Saturday Night Links- - aka I Have No Life

Actually what was supposed to be a great day that I had been looking forward to for awhile didn't happen because of some mussels. I got food poisoning about 4 years ago from some and vowed never to eat them in a restaurant again. Anthony Bourdain is 100% correct. Only eat them if you prepare them. Instead of joining ZX on an adventure, I huddled on a cool tile floor for about 7 hours straight. My boss interrupted my homage to death by telling me a client got arrested about 7am Saturday for doing a Lindsay. Yes, our client got arrested and Lindsay got a ticket. Anyway, the boss was in the middle of a golf game and couldn't get away. He told me I needed to take care of everything. I explained my predicament, but he explained he had been waiting two weeks for a chance to play golf and so I needed to suck it up. See if AP ever flirts with you or makes you smile again. ASS. So, food is not going to happen for me today or tomorrow or quite possibly ever, but I saw some interesting links and thought I would post.

Hey if I was married to Anne Heche, I think masturbation might be the safe route also. I don't have much to begin with and the idea of leaving it exposed for an length of time to this nut would make me extremely fearful. I think the fact her soon soon to be ex-husband did so is something to applaud and not something to be used against him in a custody hearing. Maybe he should have gone looking for someone on the same team as she did.

Visiting day at Promises for Lindsay is kind of like in Meatballs when Rudy's dad didn't come and visit on parent's day and so he had to hang out with Tripper. The fact that Rudy was also in My Bodyguard just popped in my head and is ironic considering the only one who came to visit Lindsay was her bodyguard. He also happens to get his checks signed by her so a little visit might not be a bad idea.

Katie Holmes has completed her transformation to the Dark Side. I can hear James Earl Jones in my head now. "Give birth and it will come." Two movies in one sentence. Kind of cool huh?

The Rock is going to see if the cooking is better outside of marriage.

Guess what? That's what. I crack myself up. No, seriously. Nicole Richie is scared of jail. Well I was down there today and I actually think she would do much better than Paris. Nicole is tiny, but strong. Her last baby came out sideways. I've watched way too many movies in my life as you can see. Nicole's not going to jail anytime soon with the caveat that she doesn't get in an accident or caught with something she shouldn't have. OK, so maybe she will go to jail soon.

Lindsay's not going to the MTV Movie Awards. There were better ways to cancel her date with me, but I do have to give her points for originality. Much better than the whole washing the hair thing. One car accident, lesbian lovers, coke, rehab. She really went all out to avoid our date.

Speaking of the MTV Movie Awards. I gave away my tickets after being rejected twice by the same person who then changed her mind after I gave them away. I will have a few readers there who will let all of us know what happens. In addition, my Oscar spy will be there and you know that will be really good. Monday should be busy with lots of photos, recaps, and of course the ZX reveal.

Four For Friday-With Some Help From AP

1. This reality star/celebutard has made sure to be on her best behavior the past few days. The way she has done this is by popping Vicodin like candy and smoking enough pot to make Snoop sick. The Vicodin is making her happy and the pot is making her eat. At least in her own mind everything is fine.

2. This A list married couple has an understanding. The understanding is helped along by the wife who would rather be with women. When the husband spots a woman he is interested in, our wife helps by causing a huge scene. Directly in front of the woman of interest, our wife, yells and screams at her husband and then walks out. The husband who has been nominated for Globes and Oscars then lays it on to the prospective lady and more often than not scores.

3. What happens when your mistress bumps her head on the diving board of your pool, gets knocked out, and is underwater for almost a minute before anyone notices? Well if you are this over 45 Academy Award winning actor you say thank you God for those CPR lessons that the former lifeguard now hooker and other member of the threesome was forced to take. She not only dragged the mistress out of the pool, but also gave her mouth to mouth and got her breathing. One or two more minutes in the water and this actor wouldn't have a career anymore.

4. Remember the TJ hooker blind item. No, not the William Shatner show. Although there really was nothing else on television those Saturday nights. Was it Saturday? Love Boat and Fantasy Island were Saturdays, and I know all three were on ABC. Anyway, our actor got his little vixen a work visa. Seems she is going to be a nanny for the actor and his lady. When you see the tabloid pics of the 20 year old Hispanic in the background with the kids you will have it solved.

