"But His Teeth Were Really Shiny"

So a couple of my friends were at the Maritime Hotel in New York over the weekend and were accosted by a couple of frat boys who got out of the fraternity about ten years ago, but hadn't quite left the frat behind if you know what I mean. Anyway, they went up to these two women and were making some moves that basically were the equivalent of "hey baby, you want to touch these muscles?"

Well it turns out that instead of being the main course they were just the appetizer because just as the women were reaching for their pepper spray, the guys pulled out their hole card. No, it isn't a euphemism for their peen. They instead said that Andy Baldwin the winner of the last Bachelor or the one before it or who the hell knows was in the back and the women should come say hi. Well, one of the two women is a sucker for reality television so just had to say hi. The other one just decided to judge. She's good like that. Makes you feel inadequate actually, but when directed at someone else it's gold.

You could almost see the guys rubbing their hands together as the women went to the area where Andy was holding court. Well the reality television fan said hi, and the two got to talking. Our judge while fighting off the glare from Andy's teeth did manage to catch this lovely nugget come out of Andy's mouth.

"There were a lot of really deep conversations the viewers didn't get to see."

Yeah, I can imagine they went something like this.

Andy - If I keep you around for another week, you have to have sex with me.

Woman - OK, but this time could you take your socks off.

Ahh, the life of the Bachelor. Andy kept puffing out his chest and beating it, but alas it just wasn't going to happen so he sent forth new minions to reel in someone who would truly appreciate a guy who has served his country and "dated" Marla Maples.

Asked about her impressions of Andy, my very judgmental friend said, "He's incredibly cheesy and a big player, but his teeth were really shiny."

Well I know marriages that have been based on less. I mean he'll probably be great for you during a blackout, or at night if you need to see to go to the bathroom at a strange house or hotel. It will be like having your very own lighthouse. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.