1. So this A list movie actress (and I really use the term loosely here because to me being in the tabs often doesn't make you A list, but some people think so) who is always at the top of every sexy list has been going through more heartbreak then was previously imagined. Although people spoke of her breakup, it was just a casual thing for the most part. Not for our actress. She was absolutely crushed and it shows. She has been dropping weight rapidly and has become sickly looking just in the past two or three weeks. Not drugs, not disease, just heartbreak. (Not Jessica Biel)
2. So, this person you either love or hate was all set to do an exclusive party in the Land Down Under. Big bucks were coming his way. So, what he decided to do was go ahead and double book two parties, even though he had promised both of them exclusivity. He thought the two hosts would agree to something and he would get two fees. Well, neither host would budge and both were irate. Finally one had enough and just said you can have him. Except for a little nudge from someone, our person could have ended up with no parties and is very lucky to still have one.
3. This B list film actress just completed a round of publicity for one of her recent films. When she was looking at the photos of herself she decided she didn't like what she saw. Even though she's incredibly young she decided to have a face lift. Now, she can't stop smiling. No, I mean the skin is so tight now that it is really uncomfortable unless she is smiling all of the time. This is someone who never smiled. What makes it worse is that she is going around telling everyone that she has never had any work done. Uh-huh.
4. So Wednesday was Administrative Professionals Day. I don't think they changed it from Secretary Day to be PC. I think it was done so it would include more people and make the lunch crowds rival Mother's Day. Anyway, last year at lunch, I needed to use the facilities. I'm old and have prostate problems. As I was waiting in line, (see what I mean about crowds), I noticed an actor brother who was not even shy about his need to look over the dividing line to both his right and left to see what the other men were bringing to the table so to speak. Lest you doubt his intentions, our actor is just a bit vertically challenged and had to stand on tip toes to achieve this feat. He managed to make it through about three cycles of men before fleeing. He must also have a bad prostate because he was headed back to the bathroom 15 minutes later.
Friday, April 27, 2007
More Links--But First A Message From James Mathison
So all of you Aussies headed to Coachella. James just called and said he is wearing shorts and a shirt and will have a copy of On The Road in the pocket of his shirt. He is being accompanied by Jade who is wearing a white carnation. The first Aussie to spot them gets to be on Australian Idol. The second has to kiss Ryan Seacrest.
Now back to our regular programming.
Really there is a bunch of crap out there that everyone has already read. HOWEVER, here are some photos of Paris Hilton as a naked corpse. They are slightly NSFW, but are vaguely "art" and it is for a PSA so hopefully your boss won't fire you for looking at them. The pictures will also give you something to smile about all weekend.
Here is the rat gnawing on your face clip that Emily Mortimer's bow made me think of. I miss John Candy.
Now back to our regular programming.
Really there is a bunch of crap out there that everyone has already read. HOWEVER, here are some photos of Paris Hilton as a naked corpse. They are slightly NSFW, but are vaguely "art" and it is for a PSA so hopefully your boss won't fire you for looking at them. The pictures will also give you something to smile about all weekend.
Here is the rat gnawing on your face clip that Emily Mortimer's bow made me think of. I miss John Candy.
So ZX Is On Her Way To Coachella, But This Was Her Thursday
I think I was depressed. I have been operating on about four hours of sleep a night instead of the requisite 10-14 hrs. I think I just wanted it all to go away and when I spoke to my manager today, I was wearing jeans I haven't fit into for nine months and I just breezed them right on this morning without knowing they were the Joe's jeans I WISHED I fit into and could not throw away. My manager called it boyfriend fat. Yay. So apparently the 41 lbs. I gained just went straight to my knockers.
Good news on the smoking front: for anyone who is on the fence about quitting, I have seen photographic evidence that I now look less like Harry Dean Stanton, although I still like to remove my pores via airbrush.
I think in LA, people are not worried about emphysema, low birth weight, and heart disease. The non-smoking campaigns should be focused solely on the aging/collapsing implications. Get sets of twins, one who smokes and one who doesn't and follow them over the years. Then you could have some catchy jingle like the Doublemint Girls about being foxy and getting more booty because you're not withered and stinky. I know I'd go for it, and those jingles, Man, they just get into your head.
So I guess I was too complicated for Dad's Bags because I called him to ask him when he was picking me up and he said he had planned on calling me in an hour to cancel because he was hawking meat in Dana Point and some deal was falling through and he was stuck in traffic. I actually said, "I'm so sorry you're having a bad day," instead of, "You bloody well should have told me you had to cancel the instant you knew so I could make other plans!" But I actually was sorry he was having a bad day because cute people shouldn't suffer. Also, I already had two other sets of conflicting plans- I don't know if it was just in case or if I cosmically jinxed the whole thing, (The Secret, The Secret,) but I do have a fun night ahead of me.
