Jessica Alba Is No Heidi Klum

Before you read, make sure you click on the photo to make it super big.

With the exception of one set of photos, every photo I have ever seen of Heidi Klum, she always looks amazing. To me, a model should always look amazing. I submit Heidi, Cindy Crawford, Christie Brinkley, Naomi Campbell, Iman. They always look amazing even out grocery shopping. An actress doesn't have to look amazing. They just need to have a presence and talent and something that makes you go, "wow."

Now, if an actress doesn't have much talent and relies on her looks to get parts, then I think the model standard needs to apply.

Let's face it, Jessica Alba isn't going to win any Academy Awards unless they come up with some MTV type categories. So, she needs her looks. This photo is distressing, because (a) she's not that old, and (b) how is she going to look in 5 years? Make sure you click on the photo to get it super big so you can see what I'm talking about.

I get lots of e-mails from people about how celebrities look in person and I'm sure almost all of you who have met one have been disappointed.

I remember when I was much, much younger, I met Vanna White. She was on a book tour for some ghostwritten book she was trying to pass off as her own. Anyway, I remember the book signing was at a grocery store of all places. It was really close to my house so I went with a few friends because hey, this is Vanna White. Wheel was at the height of its popularity and Vanna was one of the reasons. When you saw her up close, she was a mess.

Even with makeup, she looked about 50 even though she was probably 20 years younger. She had bad breath and her hair looked funny. She was just so disappointing, and I was stunned as were my friends that this creature in front of us was the hottie from Wheel. Honestly, since that day, I have maybe watched Wheel twice.

I think when you meet a male celebrity it is a little easier and less shocking except for their height. Looks wise though they tend to look much more the same in person and on screen as compared to women.

So next time someone says they would rather be with Jessica Alba, just show them this photo.

Michelle Rodriguez Submitted False Community Service Forms

You may have read in other places today that Michelle Rodriguez is in danger of having her probation revoked and spending some quality time with the inmates of the fine State of California. It is possible, but extremely unlikely that she could be sentenced to up to 537 days in jail. A more reasonable maximum would be 477, but that is still a bunch of time to eat prison food.

What no one has mentioned, and which I found very interesting is that Michelle Rodriguez was in New York City on September 25, 2006 but she submitted a signed statement which was also allegedly signed by her supervisor that Michelle was doing community service here in LA.

When that little tidbit was brought to her attention, Michelle stipulated she had been in NY and that she in fact had not done community service on that day.

Later, in another pleading when Michelle said she was done with community service, her idiot lawyer left in the September 25, 2006 date again and said Michelle was done. Obviously she wasn't done with community service since she still hadn't done any community service on that day.

The problem with what she did is now the prosecutors are going to go over each and every day she claimed she was doing community service and make sure she actually did it. If it is just one mistake, she will probably be okay, but if lots of the days were falsified, it would be big trouble as that in itself is a separate violation of the penal code.

Four For Friday

#1 This drug addled celebutard from a foreign land (not U.S.) is in a new relationship with a celebutante who is the daughter of someone sexy. Seems the celebutard hit on the celebutante's step mother at a recent event. He was rejected, but the celebutante still adores him.

#2 This slightly chubby female Top 40 singer who is in the valley after coming down from a very big peak, has always had whispers surround her about her sexuality. Turns out they are more then whispers. Our singer and her girlfriend are now living together. To make it look more palatable, she also invited another woman to move in so it looks like they are all roommates. Having the third woman move in also makes it easier for our singer to indulge in the pills she loves so much as the third woman is also the singer's dealer.

#3 This award winning, married with children B list film actor who is in a top ten 2007 film, was in a hotel room last Friday night when he made arrangements with the concierge to get a companion for the night. The concierge arranged for an escort. The next thing that happened was the actor was on the other end of the phone screaming at the concierge because a male escort had been sent. It seems as did many others that the concierge thought our actor was a closet gay. Turns out at least for that night, he wasn't as a female companion was sent over and the concierge paid out of his own pocket for the service to make amends.