Random Photos Part 2

Jessica Alba's nephew will be taking this photo to show and tell until he's 12. Gotta love the shoes.
I know they aren't a couple, but they are beginning to have that tendency to kind of morph into each other.
Jordan kind of reminds me of Tony Shalhoub in MIB.

You would like death also if you were locked in the cupboard beneath the stairs by your wife. I think we all are good at pretending. It will be our secret. Shhhhh.
"When I'm doing porn, nothing satisfies me more than vitamin energy."

"We wrestle. Come on."
"Wow. If you put one foot in front of the other, you really can walk."
We can't believe they want you to sign eithr Justin.
Jay Mewes all grown up and looks like he wins the award for most swag gained.
Photos courtesy of flynet, justjared, and buzzfoto.

Lindsay Lohan And Howie Day Romance?

Promises seems to be working its magic once again for Howie Day. During his last stint in rehab he thought he had found true love with Britney Spears. Unfortunately for him, she didn't feel the same way. Given a second chance at love in rehab, Howie wasn't going to let this one get away. He and Lindsay have been spending time with each other and really have a connection. A source at the facility says they are always together and are whispering and you can really see they have that special something. "It really could be love," the source added. Another source went on to say, "They both seem so happy and this is just what they both need. You can just see that they really want to support each other during this difficult time."

Even More Links

Mel B is going to be on Dancing With The Stars. I think they should get all the Spice Girls for the show.

Gwen Stefani's band and crew were told to get rid of their drugs before crossing into Canada. Hey at least they don't pretend they are clean.

Did you know Josh Hartnett had manly buttocks? Does that mean he has hair all over his ass or is it just the shape that we're talking about here?

Becki Newton and her husband met in a really cool way.

Lindsay Lohan and Howie Day together. Not really, but since they are both at Promises, I'm sure it's just a matter of time or at least the rumors. So, I thought we would start one here just to see what happens. The way dirt diggers work is to check the headlines and links. The next headline will be an experiment and nothing more. Let's see if anyone picks it up. Remember it is just a what if scenario. It has no basis in reality. Simply the kind of fluff that tabloids do to see how gullible we are.

Random Photos Part 1

By this point, I shouldn't even have to say anything.
Who wants to guess how much work LC has had over the past year?

Yes, Andrew. Here is Noa. Happy now?

As a teenager, there was no better combination than Cinemax and Rebecca DeMornay.

You better e-mail me back. Seriously. A week? Just because you got to be the big star in Cannes last week doesn't mean you can't take the time to write two words. And, no, not the two words I know you want to use. That's tough for me to do with my age and weight.

BlackBerry Curve Party

Even the bridesmaids thought it was too ugly.
I thought a mugshot got into the mix. I think Clifton Collins should give some tips to Paris.

I hate the hippie thing, but I am a HUGE fan of this short dress thing.

Star Jones has her blow-up Al doll in that huge monstrosity of a purse. Seriously. I have seen suitcases that are smaller than that purse.

More Links

Danny Bonaduce's divorce party. This guy doesn't need to be single. This is going to get crazy very quickly.

Speed Racer pictures.

Paula tries to explain why she's a freak, but really just makes everything worse and infinitely more confusing.

Star is really close to getting sued. (with photos)

Enrique Iglesias has insomnia. I would too if I broke up with Anna Kournikova. I would be tossing and turning and kicking myself for throwing her out of my bed. I know she is probably difficult to get along with, but it's Anna. Now that she's gone, no one will really pay attention to you anymore and you already said you have a small d**k so things are not looking so bright my friend.

ZX-St. Anthony Is Mad At Me

I am an idiot. It's confirmed. And Anonymous 3:14 or whomever was so nasty about my perpetual lunch break, I salute you. I was at a pool party at a girl's aunt's opulent mansion- I don't really know if we weren't supposed to be there, or if the aunt was just wary of the criminals who might inhabit her estate in her absence, but we were locked out and had to potty by the tennis courts. I don't mean cop a squat; This place was so posh, the more athletically bent had their own flush toilet.

