I taught my best friend how do drive stick yesterday.We went to pick up her Kiarrhea, as she calls it from some guy in Pasadena and it's been sitting there burning a hole in her garage while she drives her old car which clicks when she turns, has no seat belts, and starts when it's in the mood. Also, if the driver wants to get out, she has to roll down the window and open the door from the outside. My friend started to do this out of force of habit in her new car, and the poignancy of how she'd improved her quality of life made her eyes glisten. She's very sweet like that, but she fluctuates. She called me at 10:30 and demanded that I come over. I told her I'd be over in 25 minutes and she absolutely had a fit. That actually meant that I'd leave my house in ten minutes, and I can't really see how anyone could promise anything better.
When I finally got there and the lesson began she didn't even stall THE FIRST TIME she put the car into gear. For all of you automatic drivers, this is basically unheard of. I started to get my hackles up because I had a much harder time, and it just wasn't fair. But, then I remembered it was her lesson and this was the best possible result. I was trying to comfort myself that she was probably a ringer anyway. No one is that good that fast. So I sat there in awe of her talent until she tried to cross Wilshire and screamed, "Fuck you! Go around me!" I suggested that she roll her windows up because although Brentwood's not a very violent neighborhood, and I appreciate her frustration, not everyone else does. Finally, she just started yelling, "I hate you, you douche bags! Fuck you all!!!!!" And even though the windows were closed, an old woman on the corner who wasn't even driving flipped her off. I tend to use the nomenclature, "old ladies," but if you proffer the bird, you forfeit your title.
A friend from my past contacted me and we ended up trading scripts, but a script from a friend has no chance of getting made and I read the first ten pages with tepid enthusiasm about five times before he said,"Ok. Let's get together this week." I agreed, pretending to have read it, dusted off his baby and got cracking. IT WAS TERRIFIC! I think I'm legally not allowed to give away the premise, but it's way better than what my agents have been submitting to me. So, we ate at La Cabana and watched Shrek 3 and now all I have to do is sign a letter of intent and it's a done deal. I know there will be many more hurdles in the road, but it's so good I feel it could have been like the copy of American Beauty that I found when I was moving out of my Dad's house which I never read and have kicked myself about ever since.
Went to SMC to take English aptitude tests and was feeling very uppity about the whole process until I read a question about the linguistics of city names in New Jersey and had absolutely no idea what the answer was- I thought this was comprehension, not geography, you turkeys! Lowered my nose and my tail and completed the exam. A writing class, complete with deadlines and new people will keep me happy and busy until I'm whisked away to some exotic clime for work. Hope, hope.
I gave another friend a car a year ago, and she's since gotten about seventy two tickets on it, all in my name, and disappeared into the ether. We were supposed to get together this morning but of course something incredibly pressing came up and she simply HAD TO reschedule. Was fuming until another friend called me up asking me to join his kickball team- Jubilance!-and telling me about the dirty, drunk, scary clown he sent to his friend's office to sing an "I'm sorry," ditty for her birthday. Wish I had thought of that when I got the three minute dumping phone speech. I would have just sent him to my boyfriend's serenading,"It's over," and said that the clown had already been on his way when he called. Harumph.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Four For Friday
I know I promised a ZX reveal in May, but the actual date will probably be June 4th. We are trying to do something kind of unique and fun and not just a simple post. Unfortunately, we can't do what we want to do until that weekend before the 4th. Hope you will be patient.
OK, it's been awhile since I had a fill in the blank Four For Friday, but this one lends itself to the format perfectly.
The night before this recent awards show #1__________________(female pop star although also one horrible movie) went to dinner with #2__________________(aging, but classy country star), her husband #3_________________(non celebrity, but give it a shot), and #4___________________(extremely popular male country singer) from the band #5_____________________.(think two letters from an extreme adult activity) At dinner they had about 5 bottles of wine and #1 was well on her way to being plastered. They decided to hit the casino for a little gambling after dinner and things got much worse from there. #4 only drinks tequila so he and #1 were taking shot after shot after shot. Needless to say, #1 was a MESS within about an hour, but she didn't stop. She stayed out until 2AM and more or less had to be carried up to her room by the end of the night. She was late for the dress rehearsal the next day and was so hungover by the time showtime came around she could barely make it through her performance with #2. Everyone wondered why she was so hard to hear during the performance and it was because she was insanely hungover from the night before and "didn't feel up to performing" at all.
