Reading Between The Lines - Kneepad Style
It has been a few weeks since I have taken apart a People article and when I read this puff piece about Ali Lohan I knew it was time again.
So, I'm referring to them as People here just because I am about to copy and paste the article and so might as well give People Magazine as much credit as possible for the following travesty.
So, I'm referring to them as People here just because I am about to copy and paste the article and so might as well give People Magazine as much credit as possible for the following travesty.
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Ali Lohan's new single "All The Way Around" has emerged as a hit on iTunes, maintaining a steady spot on the iTunes Top 100 since its debut July 14.
Whenever you see a line that refers to the Top 100 and not Top 20, or something like that, it is always best to check. Currently Ali's song ranks 98th on the list, but it sounds much more impressive the way Kneepads writes it. I mean if they said something was a hit and then said it was at 98 they would look like idiots. Oh, Ali's song is 27 spots lower than Jessica Simpson's hit song.
Just as important to the 14-year-old is a vote of confidence from her singer sister Lindsay Lohan, and her deejay gal pal Samantha Ronson.
I guess gal-pal is People code speak for gay. Either that or People is using writers who once wrote for Laugh In. Who the hell uses the term gal-pal?
"Lindsay loves it," Ali told PEOPLE in an exclusive interview. "It was nervewracking to hear from her because she's so hugely successful, so I was like 'No, don't listen to it!' I ran out of the room when she listened to it. She's really proud of me."
Umm. Unless you have a sibling that actually hates you what do you think they are going to say about your song? And umm since when did Lindsay Lohan become an authority on all things music. Also, have you watched that Living Lohan show? Tell me honestly if you think that Ali Lohan would ever use hugely successful in a sentence. The only time she is doing the whole multiple syllable thing is when she is ordering at Starbucks or getting a manicure and pedicure.
As for Ronson, "She likes it a lot," says Lohan, adding that "it would be really cool" for Ronson to play a remix version of the tune at one her deejaying gigs.
It would be really cool and I doubt it is going to happen kid. Oh, sure if it is your birthday or she and Lindsay get in a fight and she needs some action you might hear a sample, but other than that I don't think Samantha is going to take a chance and get laughed out of the room.
Lohan's next single will be called "Close That Door," which the singer-actress says "is about closing the door to the past, and all the negativity you went through in the past." Lohan, who's currently recording additional tracks for her upcoming album, also says she's "looking at back-up dancers" for an upcoming video and tour.
That is from the press release about the song and are the exact same words everyone uses to describe the song. Of course since Ali didn't actually write that song and only heard it for the first time the day she recorded it, I'm sure it is very meaningful to her. The only looking at she is doing is trolling through MySpace photos of guys she thinks are hot. Or girls. Nothing wrong with that.
In fact, if her E! series Living Lohan, also starring her manager-mom Dina, continues for a second season, it will likely focus on Lohan going on tour. "If anything, it'll be me on the tour bus. I’m not sure yet."
Wow, when People can't spin the part about your show getting picked up you know it must be in some serious trouble. If it is picked up we can see ten episodes of Ali Lohan sitting on a tour bus whining about everything and how life isn't fair and why she is so ugly and everyone is beautiful. Wait that last part is me not her.
Also on the horizon: Lohan may head to China and Italy this fall to film the movie Troll. " I got the role, but I'm still thinking about it," she said.
Well thanks for ruining this week's episode for me. Yeah you keep thinking about it. Damn I can hear this kid whining even in this puff piece article. I have never heard such a whiny spoiled brat in my entire life. She is even worse than the kids on that MTV Sweet 16 show. God, I need a drink and it is barely 10am.
Ali Lohan's new single "All The Way Around" has emerged as a hit on iTunes, maintaining a steady spot on the iTunes Top 100 since its debut July 14.
Whenever you see a line that refers to the Top 100 and not Top 20, or something like that, it is always best to check. Currently Ali's song ranks 98th on the list, but it sounds much more impressive the way Kneepads writes it. I mean if they said something was a hit and then said it was at 98 they would look like idiots. Oh, Ali's song is 27 spots lower than Jessica Simpson's hit song.
Just as important to the 14-year-old is a vote of confidence from her singer sister Lindsay Lohan, and her deejay gal pal Samantha Ronson.