Anyway, my friend and I convinced everyone to go bowling, and they said they would meet us there later. She had a blotchy face from too much beer and sun and I suggested we pop by the mall to try on some makeup samples. So we shot in there and were distracted by shiny objects- so many stores and interesting people on third street promenade, and by the time we were leaving, we were late and starving once again and bought two dozen Mrs. Field's cookies to assuage our waiting friends.

Got back to the rental only to discover that I didn't have my keys. Anywhere. Friend didn't have them either. So we called the friends who were thankfully just getting to the bowling alley, (which was closed,) themselves. I retraced my steps, but our whirlwind had covered about ten shops in as many minutes. I thought to myself, 'Come on, they're KEYS! They're the most important thing in the universe besides phones. Someone will see them and turn them in.' But no one did. Ever. The friends came by to laugh at us and eat our cookies, and ended up driving us home.

The next day, I called Enterprise and asked when I could pick up the spare key. "There is no spare key." Evidently, they keep all the spare keys on lock down in St. Louis. "Okay," I said. "Can I have them overnight it to me?"The girl started to get flustered and said, "St.Louis, MISSOURI," like she might've said Zimbabwe or Timbuktu and it was an impossibility. So I had to have a key made which costs hundreds of dollars and takes a long time and now have it rubber banded to my wrist.

Now, having admitted I may be a little preoccupied lately or have brain damage, all I'm saying is that if you got a hotel room and lost the key, they would magic you up a new one and tell you to enjoy your stay. So. Just don't lose your rent-a-key. Just don't. The Kiarrhea is having clutch/transmission problems, so my friend followed me as I drove it down to the Carson dealership, but it revved and choked and finally stopped completely one exit from the desired Avalon, so we Triple A'd twice in one day. The problem may not be covered by the warranty so my friend started crying and I took her to lunch and gave her some 1920's boots and perfume and a card. Turns out the man who sold it to her is a great person and is having it fixed. We're going to pick it up tomorrow, after the bed people deliver my bed.

My manager called me today and said he had "Good news," but then was in meetings every time I called to pester him. I don't think he would dare say good news wantonly because he knows what a rectal vortex I get in when I'm disappointed. I'll keep you posted.

Disney Couture Party--Seriously?

She may not be ZX, but Amy Smart still gets the top spot.
Didn't take long for Samantha Ronson to find a new victim? lover? user?

"Maybe if I click my heels three times I can get the image of Denise Richards out of my head."

"Nope. Still there."

Monet Mazur is another popular guess for ZX. I think Monet took the whole Disney/ 101 Dalmatians thing a little too far though.

"I can keep putting on makeup Maria, but you will still look like a man."

Adam Sandler and Quincy Jones find the "chair" that all men are relegated to during shopping.

Well at least Rumer is wearing a skirt. Michelle Rodriguez wears skirts also though.

Music Photos And News

Black Light Burns-The Vanguard-Hollywood, CA
Mika-Channel 7-Sydney

Nelly Furtado-Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino-Ft. Lauderdale

Pigeon Detectives-Virgin Megastore-Manchester, UK

Paulina Rubio-MTV-New York

T-Pain-MTV-New York

Mary Wilson law finally passes in Nevada. It's about time.

Today is the 40th Anniversary of the release of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

MTV is bringing back Unplugged with The Police, Bon Jovi, Mary J. Blige and more.

Courtney Love and Linda Perry video.

Morning Links

You just know Jessica just kicks Justin's ass on a regular basis. Just like Cameron used to do and his mama still does as well. That's why the Britney thing didn't work out. Now, if he hooked up with Christina that would be good for him. The best would probably be Sarah Michelle Gellar though. She would have him happily whimpering.


Just forget about one son by trying to have another. Maybe having another child will cure the other. Does John Travolta really believe that if his son Jett works harder that he won't be autistic? That somehow the autism is Jett's fault?

Sing for George Clooney and you get $3M. Wow.

MTV Movie Awards swag bag. ZX should have waited and then she could have got her mattress for free.

Go get sick at a birthday party and earn some dough. Use that dough and make Eminem work for you forever.

