Suri Cruise Is L. Ron Hubbard's Baby

Here are some of the allegations Andrew Morton makes in his new book about Tom Cruise including that Suri is actually the child of L. Ron Hubbard. This is good stuff people. Even better than we all hoped for.

#1 Tom Cruise has become the de-facto second in command of the Church of Scientology.

#2 Morton compares Suri to the Devil's child in the film Rosemary's Baby.

#3 Scientology has taken over the 45-year-old actor's life, with its officials selecting many of the staff at his Hollywood mansion.

#4 Cruise is consulted by Scientology leader David Miscavige on "every aspect of planning and policy" and is tailoring his career to fit the aims of Scientology.

Miscavige is said in the book to have gone to extraordinary lengths to charm Cruise, even ordering his staff to plant a field full of wild flowers at a Scientology base in California after Cruise had told him of his fantasy to run through a wildflower meadow with his then newlywed wife Nicole Kidman.

The relationship between the two men is so close that, according to Morton's book, Miscavige even joined him on honeymoon in the Maldives after his wedding to Katie Holmes in 2006.

Of course Tom denies each and everything in the book. Hell, he probably disagrees with the fact that he was married to Nicole Kidman or even Katie Holmes. He is married to them right? Scientology lawyers are believed to be drawing up a lawsuit seeking $100M in compensation from Morton's publishers, St Martin's Press.

Cruise's lawyer Bert Fields criticized a passage in which Morton claims some "fanatical" Scientologists believed Suri Cruise was actually the result of a sperm donation by Scientology's dead founder, L. Ron Hubbard.

That's right folks. Morton says that Suri is actually L Ron's child. How f**king cool is that.

Morton writes that Katie might feel like she was in "the horror movie Rosemary's Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child".

Mr Fields said: "It's not being published in England. The American publishers criticised the libel laws in Britain because they require an author to tell the truth. Well, thank God for the British libel laws."

Cruise will not be reading the book when it is published in the United States on January 15, Mr Fields said. "He has no intention of reading it. He's very, very busy with a lot of things right now.

"He has been told about it and naturally he knows there are a bunch of lies about him. You can imagine what it must be like to have someone compare your baby girl to Rosemary's Baby. Morton should be ashamed of himself.

"It's a boring, poorly researched book by a man who never talked to anyone involved in Tom Cruise's life or anyone close to him.

"There's no real independent research. He hasn't spoken to his mother, his sister, me, Paula Wagner [Cruise's film producing partner], his agent, his wives, David Beckham, Will Smith, Jennifer Lopez or any of the famous directors he's worked with. Instead you've got this long, boring reference to people he knew 30 years ago."

Morton's book follows Cruise's career from the beginning and details how Cruise became consumed by Scientology.

His involvement in Scientology began in 1986 when he was recruited by his first wife Mimi Rogers, a Scientologist who gave him some literature on the subject.

Morton claims Scientologists pursued Cruise as part of a campaign to recruit celebrities.

Morton quotes former senior member Karen Pressley as saying: "A senior Scientology executive would be on the phone telling us that Emilio Estevez was staying in Malibu and that we had 48 hours to speak to him and get him in for an auditing session. There was so much heat and pressure on this it was outrageous."

Cruise's recruitment was a coup for his wife Mimi but when their marriage began to fail in 1990 the hierarchy sided with him, according to Morton.

He quotes a former Scientologist saying: "The impetus was to help Tom Cruise and within 24 hours they had agreed to split up."

Morton says David Miscavige sought to rebuild Scientology's reputation, battered by a fraud scandal in 1982.

He invited Cruise to his "desert lair" in 1989, a 500-acre resort in Hemet, 90 miles from Los Angeles, nicknamed "Gold Base".

Miscavige lives there with Scientology's most devoted followers called Sea Organisation or Sea Org.

Morton claims the base was surrounded by security cameras, with "secret plans to rig the perimeter with homemade explosives in case of attack", as well as a "man-made eyrie where eagle-eyed guards with high-powered rifles fitted with telescopic sights scanned sunbaked California scrub for possible intruders".

According to Morton, the followers were not treated well. Miscavige, he says, was followed everywhere by an entourage "who slavishly tape-recorded his every utterance".

Scientologists say Gold Base is simply home to their film studios and production facilities where the organization's literature, videos and E-meters are made, and say Morton's characterisation of Miscavige is based on testimony disproved in court.

When Cruise met Miscavige, the two men hit it off, Morton says. He quotes former Scientologist Jesse Prince as saying: "They were like glue, two little people who really enjoyed each other. They laughed the same and acted the same. They were like glove puppets, he was a big star and he was head of a religion."

Miscavige indulged Cruise's whims, ordering Sea Org workers to build a tennis court and gym to impress Cruise (facilities Scientologists say already existed).

According to Morton: "When Tom confided to the Scientology leader about the couple's fantasy of running through a meadow of wild flowers together, his friend apparently decided to make his dream come true.