I guess gal-pal is People code speak for gay. Either that or People is using writers who once wrote for Laugh In. Who the hell uses the term gal-pal?
"Lindsay loves it," Ali told PEOPLE in an exclusive interview. "It was nervewracking to hear from her because she's so hugely successful, so I was like 'No, don't listen to it!' I ran out of the room when she listened to it. She's really proud of me."
Umm. Unless you have a sibling that actually hates you what do you think they are going to say about your song? And umm since when did Lindsay Lohan become an authority on all things music. Also, have you watched that Living Lohan show? Tell me honestly if you think that Ali Lohan would ever use hugely successful in a sentence. The only time she is doing the whole multiple syllable thing is when she is ordering at Starbucks or getting a manicure and pedicure.
As for Ronson, "She likes it a lot," says Lohan, adding that "it would be really cool" for Ronson to play a remix version of the tune at one her deejaying gigs.
It would be really cool and I doubt it is going to happen kid. Oh, sure if it is your birthday or she and Lindsay get in a fight and she needs some action you might hear a sample, but other than that I don't think Samantha is going to take a chance and get laughed out of the room.
Lohan's next single will be called "Close That Door," which the singer-actress says "is about closing the door to the past, and all the negativity you went through in the past." Lohan, who's currently recording additional tracks for her upcoming album, also says she's "looking at back-up dancers" for an upcoming video and tour.
That is from the press release about the song and are the exact same words everyone uses to describe the song. Of course since Ali didn't actually write that song and only heard it for the first time the day she recorded it, I'm sure it is very meaningful to her. The only looking at she is doing is trolling through MySpace photos of guys she thinks are hot. Or girls. Nothing wrong with that.
In fact, if her E! series Living Lohan, also starring her manager-mom Dina, continues for a second season, it will likely focus on Lohan going on tour. "If anything, it'll be me on the tour bus. I’m not sure yet."
Wow, when People can't spin the part about your show getting picked up you know it must be in some serious trouble. If it is picked up we can see ten episodes of Ali Lohan sitting on a tour bus whining about everything and how life isn't fair and why she is so ugly and everyone is beautiful. Wait that last part is me not her.
Also on the horizon: Lohan may head to China and Italy this fall to film the movie Troll. " I got the role, but I'm still thinking about it," she said.
Well thanks for ruining this week's episode for me. Yeah you keep thinking about it. Damn I can hear this kid whining even in this puff piece article. I have never heard such a whiny spoiled brat in my entire life. She is even worse than the kids on that MTV Sweet 16 show. God, I need a drink and it is barely 10am.
It's so hilarious to me how the media spins things around or minimizes/enlarges certain facets of stories and facts (the fact that her song is a 'hit' even though it's #98!). That's so annoying to me. Just give it to me straight.
ReplyDeleteOh, and btw, I can't stand the Lohans -every last one of them. I used to feel bad for Lindsay because of her stupid-ass mom and dumb-ass dad, but now Ali Lohan's in on the hot mess brigade!
She's the poor man's Miley Cyrus, and that's pretty low in itself.
Sometimes I hate the fact that I'm 16. HATE my generation sometimes...
she's not ugly and her voice is ok. the problem is...Ali, you can't start at the top. she needs to develope whatever talent she may have. how about a small broadway part? use your sister's connections but you can't start at the top. if Dina keeps this up, Ali will have a life of misery.
ReplyDeleteSimply laughable. Ali Lohan is on an E! Network show called Living Lohan, which is produced by Maloof TV to foist her career as a Maloof Music/Interscope Records recording artist, and also help promote other Maloof family business interests like The Palms hotel and casino in Las Vegas.
ReplyDeleteToo bad the Maloofs don't put any of that money into rebuilding their Sacramento Kings NBA franchise. Maybe after David Stern lets the Maloofs move the team to Vegas, they can funnel some gelt into making the Kings contenders in the Western Division again.
But Ali Lohan? Unintentional comedy. Put her and White Oprah into Kings cheerleader outfits and make them work during halftime already.
This is why the only "reality" shows I watch are programs like Deadliest Catch and Axe Men. Shows about MEN doing dangerous jobs and not bitching, whining and crying like little EMOGITS.
ReplyDeleteGEN Y needs a real bitchslapping be some strong male figure that will tell them to cut that shit out.