OK, it's been awhile since I had a fill in the blank Four For Friday, but this one lends itself to the format perfectly.
The night before this recent awards show #1__________________(female pop star although also one horrible movie) went to dinner with #2__________________(aging, but classy country star), her husband #3_________________(non celebrity, but give it a shot), and #4___________________(extremely popular male country singer) from the band #5_____________________.(think two letters from an extreme adult activity) At dinner they had about 5 bottles of wine and #1 was well on her way to being plastered. They decided to hit the casino for a little gambling after dinner and things got much worse from there. #4 only drinks tequila so he and #1 were taking shot after shot after shot. Needless to say, #1 was a MESS within about an hour, but she didn't stop. She stayed out until 2AM and more or less had to be carried up to her room by the end of the night. She was late for the dress rehearsal the next day and was so hungover by the time showtime came around she could barely make it through her performance with #2. Everyone wondered why she was so hard to hear during the performance and it was because she was insanely hungover from the night before and "didn't feel up to performing" at all.
Johnny Depp And Keith Richards Rolling Stone Cover
I know the cover has been out and about the past few days, but here is a link to the article and interview.
Random Photos
All the ANTM contestants just kind of become one in my mind. Except of course when they're crazy and marry a Brady. That's one way to stick waaaaaaay out.
Drew and Cameron might as well just live together. When they're 80 they will be so they may as well get a head start.
Hilary Duff's breasts are smaller than Jessica Simpson's breasts so therefore the earrings are proportionally smaller as well.
Jamie Foxx at Mr. Chow's.
1. Two whole dollars Jeremy? Wow, don't give it all away.
Drew and Cameron might as well just live together. When they're 80 they will be so they may as well get a head start.
Hilary Duff's breasts are smaller than Jessica Simpson's breasts so therefore the earrings are proportionally smaller as well.
Jamie Foxx at Mr. Chow's.
1. Two whole dollars Jeremy? Wow, don't give it all away.2. I want my $2.
You could at least flirt with him a little Tyra.
Yea. Everyone is looking at the necklace. Keep saying that to yourself.
You could at least flirt with him a little Tyra.
Yea. Everyone is looking at the necklace. Keep saying that to yourself.
Even More Links
Paris withdrew her appeal.
Phil Spector claims he couldn't have killed Lana Clarkson because he's too short. Kind of sounds like the glove didn't fit defense.
Paul McCartney isn't always good.
Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino are reuniting in a new film.
Snoop wants to record a duet with Celine Dion. It's actually not a bad idea.
Just because Vince and Jen are both going to be in Chicago at the same time doesn't mean they are getting back together.
Orlando Bloom is having problems finding a girlfriend. Hmmmm.
Phil Spector claims he couldn't have killed Lana Clarkson because he's too short. Kind of sounds like the glove didn't fit defense.
Paul McCartney isn't always good.
Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino are reuniting in a new film.
Snoop wants to record a duet with Celine Dion. It's actually not a bad idea.
Just because Vince and Jen are both going to be in Chicago at the same time doesn't mean they are getting back together.
Orlando Bloom is having problems finding a girlfriend. Hmmmm.
Blogger Comments Corrected
Seems as if Blogger turns off the comments if you save the post first. This is new and is the reason for not having comments on Ted C and Morning Links. They are turned back on so comment away.
Cannes Photos
I don't care how much of an exhibitionist you are this has got to be tough. You think she's imagining them all in her underwear or do her red boots give her magical protection?
Two photos of Jessica Simpson in one post means photos of Marcus Schenkenberg for a little balance.
Even when barefoot, Pamela Anderson pretends she's wearing heels.
Sophie Marceau is ageless.
35 drinks with your mother and all the jokes about your dad seem funny.