"A team of 20 Sea Org disciples was set to work digging, hoeing, and planting wheat grass and wildflower seed near the Cruises' bungalow.

"Naturally the work was regularly inspected by David and Shelley Miscavige [his wife], who would ride over to the site on his motorbike. They were apparently unhappy with the finished appearance and had the area ploughed over and reseeded."

Although Scientologists deny the wildflower planting ever happened, Morton claims to have legal affidavits from several witnesses.

Morton says the indulgences came with a price, that Scientology took over the Cruises' new home in Los Angeles where Tom employed "a plethora of nannies, chefs, gardeners, housekeepers, and security staff.

"It was said that many were Scientologists who were carefully vetted by Scientology officials, the procedure often taking months in order to find a suitable candidate with the right background and attitude to work for Scientology's poster boy.

"Candidates would be interviewed on videotape by a Scientology executive before being approved. A Scientology executive later dismissed the claim as 'preposterous'."

Scientology executives contributed to the failure of Cruise's marriage to Kidman, Morton implies.

Morton says that Cruise was asked in 1999 to do a "Potential Trouble Source/Suppressive Person course...designed to anchor an individual's faith while pinpointing those in his life who create problems".

Morton claims Scientologists were worried that Kidman might be a problem because her father was a psychologist - "which automatically made her a Potential Trouble Source" - and she had given an interview emphasising her roots as a Catholic.

"The fear was that a lukewarm Nicole could fatally compromise Tom's commitment to his faith," Morton writes.

"Somehow Tom had to be inoculated against the virus of doubt.

"The surefire cure for scepticism was the Potential Trouble Source/ Suppressive Person course, which reinforced wavering Scientologists' loyalty while making them more suspicious of those around them who were not members of the faith."

When Cruise decided to leave Nicole in 2000, she was worried that she might not be able to see the two children the couple had adopted.

Morton quotes a former highranking Scientologist claiming he received a call from Kidman's lawyer Bill Beslow: "At this point Nicole hated Scientology but was concerned for the kids.

"She did not want to ruin her relationship with them. I told the lawyer if she wants to stay with the children she will have to be quiet and not speak out about Scientology."

In particular, Morton claims she was worried about her "audit" tapes, which contained details of her sex life and which she feared might be leaked if she spoke out.

Morton recounts allegations that "auditing" focuses on the subject's sex life.

He quotes Hubbard's son, Ronald De Wolf, who fell out with his father, giving a Playboy interview: "You have complete control of someone if you have every detail of his sex life and fantasy life on record. In Scientology the focus is on sex. Sex, sex, sex.

"The first thing we wanted to know about someone we were auditing was his sexual deviations. All you've got to do is find a person's kinks, whatever they might be.

"Their dreams and their fantasies. Then you can fit a ring through their noses and take them anywhere. You promise to fulfil their fantasies or you threaten to expose them."

Morton says Karen Pressley was at Gold Base one evening when John Travolta's sexuality was openly discussed.

He writes: "'It made my head spin,' she recalls, 'and made me realize that the idea of confidentiality was a chimera.' As another Scientology executive admitted bluntly, 'These files come in handy if they want to blackmail you'."

Cruise's attempts at new relationships, with actresses Penelope Cruz and Sofia Vergara, did not work out.

Morton claims Cruz's father Eduardo "was concerned that his famous daughter could be drawn into what he considered a cult - and, like so many others, be lost to him and his family for ever.

"Eventually he emailed an organization devoted to helping cult members and their families. It was only after a long exchange of correspondence that officials realised they were dealing with Penelope Cruz's father."

Cruise's shorter-lived relationship with Vergara included a visit to the Scientologists' Celebrity Center in California.

Morton claims: "It was on this trip that Sofia realised Tom was never alone. Everywhere he went, he was surrounded by Scientologists. They were at his home, they were in his car, they were at the restaurant. They were never short of smiles, but she found them 'powerful and authoritarian'.

"One friend told me, 'She met his children, there is no doubt he was auditioning her for the part of his wife.' Sofia told friends she had been deliberately targeted not only as a possible bride for Tom, but as a high-profile Scientology recruit who would be an alluring figurehead for a future recruitment drive in Latin America."

Cruise's lawyer described the allegation as "ridiculous".

Morton claims that as Cruise has moved higher up the echelons of the Church of Scientology he has made more and more decisions about his life and career to simply promote his religion.

The author says Germany's population of 80million made it a perfect "new market" for Scientology, although the church is not recognised officially as a religion there.

"David Miscavige and his lieutenants were in Scientology's war room at Hemet, planning the invasion of Germany. From time to time they were joined in their desert bunker by Tom, who these days is the organization's second-in-command in all but name, involved in every aspect of planning and policy."

Morton says Cruise's current mission is to recruit David and Victoria Beckham. The actor invited Miscavige to a Real Madrid game back in 2004 and held a celebrity party for the couple when they moved to Los Angeles.

Of the bizarre beliefs Morton ascribes to some Scientologists about Cruise's third wife, Katie Holmes, whom the actor married in a whirlwind romance, the author says, incredibly: "Some Sea Org fanatics even wondered if the actress had been impregnated with Hubbard's frozen sperm.

