A. Reader's Brush With Death

After a long hard day of work in the Hollywood trenches, I was headed home to my loyal canine and some much needed R&R. Unbeknownst to me I was about to see my life flash before my eyes. (OK Enty, so maybe I'm being a TAD bit dramatic but when it comes to this actress I know you'll take all the fodder you can get, exaggerated or not).

I was approaching a somewhat busy intersection on a 2 lane road that runs perpendicular to Sunset, near Beverly Hills (and that's as specific as I'll get, lest my stalker emerge victorious from his parole hearing next week). As I was going into the left hand turn lane I see a Range Rover frantically whipping a u-turn just south of where I was. Thinking this is another angeleno idiot who can't drive, I didn't pay it TOO much mind except to make sure I stayed out of the crazed drivers way.

Then, from the side street to my right comes a black Lexus. It was trying to go behind me to turn left into northbound traffic, only it looked like it was headed right FOR me. Ready to let loose a steady stream of expletives I looked over at the driver only to notice there's a hell of a lot of traffic on this non-descript Beverly Hills street. Driver was hot but come on, hot guys driving nice cars are a dime a dozen in LA. I proceeded to turn left, driver turned off the side street to turn left, going across the southbound lane of traffic and as we passed each other I looked again and realized, it was Balthazar Getty. And, in the seat next to him, who else but Sienna Miller looking like she had just popped up from giving him a little under the hood action of her own.

Now, dear Sienna, didn't you drive to the Beverly Hills police begging for protection from the paparazzi just the other day? Does it not seem unwise to you to drive back into the same vicinity where you were chased by them before, only this time bringing the married boyfriend they are all dying to get a picture of you with? I know, I know, you are just trying to live your life like any normal woman sleeping with another girl's husband. But you know what? Price of fame, darlin. Like the ulcers you high maintenance actors have given me over the years, it comes with the territory. So if you want to continue your jet setting (with another woman's husband), your being a lady who lunches (with another woman's husband), and your sunbathing topless (with another woman's husband) then either quit your bitchin or do me a favor and stay off the road!