SAG Awards Report

Hi everyone. Sorry We couldn't do this for the Golden Globes. Before I spill, I just want to remind Enty publicly that I was right about Hayden and Milo way back at the Emmy Awards even though he said I was wrong. Something PRADA is always nice.

There was a running discussion all night if Tom Cruise uses Mystic Tan or if he has some kind of self bronzer. Self bronzer was the clear favorite because he missed some spots.

I patted Ben Foster's ass. Rock hard ladies. Rock hard. Oh, and I'm also a few hundred bucks richer for doing it.

I kept walking behind John Travolta all night hoping one of his plugs would come out so I could give it to Enty for a present. The funny thing is, his hair doesn't move. When he walks, it stays in place. I think it must be sewn into that position.

Ruby Dee gave me a hug and said she loved my work. I feel like crying.

Mickey Rooney introduced himself to me about ten times. I'm not sure he knows where he is. I think people just wind him up and put him at a show. A little friendly with the hands also so it might just be an act.

Next time I think there should just be a live webcam in front of Brad and Angelina and put it on a big screen. There were so many people around them all of the time that I would have felt suffocated. Sometimes there were people three or four deep around them. She is just so beautiful in person. I have never seen anyone who wears and evening gown better than she does. Ever. I thought I saw her sipping some champagne which would kind of throw those pregnancy rumors into doubt. It was really hard to tell though. I wasn't really that close to them, and I just saw it really quickly.

Only person more drunk than me last night. Ryan Gosling. I slipped him some tongue when I said good night. Don't tell anyone. It was minty fresh.

Ashley Tisdale reminds of me a poodle. Maybe it is the hair or something, but I just think of a poodle when I see her.

Zac Efron wears more makeup than me.

Are you supposed to kiss Tom Cruise's ring when you meet him? What is the protocol on that exactly? He said hello to someone at my table and just flashed those veneers right at us.

I introduced myself to Ellen Page because Enty made me. I felt bad though because I don't think she had even 1 minute where someone wasn't talking to her or introducing themselves or kissing her ass.

I would still do Michael Keaton.

There is no one in the Sopranos I would do.

Woody Harrelson and Glenn Close aren't sleeping together anymore are they? I mean that was a really long time ago right? Right?

I know Enty hates Eva Longoria but she is always really sweet to me, and she always calls me on my birthday which is really nice. I thought her new look was really cute.

Debra Messing has crazy eyes. Don't ever look at her straight in the eye. Seriously. You will feel a chill.

Next time you get drunk at a table of actors, try this party game. Six degrees of separation with Kevin Bacon but with people you have slept with. I feel like a slut, but I wasn't as bad as someone else at the table.

Now if I could figure out a way to get Rebecca Gayheart out of the way, I would be set.

You think Ryan will call?