1. Deer in the headlights.
2. Jessica wanted her breasts hanging from her ears also.
Two photos of Jessica Simpson in one post means photos of Marcus Schenkenberg for a little balance.
Even when barefoot, Pamela Anderson pretends she's wearing heels.
Sophie Marceau is ageless.
35 drinks with your mother and all the jokes about your dad seem funny.
More Links
John and Jessica made Pimpa Joe look bad. Pimpa just the other day said John and Jessica were a great couple and he fully supported them. Turns out they had already broken up.
Kelly Brook and Billy Zane shouldn't make movies together. Still haven't got married either huh?
Photos from Lindsay Lohan's new movie.
Rosie really wants to host The Price Is Right.
The many looks of Amy Winehouse. If you can't handle cutting pics then you may not want to click.
Nicole Richie still with Joel Madden. Uh-huh.
Kelly Brook and Billy Zane shouldn't make movies together. Still haven't got married either huh?
Photos from Lindsay Lohan's new movie.
Rosie really wants to host The Price Is Right.
The many looks of Amy Winehouse. If you can't handle cutting pics then you may not want to click.
Nicole Richie still with Joel Madden. Uh-huh.
Problem With The Bee Yesterday
Yesterday, the Jerry Seinfeld bee photos and the Blind Melon video caused problems with the layout of the blog so I've decided to give it all its very own post.
The trailer for The Bee Movie with Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld.
The Blind Melon video
The trailer for The Bee Movie with Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld.
The Blind Melon video
FOX UpFront
Emily Deschanel is a lovely woman and a very popular choice for ZX.
Parker Posey is one of the most popular guesses for ZX.
Princess Leia looks more like Judge Judy.
Princess Leia's half sister Joely who looks really good.
Aaaaah. The confident smile and looks of people who made their millions and don't really give a crap if their show is a hit or not.
Whenever I see Amaury Nolasco's bald head I say to myself that I should just get rid of the two remaining wisps of hair on my head and go bald. Of course then I would still need to lose 40 years and 40 pounds to even have a chance to look like this guy.
Princess Leia looks more like Judge Judy.
Princess Leia's half sister Joely who looks really good.
Aaaaah. The confident smile and looks of people who made their millions and don't really give a crap if their show is a hit or not.
Whenever I see Amaury Nolasco's bald head I say to myself that I should just get rid of the two remaining wisps of hair on my head and go bald. Of course then I would still need to lose 40 years and 40 pounds to even have a chance to look like this guy. Morning Links
No charges filed against Lindsay Lohan for grand theft.
The alleged victim Lauren Hastings tells her side of the story.
Guess what? Anne Heche is nuts. Never would have guessed.
Mischa tries to get some attention. (NSFW)
Fergie met Fergie for the first time. They both decided they were long lost brothers.
The alleged victim Lauren Hastings tells her side of the story.
Guess what? Anne Heche is nuts. Never would have guessed.
Mischa tries to get some attention. (NSFW)
Fergie met Fergie for the first time. They both decided they were long lost brothers.
Ted C Blind Item
This one's too stupid for words—which means, of course, darlings, we have to blab 'bout it. So, put on your push-up bras, babes, and snap to!
Board-Like Boring isn't really such a bad babe. She's sweet enough. Barely good-looking enough. She reads her lines with, oh, a fair amount of aplomb, I s'pose. But girlfriends, I daresay B.L.B.'s bosses at the big network gig where she does the 9-to-5 thang do not agree that Ms. B. has what it takes.
That's why her job was recently on the line—B.-doll came thisclose to being canned, and she heard about it. And the small-screen heavens above being what they are, Board-Like realized there was only so much she could do to improve her ho-hum prime-time performance—i.e., very little.
Therefore, Ms. Boring did what many not exactly talented femmes do when they ultimately realize no amount of acting classes and TelePrompTer training will help: She got a boob job. And guess what?
It worked! The sex-on-their-noggins boss folk at the network changed their minds about Ms. B. (one of them just told me so directly), deciding that all the attention on B.L.B.'s impressive new cleavage would now be diverting viewers from Boring's otherwise nondescript delivery.
