An Open Letter To Denise Richards

Dear Denise,

August isn't really your month is it? First came the official announcement that your reality show and only source of income outside of Charlie Sheen and Bollywood is drying up. I'm actually kind of sorry that your show won't be on television anymore. Not because I won't get to see you anymore, but because I really like your sister and her husband. I was hoping that if the network gave you another year that they could just move in with you also. I mean they were the best part of the show all year.

Then comes the news that Charlie is having a baby with his new wife Brooke Mueller. That one kind of stung huh? You wanted Charlie to get you pregnant again, and instead he got Brooke pregnant, or she tricked Charlie into getting her pregnant. I'm not sure exactly how that worked. All I know is that Brooke managed to get the golden ticket. Now that Charlie is going to have a baby with Brooke, a lot of the attention is going to swing away from you.

Charlie is going to be in the cover of People with Brooke and the baby. Not you. Charlie will be out and about looking like a great dad for all the world to see. No one will be listening to you whining about how he is a bad dad, because he will be out in public so much showing what kind of dad he is.

I figure there will be only so much of this you will take so you will plot, and plot and either end up sleeping with Emilio or Joe Francis. I haven't quite worked all this out in my head yet. With all of this free time you can at least get your dogs trained and let your assistant go. I mean what does he really have to do? He cleans up dog crap and listens to you whine about the quality of the free clothes people are giving you.

Hopefully the lack of television cameras will not be the demise of your dad living with you. He seems like he needs the company, and without him, I'm not sure your daughters would have any family around because it appears as if he is the only one who watches them. Oh, and the multiple nannies we always see in the background.

Anyway, next month you probably won't have any work or a job or anything, but at least it won't be August. Hey, and you still have that big Bollywood opening to look forward to and the return of the Surreal Life.