Ricky Is Icky
I was going to start off this little masterpiece with a Cincinnati Bengals reference, but, figured it would be lost in the shuffle. (See, if you get it, you got that last part) Anyway, the NY Daily News is reporting that Ricky Martin has been trying to peddle his baby photos, because hey, he has shopping to do and nannies to hire. What? You thought Ricky was sitting at home changing diapers and cooing La Vida Loca to them? Please. I have a feeling they are going to be his very own Menudo from the time they can sing.
Anyway, as Ricky peddles his kids for cash, it seems as if none of the magazine editors are biting. "We aren't jumping like we usually do," one editor said. "We don't think he is going to tell the back story, so the whole thing just seems kind of icky."
And of course the back story would be why a self professed 100% heterosexual man who could have any woman in the world he wanted would instead choose to pleasure himself into a cup while watching the Mr. Universe competition and inserting said results into a surrogate who cannot be found. Mark my words Ricky. You think she won't be found, but she will be. I don't know what she will contribute to the story except to say that she got paid and impregnated and that she never saw Ricky's peen.
I guess I don't understand why someone like Ricky Martin who is not much of a sex symbol any more, cannot just come out. Be proud and show that parents of any sexuality should be free to have a surrogate and exploit their children for cash. Instead he has chosen to take the route of Michael Jackson and Clay Aiken.
See, now that could be a reality show. Michael, Ricky and Clay all raising their kids while trying to score chicks. It would follow the zany adventures of our three bachelors as they look for love and marriage with that special lady. Season after season would air, yet our available bachelors would just not quite seem to be able find the lady of their dreams. Oh sure, they tried, and in Season 3, one of them actually kissed one of his dates. Sure, it was an accident as he slipped, but America gasped anyway and thought for sure this was it. Alas, it was not to be, and our unlucky bachelor sashayed his way home to "everyone in the same bed night."
Anyway, as Ricky peddles his kids for cash, it seems as if none of the magazine editors are biting. "We aren't jumping like we usually do," one editor said. "We don't think he is going to tell the back story, so the whole thing just seems kind of icky."
And of course the back story would be why a self professed 100% heterosexual man who could have any woman in the world he wanted would instead choose to pleasure himself into a cup while watching the Mr. Universe competition and inserting said results into a surrogate who cannot be found. Mark my words Ricky. You think she won't be found, but she will be. I don't know what she will contribute to the story except to say that she got paid and impregnated and that she never saw Ricky's peen.
I guess I don't understand why someone like Ricky Martin who is not much of a sex symbol any more, cannot just come out. Be proud and show that parents of any sexuality should be free to have a surrogate and exploit their children for cash. Instead he has chosen to take the route of Michael Jackson and Clay Aiken.
See, now that could be a reality show. Michael, Ricky and Clay all raising their kids while trying to score chicks. It would follow the zany adventures of our three bachelors as they look for love and marriage with that special lady. Season after season would air, yet our available bachelors would just not quite seem to be able find the lady of their dreams. Oh sure, they tried, and in Season 3, one of them actually kissed one of his dates. Sure, it was an accident as he slipped, but America gasped anyway and thought for sure this was it. Alas, it was not to be, and our unlucky bachelor sashayed his way home to "everyone in the same bed night."
"everyone in the same bed night."
ReplyDeleteEwww, thanks a lot for that image, Ent.
Icky shuffle? why not a white stripes reference? Icky thump?
ReplyDeleteEnt said: I guess I don't understand why someone like Ricky Martin who is not much of a sex symbol any more, cannot just come out.
ReplyDeleteEnt, I didn't think you were one for outing. Not that there was a whole lot of doubt anyway.
worst kept secret ever...he's been shaking his bonbon for years.
ReplyDeleteHe might not be a sex symbol, but gay men in latin culture do not make money unless they're like that creepy guy who does horoscopes on Univision.
ReplyDeleteRicky only has to tell one story: I wanted to be able to enjoy my kids and have them while I was young, but I haven't found the right person to settle down with yet. I wanted to have kids, and not be tied down to a woman who I didn't fully love.
When your income is driven by a herd of screaming girls & women fantasizing about you being heterosexual, I would imagine coming out of the closet kind of puts a damper on their fantasies. Said damper is probably pecuniary.
ReplyDeleteLOL Jax! and I second dnfrommn - I've always thought it was more of a cultural then money issue that kept him in the closet. But then I guess the bottom line on most celebrity closet cases is money or the presumed loss of it.
ReplyDeleteand Surfer - I really don't think that Enty was outing Ricky Martin - this has been speculated everywhere since the birth of the babies. And as jax said pretty common knowledge.
I don't understand why the 1st thing someone famous does is try to make money off their babies, & why they tend to get it. I'd like yto know if any of them actually put it in trust for the kids, or by new faces/bodies with it, instead.
ReplyDeleteSorry Enty but celebrities of color do NOT come out, that's for their caucasian counter parts to do.
ReplyDeleteBasically its hard enough to get work in this industry as a person of color now you want to make your chances slimmer by "outing" yourself?!?! HELL NO, it works for the Ellens, Melissa's, Elton's and KD's but it doesn't work for the Latifah's, Luther's, Freddie's or Ricky's of this world, its an unspoken rule.
there was no build up or curiousity before the birth. i only heard about the twins after they were born. that makes it a non-story. he would have to give up every detail of his private life to rate any payment(maybe a family photo including his husband).
ReplyDeleteJuan Gabriel is a hugely popular latino singer and he is openly gay. a Mariposa! LVOE HIM. Who reallllly thinks Rick is straight? I haven't thought so for YEARS
ReplyDeleteJuan Gabriel is a hugely popular latino singer and he is openly gay. a Mariposa! LVOE HIM. Who reallllly thinks Rick is straight? I haven't thought so for YEARS
ReplyDeletehmmmmm....could THIS be Toothy Tile?
ReplyDeletegay men in latin culture do not make money unless they're like that creepy guy who does horoscopes on Univision.
ReplyDeleteI freaking love that guy!
I don't think Ent is outing Ricky, he's never come out and addressed any rumors since the early 90's where he had that blonde beard. She was a latin tv presenter.
Ricky hasn't really tried to deny anything - he's almost always seen with men who look just like him. That's what I find funny, screwing your double. If he came out he'd make a huge payday though. Other than that they are just babies.
Juan Gabriel is not OUT, he like Ricky, Latifah, and Luther, never admit to being gay, although EVERYONE knows they are.
ReplyDeleteRe; Juan Gabriel - "Lo que se ve no se pregunta." .. interesting take on saying yes .. I am gay.
ReplyDeleteMontanaMarriot; celebrities of color do NOT come out
ReplyDeleteSomeone's gotta be first in the group and show the others how it's done. Wasn't so long ago that Rock Hudson and Merv Griffin were closeted. What was their excuse, caucasian celebrities do NOT come out?
Ent bringing up Elbert "Icky" Woods is way way more shocking than Ricky being gay.
ReplyDelete(*long exasperated sigh at*): MontanaMarriott: "celebrities of color do NOT come out, that's for their caucasian counter parts to do."
ReplyDeletePeople "of color" who are neither black, native american, or asian are classified as CAUCASIAN. Yes, this means LATINOS and Hispanics. I know no one likes to hear it, but it's true.
Who is the gay non-white Freddie?
ReplyDelete