Dolly Parton Makes Me Want To Numb The Pain

On Sunday night Dolly Parton was here performing in Los Angeles and in between songs was working the crowd like a good performer should do. Speaking of which I thought that Bette Midler's interview with the NY Daily News today really focused on what is different about today's singers. When Bette or anyone of her caliber gets on stage, they interact with the audience. They tell stories or anecdotes. They make fun of something. They communicate. They relate and it makes their fans extremely loyal. When you see a concert by Britney Spears, you get the music and a thank you at the end of the night. I can get that on a CD. The idea of seeing someone live was that it was going to be special, and that it was going to be different from the record. Sure, you wanted to hear the hits, but you were also there to see the performer and to get a show, unlike something you could go buy in a store. Now, with all the backing tracks and cues required to make everything seem real, you don't get that interaction and I think it is just something that I really miss. I remember seeing Van Halen and David Lee Roth would just talk and talk and talk and talk. Sure, he probably talked a little too much, but it was one of the reasons you went. Although he basically had the same patter for each city, it was still fun to watch and to hear and felt like you had witnessed something special.

Anyway, something that I wish I would have missed was this comment from Dolly in between songs. "Poor little Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Ain't it awful? If those little girls slept with as many men as they say in the tabloids, why their little butts would have more fingerprints than the FBI!"

After I calmed myself enough to keep my mind from exploding, I thought to myself is this an indication of how Dolly Parton enjoys having sex or is this the way she imagines Lindsay and Britney have sex, and has she actually seen Britney's butt because it ain't so little.

So, I think we can rule out missionary in this little scenario because the fingerprints on the butt would be a little tough. Not saying it is impossible, but certainly not the most comfortable. There really is no way to type this out delicately and so perhaps it is best left for all of you to speculate in which position Dolly has the two little vixens sleeping with all of these guys.