Fuhgeddaboutit

Three years ago, Paul Sorvino needed a little financing for a film he was producing. Not wanting to hit up his daughter Mira Sorvino for the cash, because lets face it, her husband really doesn't work and she just keeps getting pregnant, Paul went to the government. Specifically Paul, although for this post I really want to call him Paulie. Not Pauly, because there is only one Pauly, but Paulie. Anyway, Paulie went to Lackawanna County, PA and sold the county commissioners there on the idea of being involved in the motion picture business. He spun and he spun and the next thing you know the county lawmakers sold the warehouse that housed all of their road repair equipment and vehicles. "Hell, Jim we don't need that warehouse. All of us have a garage. We can keep them at our places. Just think about all that Hollywood loving we are going to get as producers."

Well in the three years since selling their warehouse and giving the money to Paulie, the County has not heard a word from Paulie. Phones are quiet and crickets are chirping. Plus, the missus are getting pissed about the bulldozer that is always blocking the minivan in the driveway.

In the words of County Commissioner Corey O'Brien: "We've heard nothing with respect to our investment. ... We want a full understanding of where taxpayer dollars are."

But Sorvino told the Associated Press that he resents the implications of the lawmaker's remarks. "To have my honesty impugned has never happened in my life," he said. "The record of how the money was spent was always available, to the penny."

Paulie also said that he hoped to be able to show the film to a distributor in three or four months. He said it is a wonderful film. Ummm. Three or four months before showing it to a distributor? On a $500,000 film? Yeah, Paulie you may want to start shooting that film. Grab your daughter, and her husband, and make a few phone calls to Chris Tucker because he owes you. The movie is called The Trouble With Cali. So what we do is make Cali a woman and the trouble with her is that she's pregnant and we don't know who the father is. So, they are all going to go on the Chris Tucker show to find out, but as it turns out Chris is the father. Love it. Do it in a weekend, and you are all set. Problem solved. Either that or make some calls and the county commissioner guy could go really quiet for a long time.