#4 This A+ aging Academy Award winning actor has been in this space recently for some wacky summer adventures. Now, he's back in LA and for some reason that no one can fathom has started turning up at garage sales every Saturday morning. No one knows if he is just being generous or he's losing his mind because he is buying absolute junk and keeps buying junk until his car is filled, and then he drives off. It has happened the past three Saturdays.

The Real World And Some Reveals

Sometimes the best laid plans and all that. I had a hearing scheduled for 830 which was supposed to last two minutes and would allow me to get back to the office and blog for everyone. What actually happened was there was a four hour wait before the two minute hearing, and thus, no posts.

I will try and post during the afternoon, but I figure, hey, some reveals would be good, so let's do that first. I will also do Four For Friday in a few minutes.

September 26, 2007

#1 When Halo3 was released the other night, this world famous athlete was waiting in line just like everyone else. At midnight he bought copies of the game for himself, for his kids and for the twenty other people who had been standing in line with him.

Answer-David Beckham


September 20, 2007

#2 This former A+ film actor and now a B+er with some issues has been known in the past to lend a helping hand. This time he was returning from the set of his latest film when he saw a couple on the side of the road and their car obviously not going anywhere because of the smoke coming out of it. The shoulder was very narrow and the car was almost on the highway, but no one was stopping. Our actor stopped the car he was driving and he and his passenger got out to see if they could help. After discovering the couple had no cell phone with them, and were on vacation and didn't know anyone to call, our actor let them borrow his phone and call for help. Help was going to be at least 90 minutes, so our actor offered them a lift. The problem was he was driving a two seater, and there were four people total including the actor, his companion, and the couple. Our actor told the companion/assistant to stay behind and watch the car, and then got the couple situated in the passenger seat with the woman sitting on the man's lap. He then drove them to their hotel 30 minutes away, bought them dinner and stayed with them until our actor's companion/assistant showed up at the hotel with tow truck and broken down car which was taken back to the place from which it was rented.

Answer - Ben Affleck

Josh Holloway TV Guide Outtakes

Ted C. Blind Item

Oh, it was such a gay party, and by that definition I don’t mean gay gay, just a good time. A typical Hollywood do, the festive bash was at a posh residence. Stars from both screens were mingling right next to the Diet Cokes, the boozy cocktails and the pigs in blankets. And in the middle of it all, nonfamous babes ‘n’ hons were oh so casually just la-dee-dah-ing it up, pretending like mad they weren’t desperate to be the human blanket around Dewbie Stammer’s very own little piggy.


Oh, that Dewb, such the charmer. Never a classically handsome dude, D has nevertheless—like many not exactly stunning guys, Owen Wilson, for ince—always managed to keep the gals fretting by his side. Alas, to no avail. No one woman has ever seemed quite fretlicous enough to warrant being by Dewbie’s side for very long, quel crap.


But that certainly didn’t keep the femmes from following Mr. S round the above party, as (pathetically) discreet as they thought they were being. So very ironically, it turned out to be a guy who made the following discovery:


A fellow guest got bored. After all, it was late, and a lot of the major players, not to mention the soiree’s staff, had gone home. Said guy went to the coat check room, which had been abandoned, and he headed back into the furthest interior space inside the long closet. He heard moans. And he heard slurps. And he realized Missy Coat Check might just still be around after all, getting a very nice tip from a fellow departing reveler.


But when the dude got to the back of the check area, looking up from his crouched position and staring back was a superflushed Dewbie Stammer, having just finished servicing a guy lying down on the floor. No wonder Dewbie never seems to meet the right girl!


(He’s always looking for the right trick in a box.)



And it ain't



Luke Wilson, Jim Carrey, Jeremy Piven

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which star was caught in a compromising position with an underage local girl on an aid trip overseas?