Ah, Hollywood, predictable to the end.
Board-Like Boring isn't really such a bad babe. She's sweet enough. Barely good-looking enough. She reads her lines with, oh, a fair amount of aplomb, I s'pose. But girlfriends, I daresay B.L.B.'s bosses at the big network gig where she does the 9-to-5 thang do not agree that Ms. B. has what it takes.
That's why her job was recently on the line—B.-doll came thisclose to being canned, and she heard about it. And the small-screen heavens above being what they are, Board-Like realized there was only so much she could do to improve her ho-hum prime-time performance—i.e., very little.
Therefore, Ms. Boring did what many not exactly talented femmes do when they ultimately realize no amount of acting classes and TelePrompTer training will help: She got a boob job. And guess what?
It worked! The sex-on-their-noggins boss folk at the network changed their minds about Ms. B. (one of them just told me so directly), deciding that all the attention on B.L.B.'s impressive new cleavage would now be diverting viewers from Boring's otherwise nondescript delivery.
Ah, Hollywood, predictable to the end.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Today's Blind Items--Brought To You By AP
So the other night AP was at this party and she saw a blind item mainstay who is a very well known female reality star with some past and present problems. The most pressing problem the other night was how to keep our subject from ingesting the coke that was in her purse. There was nothing else in her purse except coke. No keys, no cell phone, no nothing. Despite two nose bleeds during the evening and an appearance that was ghostly, our subject couldn't be stopped and literally had to be carried out the door at the end of the night by friends because she had passed out. She was also blabbering away during the evening about how her current relationship is over because her boyfriend hated seeing her destroy herself.
Random Photos
I'm not sure Adam Sandler should be parking in a fire zone, but he doesn't seem to mind.
Smile Gwen. Some guys are just programmed a little differently that's all.
1. The way I would like to see Paris everyday.
Reese dresses much differently than Britney huh?
Does anyone recognize this woman? Check out the clip below for the answer.
Smile Gwen. Some guys are just programmed a little differently that's all.
1. The way I would like to see Paris everyday.2. Practicing escape and evasion for her prison time.
3. Trying to get attention.
Reese dresses much differently than Britney huh?
Does anyone recognize this woman? Check out the clip below for the answer.
Even More Links And AP Provides Today's Blind Item Later
Jessica Alba actually has some pretty interesting things to say.
Dita von Teese does a Britney, Lindsay, Paris and everyone else who loves to flash their nether regions.
Interview with Trent Reznor.
Amy Winehouse is getting married this weekend. I think everyone should chip in for some new teeth for the bride.
Keira and Sienna start practicing for their filmed threesome.
Jennifer Garner wants her own talk show.
Christina Aguilera gets permission to perform in China.
Evan Almighty gets a huge promo push tonight. At 8:58pm Eastern and Pacific all NBC/Universal networks will air the trailer.
Dita von Teese does a Britney, Lindsay, Paris and everyone else who loves to flash their nether regions.
Interview with Trent Reznor.
Amy Winehouse is getting married this weekend. I think everyone should chip in for some new teeth for the bride.
Keira and Sienna start practicing for their filmed threesome.
Jennifer Garner wants her own talk show.
Christina Aguilera gets permission to perform in China.
Evan Almighty gets a huge promo push tonight. At 8:58pm Eastern and Pacific all NBC/Universal networks will air the trailer.
Cannes Photos
I didn't even know Bai Ling knew what double sided tape was.
A not so good look for Chloe Sevigny.
A really good look for Chloe Sevigny.
I love Devon Aoki and it's not just because I want that lifetime pass to Benihana.
Harvey Weinstein looks fantastic. (It never hurts to kiss a little ass.)
I know how much you love Jake.
So I gave him to you twice.
I just had to. I couldn't stop myself. Hey at least one person will see Blonde Ambition.
Why exactly was Maria Menounous invited?
A not so good look for Chloe Sevigny.
A really good look for Chloe Sevigny.
I love Devon Aoki and it's not just because I want that lifetime pass to Benihana.
Harvey Weinstein looks fantastic. (It never hurts to kiss a little ass.)