"In her more reflective moments, Katie might have felt as if she were in the middle of a real-life version of the horror movie Rosemary's Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child."

Mr Fields described the passage as "sick and bizarre".

"It's a pack of lies," he said. "The book suggests Scientologists somehow run his career. I've represented him for over 20 years and I've never discussed his business with David Miscavige. It's poorly researched and badly written, and it's not really even about Tom Cruise - it's an attack on Scientology."

The Church of Scientology is incensed about a series of allegations Morton makes about Miscavige, who took over from the religion's founder L. Ron Hubbard at the age of 26.

Elliot Abelson, general counsel for the Church of Scientology, said of Morton: "We tried to contact him to co-operate, to give him the truth, to give him a tour. I received nothing.

"This was a pre-ordained mission to trash Tom Cruise. He didn't ask to speak to David Miscavige and wrote some horrible things about him which are totally untrue. No one has ever made complaints of that kind."

Mr Abelson denied the actor was "second in command".

"He is a parishioner, a well respected parishioner, but that's what he is. The only person who runs the Church and makes policy decisions is David Miscavige."

Mr Abelson said no decision had been taken about legal action but he added that Scientologists may sue in Britain if the book is distributed here.

"It isn't too late for St Martin's Press to pull this book," he said.

Golden Globes Needs Lots Of Seat Fillers

Today the Screen Actors Guild told its members they should not cross the WGA picket lines to attend the Golden Globe Award program. Previous announcements by SAG had put the onus of whether or not to cross on the individual actor. However, after speaking to most of the nominees and other actors, SAG President Alan Rosenberg said in a statement, "there appears to be unanimous agreement that these actors will not cross" the picket lines to present or accept an award.

If they are not going to present or accept an award, I guess they could go and get some free food and booze, but there won't be much else to do. NBC has not made an announcement as to whether or not they will broadcast the award show. If they want to kiss the asses of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore they could show three hours of awards being presented and Rumer Willis walking back and forth in front of an empty ballroom. That should be must see television. If NBC decided not to air it, then all the invitees could just go and get together and have one big drink fest and one hell of a party.

Britney Timeline

Now that Britney has had her visitation rights suspended, I thought I would go ahead and post the timeline US Weekly prepared of last night's events. It is the best summary of the events I have seen and has links to articles about most of the items in the timeline.

After Britney Spears defied court-mandated visitation hours Thursday night by refusing to turn over her two sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline, police were called to her home. Later a reportedly intoxicated Spears was taken via ambulance to L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Here is how it all went down:

7 p.m.: Britney is scheduled time to hand over custody of Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 15 months, to Kevin Federline's bodyguard.

8:30 p.m.: Police arrive at Spears' Beverly Hills home after being called about a "custodial dispute," LAPD officer Jason Lee said. Shortly after, Federline's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, arrives.

9 p.m.: Kaplan leaves Spears' home. Spears' lawyer - who filed a request to be released from representing the pop star Wednesday - Sorrell Trope, tells Us: "In a normal case when someone shows up with a certified court order saying the kids need to be somewhere else, the police see to it that the order is obeyed. But that is in a normal case."

10:08 p.m.: News helicopters hover over Spears' home. Officer Jason Lee of the Los Angeles Police Department told City News Service that Spears appeared to be under the influence of an "unknown substance."

10:50 p.m.: The fire department arrives. LAPD Officer Jason Lee tells Us: "The officers are still there. They are trying to resolve this peacefully and legally, according to the court order. They've been there since 8 p.m., and it is in regards to Britney Spears' custody battle."

11:05 p.m.: Paramedics take a gurney and a backboard into Spears' home. CBS reports a mental evaluator was also called.

11:25 p.m.: An ambulance pulls into Spears' driveway, parking behind her car.

11:50 p.m.: An ambulance carrying Spears and other emergency vehicles leave the scene; it's reported that Sean Preston and Jayden James are taken to Cedars Sinai as well to be evaluated.

12:40 a.m.: Spears arrives, via ambulance, at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. (Police had erected screens to shield her from waiting photographers.) Federline and Spears pal Sam Lutfi soon arrive separately. Around time of mom's arrival, son Jayden, sucking on a pacifier, is carried into the emergency room by a police officer.

1:10 a.m.: Britney's father Jamie arrives.

3:45 a.m.: A hospital source confirms that Spears remains under observation as a "special needs" patient.

4:15 a.m.: Paparazzi follow a car carrying Jayden James and Sean Preston to Federline's Tarzana home.

Vivica Fox Sex Tape

So I am sure that everyone has heard the story about Vivica Fox going down on a guy and being so drunk that she didn't notice he was filming the scene with his cell phone. I don't know if this is her or not, but it is being alleged that it is her. It is definitely a woman going down on a guy and definitely done with a cell phone camera or something of poor quality. Although the actual act is blacked over, it is still NSFW. You can watch it here.

