When Jennifer Lopez gave birth to her twins back in February she told the world, or at least those who shelled out $5 to see her airbrushed photos in People that she was going to complete a triathlon by the end of the year. Wanting to one up that other Scientology princess at her own game, a triathlon seemed best at the time. Now, there are just a few months left in the year, but apparently she is going to do it. The only thing that is holding the entire process up is finding a swimmer to replace her during the swim, a bicyclist to tow her and a weightlifter who will carry her during the run.
Now, she never promised us an Ironman Triathlon, but I will still be shocked to see her do it. I'm surprised she has even brought it up. She could have just ignored it and everyone would have forgotten until someone else brought up some stupid athletic promise.
"It's really tiring and like spending time with the babies... it's really challenging. But if I have to crawl across that finish line, I'm going to crawl across that finish line. It's for the kids. I keep telling myself that when I'm training, I'm like, 'This is for charity, your kids are going to know about this. Don't embarrass the family. Really get it done, Lopez'."
I don't think she has been training for it. Sure, she has probably got on the treadmill a few times, and maybe she has taken a spinning class or two, and even done a few laps in the hot tub while running away from Skeletor. The problem is, she never leaves her house and this whole triathlon thing takes place outside in real water and on real roads.
There is not a triathlon that takes place in indoor pools and on exercise equipment is there? Maybe the first annual Marc Anthony, "My Wife Did It" Triathlon, held in their Long Island Rec Room.
Now, she never promised us an Ironman Triathlon, but I will still be shocked to see her do it. I'm surprised she has even brought it up. She could have just ignored it and everyone would have forgotten until someone else brought up some stupid athletic promise.
"It's really tiring and like spending time with the babies... it's really challenging. But if I have to crawl across that finish line, I'm going to crawl across that finish line. It's for the kids. I keep telling myself that when I'm training, I'm like, 'This is for charity, your kids are going to know about this. Don't embarrass the family. Really get it done, Lopez'."
I don't think she has been training for it. Sure, she has probably got on the treadmill a few times, and maybe she has taken a spinning class or two, and even done a few laps in the hot tub while running away from Skeletor. The problem is, she never leaves her house and this whole triathlon thing takes place outside in real water and on real roads.
There is not a triathlon that takes place in indoor pools and on exercise equipment is there? Maybe the first annual Marc Anthony, "My Wife Did It" Triathlon, held in their Long Island Rec Room.
What do you suppose Marco will do when he discovers that she refers to herself as "Lopez"...
ReplyDeleteIt would probably be too humiliating to do one of the smaller triathlons, especially since Katie managed to do the entire marathon on her own (not in Olympic qualifying time, but she ran the whole distance). Better to just hope everyone forgets about her comments and drop the subject permanently. She could always claim she post-partum depression and was can't be held responsible for anything she said in that time frame.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Whenever I read one of J-Lo's quotes, I can completely hear her nasally little voice. It's painful.
ReplyDeleteShe's so grody and irrelevant. The end.
Ent - some gyms will do mini-tri's inside. Treadmill, stationary bike, pool. Not quite as exciting though.
ReplyDeleteReese is right, though. J.Lo needs publicity and money, so she'll need to do something that will get photos.
"Katie managed to do the entire marathon on her own (not in Olympic qualifying time, but she ran the whole distance). "
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAAAA! Good one reese!
I just want to see this:
ReplyDelete"I'm going to crawl across that finish line."
Mooshki, I hope she crawls. That way, it'll be easier for me to kick her.
ReplyDelete"Katie managed to do the entire marathon on her own (not in Olympic qualifying time, but she ran the whole distance). "
ReplyDeleteBullshit. One of her bodyguards ran it and wore her chip. She was just available periodically for pictures.
"It's really tiring and like spending time with the babies... it's really challenging."
ReplyDeleteInteresting choice of words. Spending time with her own children is a "challenge" for her. Not a joy with it's occasional challenges; it's like a triathlon *cough*notfunatall*cough*.
Also, her claim to celebrity motherhood is that she "got rid of everyone"...all her nannies. She has time for training for a triathlon, but who's watching her twins? Mark? Riiiiiight.
As a triathlete in training, and a large dork, the phrase crawl across the finish line amuses me as it's in the rules that you cannot crawl across the finish line. Well I'm sure you can but it means being disqualified, so you might as well drop out half way through.
ReplyDeleteSarah, good luck with the race! Can you slither across the finish line?
ReplyDeleteHer face in that pic barely resembles a human; it's so terribly caked up. Gross! The only reason I ever watched Monster In Law was because Jane Fonda smashed JHo's face into a cake. I wish I could put that into a continual loop.
ReplyDeleteLisa, the only reason I watched "Monster in Law" was for Michael Vartan cuteness, but that was a bonus.
ReplyDeleteShe should look into having Michael Phelps sub for her.
ReplyDeleteNot to worry -- she'll suffer an ankle injury before the race and will be "heartbroken" that she won't be able to do it for her babies and charity.
ReplyDeleteI barely had time to shower with one baby -- how does she have time to train without the help of nannies???
I'm kinda thinking she'd do a Burt Lancaster-type triathlon. Run to a house, swim in their pool then steal a kids bike and ride to the next house. Repeat.
ReplyDeleteJust for you, Mooshki.
ReplyDeletehttp://i35.tinypic.com/eqsh2p.gif
(Infinite repeat of J-Lo/Jane and cake smashing.)
er that's for lisa, sorry.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mooshki! I'm racing for team survivor in Danskin NYC if anyone would like to sponsor me visit http://www.teamsurvivortristate.org/ and click on the Danskin Pledge Form!
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends placed second overall for women in a sprint triathlon less than two months after giving birth. She's had three kids, and never did it take more than a couple months for her to be back to being highly competitive. (Shockingly, she did this without a trainer, a personal chef and nutritionist, or a nanny). JLo must be discovering something most of us mere mortals understand--there is a big difference between getting in shape for an actual athletic event, and getting in shape for a bikini shot.
ReplyDelete