I know how much you love Jake.
So I gave him to you twice.
I just had to. I couldn't stop myself. Hey at least one person will see Blonde Ambition.
Why exactly was Maria Menounous invited?
More Links
You don't think Ryan Phillipe thought Britney was going to put out just because she wore this. Right?
Would you pay $71M for this Andy Warhol painting? The painting is really just a silkscreen over some newspaper photos but someone shelled out over 4 times what any other Warhol painting has sold for.
Norah Jones not impressed with the advances of Mr. Law.
Howie Day back to rehab. I could think of some other places which would be more fitting.
Michael Jackson is trying to stop the sale of his sex toys and paintings of naked boys. That sentence just doesn't sound very fun does it?
Maxim Hot 100 Party
Sometimes I really think Avril Lavigne is hot and other times all I can think about is that no one has actually seen her husband alive since they got married. The last thing he saw before his death was a pack of raccoons headed his way.
Brian Austin Green thought this was the Teen Beat Anniversary party. Megan Fox does the hotel drape thing well though.
DJ AM invites the cameraman to date him.
But, in the end decides to get some more publicity by dating a guy.
How many copies of this photo does this guy have all over his office this morning? I even think Haylie gave him a little something extra back there. Why not right? He might be an investment banker or actually have a job which would make a nice change from who she usually dates.
AARP Top 100 party is around the corner Ms. Griffin. Ask for Ent.
I could have posted the usual photo of Kim Kardashian except that she's back to the big makeup look and dresses that look cheap and whorish. So I thought I would focus on her sisters. I actually would like to go out with the shortest sister but don't know if she goes out with guys over 60 because hey, I'm not Bruce Willis. This is the sweetest her very tall sister has ever looked. Usually she looks like she would kill anyone who comes near. It's also possible that it may actually be Kim's brother since I've never seen him in public.
Engagement photo-op one day and then dog kissing photo-op the next. The only thing left to stir up any publicity would be to make some anti-gay remark like her co-star or even just say she's gay.
Yes, Lindsay, Ice-T is at the party, but it's not the Players Ball. Glad you have an outfit ready though.
"I f***ed my man, beat him up, changed clothes, and just trying to rub in the last little bit of fun into my gums."
No more Laura for awhile. I almost said no more yanky my wanky but didn't know if you would get the reference or just think it obscene.
Ehhh.
Wrong choice Sophie.
My favorite outfit of the night.
Auditioning to be the new Mrs. Ice-T.
"Hey buddy All Access passes are not really all access."
Brian Austin Green thought this was the Teen Beat Anniversary party. Megan Fox does the hotel drape thing well though.
DJ AM invites the cameraman to date him.
But, in the end decides to get some more publicity by dating a guy.
How many copies of this photo does this guy have all over his office this morning? I even think Haylie gave him a little something extra back there. Why not right? He might be an investment banker or actually have a job which would make a nice change from who she usually dates.
AARP Top 100 party is around the corner Ms. Griffin. Ask for Ent.
I could have posted the usual photo of Kim Kardashian except that she's back to the big makeup look and dresses that look cheap and whorish. So I thought I would focus on her sisters. I actually would like to go out with the shortest sister but don't know if she goes out with guys over 60 because hey, I'm not Bruce Willis. This is the sweetest her very tall sister has ever looked. Usually she looks like she would kill anyone who comes near. It's also possible that it may actually be Kim's brother since I've never seen him in public.
Engagement photo-op one day and then dog kissing photo-op the next. The only thing left to stir up any publicity would be to make some anti-gay remark like her co-star or even just say she's gay.
Yes, Lindsay, Ice-T is at the party, but it's not the Players Ball. Glad you have an outfit ready though.
"I f***ed my man, beat him up, changed clothes, and just trying to rub in the last little bit of fun into my gums."
No more Laura for awhile. I almost said no more yanky my wanky but didn't know if you would get the reference or just think it obscene.
Ehhh.
Wrong choice Sophie.
My favorite outfit of the night.
Auditioning to be the new Mrs. Ice-T. "Hey buddy All Access passes are not really all access."