Timmy Weekend Update

#1 Think water when you are thinking of Noah's Ark.
#2 Timmy is NOT

George Noisom
Robert Moore

#3 Shimmy is NOT

Marie Dressler

Four For Friday

#1 This female singer and her not quite as famous sister haven't spoken to each other in almost a month. Seems they have been feuding about their careers and the celebrity boyfriend of one of them. Their parents have tried to patch up the feud, and have resorted to trying to get both sisters at the same events by trickery, but they aren't having any of it. At this point the sisters can't stand each other.

#2 This celebutard (the male version of celebutante) with the prolific sperm has been trying to hide his relationship with this C/D list actress because her former boyfriend, a B list film star with A list name recognition has threatened to kick the crap out of the celebutard if he sees him with his ex. The c'tard acts tough but is scared out of his mind.

#3 This in production blockbuster film is in big trouble. Turns out the director and the lead actor (former A list and now B list) can't stand each other. At first they tried to get along for the sake of the project, but the director can't stand the know it all actor and the tension, arguments, and outright screaming matches have forced the rest of the cast to choose sides and made for a working environment that the worst many of them have ever seen. The production is way over budget and way behind schedule because of the arguments and childish games between the two, but it's too late to get rid of either of them.

#4 Coming out of a club Wednesday night, this married, A list television star on a hit network drama saw a bag of coke laying on the ground in the doorway. He asked any of his companions if they had dropped it, and when they said no, he just smiled and said, "it's mine now."

Random Photos Part One

She's not wearing the shorts anymore but she did pull out the bloodstained jeans she wore when she got in the fight with Blake.
Does she want the guy to grope her?
Definitely a sock. More likely three or four.

Nothing says Jewish New Year like a trucker hat.
The sad part about this is that the mustache is real.
The entire Cruz family. Next stop Wally World.
Mmmmmm. Tasty. Courtney Love with a look designed to drive all the guys wild.
Get a new haircut and instantly look 50.

Doesn't everyone wear four inch heels in rehab?
I could say Heidi Klum never takes a bad picture again, BUT

that would be wrong.

Brad Pitt In V Magazine

Guess The Celebrity Friday Edition

Some easy ones-


This poorly dressed former B list television actress has moved down nicely to C list status as a film actress.
This B- film actress is not someone you want to make angry as she is just a wee bit vindictive.
Once a hottie, this B list television actress on a network drama has become almost a joke with her poor fashion choices and total lack of any sexuality she once had, except when she needs to promote something of course.

Didn't Queer Eye End Already?

I got a press release from Bravo heralding the final season of Queer Eye which starts on October 2nd. I thought Queer Eye got canceled long, long ago. The release says this is their fifth season but I think Bravo is using that term very loosely. The show started on July 15, 2003 but if it has been running continuously for five seasons they must be hiding it in the commercials for Top Chef or something because I haven't seen it.

I loved Queer Eye when it first started and I think everyone would still enjoy it if NBC and everyone over there hadn't run it into the ground as fast as possible. It's almost like they said, OMG, we have a gay show that everyone loves and so put it on all of our networks. All of them, including Telemundo. "Hola Carson"

Instead we got an episode here and there and they just ruined it. So, I guess I will try and make an effort to at least watch the season premiere because it will be reunion of sorts of the people they have helped over the past "five seasons." It will be done in a beauty pageant format with Susan Lucci (maybe I won't watch) hosting.

Former Nanny Says Denise Richards Is Moody--That's A Shocker

Denise Richards' overworked and abused spokesperson said that a new story in Star about Denise Richards is untrue.

Star has an interview with a former nanny of Denise who claims the actress is a moody 'Jekyll and Hyde' character.

The nanny went on to state that Denise sleeps with 14 dogs, guzzles coffee she imports from Hawaii and changes from pleasant to unpleasant in an instant.

Well the story is of course untrue because everyone knows that Denise only sleeps with 13 dogs and not the reported 14. As for the coffee, I think we all know that Denise has a special place in her heart for Hawaii. They make the very best chapstick.

The former nanny alleges Richards is prone to "temper changes," adding she's "irritable" and "can't focus."

The nanny told Star, "In the morning, she's sweet and friendly, but... by one o'clock, she seems wired and confused. She changes plans from one minute to the next.

Must be the chapstick.

Ziyi Zhang In Vanity Fair

Pimpa Joe Really Is A Pimp

Earlier in the week I told you what an ass Pimpa made of himself in Vegas. Well it turns out the comments he made about bouncers was only at the end of a very long evening of making an ass of himself.

