Amazing

I think that the very first thing today that I need to do is thank all of you for being there for me yesterday when I needed you. I had so many e-mails, notes on my wall, messages, and even phone calls that there was no way I could stay down. I love how this blog seems to be one big family and would not change that for anything. I also appreciate that while you are commiserating with me, you also employ your scary detective skills to try and work everything out. For those of you who sent me notes saying you were having a bad day, week, or month, I hope that today gets better. You truly are an amazing bunch of people and I am grateful for each of you.

Yesterday morning I was feeling really crappy about myself and some things that are going on within my life. Many of you assumed that someone must have done me wrong. Well, in the morning I would have agreed with you wholeheartedly. Unfortunately though, after further reflection, I know that I brought the misery upon myself. What happened yesterday was that I was being a martyr. I decided that I was the one who was blameless and in my own subtle and vague way lashed out at the person I felt was causing me to have the worst day ever. Instead of looking at the mirror, I decided they should share in my pain. Since I know the person in question reads the site, what may be subtle or vague to you, is crystal clear to them. The problem is, that as I got done martyring myself I had an epiphany. I realized that if I had opened my eyes, my ears, and not been so dense I probably would not have got myself into the position in which I found myself yesterday morning.

Sometimes we want to do something so much that we put on blinders to the actual reality of the situation and only focus on what we want, and not the needs, wants, or best interests of others. Sometimes we are living in a dream world, and the rest of the world is living in the real world. I'm guilty of that. I'm also guilty of blaming the person, who actually is blameless when the situation is viewed with the blinders removed. It is much easier to be the martyred one and not have to take those blinders off. Removing the blinders admits fault and can be embarrassing or even humiliating. Granted, as a very large man who spills food frequently on his clothes, embarrassment and humiliation come naturally. Still though, it is much easier to blame others for our own shortcomings. Hello Denise Richards.

So, to the person in question, I apologize. To all of you I also apologize. When I was having my pity party, which, by the way is not the same as a one man party, I knew that if I came on here, that all of you would pile on and help me lash out. Of course all I was doing was just showing that in addition to my numerous other faults, I can also be an ass. That was completely unfair to the other person, who really had no way to defend themselves. It was wrong, and they did not deserve to suffer for something I brought upon myself. While I am on my apology role, I would like to take the time to apologize to the maids at Mandalay Bay. Hopefully it didn't take that long to clean. I don't usually react that way to shellfish. To Claude at Mon Ami Gabi who I kept referring to as Harvey. To the waitress in the lounge at Company in Luxor who I always piss off by saying she looks like Vanessa Hudgens, and yet has always refrained from poisoning my food or putting Visene in my drink. To the cab driver who I paid off in 14 $1 chips from 12 different casinos. To Lo Bosworth for calling her a hack during her birthday party. To Mike Tyson for asking him questions about Robin Givens over at Drai's. To my mom for not asking too many questions about the smell in the mini-van. To my new found foreign friend for abandoning you while I searched for the ultimate black jack table. To the bartenders for always tipping you in quarters, and to the cocktail waitresses for always dropping your quarters on the floor. To everyone I drunk dialed, and to those who were sitting at my table while I drunk dialed. To everyone who saw all the Verne Troyer pictures on the site, and then had to try and eat lunch or dinner.

So, now with that out of the way, I think every reader should head on over to my place and we can have a kegger, get wasted and hug it out.