Unless It Involves Pinatas And Lotion I Don't Even Want To See It

The Sun is reporting that when Lindsay Lohan heard about that fake sex tape of hers last week that she immediately called Calum Best and said:

"I can't believe you would ever f**king do this to me, I should have listened to everyone. I should never have f**king trusted you. It's everywhere now, all over the net, everyone's seen it, how f**king could you?"

Now, first of all I don't know how anyone on earth would ever give Calum Best a $1.00 and expect him to ever pay you back, let alone believe him if he says that he is going to keep a sex tape private. You have got to be kidding me. A drug addict with a sex tape of a celebrity? How long do you think that is going to last in his possession? Most people would hold out for about $1M. Calum if he needed crack bad enough would probably give it up the tape for enough to get him through the week.

But, even if there is a sex tape, who cares. Seriously. Sex tapes between celebrities are never really a turn on. Oh, there is that first few seconds of seeing someone famous naked in all their glory barking like a dog, but after that it just becomes like any two people having sex, which is to say boring. It is porn without the acting or the editing. Yes, you might say that porn actors can't act, but I would say you are wrong. If you can act turned on and totally into it while Ron Jeremy is pounding away at you, then you are a good actress. You just happen to have a different acting skill set than Meryl Streep.

So, if there is a Lindsay Lohan sex tape, I don't really care. Michael Lohan will be first in line, but I don't really care. Now, if Reese Witherspoon has a sex tape, that would be interesting. She seems like she would not be much of a giver. More of a taker.