Four For Friday

#1 - I almost didn't even write this one because I am so tried of writing the word pregnant. I hope it is the last time for awhile. Anyway, this one hit wonder female singer is pregnant by this married celebrity.

#2 - This married has been of an A list singer/ teenage heartthrob was seen making an absolute fool of himself at a NYE party at the Playboy Mansion. She was probably 21, but looked about 16 and he followed her around all night promising the world if she would just go home with him. Touching her, kissing her, and even trying to grope her, our singer even offered to leave his wife. Now we all know he was probably joking about leaving his wife, but when she finds out about it, she might leave him.

#3 - This aging owner of a hot LA restaurant is having trouble finding new women to drink with him. Seems like whenever he does, they wake up the next morning only to find themselves in the guest bedroom of his house. Alone, but undressed. He then calls each woman repeatedly. Up to 15-20 times a day, and does so until they change their number or break down and agree to see him again.

#4 - This female celebutante did a little striptease for her pro athlete boyfriend. Nothing blind item worthy in that. But, when you find out that three of his teammates were also in the room, then it becomes blind item worthy.

Random Photos Part One - Full Frontal Friday Version

Helen Hunt has had so much work done that she looks more like Martha Plimpton with long hair. I clicked on photos of the Palm Springs Film Festival knowing Helen Hunt was going to be there with her film, and I just blew right by this the first time. She doesn't even resemble the same Helen Hunt of a few years ago. I think it's the first time she has been in a dress for awhile also if you know what I mean.
If it wasn't for the Helen Hunt shocker, Ellen Page would have been on top. I am really beginning to like her a great deal. Now I just need to see Juno.
I think the mark on Eva Longoria's right wrist is a UPC barcode. The people in Denver all look thrilled to see her.
I don't think Christina Aguilera has worn this little makeup since she was born. Someone must have finally told her that unless she wants her baby born wearing lipstick, then perhaps she might want to stop buying it and wearing it by the pound.
This is Amy Fisher and her husband Lou Bellera. They were discussing their sex tape and also trying to get people to buy it. I'm not real interested in watching a senior citizen get it on with a skank, but more power to you if you do.
Speaking of skanks and sex tapes. Now that she refiled those divorce papers, that NYE party makes a little more sense. Pamela Anderson is in Vancouver right now so make sure you stay safe, and get your shots updated.
I think that might be a smile from Nicole Kidman. Or, it could be gas. Hard to tell.
Hope Lindsay Lohan has some coupons for all that shopping she is doing. Do they have Ross in Italy?
Happy birthday Kimberly Locke. Guess Harvey couldn't get away from his wife twice in a week so you had to spend it alone. Sorry.
"Mommy. What does Daddy look like? I can't remember."

Courtesy of DNfromMN I have something very special to share with you today for those of you who enjoy Clive Owen. There are about 20 photos of him including full frontal for you to gawk at all afternoon. Just click here to see it all, and I mean all. You should know this is NSFW but I feel necessary to warn you anyway.

Broadway Star Admits To Sexual Assault Of Teenage Actress

Broadway star James Barbour is facing a two month jail sentence after he confessed to groping a 15-year-old girl in his dressing room.

The 41-year-old agreed to plead guilty to two misdemeanor counts of endangering the welfare of a minor in return for 60 days in jail. Barbour admitted in court yesterday that he lured a high school student back to his dressing room in 2001 after a teacher arranged for her and her parents to see him in a production of Jane Eyre.

The actor - who also played the Beast in Beauty and the Beast - revealed he touched the aspiring actress sexually. He then arranged for her to visit him at home, where he touched her again. Barbour's lawyer Ronald P. Fischetti claims the girl - now 22 - initiated the contact, and has asked a court to allow him to publish ads, featuring the girl's name, asking men if she has filed false claims against them.

He told reporters, "She initiated both of these sexual encounters and then waited five years before filing a complaint against him." Fischetti added that his client only pleaded guilty to avoid being added to the sex offenders' register. He said, "By pleading guilty to misdemeanors, he doesn't have to register (as a sex offender), and that's important. "He wouldn't have been able to travel without reporting, and he wouldn't have been able to work with children."

First of all, this guy shouldn't be working with children ever again. I don't care of she made the first move or not. The fact is that he was 34 and she was 15 and he should have known better. Also, if he didn't do it, then why the hell would you plead guilty to the crime. The guy invited the 15 year old girl back to his house because he wanted to continue the groping he did at the theatre. And what is with the lawyer wanting to publish her name in the papers? That is just crass. What would the ad say? Did this teenage girl come on to any older guys in the New York area? Would he post lots of pictures of her as well so the whole world would know. This is a bunch of crap. Like I said, it doesn't matter if she initiated it, the guy should have stopped it. Go to jail James and let the guys there spend some time groping you and see how you enjoy it.

The picture is what Barbour looked like at the time of the sexual assault.