Project Runway 4

Wednesday November 14 at 10pm. Here are some quick looks at the contestants. For a more detailed bio and their video, you can click here. I honestly couldn't be more excited. I love this damn show.

CARMEN
AGE: 37
HOMETOWN: Charlotte, NC
EDUCATION: Architecture at Savannah College of Art & Design
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Tracy Reece, Epperson and Byron Lars
FASHION MUST: A fantastic shawl or scarf that can be worn in many different ways

CHRIS
AGE: 44
HOMETOWN: San Francisco, CA
EDUCATION: Self-taught
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Dior
FASHION MUST: Bright-colored anything

CHRISTIAN
AGE: 21
HOMETOWN: Annapolis, MD
EDUCATION: Baltimore School For The Arts and The American Intercontinental University, London
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: McQueen and Westwood
FASHION MUST: Amazing jacket or blazer

ELISA
AGE: 42
HOMETOWN: El Paso, TX
EDUCATION: Master of Fine Arts in Combined Media with an emphasis on sculpture, performance and installation from the University of Arizona, Tucson
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Erte, Jean Cocteau, Madame Gris, Zaldy, Norma Kamali
FASHION MUST: A great pair of boots

JACK
AGE: 38
HOMETOWN: Seattle, WA
EDUCATION: University of California at Berkeley with a double degree in Fine Arts and Sociology and Parsons School of design
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Diane Von Furstenberg, Alexander McQueen (For Men)
FASHION MUST: A sugar daddy

JILLIAN
AGE: 26
HOMETOWN: Long Island, NY
EDUCATION: Parsons School of Design
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Nicolas Ghesquiere for Balanciaga and Azzedine Alaia
FASHION MUST: A sweater dress (ideally with pockets hidden in the side seams) worn with opaque colored tights

KIT (CHRISTINA)
AGE: 26
HOMETOWN: Los Angeles, CA
EDUCATION: Fashion Institute of Technology, New York and Polimoda Institute of Fashion Design and Marketing, Italy
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Viktor & Rolf
FASHION MUST: Balenciaga fringed scarf

KEVIN
AGE: 30
HOMETOWN: Fairfield, NJ
EDUCATION: Fashion Institute of Technology, New York
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Alexander McQueen, Jean-Paul Gaultier
FASHION MUST: Cool vintage boots

MARION
AGE: 39
HOMETOWN: Tyler, TX
EDUCATION: Parsons School of Design, New York
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Viktor & Rolf and Hussein Chalayan
FASHION MUST: Thin stretch suspenders

RAMI
AGE: 31
HOMETOWN: Ramallah, Jerusalem
EDUCATION: Brooks College in California
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Alexander McQueen, Victor & Rolf, Olivier Theyskens
FASHION MUST: A hot pair of leather boots

RICKY
AGE: 35
HOMETOWN: Escondido, CA
EDUCATION: California State University, Long Beach
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Prada
FASHION MUST: Gloves

SIMONE
AGE: 32
HOMETOWN: San Francisco, CA
EDUCATION: Parsons School of Design, Paris
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Dries Van Noten
FASHION MUST: Organic wool and cashmere

STEVEN
AGE: 30
HOMETOWN: Chicago, IL
EDUCATION: Chicago's Columbia College
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Yves St. Laurent
FASHION MUST: A cardinal red trench coat

SWEET P (KATHLEEN)
AGE: 46
HOMETOWN: Los Angeles, CA
EDUCATION: Los Angeles Trade Technical College
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Prada, John Galliano, Marni, Chloe, Phillip Lim, Balenciaga
FASHION MUST: A dress

VICTORYA
AGE: 34
HOMETOWN: Seoul, Korea
EDUCATION: University of Chicago
FAVORITE DESIGNERS: Ghesquiere, Elbaz, Marc Jacobs
FASHION MUST: Patent leather ankle boots & colorful tights

Godfather III Bites Francis Ford Coppola In The Ass

A group of five masked intruders staged a daring daylight office invasion of Francis Ford Coppola's Argentinian home/office yesterday. The five thieves tied up all the employees present and made off with everything in the office that had a plug.

