He Sees You When You're Sleeping
No, this isn't about Santa Claus, although I would like to point out there are only 160 more shopping days until Christmas so at anytime now we should start seeing all the fake snow and decorations come out.
I was reading Verne Troyer's interview with E! and he was talking about how his girlfriend still lives with him even though she has been trying to make a buck off the dude. Apparently he is taking legal action to kick her out. That could take awhile. In the meantime, he had this to say, "She's still in the house. It makes it even harder, to, you know, not strangle her."
I want you to look at the photo above and I want you to imagine Verne Troyer sneaking around the house at night. You hear the hum of his motorized scooter coming closer and closer to you door which you hope and pray you have locked. You hear him stop, and know he is going to come in and try and finish you off. He said it. He would love to strangle you and so you wonder if the door is locked.
The door knob jiggles. It doesn't turn, but it does jiggle. You get out of the bed to check to see if the door is locked. You do it quietly, knowing that he is outside the door, with his little reptilian tongue sticking out as he concentrates. You start to hear a thumping sound and then again the jiggle.
And then it hits you, Verne can't reach the doorknob to turn it and that thumping sound his him jumping up and down. You relax, until you hear him getting back into his chair. He is in the chair now and manages to open the door. However it is an outward opening door and Verne can't quite manage the trick in his chair of opening the door and moving the chair enough to get inside so finally just settles for yelling.
Sleep well. Until you hear him in the vents.
I was reading Verne Troyer's interview with E! and he was talking about how his girlfriend still lives with him even though she has been trying to make a buck off the dude. Apparently he is taking legal action to kick her out. That could take awhile. In the meantime, he had this to say, "She's still in the house. It makes it even harder, to, you know, not strangle her."
I want you to look at the photo above and I want you to imagine Verne Troyer sneaking around the house at night. You hear the hum of his motorized scooter coming closer and closer to you door which you hope and pray you have locked. You hear him stop, and know he is going to come in and try and finish you off. He said it. He would love to strangle you and so you wonder if the door is locked.
The door knob jiggles. It doesn't turn, but it does jiggle. You get out of the bed to check to see if the door is locked. You do it quietly, knowing that he is outside the door, with his little reptilian tongue sticking out as he concentrates. You start to hear a thumping sound and then again the jiggle.
And then it hits you, Verne can't reach the doorknob to turn it and that thumping sound his him jumping up and down. You relax, until you hear him getting back into his chair. He is in the chair now and manages to open the door. However it is an outward opening door and Verne can't quite manage the trick in his chair of opening the door and moving the chair enough to get inside so finally just settles for yelling.
Sleep well. Until you hear him in the vents.
Heh.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME.
I'll never be able to sleep again.
ReplyDeleteVerne and Tracy Morgan in the photo below have the same pose.
ReplyDeletelol..or until he pisses in the corner and falls alseep from the effort.
ReplyDeleteit's too early for horror stories....
ReplyDeleteOh dear god, why do you keep torturing us with perverse Verne imagery? You're sick, Enty, very sick.
ReplyDeleteEnty - some of your best snark EVER!
ReplyDeleteWhen you try not to laugh out loud in the office because you really should be working and not reading about celebrity gossip, it sounds an awful lot like you're crying. While reading this I had two people ask me if I was OK. I'm still shaking a little bit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, maybe it's just on my computer but why is the word "hum" highlighted in yellow?
harriet...I too have been asked if I'm ok...NO, i said...NO I AM NOT...oh God, the nightmares....
ReplyDeleteYeah, the word hum is highlighted, too! Like a spoiler...
ReplyDeleteIt makes me think of that godawful movie with Gary Shandling...I think it was called "What Planet Are You From?" and he was an alien who had come to Earth for whatever reason. His penis. It was making a sound. It hummed. There was one scene in the movie where he tells some sultry woman about this...and she suggests, very SULTRILY, that..."maybe it doesn't know the words".
ReplyDeleteHa.
Wow...that's some narrative you've written.
ReplyDeleteNow that I've stopped laughing, I'll attempt to scrub the ick out of my brain.
I never knew I could cringe and laugh at the same time.
ReplyDeleteEnt, I think you've just written a scene for the next Scary Movie.
DAMN YOU, ENTY!!
ReplyDeletecripes.