Children's Program Host Arrested For Suspicion Of Murder

Mark Speight is the host of a very popular children's program in the UK called SMart which introduces children to art. His fiancee Natasha Collins who was 32, was found dead in her bathtub at about 1pm yesterday. Because Speight was the only other person present at the apartment he was obviously a suspect and was arrested on suspicion of murder and supplying a Class A drug but was released later on bail.

It is suspected that Collins died of either a cocaine overdose or a heart attack related to the use of the drug. When police were called to the scene no drugs or drug or drug-taking paraphernalia were found at the scene, but I would highly doubt that Speight would leave them laying around to be found whether or not he had anything to do with her death.

It is also hard to imagine someone doing lines of coke on the sides of a bathtub at 130pm, but you just never know. I have definitely seen some crazier things.

The BBC has canceled tomorrow's scheduled 10am showing of SMart, which was a repeat. A decision has yet to be made on whether next week's episodes will be screened, a BBC spokeswoman said.

What If Britney Got Married?

With more and more people comparing Britney Spears to Anna Nicole Smith, I started thinking about something else. What would happen to Britney's money if she died? As it stands right now, if she doesn't have a will, it would all go to her two kids. But with Britney, things are never that simple. With all of her late night goings on and all her quick trips here and there, would it surprise anyone to learn that she had married one of these one night stands? Would Britney ever be that impulsive? I think the answer is yes she would be that impulsive. Is it possible she married more than one of these one night stands? Probably not because one of them would spill it for money.

One or two of these guys wouldn't though and they are JR Rotem and Sam Lufti. If Britney didn't leave a will, then if one of these guys had married her, then they would be entitled to half of her estate with the kids dividing the other half. It is of course not beyond the realm of possibility that she married one of these guys and one night wrote out a will giving everything to them if she died. Hell, she doesn't even have to marry one of them to give them everything in a will. You think Britney could be influenced to do something like that?

I want to be clear that I have no proof that she has gone and married anyone, and no proof that one night some guy managed to get her to write out a will leaving everything to him, but if she dies, I guarantee you there will be a bigger mess than the ANS situation.

Daniel Johns Is Going To Be A Free Man

For all of you who have a thing for the Silverchair frontman Daniel Johns, now is your chance to start stalking him. Seems that Natalie Imbruglia didn't want him anymore and so filed for divorce. I'm sure it has nothing to do with that other guy she is seeing while her devoted husband waits patiently at home for her on the other side of the world. She insists that David Walliams is just a friend. Uh huh.

So I am biased towards the guys from Silverchair. It's my blog. Go get your own blog if you want to take the side of a woman who voluntarily slept with David Schwimmer and wasn't paid to do so. (as far as we know)

In a statement she released, Natalie said she and Daniel had grown apart due to the pressures of work. Considering she didn't do much working while they were married, and he did, that is pretty funny. She gets a big audition, and then bam, the pressures of work are too much and it is over. Uh huh.

To me Natalie was always just using his fame to try and help her own career. Once she left that Australian television show and had her one hit wonder, she was done. She has always tried to hitch herself to a bigger star, hence the copulation with David Schwimmer, and the frequent showers she must have endured after.

One of my favorite Silverchair songs - Straight Lines

Prove You Are A Star Or I Will Kill You

I have never heard of Steve Holy, but then again, I am not big into the country music scene. From what I understand Steve Holy is a pretty big deal. Well, two cops didn't think he was the real deal and it almost led to his death.

The Dallas County district attorney's office is considering whether to file aggravated assault charges against Randy Anderson, 25, and Paul Loughridge, 48, after the incident which occurred last week. Turns out that Steve and a friend hooked up with the two cops in a bar. This actually sounds like the beginning of most gay porn films. Anyway, after several drinks, the four men went home to play some football. Again, sounds like porn.

No one knows exactly what happened next except the parties involved, but there was an argument about Holy's profession as a singer. As a result of this argument the off-duty officers allegedly forced the star down on to the kitchen floor and held a gun to his head. Holy was eventually allowed to go upstairs to find documents to prove his fame, where he immediately told his wife to call for emergency services.

Guess she was upstairs because she didn't want to play football with the guys, but it is a damn good thing she was there. So you have to cops who don't believe a guy is famous and so throw him on the ground and put a gun to his head until he proves it? Wonder how many people they have met when they were working who have had the same experience.

Dane Cook - Still Not Funny

Dane Cook wants people to think he is funny. I actually think he is very funny as an actor. His standup though has never been funny. It is ok for three minutes while you are waiting for a commercial to be over on another channel, but taken in doses of more than five minutes, you feel brain cells just slipping away. I think this is why Jessica Simpson liked him so much. With no brain cells to begin with, she felt like Dane Cook was her God.

Anyway, ever since Dane Cook broke Richard Pryor's Laugh Factory stand-up record last April, he and Dave Chappelle have been going back and forth trying to outlast the other. There is one huge difference between the two. Dave is funny and Dane is not.

