Hey Pete Doherty Stop Clogging The Internet

Pete Doherty must be sitting in front of the computer 24 hours a day. There is no other explanation for what I am about to tell you unless the rest of the population of the UK has suddenly developed a love for crack also.

As of me writing this Heather Mills is ranked the 95th sexiest person in the world by FHM UK readers. I don't know how many people are on the planet, but lets say 4 billion give or take a billion. When you are talking billions, does it really matter if you count them all? I think that is what McDonalds decided and if it is good enough for them, it is good enough for me. I'm the only person who uses Super Size Me as a before dinner aperitif. If you say that half of the world's humans are female, are you telling me that Heather Mills ranks 95th out of 2 billion?

Anyway, Heather has been getting thousands and thousands of votes. According to FHM deputy editor Chris Bell, "Heather Mills has always been vilified as a gold-digger with a dubious past."But with her pin-sharp power suits and model good looks, thousands of FHM readers have realised she's about to become the world's most eligible - and richest - single woman."

Uh huh. Now I guess I could see the appeal if you have always wanted to have sex with a former porn star and prostitute who was willing to f**k almost anything to make a buck and did manage to talk a Beatle out of $100M or so for a few years of sex.

The bright side to this horrible tale is that she is beating out Paris Hilton. On the other hand she is also beating out Gwen Stefani. Most likely to win this year are Cheryl Cole who we may as well go back to calling Cheryl Tweedy and Jessica Alba who won it last year. Apparently the guys in the UK have a thing for vacant brained, pregnant women who sleep with jackasses.