Okay, babes, we're back to you skanky hets this week! I swear, straight folks are getting as kinky as us gays, are we teaching you that well? Apparently so.
Shafterella Shoshstein sure seems to be taking lessons successfully, and has been for some time, who the hell knew? When she busted up with her man not that long ago, everybody was sympathizing with poor S2. How could such a sweet, darling little babe have deserved such treatment from her male-slut partner for all those years? She's too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling to have to have endured such wretchedness, America cried!
Turns out we were all weeping for the wrong partner, perhaps. S.S.'s ex is just now starting to put the truth out there, via a few tanked encounters with his fave bartender. Damn, sure hope this good-lookin' lad doesn't have to become full-blown alcoholic before we find out the full truth of the matter, but jeez, keep on drinkin' there, buddy-boy!
Oh, and Shafty, shame on you, girlfriend. Cannot believe you penis-partied galore all that time, while letting your less-designing other half take the tabloid fall. Actually, I can. They don't pay ya the big bucks for nothin'.
Reese Witherspoon
ReplyDeleteHalle Berry....anyone remember his "Sex addiction" claims?
ReplyDeletewhats his name, Benet?
ReplyDeleteYeah - I think it's Reese. Isn't she supposed to be the highest paid actress in H-Town right now?
ReplyDelete"And It Ain't: Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears"
ReplyDeleteReese.
Anne Hathaway?
ReplyDeleteI'll go with the Reese guess. "America cried" made me think it was someone with a really wholesome image. Not that I ever bought her goody-goody act, since I pulled the same thing for many years; I know!
ReplyDeleteWhat's with the "Shoshstein", though? I kept thinking it was going to be someone Jewish. Red herring?
cameron diaz ?
ReplyDeleteIt's weird how it's so close to Shoshanna Lonstein though. And what about how he uses the phrase "less-designing"...she's a designer. I dont' think it's her because I don't think America "cried" but maybe it's someone who also has a clothing line out or something???
ReplyDeletereese broke up with her husband in early '07, i think, so i don't think ted would say the break up was recently. some of the clues seem to fit but i also thought of shoshana lowenstein.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking Duchovny and Leoni. The comment "just now starting to put the truth out there" made me think of The XFiles, plus during all of the Duchovny sex addiction/banging extras debacle he really took the brunt of the "tabloid fall," while she came off as the innocent woman scorned. Now there are rumors of her being Billy Bob's roadie or groupie or something like that. Just a guess!
ReplyDeleteSorry, but Tea Leoni a "sweet, darling little babe?" I just don't see that part.
ReplyDeleteWell, I meant that she certainly doesn't come across as a man-eating slut. Could "sweet, darling little babe" be the opposite of "man-eating slut" in Hollywood terminology? LOL! It seems like they're either/or!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hey, Man! Blinds are usually supposed to be going along with current events. Reese's divorce is old news, so is Halle's. Tea and David, now theres a current story. And Tea doesn't come off as an angel, but she has come off as normal, and blameless...you never hear anything bad about her.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was Jennifer Aniston, but I like the Reese guess better. I think her break-up with Ryan was quite staged, right down to shacking up with a well-known gay man in order to look like she's winning the post-split PR game.
ReplyDeletehey man, great guess! we did sympathize with tea and this line,
ReplyDeleteCannot believe you penis-partied galore all that time, while letting your less-designing other half take the tabloid fall.
refers to the tabloids saying he was in rehab for sex addiction only now it's coming out that while he was there, she was out partying with billy bob thorton.
i think it's tea and dd.
See, I never got the feeling that the Reese/Ryan thing was staged. To me it seemed like his ego couldn't take her acting success when his career wasn't (and isn't)really on the same level as hers. He cheated to make himself feel like a big man and to show her he wasn't anyone's subordinate. He seems like a really good father, but what an awful husband!
ReplyDeleteI'm sticking with Duchovny and Leoni.
Thanks, Molly! It's my first official guess on this board! LOL!
ReplyDeletewow, very impressive. keep contributing, i think you nailed this one.
ReplyDeleteThanks again, Molly, but I think I'll just slink back to lurking and leave this to the pros! I love reading this board!