In the latest round, Dane Cook went on stage Tuesday night and finished seven hours later which broke the record of 6 hours and 12 minutes Dave had set last month. Pryor's record which had stood for 27 years was 2 hours and 41 minutes. I think part of the back and forth with Chappelle stems from the fact that people thought Dane Cook disrespected the memory of Richard Pryor by breaking the record, and doing so for all the wrong reasons. Dane did it for personal glory and no other reason. Dave took offense and so has made it is goal to make sure that Dane will not hold the record for long.

Need To Have Sex To Make A Baby-- Part Two

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have an appointment scheduled with a fertility doctor later this month. Seems that the couple are having a tough time conceiving. Now Magazine quotes a source as saying: "Katie is so upset. They both really want another child but it just doesn't seem to be happening. She says they have been trying since last summer. Tom and Katie have decided to go and see a specialist."

The reason it isn't happening is because you have to have sex to make a baby unless of course you are Xenu, and in that case it just magically appears and then you style and cut the hair so it looks just like daddy. Didn't have much trouble getting pregnant before Suri. In fact, it was pretty damn quick after they got together. Maybe at that point Tom could still close his eyes and imagine that Nicole Kidman was showing him serious strap on loving and was thus able to impregnate Katie. Or of course it might not be Tom's baby. Good luck finding that one out. It would be an interesting situation if Suri were ever faced with a life threatening disease and needed a match, whether Tom would be that match she needed or if by sheer bad luck he wasn't, and say someone else was.

I think what they have been doing since last summer is trying to figure out how to spin the fact that Suri is going to be an only child. This situation should not come as a surprise. What does come as a surprise is Suri. I'm sure that Tom Cruise wishes each and everyday of his life that he never married Mimi Rogers because she spilled and spilled, and she made it clear that Tom could not get anyone pregnant.

Scorecard:

Mimi and Tom = 0 kids -unable to get pregnant
Tom and Nicole = 2 adopted kids who should be on the back of a milk carton by now. Unable to get pregnant.
Tom and Penelope = She is kinky, but not that kinky. Tom puts strap on back in box. Didn't have a child but don't know of they tried.
Tom and Katie = 1 child. Unable to get pregnant again.

I'm seeing a pattern. Do you see it? Every woman Tom has been involved with has an E at the end of her name or an E sound. Oh, and the pregnancy thing.

Britney Spears Story

This is one of those times where I think I will just take a pass on commenting about Britney or her kids or the situation. She obviously needs help, and hopefully the 72 hour 5150 hold will help. From what I understand, despite police observations to the contrary, Britney's blood tests came back negative for any controlled substances. To me, this is worse because it means she is in serious need of help. Hopefully she gets it. Her children are young enough where they hopefully won't remember last night. The problem is that if she doesn't get help, there will be lots more nights like last night.

Ted C Blind Item

Oh, sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, what else is new in T-town, right? Just homosexual sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, that’s what. (Like this is a news flash, but hey, I’m just the goss messenger here, ‘kay?) Sally Sedate Me has hooked up with her latest man. You saw that, didn’tcha? Yep, sure ya did. This latest guy is simply divine, so delish, much more so than the last loser the sweetie star hung out with.

Indeed, fans are so relieved SSM has found herself a he-man worthy of her luscious locks, winning smile and utterly adorable personality. It’s a tabloid team made in heaven! Why? Well, because New Guy’s also got a killer grin, a fab sense of humor, a total do-me coif and—best of all—absolutely no desire whatsoever to make love to Sally, just like she likes it.

See, Sally-Sweets lives for getting high, not orgasmic. But she likes the company, and she knows her career will suffer if she’s seen manless for too long. And New Guy, ‘course, wouldn’t even have a job if his homo ways were known. Or so he thinks.

Sally really should get over her habit, already. Doesn’t she see it’s what’s marginalizing her career, not her male companionship (or lack thereof)? It’s a good flick that’s hard to find, not a fella or a fix.

Today's Blind Items

So it turns out that Jamie Lynn Spears wasn't the only person that our producer had a fling with. No, it wasn't anyone on Jamie's show. But, it turns out he has made a habit of doing the same thing in the past to a number of different other tweeners. Not necessarily getting them pregnant, except for one very big exception. Most of the time our producer would just make advances on the lesser stars of the shows he worked on, but the one other time he got someone pregnant was someone who is a much bigger star than Jamie Lynn was or is. In that instance, the actress got an abortion and a healthy sum of money from the producer. Everything was hushed up because the show was making way too much money.