Computers, phones, coffee makers, and cameras were just some of the many items the thieves stole. One of the computers stolen has a copy of the script for Tetro which is a story about Italian immigrant artists set to begin shooting next year and starring Matt Dillon.

The home is in the trendy Palermo district of Buenos Aires. Coppola was not in Buenos Aires at the time of the robbery, and none of the employees were reported as being hurt. Other than money no motive has been given for the robbery but obviously it must be some kind of payback for the torture known as Godfather III.

Today's Blind Items

Tomorrow I will reveal the two recent kindness blind items. Now for today's fun.

#1 This married, award winning A+ film actor and director has a new assistant. His assistant is female and very attractive. His wife was concerned because our actor and his assistant were going to be spending so much time alone on the road doing publicity for his new film. Not to worry said the actor and the assistant. They both told the wife who is also an actress that the assistant is a lesbian, and has no interest in men. That is why it is so tough to figure out why the assistant spends each and every night in the same hotel room with the actor, has been seen making out with him, and why she thinks she is going to be the next Mrs. Actor.

Drew Barrymore In New Photo Shoot

Random Photos Part One

And the sad thing is I thought this was a Madame Tussuad exhibit.
After seeing this photo I went out and bought four Volkswagen's because obviously if I do I can also get a shot at someone as hot as Heidi Klum.
I guess Britney Spears got married sometime in the last 24 hours. It must have been a hell of a wedding to fit in between Quizno's bathroom visits, tanning sessions, and wig therapy.
You know that I'm really into Alicia Keys lately, but is she going for a bike ride later, or did she come straight from the weight room or something because those gloves are kind of freaking me out.
I will say it again. Amanda, if you ever read this. Go back to your natural hair color. Don't be like everyone else.
"Hi, I'm Uma Thurman and it's perfectly natural for me to be on the streets of NY on my scooter. The fact that I'm immaculately dressed and look completely perfect doesn't mean I knew the paps would be waiting for me even though I called them and told them when I would be leaving home."

Winona Ryder and Maria Tomei in Milan. That would be a fun way to spend a weekend.
Having given up on her comedy career, Kathy Griffin is now a flight attendant for American Airlines, complete with the fake smile and hair extensions.
So Cash Warren and Jessica Alba are moving into together. That should work out well. Maybe Cash will chip in a couple of bucks for a new garage door opener or something since Jessica is actually going to be the one buying the place. Maybe she thinks if he is with her 24/7 he won't cheat.
I didn't get much sleep last night but Hilary Swank actually looks decent. Not gorgeous, but very pretty.

Michael K. Needs Your Help

I know many of you read dlisted, and are big fans of Michael K. I too am a big fan, but I wouldn't normally write about him, except he needs our help. See, on his site today Michael K professed his lust for Carrot Top. It's obvious Michael K needs to find a man who can get rid of these urges because frankly, even though Michael is gay, I really thought he would rather take his chances with Paris Hilton rather than the freak of nature known as Carrot Top. To find Carrot Top even remotely attractive or someone you would consider touching with your bare skin is a cry for help. Actually it is just something that makes you want to cry. I don't know if Carrot Top can find some guy to do for free or if he has to pay for it, but I don't care how much money you pay me, I would rather be Denise Richards' house boy or go lingerie shopping with Oscar De La Hoya than to spend some quality alone time in a hotel room with Carrot Top.

AP-Ipsos Tell The World What It Already Knows

Guess what people? The nation is divided over the whole OJ Simpson thing again just like 1994. Wow. Who would have thunk it?

By 70 percent to 10 percent, whites said they believe the charges against Simpson are true, according to the Associated Press-Ipsos poll. Blacks were far more divided, though still tilting slightly toward believing he is guilty, 41 percent to 37 percent.