ReplyDeleteWe've got too many lurkers, we need more commenters!!! :)
ReplyDelete"Less designing" = Reese's role in "Sweet Home Alabama?"
doesn't this,
ReplyDeleteWhen she busted up with her man not that long ago
kind of rule her out, though?
I am hopping on the Tea and David train. Reese is not what she seems but her divorce seems too old for this blind.
ReplyDeleteI'm still shocked we all read Ted this week without our heads collectively expoding!
ReplyDeleteBTW, "penis-partied galore" cracks me UP!! :):) I'm using that first chance I get today!
Huh. The only thought that came into my head for this on was Shania Twain and Mutt Lange. I'm obviously the only one. (shrug)
ReplyDeleteBinkym - I think its Shania too.
ReplyDeleteFrom the and it ain'ts it sounds like a black woman - maybe a black singer?
ReplyDeleteI don't have a guess yet, but I am not buying the David & Tea guess.
"less designing"
"America Cried"
HEY!
What about Vanessa Williams?????
America cried!
@brendalove: I'm torn, because neither Duchovny nor Lange is a "good-lookin' lad." Then again, I don't know what floats Ted's weird boat.
ReplyDeleteOh, Lord - how do any of you read Ted's posts without getting a migraine?
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful day in Philly - home of the WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!
i'd consider dd a good looking lad, but not mutt.
ReplyDeletecongrats to you folks in philly on the win.
reese
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was Robin Wright Penn, but she really doesn't fit.
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween, Everyone! Hugs for all of you.
I won't be online later so I wanted to say it now.
An XL shoutout to you, Enty ! Love Ya!
Everytime I see your Facebook photo on the side I start singing the Lowell George/Little Feat song "Fat Man In The Bathtub"
"I hear him moannn, I hear him groannn" It would make a great costume for you. A fake bathtub & bubbles with the song playing in the background. It would be sexier than Becks Armani photoshoot.
I am feeling a bit puffy today, myself. So I think I am going to throw on a tracksuit & some butt padding and go as JLo
when she was pregant with the twins.
Sorry for the long OT post.
I think its Reese.
ReplyDelete-America cried, she is americas sweetheart right now, thats supported by her 20 million dollar per film pay check
-too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling, thats definitely her pubic persona, more so than any other actress
-it aint's: whitney houston, she sang in walk the line
-halle berry, she won an oscar
-britney spears: they both have two kids
Yeah!!!
-
It is Shania Twain..
ReplyDeleteMutt is a recluse
she is supposed to be all that...
Shania
What about Emily Blunt and Michael Buble? I heard a lot about him being a cheater when they split. The "less designing othe half" might refer to her role in The Devil Wears Prada. Also, "America cried" may reference the fact that she is British, and he is also non-American (can't remember where?)
ReplyDeleteReese Witherspoon
ReplyDeleteTed Casablanca
Return of the Clit List!
Following are H'wood broads we consider to be some of the finest female schmucks around, and they deserve some damn credit for it, no?
Reese Witherspoon: Because she can secretly act like a huge you know what and still get everyone to like her—including us. The "good girl" persona is highly successful and has America hook, line and sinker, but behind the cutesy face is one conniving handful, trust. For ince, we've heard all about how she behaved rather coldly during her marriage to Ry-Ry (more to come), but in the end, he gets the bad rep and somehow she still has the poor guy reeling over her. Beware of the shady clits.
Good guess, DevilDana!
ReplyDeleteChristy Brinkley. Ted didn't say it was an actress.
ReplyDelete@Mooshki: Ahem; I was the one who brought Shania up first. ;-)
ReplyDeleteBut I think farmgirl brings up an excellent point ("From the and it ain'ts it sounds like a black woman - maybe a black singer?")
@not on my dollar: Oooh, good one! But what is Christie talented at? (Does she do something besides modeling? I'm not up on her endeavors.)
ReplyDeleteim probably wrong, but i'm throwing this out there just cuz no one else has said it: balthazar getty and his (ex?)wife, rosetta. she's a fashion designer.
