love you whatever man/lady.
ReplyDeleteback to the post- Bay, you fool! Talk about getting punked:-(
Wow, analyzing someone's writing style is a little obsessive, non? LOL!
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be freaking hilarious if this was Tim Burton?
Hey Brainy,
ReplyDeleteYES! My sister has been reading cdan for about two years. She's the one who got me onto this site, 'cause I'd sit at her table and drink coffee while she read the site and eventually I started looking over her shoulder. That's her biggest pet peeve, so it was either get knocked out, or find the laptop and and join her =)
She has from the beginning maintained that she thinks ent is a female. I partially agree. I think ent is more than one person.
Def, a big guy, but maybe one with a secretary?
Gee, I hope the 'basement' is big enough for them!