This is what to expect from a generation where 1/2 are raised by women due to divorce and absent fathers.
captivagrl, If part of your comment was directed to me, I did not say she was ugly, and I can't comment on her singing, seeing as I never heard her singing voice. However, I agree with what Reverend perez hilton said. She just starts at the top, with her own show and new song. She shouls first start small, honing her "talent" (or lack thereof). That way, when she finally does "arrive", she'll have people and experience to back her up.
ReplyDeleteGary T. Burnaska, absent fathers/lack of father figures don't necessarily equate to a wild, out-of-control person. I mean, I don't have a father or male figure in my life and I make straight A's and live just fine. Sure, I wish I had a father sometimes, but I know I don't NEED on.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, it's up to the PERSON to make a choice as to whether or not they're going to make an ass of themselves their whole lives.
And yes, I am part of Generation Y.
Oh yeah, because the "strong male figures" of the past have done SUCH a good job of raping the planet, our political system, other cultures.....
ReplyDeletePlease. Keep your misogynistic tendencies to yourself. It's "strong male figures" from generations past that are guiding and directing these girls, and ultimately profiting from them. Don't kid yourself - it's not Dina Lohan running this show.
What's even worse is that you used the term "poor man's Miley Cyrus". What is this world coming to?
ReplyDeleteI'm so depressed. Am I really that fucking old that this is acceptable lexicon? SHE's FREAKING 14! She shouldn't be any man's anything!
*chews on leather strap*
Somewhat off topic of the story, but on topic of these comments...
ReplyDeleteIt's really sad that her sister, and now her mom, have ruined the path in front of her...
as I scrolled into the story, I happened to stop the picture right at the shoulders...when I looked at the picture, not knowing who she was , I said to myself "wow, that's a beautiful girl (and just from the face up in that picture, looks older than however old she is...)...
So like captivagrl said...she's not ugly...as far as her voice, I couldn't tell ya...I'll take your word for it...so she's got her looks and her voice going for her, and then her mom and sister going against her...I think the cons far outweigh the pro's in this case...gonna be hard for her to succeed without ALOT of scrutiny, bashing by the press, etc...
this is all you need to know.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWngTmiIur4
i thought miley cyrus was the poor man's miley cyrus.
ReplyDelete"i thought miley cyrus was the poor man's miley cyrus."
ReplyDeleteLOL! It's true!
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ReplyDeleteboywonder - no, it wasn't directed toward you. from the post,"...why she is so ugly and everyone is beautiful. wait that last part is me not her."
ReplyDeletetrue, she wears too much makeup and some photos make her look 35. but, she's still a child. she is not ugly.
Way to tell it like it is Boywonder! Kudos! Good single mom's do make a difference, and there is always self-determination. Myself, I observed family members and learned from their mistakes without having to make them myself. Ali should try to make her own way rather than riding her sister's much tattered coat tails to fame; at least she'd get some respect. BTW, has anyone else noticed how Ali moves her mouth downwards whenever she speaks or makes a face whatever the emotion? GAH! I hate that, yet find it hypnotic and I just want to smack her and say 'Stop with the downward mouth faces already!' lol
ReplyDeleteShe isn't ugly, just oddly aged looking. At least she isn't all leathery looking yet like Dina & Lindsey.
ReplyDeleteAli the oldest teenager in the West. Isn't she approaching retirement now?
ReplyDeleteI think Ali is very pretty. She reminds me a lot of Lindsay in her best looking days (when she was a redhead and a healthy weight...Freaky Friday/Mean Girls) and actually both Ali and Lindsay back then look like younger, prettier versions of Dinah. Dinah only looks rough now because she's older and has been through some stuff, obviously.
ReplyDeleteThe issue is that Ali is 14 and looks like she's in her early 20's already, which means by the time she IS in her early 20's she will look 35 to 40 and still pretty-ish, but clearly fading away, and by the time she hits 25 or 26 she is going to look like someone rode her hard and put her away wet.
And I do agree, Lindsay and Dinah have pretty much ruined it for her. Ali has no real role models in her life to look up to and almost everyone is automatically writing her off as 'another Lindsay' - the washed-up Lindsay, not the early girl-with-potential Lindsay. Distance from those two would be the best thing for Ali but the poor thing doesn't know that. And who's going to be the one to tell her? Michael?