ReplyDeleteThey said Reese found out Ryan was cheating on her when he gave her THE HERP....nice
ReplyDeleteSorry, Binky! :)
ReplyDeleteHow about A-Rod & his wife?
ReplyDeleteadrian, i don't know anything about her. does she have talents, etc? i wouldn't call him a good looking lad, but ymmv.
ReplyDeleteMolly--she was the most recent break-up I could think of with aq cheating husband.
ReplyDeletewell, we did all feel sorry for her, too, adrian, so could be.
ReplyDeleteSarah Silverman would fit the Jewish angle. But she and Kimmel are back together, no?
ReplyDeleteOkay, in the "and it ain't" box, we have two singers and two black women. That leads me to believe it's a black female singer...though I do like the Shainia Twain guess.
ReplyDeleteTea Leoni was spotted with Billy Bob 2 weeks before Duchovny went into rehab. That's the problem. No one thought anything about the photos, until the rumor came out the she was screwing BBT. After Duchovny comes out, photos of Tea are all over with BBT BEFORE DD went to rehab.
ReplyDeleteI find this interesting. Do you think he emotionally fell apart when he found out so he had to get help?
I never felt sorry for Reese. Besides, supposedly she did get an STD from Ryan, and that's how she learned of him fooling around. Time to go.
ReplyDeleteShosh Lonstein and Jerry Seinfeld.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was Reese, too. But TL and DD kind of make sense as well...
ReplyDeleteto support my Vanessa Williams guess:
ReplyDeleteAnd it aint:
Whitney Houston - black singer
Halle Berry - mixed race=light skin+beauty pageant contestant
Britney Spears - big time scandal in all the tabloids = vanessa's naked pictures for you young ones - we thought she would never recover from that one!!
Also - Rick Fox is stunning and he is known to be quite a cocksman
She was definitely richer than him and was made out to be the hands down victim in the split.
I am sticking by my guess 100%
farmgirl, the only problem with that is they divorced in 2005. that isn't "not that long ago".
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately it is to me, Molly.
ReplyDeleteSomeone guessed Shoshanna & Jerry - talk about a long time ago!
Also the "America cried" I think references America Ferrera for those of you who did not pick up on it.
those are convincing hints, farmgirl. i didn't even think of the america f. connection.
ReplyDeleteI like the Vanessa Williams guess..maybe the designer clue is connected to Mode Magazine..
ReplyDeleteThanks, Molly!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Eileen - I don't watch the show, but I thought it had something to do with fashion.
My first thought was Reese. Gossips still talk about her break up. And she and Whitney both starred as a Singer in a movie (sure, Whitney's main career was singing).
ReplyDeleteBut, I like the TL and DD guess, too. Can we make TL fit?
@Miss X: farmgirl solved it. It's Vanessa Wiliiams. Scroll back up a bit. (Way to go, farmgirl!)
ReplyDeleteit'snotabear - I'm thinking the same thing. Fits somehow. Balty and Whitney had (have?) drug problems. Halle was cheated on. Britney was a blonde crazy bitch = Sienna.
ReplyDeleteShania Twain was my first guess. She was the top guess of another recent blind item that said she's not so innocent and is currently having an affair with a married hockey player. And a recent country music blog suggested that Shania's infidelity, rather than Mutt Lange's, was the cause of their divorce, even though Twain's PR people worked hard to make sure SHE was seen as the victim. But having said all that, I also agree with the posters above who said that Mutt Lange doesn't fit the "good-lookin' lad" label at all. So while my gut says Shania, I'm not 100% sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking Reese, too, because, look at the opening lines:
ReplyDeleteThey imply that S.S. learned this behavior from a gay guy. In Ted C's world Jake Gyllenhall is gay, right? He's "Toothy Tile" to Ted.
Also "pay you the big bucks" is present tense. For however well-paid Shania, Christie B., and Vanessa W. were or have been, they're not as big-bucks currently, as Reese W.
SHOSHANNA....wouldn't sign a PRE-NUP,
ReplyDeletethat was the reason for the break-up.
So Jerry replaced her with a look alike who would....
Don't cry for SHOSHANNA....she married well, rich and really good looking...and she's doing well with her clothing line....Jerry's loss...