While at the nightclub trolling for ladies with his daughter Ashlee and her boyfriend Pete Wentz, Pimpa would stop whenever he saw a good looking guy. No, even Joe doesn't do guys. Well I don't think he does, but you never know. Anyway, he would go up to the guys and say that he was trying to find someone for Jessica to go out with and say why she was a great date, and probably that she would pay for the date and maybe even put out, and that he would set Jessica up with them. He got a phone number from each of the guys he spoke with and said he would pass them on to his assistant who would then set up dates for them with Jessica over the course of the next month.

He didn't take any cash from the guys but he will take their soul if they go through with it an no doubt be there if she does put out.

Pamela Anderson Turns Tricks For $250,000

Pamela Anderson is a lousy poker player and proved it by losing $250,000 in a game. The man she lost the money to offered to let her pay the money back in other ways. Pamela said,"I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors."

First of all I wouldn't pay $2.50 to have sex with someone who is the 80's version of Paris Hilton. The problem is that Pam didn't stop in the 80's and so you when you take a turn with Pamela you are taking a turn with all the people she's been with for almost 30 years. Do you know how many people Pamela Anderson has been with the past 30 years? I don't know either but I bet we can't just use our fingers and toes to count them.

The man who allegedly got to "enjoy" the sexual favors is a magician's assistant named Antonio ‘The Magician’ Esfandiari. I didn't realize they paid magician's assistants enough to risk a quarter of a million dollars, but hey, when you get a chance to hit what Scott Baio hit, you have to jump at the chance right?

Sting Loves Him Some Hookers

Just what every rock star needs. After a sold out Hamburg show, Sting decided to forego groupie sex and just head straight for the professionals. Sting spent all of Tuesday night at the Relax nightclub which isn't really a nightclub, but is instead one of the most norotorious brothels in Germany and specialize in almost every fantasy imaginable and their workers come in every size, shape and sex imaginable as well for a very high cost.

Sting's publicist said that Sting isn't ashamed of spending the night in a brothel and that he and Trudie both enjoy spending time in them.

Nice. A husband and wife that do hookers together stay together. That's what I always say. Unfortunately the ex-wives didn't quite see it the same way.

Ted C Blind Item

Beverly Hills is full o’ these freaks, right? Also, this one’s pretty plain ‘n’ simple, and besides, I’ll be so sleepless silly post-Emmys, I’ll probably answer this baby in next week’s mailbag (no promises), but meanwhile, here goes:

Flamboyant Floyd is under quite the pressures to remain young, dewy and youthful-looking on camera. He toils for one of the more glam TV jobs, and Floyd’s following expects the devilish dude to always look crackerjack, never cracked-out. After all, F.F. skewers those who don’t always look their best, right? Oui.

But, when F2 ain’t takin’ those who don’t dress appropriately to task, he likes to party with the boy-lovin’-boys (sounds fun to moi!). And there he was at one of West Hollywood’s more happening hangs, flirting up a laugh-riot storm, when a pretty young thang actually had the nerve to say to Mr. Floyd (not knowing who he was), “You actually look like a very young version of Flamboyant Floyd.”

Flam blanched a bit at first. But then he gathered his wits in record time—prolly even a bit faster than he does onscreen—and shot back: “Well, I am Flamboyant Floyd. It’s just that I’ve had so much Botox, I look two!”

Don’t push it, boyfriend. Thirty-two, maybe.


AIN'T - Anderson Cooper, Bill Maher, Ted Casablanca

Six Days And Counting Timmy Hints

#1 Noah's Ark. You know that whole two of each thing.
#2 Shimmy Is NOT

Mary Pickford
Susan Kohner
Luise Rainer

#3 The award was NOT a Golden Globe

Tomorrow I will have some NOT's for Timmy and another clue to see you through the weekend.

Today's Blind Items From AP's World--Date Of Timmy Reveal and Emmy Plans

I haven't looked at the Timmy comments in a day or so, but I do know you all work very hard on it so it will definitely be by Wednesday that I do the reveal. It won't be Monday because that will be all about the Emmy's and Tuesday I will be catching up with the work I didn't do on Monday, so it will have to be Wednesday. Mark it down. Get the kids, wake the neighbors, and pull up a chair and you will learn all I know.

Speaking of the Emmy's, the woman I was supposed to go with who is our gossip queen for these events without knowing it, now does know it, and so will take a friend of hers instead of me. Now that she knows I could have been there, but was afraid we would talk and and I wouldn't write anything down so she will still do it the old fashioned way. Now that she knows she's on the spot she said she will try and give more info than she has in the past and is actually excited about it. We have tentative plans to try and do live blogging from the Golden Globes as they happen from right there in the room.

Now here is something for today from AP all of which happened this summer in the Riviera.