About three-quarters of whites said they believe Simpson has been treated fairly by the Las Vegas authorities who arrested him earlier this month on charges of seizing sports memorabilia items at gunpoint from two men in a hotel room. By about the same number, whites also said they think Simpson will receive a fair trial.

But blacks were divided about evenly over whether the one-time Heisman Trophy winner was treated fairly, and by 55 percent to 36 percent said they believe Simpson's trial will not be fair.
While 74 percent of whites said they think Simpson was guilty of the 1994 killings of his former wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman, only 31 percent of blacks agreed. Simpson was found not guilty of the slayings, but was later found liable for their deaths in a civil suit.

I think all of us could have saved AP and Ipsos the money they spent on the poll and just had one big party. I think the only thing that even made it close was the audio tape.





One thing that does bring everyone together is the fact that no matter your race or where you live, 90% of people are tired of hearing about OJ. The other 10% are probably Florida orange growers.

Hef Is Losing It

There may be three, possibly four people in the world who haven't seen Pam Anderson naked. Even if you have not wanted to see her naked, you just can't help it because she takes her clothes off so often and seems averse to wearing anything that takes longer than five seconds to remove.

Obviously Hugh Hefner is not a complete idiot and knows that 3 or 4 people buying a magazine is not worth paying Pam Anderson a great deal of cash to take off her clothes when she would probably do it for free. He needed inspiration, and after two hits of Viagra and an herbal enema from Holly he came up with an idea he thought was brilliant.

Hef decides that all guys like seeing two women together, or in his case three, and decides to pair up Pamela Anderson with the stalker from hell Denise Richards because nothing says turning a guy on like two 40 year old women pretending to be hot for each other in photoshopped pictures.

Allegedly Playboy is offering the pair $1M to do the issue which would be the January 2008 issue. Does this mean each one will get $500K or each will get $1M, because although Pam would probably do it for free, Denise has a reputation as a big earner and I don't think $500K is going to meet her price. Now you may be able to offer to pay her so much money per hour and that might work, but I don't think a flat fee of $500K is going to do it.

Simon Being Simon Or Did He Really Save A Life?

I will let you decide if this was just plain luck or if Simon Cowell should be credited with being a hero.

During the audition process for X Factor which is an Idol type show, Simon Cowell unwittingly saved a girl's life when he said her voice sounded "weird.

The girl, Jacqui Gray was treated to the usual Simon nastiness after she auditioned, but he also said, "Something weird happens in your throat when you sing."

Gray went to a specialist - who found the potentially fatal lung disease in time.

She recalls, "I was told that if I had not caught it in time it could have killed me, which is frightening.

"I am just so glad that Simon said something, and that made me do something about it."
A spokeswoman for the show says Simon was thrilled Gray's problem had been diagnosed, adding, "It is great to hear that Jacqui is on the road to recovery.".

You know Simon is just sitting around his house with his tight t-shirts, chain smoking and ordering his girlfriend around with just a big smug smirk on his face. Now, when Paula Abdul says he's a jerk or an ass, he can look at her and say that he saved someone's life by being an ass and all she's done is, well, nothing really.

Calum Best Has A New Victim

I'm not sure what the attraction is to a guy with no apparent income, a serious drug habit and a lust for hookers, but Calum Best just keeps finding women who want to be with him. At a Halo 3 launch party in London, Calum Best turned down the advances of his ex-girlfriend Sarah Harding who is in the group Girls Aloud. She reportedly was devastated that he blew her off.

The reason Calum turned her down was that he was there with Kimberly Stewart. I didn't think it was possible to take a step down from Tommy Lee, but Kimberly Stewart has found a way to do it. I think the only thing that could possibly be lower on the sliminess scale would be if she started swapping spit with Pimpa Joe.

I'm sure Rod Stewart must be very pleased with the decisions his daughter is making when it comes to whom she dates. When she starts popping Valtrex everyday let's just see how happy Daddy is then.