Thong Causes Permanent Injury

If I saw this woman wearing a thong, I would suffer a permanent eye injury. The woman in the video above was trying on a thong. Hang on a second. You can actually try on thongs? Seriously? Because to me that just seems nasty. I mean I know on bikinis they have that little band aid thing to keep a woman "protected," but I have never seen such a thing on a thong.

Can you imagine if guys were allowed to try on underwear before purchasing it? Yeah, not going to happen. So, I know women are probably more likely to be clean than a guy, but still it just seems like no one would ever want to go second or third or fourth to try one on.

52 year old Marcrida Patterson said she suffered permanent eye damage when she slipped on a low rise v-string causing a decorative piece of metal to fly off and strike her in the eye. She assured the world she was not using the thong as a slingshot when it happened and was not having any kind of dressing room sex. The thong was part of the Victoria's Secret "Sexy Little Thing Line."

She has not asked for any specific monetary damages as of yet. I'm sure she will want tens of millions of dollars. When the interviewer asked what the thong looked like, Ms. Patterson got up, flipped up her dress and showed everyone. No, not really, but that would have been pretty funny.

Also, if you are going to play up the whole eye injury thing, then get an eye patch. Eye patches are cool and people feel sorry for you when you wear one. You might also want to have your attorney give you a black eye before you go on national television and then you slowly lift the eye patch and America pukes up their coffee and Victoria's Secret just writes you a check right there.