Random Photos Part One

The problem I have with Jessica Alba wearing this scarf is that again it was about 70 degrees yesterday in LA. The second is that Mel C already wore this scarf, and I don't think anyone should be copying fashion from Mel C unless there is something Jessica has been holding out on us.
Tom Brady is still a jackass, but you have to admit that if Gisele Bundchen ever lets him do the baby maker thing with her, it is going to be a pretty cute kid.
Since everyone called Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy out on their invalid wedding, now of course they are going to have an official wedding in private. Where nobody can see whether or not they actually do it. Is someone missing from these photos?
The first time I saw this photo yesterday I thought it was an ad campaign and its focus was how the Beckhams would look in thirty years. I would advise Victoria Beckham to get herself a great wig before that time. She doesn't look very good bald here.
Chace Crawford was in Miami. Was Carrie Underwood there? Hmmm?
Ryan Reynolds takes a break from humping Scarlett Johannson to hump his bike instead.
"Hi I'm Mischa Barton. I'm sad which is why I went to church yesterday. I also look sad because only one photographer that I called to see me coming out of church, actually came to see me sad and repentant after I went to church. Do I look virginal enough? Can virgins smoke pot? I I wonder if my bong is still under the seat where I left it?"
Do you ever get the feeling that Katharine McPhee just prays that someone will recognize her and take her photo.
Many people wish Jennifer Love Hewitt would have had this surgery long ago.
When Britney Spears has better taste in bikinis, you really need to take a look at your fashion choices more closely. And I don't even want to hazard a guess at what is growing out of Jennifer Aniston's bikini bottoms.

An Open Letter To Lindsay Lohan

Dear Lindsay,

I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you are running out of money. All those big roles kind of blew by the wayside after all of your troubles huh? It's hard to believe you went through all of the money you were paid the last two years. Most of your movies might have bombed, and of course your last two films were voted as the two most awful of 2007, but you did get paid well for those films. If it is any consolation about the awful film award, it is my understanding that no one actually volunteered to go see Blonde Ambition, or you might have just had the #2 and #3 worst films of the year. I bet you never though things would turn out this way when you were doing Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, and that Herbie movie. Well actually when you did that Herbie movie you should have had a pretty good idea that this is where you were headed. Next time you should know, that those Disney folks will make you do a million films before you can get out of one of their contracts, and that some version of Herbie is offered to everyone. The difference is everyone else always gets out of it.

I know it's tough to have to financially support both your parents and your siblings. It's not like your parents want to buy their clothes from Target, although your dad looks like he busy his clothes there. If he is going to look so cheap when he dresses, maybe you should send him over to a Target. I saw Kate Beckinsale at the Target over at La Brea and Santa Monica so you could send him over there and have him try and mooch off her for awhile. She has a kid. Maybe he could babysit with those world class parenting skills of his.

I don't have enough space to really get into your mother. That was probably a bad choice of words. I don't want to imply that other people have got into your mother or even want to. Not that they wouldn't want to, so don't take that wrong. I noticed that she called Riley's mom yesterday to complain about the Daily Mail article. Of course Riley got $120,000 for that article so she could have been calling Riley's mom looking for a cut, or a loan, or a little something for you since it was your photos that Riley was selling. If your mom got a cut, do you think she would share it with you? I think that is a question you need to ask yourself.

I think what you need to do is lower your expectations for your next film. I think you need to do something a little lower on the pay scale. It's not like you can't still get $500,000 for a film, because you can. What you need to do though is stop thinking you are going to get $3 or $4 million because it just isn't going to happen. I heard porn stars make a decent living. You may want to give that a shot. Making out and groping three guys in one day and sleeping with one isn't too far from just having sex with all three and making a quick $20,000. What the hell. If you are going to do it anyway, might as well get paid. Hell, if you brought Dina along as a fluffer, they might boost that up to $20,500.

You know your dad would love hanging out on the set, and your sister Ali could come watch since she is already dressing exactly like you and seems to want to follow in your every footstep. Look, you are what 35, 36 now. Oh, wait. 21, but look 35. Sorry. My bad. You have made your decisions in life and I actually think you will turn out all right. This letter might not seem like I do, but I do. But, don't let Ali make the same choices as you. She doesn't have a few million to burn through to learn about life's little lessons and so I think it would turn out much worse for her.

Anyway, if you need a couple of bucks, you know how to reach me, and I'll even throw in some In-N-Out.

Stay Classy,(whoops)

EL

Jack Osbourne Is An Idiot

After Mischa Barton's arrest for DUI, someone decided to ask Jack Osbourne for his opinion on the matter. I'm not sure exactly why his opinion matters, or why someone would seek it. It's kind of like asking Michael Lohan about parenting. People ask him, but he's no Lynne Spears when it comes to great parenting. When Michael Lohan is asked to write a book about parenting, I promise I will be the first in line to buy it. Hell, I am going to be first in line for Lynne's book. I am going to post the whole damn thing and let everyone comment on it. I'll worry about the whole copyright infringement thing later.

Anyway back to Jack. When asked about Mischa's DUI arrest he said, "Everyone gets DUIs... but you only hear about it when celebrities get them. It is a big deal but it's not a big deal, just a slap on the wrist."

I didn't realize that everyone got DUI's. I do agree that it is usually more newsworthy when a celebrity gets a DUI, but many counties publish the names of people arrested for DUI's and if something tragic happens as a result of the DUI, it almost always makes the news, at least locally. It definitely isn't a slap on the wrist to the over 13,000 people killed by drunk drivers each year or their families or their friends. It isn't a slap on the wrist to the many thousands of people who are injured each year as a result of DUI's or their families, or the fact they may lose their jobs because they can't work as a result of being struck by someone who has too much to drink and then drives.

