With the entire world of Scientology behind him, the best Tom Cruise could come up with during a Friar's Club roast of Matt Lauer was "Lose my number, you glib putz." The remark was a reference to his Today Show appearance. I credit that with the downward spiral of Tom Cruise. That along with Sumner Redstone giving him the boot.
I just find it hard to believe that is the best he could come up with. I mean doesn't Scientology have a bunch of wannabe Hollywood writers sitting around with nothing to do all day except talk to their auditors. I mean Matt Lauer got off a way better line than anything Tom mentioned. "Why don't you sit down?" Lauer shot back. "We'll get you a booster seat!"
See? Now that is a line from a roast. I mean that probably got one of the best reactions of anything said. I would have liked to have known what Tom Cruise was thinking right that second. Probably wishing he could call down Xenu onto Matt Lauer.
I just find it hard to believe that is the best he could come up with. I mean doesn't Scientology have a bunch of wannabe Hollywood writers sitting around with nothing to do all day except talk to their auditors. I mean Matt Lauer got off a way better line than anything Tom mentioned. "Why don't you sit down?" Lauer shot back. "We'll get you a booster seat!"
See? Now that is a line from a roast. I mean that probably got one of the best reactions of anything said. I would have liked to have known what Tom Cruise was thinking right that second. Probably wishing he could call down Xenu onto Matt Lauer.
Team Matt :-) I'm surprised Tom even showed up. But then again, he's probably not invited many places anymore.
ReplyDeleteTom certainly has a way with the his words.
ReplyDeletePeople are such hypocrites in Hollywood. Look at Opa and Brooke Shields weren't they pissed at him and now they are friends again.
ReplyDeleteYes a way with words...it's that wonderful education...oh that's right he didn't even graduate from HIGH SCHOOL....
ReplyDeleteOK! magazine spelled it "puts". WTF?
ReplyDeleteTom has always had trouble with the Earthling concept of "humor." Look at that Sci video where he's laughing hysterically at nothing in particular.
ReplyDeleteYall remember that character "Buffalo Bill" from Silence of the Lambs?-Anywhosie-Tom probaly has a little room in his compound where he puts on his make up and tucks his lil hoo hoo and dances around looking at pictures of Matt Lauer and the Annonymus protesters. All of this is of course after he looks at Katie and says "it puts the barley water on its skin or it gets Xenu tested again"....
ReplyDeletelol..if my own reaction was anything to go by it must have been freakin hi-lar-i-ous!
ReplyDeleteI laughed so hard when I read Matt's comeback, I am sure it broke the room up for a few minutes, shattering what little self esteem Tom has left. What an odd place for Tom to be anyway.
ReplyDeleteBooster seat LOL!
ReplyDeleteCountdown to when Lauer is found dead of mysterious circumstances... Tommygirl will not suffer height jokes lightly!
when you're slamming someone else at a roast, it works if you are a bit self-deprecating. this concept is lost on cruise and so many others(madonna,jenn aniston, jlo,ect.) because they can't get past their gi-normous egos. it boils down to insecurity.
ReplyDeleteActually, Tom Cruise's bit was really funny. Seems he *does* have writer's after all (and I see no mention of "glib putz"):
ReplyDelete"You know, I was just taking his advice. He told me, 'Nobody wants to hear about your dopey movie. Go crazy. People will love you for it.'
"Matt's great at giving advice. When Katie asked him if she should leave the 'Today' show for CBS, he said, 'Absolutely, you should definitely do that. People will love you for it.'
"Jay Leno was No. 1, but Matt told [NBC exec] Jeff Zucker to cut his contract. 'You'll be ahead of the curve before his ratings go down and you'll look like a genius. People will love you for it.' Leno's ratings never went down.
"A few months ago, he was talking to O.J. Simpson and he said, 'Juice, those guys in Vegas have all your stuff. Don't be a p---y, just go there and take it. Trust me, Juice. People will love you for it.'"
As the audience crunched with laughter, Cruise presented a slideshow of Photoshopped pictures of the frenemies jetskiing, frolicking and cooking.
"Matt and I are so close now, that if we can't be together, we talk on the phone three, four times a day. I'll call him up and ask, 'Are you watching this?' And he'll just say 'yeah,' and we'll watch the whole show together on the phone.
"I have to hand it to you, my friend," Cruise went on. "I go from international movie set to movie set, from one amazing party to another, yet you have found happiness doing the same thing every single day. Sitting on a couch, interviewing Charles from 'Knight Rider,' making five-minute radish puffs with Rachael Ray.
"Yes, we all wake up to you every morning - because that was the last channel we had on the night before."
binkym - agreed that Tom had a clever bit. (Matt's was just as scripted. Whomever wrote his comebacks had a list of roasters and came up with "Tom Cruise is short"? Ohhhh-kay.)
ReplyDeleteThis was simply another stop on the Tom Cruise Media Redemption tour, playing nice with the East Coast liberals.