Today's Blind Item

People seem to like music BIs as well as TV ones, so here's one that combines both:

This show has been a hotbed of drama since it began, and not just because of the juicy scripts, which usually involve plotlines about people who are not heterosexual (to tell you which gender would make it too easy). Because of its popularity, the show has attracted numerous guest stars who are either "out" or merely comfortable with a degree of sexual ambiguity. In casting circles, it has been something of a hot ticket. But of course, behind the scenes, the petty jealousies and rampant insecurities of some of the cast members have had the crew alternately walking on eggshells and rolling their eyes. So if you've ever wondered why a certain gay music icon has never had a guest starring role (and never will), it is not for lack of willingness on their part. It just so happens one of the more demanding series leads had a long term relationship with said icon that ended badly, and not only is the well-liked singer not welcome, the crew are under strict orders to immediately shut off the radio any time the singer's music comes on the air.

Still More Links

Last week Scott Storch. This week Reggie Bush. At least Kim Kardashian lets everyone have a turn with her.When you wave to someone it now means you're in love. That must mean the guy at the parking garage and I are life partners by now.

A contest to see who can shower the least. Keanu v. K-Fed.

Diesel Store Opening

Someone Kim Kardashian actually turned down. Do you know how disgusting you have to be before that happens?
Sorry you weren't on top Brittany. Alphabet and laziness were to blame.
"Yep. I had two hookers and coke all over their naked bodies. What did you do last night? Watch American Idol Recap?"
Seriously. Did I miss the hippie memo? This is becoming a trend I don't want and for which my aging body is unprepared. Ent is not a headband guy.
When you live with a poker player and 18 kids, grooming is not high on the list. Remember this guy was married to Shannon Elizabeth.
Christina Aguilera from two years ago.
Ludacris looks great.
I'm thinking her kid is going to want to breast feed until he is 12.
Speaking of breast feeding.
Sorry Taryn. You are not ZX so no need to tease with your pics anymore.

Fox dances off with Wednesday night

Last night's 2-hour So You Think You Can Dance was a clear ratings winner for Fox, despite a playbook that is now completely predictable to American Idol fans. Like Idol (which Nigel Lythgoe of course co-created), the "audition" episodes are always the most watched, and SYTYCD is once again showcasing the good, the bad and the disastrously uncoordinated. Unlike Idol, the judges rotate (all except Nigel, but it is his show), so even if you dislike one of them, it is unlikely you will have to listen to them the week after. Simon should be taking notes.

This year will feature the equally talented sister of last year's winner, at least one contestant with a prosthetic limb (no, not her, thank goodness) and lots of great looking bodies of both genders. And does anyone even remember who hosted the show before the lovely Cat Deeley? (Oh yeah, her.)

Bonus video below: this kid is sure to end up there as soon as he reaches the age of eligibility -- only about sixteen years from now.

Media abuse about substance abuse

This opinion piece in Newsweek by former First Daughter (and ex-wild child) Patti Davis is a unique perspective on the way today's celebrities -- male and female -- seem to be using rehab as an easy way to fast-track public forgiveness. I think the cat was already out of that particular bag, but the article is definitely worth reading. (Although, you know Dina Lohan is probably just going to skim it looking for her name.)

More Links

At least one athlete named Tony is still firmly in possession of his balls. For Carrie's sake, I hope it is just for football season.

Is this the answer to a blind item?

Unlike many celebrities, a cocktail dress and a nice bowler hat are not cheap these days. Especially not ones worn by movie legends.

Interview magazine is for sale, in case you wondered. (Interesting how popular that Lolita look is for photo shoots lately...)

I guess nobody was talking about Beyoncé this week, so she decided to "shock" us with her plans for... ten years from now?

A cliché, I know, but I am still glad to see Dr. Laura finding out what a bitch karma is.

Sasquatch Festival 2007 photos

Britpop artist Patrick Wolf at this year's festival at The Gorge, WA.
Bjork and friends
Canada's Neko Case made the most of the weather after a hailstorm cut last year's set short
Arcade Fire singer Regine Chassagne
Black Angels' singer (and Texas native) Alex Maas
Blackalicious' Gift of Gab

Ad Rock of the Beastie Boys

Photos courtesy of Rolling Stone.com and BrooklynVegan