DUI's are 100% preventable. Heart disease, cancer and other causes of death are not 100% preventable. DUI deaths are.

Not That I Wouldn't Want Tom Cruise To Go Bankrupt

If Tom Cruise went bankrupt I actually think it would be hilarious, but despite reports that make it seem otherwise, Tom Cruise isn't going bankrupt anytime soon. Here is the story as printed:

Tom Cruise is at risk of going bankrupt if he does not stop spending money, according to reports.

You, me, the guy across the street and Bill Gates could all go bankrupt if we don't have any money coming in, and keep spending money. That isn't the most original thought ever written. Not saying that I always have original thoughts, but you could put any name where they have Tom Cruise written and it would fit.

The actor has lavished so much cash on luxuries for himself, wife Katie Holmes and their baby Suri that friends fear he could lose his £125 million fortune.

So, at the current exchange rate, Tom has about $250M give or take. At 5% interest a year that would be $12.5M coming in without depleting any of his fortune. So, about a $1M a month or $30,000 a day. Yes, there are taxes, but hey, this is a gossip blog.

A source said: "Tom is really into money. He has no problem spending it. It makes him feel powerful. He loves to brag about his Porsche's, his homes, his planes and his motorcycles.

He needs something to be powerful other than controlling every aspect of his wife's life. Maybe he has a small d**k and so he compensates by spending it on toys. Maybe it is his way of hiding whatever demons he has inside of him and should let out. Not that he would ever come out or needs to come out because everyone knows Tom isn't gay right?

"When Tom takes Katie out, he has his security people hand $100 bills to anyone who helps them, even someone who opens a door! He's a big giver."

Judging by the photos it looks like Tom lets Katie Holmes out of her prison about once a week. So a few $100 bills to the doorman aren't going to break him. In fact, this whole thing almost looks like a setup to show the world how much Tom has, but that he is a giver and that he is a big flashy player in Hollywood.

The 45-year-old reportedly spent $1 million on fuel for his four private planes last year.

Again, the article is telling us how much Tom has, and that he is a big man as far as the wallet goes. Do the Scientology folks have a PR department set up solely for Tom?

Jon Hamm - GQ Magazine

Today is be kind to people you don't see everyday. Jon Hamm is a great actor, and he was a teacher before he became an actor so that is a big plus. I have to tell you that any of you that would like to buy me any of the suits he is wearing in these photos are more than welcome. The entire outfit in this first photo is almost $5,000. With that kind of money you could probably spend a night with Kim Kardashian. If you want to read the interview with Jon, you can click here.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which sexy singer is so unhappy with her looks, she is going to be fitted with braces?
The skinny northern babe doesn't even want her fella to find out about it...

What I Hate

I have to admit that I rarely pay for concert tickets. Some people get discounts on store merchandise or free fries or some other perk in their job, and mine just happens to be that I don't usually pay for concert tickets. HOWEVER, that is not always the case, and the ones I do pay for, are usually the really mind blowing expensive ones. I remember on one of U2's tours a few years ago paying like $250 for a ticket from a scalper or ticket broker as they prefer to be called.

I bought the ticket a few days after tickets had gone on sale, so the concert was still months away, and I hadn't even really heard much about the show. When I did start hearing things, I heard that U2 wasn't playing more than two or three of their big hits, and were instead only playing songs from the past two albums or some nonsense. Yes, those two albums are and were great, but that is not the point.

I don't care how tired you are of playing your hits, or if you are trying to sell more albums, or you are trying to make your show fit one theme or style. We as fans are not paying hundreds of dollars per ticket so you can experiment. We want what we like and what we enjoy. You want to charge $15, you can play whatever the hell you want. You charge $500 for VIP seating, I better hear crap I know every word to.

Another favorite trick of musicians is to combine 4 or 5 of their hits into a medley. Again, this only works if you have 20 hits and can't possibly sing them all in the time allotted. Cool. But if you are doing it to give the old songs a rest, forget it. You might sing the same songs 50 times each tour, but we, your fans are only hearing them once. Yes, if you are Phish fans you are hearing them every night, but you don't remember what you heard the night before anyway so it doesn't matter.

Oh, and Dave Matthews, I love you, but if I hear another 40 minute version of one of your hits, I am going to storm the stage. At last count, Dave plays about five songs in a 2 hour set.

I bring all this up because I saw that Kylie Minogue is going to not play any of her big hits on her new tour. Now I don't give a rats ass about Kylie or her tour, but I'm sure there are hundreds of thousands of her fans who will be paying astronomical sums to see her, and they want to hear her hits. If an album doesn't sell well, it means that fans didn't like it, so why on earth would you charge a fortune to your fans and have them endure only songs from that album that sucked.

Josh Brolin -- GQ Magazine

You don't really see Josh Brolin doing too many magazine articles, so this is kind of a big deal for him. If you want to read the entire interview with him in GQ, then you can click here.