#1 This aging Academy Award winning A list actor invited five or six beauties to his boat every night where he would proceed to get drunk and regale them with stories about all the women he had slept with and how they had all thought he was the best lover ever. Our actor would then tell the assorted group of women that he wasn't going to have sex with them because he didn't want it to ruin it for them with others, but wanted them to dance for him, strip and then he would have each come over to where he was sitting and tell them he was Daddy and proceed to spank them. This would go on for two or three hours or until he passed out whichever came first. Our actor drank and spanked, and the women would leave at the end of the night tender but well rewarded.

#2 This formerly married C list film and sometime television actress with B list name recognition and an A list body spent each night going to a different boat and different party looking for a guy she could capture with her body and hook him for his money. She was willing to do anything to hook a rich guy, but she told too many people what she was doing. Word got out about her game and soon she was being forced into more and more degrading situations and multiple partners and the only thing she succeeded in capturing was a new STD.

Random Photos Part One

Another big valet tipper($5), Hayden Panettiere gets a new hair style to go with her new single status. US Weekly of course breathlessly announced it yesterday as some big scoop, but all of you found out last week.
Alicia Witt is one inch away from a Britney moment.
A model from Mercedes Fashion week. Criticism was heard in many places that the models looked emaciated. Considering this model is just bones I wouldn't disagree with that generalization.

Kate Bosworth loves her some Hee Haw.
I guess Jennifer Love Hewitt wants to be the man.
I love Fashion Show combinations. This one is really good because they all look so bright. From left to right; Emmy Rossum, Diane Kruger, Rosario Dawson and Michelle Rodriguez.
Drew becomes Heidi. Not a good look.
See the good thing about having a V for your first letter in your name is that you can hold up the two fingers and people just think you are talking about yourself.

Like Sienna Miller needs to be in a movie about hippies and free love. Hell they could just make a documentary and not even bother with costumes and such.
Owen Wilson out and about. Not out as in out as in gay out, but just out as in wandering the streets. The streets with no name.
Speaking of out. Natasha Lyonne is alive and walking down the beach to the tent she calls home.
Mina Sorvino and the brood. Notice her 8 foot tall heavy metal looking tough ass husband with the Thomas the Tank Engine train in his hand. Kind of ruins the tough guy image huh?

Making A Story From Photos

Gossip is all about taking as little information as possible and making a story out of it. Yesterday there just happened to be two very good sets of photos to illustrate how a tabloid can make a story out of little or nothing.

For the sake of argument, I'm going to say the man with Jessica is her dad. I can't see him well enough. By the way whoever he is, $20 is a nice tip for a valet guy.

#1 Jessica Biel had lunch with her father yesterday in Beverly Hills but had to cut it short. She was running late for a previously scheduled visit to a local hospital. Although Jessica and Justin aren't together any longer they felt it was important to not let the staff and patients down and so went ahead with the visit. Although they were smiling and buddy buddy in front of the kids, they soon turned frosty as they made a quick exit and barely spoke when leaving. At one point Jessica became so enraged at Justin's cold and distant attitude that she screamed and cursed at him before breaking into tears.

Now, if you are a tabloid that sees a benefit to keeping the couple together, then you can say this.

#2 Jessica Biel had lunch with her father yesterday in Beverly Hills but had to cut it short. She was running late for an appointment with Justin to visit a doctor that is alleged to be an OB/GYN. Whatever their joy going into the appointment soon turned to heartbreak. Justin and Jessica appeared to be distant as they left the doctor and at one point Jessica broke down in tears as the disappointing news tugged at her heart.

I'm going with story #1 because this sham relationship is falling apart, and I have never seen Jessica as pissed as that. Too bad she can't act like that and then she would really have a career.

In our second set of photos, we have a feel good story worthy of People or if you want to get salacious Penthouse Forum.

#1 When Robin Tunney, star of the television show Prison Break landed at the Toronto airport on her way to promote her latest film at their film festival, she was met by adoring fans who clamored to get her autograph. Robin, being the charming person she is, patiently signed for all of her fans and even took the time to speak with them as she did so. One fan in particular told Robin a moving story of his life and Robin felt compelled to spend additional time as he related his heartbreaking story. Robin even went so far as to offer the fan a ride as she felt touched by his deeply personal story. Robin was overheard later remarking that one of the things she loves most about her job is interacting with all her fans and learning how her characters and roles impact their lives.

#2 When Robin Tunney, recently separate star of the television show Prison Break landed at Toronto airport on her way to promote her latest film at their film festival, she was met by adoring fans but had her eye on one special fan who made her heart take an extra jump. One onlooker described it as love at first sight. Robin spent time signing autographs for all her fans but would not stop talking and flirting with the one special fan who caught her eye. Another fan said it was like one minute he was just a fan, and the next minute he and Robin were leaving together and cuddling as they left the airport. I can only imagine what happened when they reached the limo.

I don't know what happened but it is the oddest thing. One minute he's just a fan getting an autograph and the next she is leaning up against him as they walk out of the airport.