I met up with my dad this morning for breakfast and a swim, but I kickboarded because I'm lazy and had just washed my hair and also was giving my legs one last chance for Coachella shorts. My Dad brought a magazine cover with me on it and Holy Bejesus! I look like a gnarled munchkin with eyes the size of raisinettes. I only wish in the article I'd been squeezed into the pink Osh Kosh B'Gosh to make the picture complete. Also two people have called me to say that I bashed or ignored them in the article, which according to me merely makes me out to be spoiled, yet poor, boring white trash. This was not the interview by my new best friend, but some heinous woman who was condescending to my father for being spiritual.
The National Lampoon team adores me, supposedly, so I have that going for me, although the director is convinced I'm not a teenager, and whadda ya know? I'm not.
Cleaned my car which was a real mess. Couldn't decide whether the suspicious looking brown splotches on the carpet were actually vomit, and if so, how the hell did they get there?
Just finished "Veronika Decides to Die." If you ever feel like your life is routine, get through the first 133 pages and then thank me.
Good news on the smoking front: for anyone who is on the fence about quitting, I have seen photographic evidence that I now look less like Harry Dean Stanton, although I still like to remove my pores via airbrush.
I think in LA, people are not worried about emphysema, low birth weight, and heart disease. The non-smoking campaigns should be focused solely on the aging/collapsing implications. Get sets of twins, one who smokes and one who doesn't and follow them over the years. Then you could have some catchy jingle like the Doublemint Girls about being foxy and getting more booty because you're not withered and stinky. I know I'd go for it, and those jingles, Man, they just get into your head.
So I guess I was too complicated for Dad's Bags because I called him to ask him when he was picking me up and he said he had planned on calling me in an hour to cancel because he was hawking meat in Dana Point and some deal was falling through and he was stuck in traffic. I actually said, "I'm so sorry you're having a bad day," instead of, "You bloody well should have told me you had to cancel the instant you knew so I could make other plans!" But I actually was sorry he was having a bad day because cute people shouldn't suffer. Also, I already had two other sets of conflicting plans- I don't know if it was just in case or if I cosmically jinxed the whole thing, (The Secret, The Secret,) but I do have a fun night ahead of me.
I met up with my dad this morning for breakfast and a swim, but I kickboarded because I'm lazy and had just washed my hair and also was giving my legs one last chance for Coachella shorts. My Dad brought a magazine cover with me on it and Holy Bejesus! I look like a gnarled munchkin with eyes the size of raisinettes. I only wish in the article I'd been squeezed into the pink Osh Kosh B'Gosh to make the picture complete. Also two people have called me to say that I bashed or ignored them in the article, which according to me merely makes me out to be spoiled, yet poor, boring white trash. This was not the interview by my new best friend, but some heinous woman who was condescending to my father for being spiritual.
The National Lampoon team adores me, supposedly, so I have that going for me, although the director is convinced I'm not a teenager, and whadda ya know? I'm not.
Cleaned my car which was a real mess. Couldn't decide whether the suspicious looking brown splotches on the carpet were actually vomit, and if so, how the hell did they get there?
Just finished "Veronika Decides to Die." If you ever feel like your life is routine, get through the first 133 pages and then thank me.
Tribeca Film Festival--Chanel Dinner
Tracey Edmonds is way too hot for Eddie Murphy. I think Mel B was more his thing, especially if you think back to a certain incident in a vehicle.
Freddie Prinze Jr. must be scared every day of his life.
1. Emily Mortimer looks like an Emily Mortimer.
Seriously. If the Sopranos were real, would Tony have anything to do with this mess?
Doesn't anyone smile in NY? I know Anna Paquin has a freaky gap in her front teeth but so does David Letterman and he smiles.
Freddie Prinze Jr. must be scared every day of his life.
1. Emily Mortimer looks like an Emily Mortimer.2. Diane Keaton wants her clothes back.
3. Hey lady here's a quarter to have a rat gnaw that mole off. (Ooops. wrong movie)
4. Did she really think the bow was a good idea?
Seriously. If the Sopranos were real, would Tony have anything to do with this mess?
Doesn't anyone smile in NY? I know Anna Paquin has a freaky gap in her front teeth but so does David Letterman and he smiles.
ZX-The Guns. The Feast. The Brows. Oh My.
Went Wednesday morning to meet with National Lampoon. I love comedies. I hate how we're losing all our freaking comedians to the I Have To Win An Oscar Competition. Jim Carrey, you're funny. What are you doing? Tom Hanks, gone. If Will Ferrell starts doing dramas, I'll take him out myself. Which brings me to another subject:
The Gun Range.
I picked up my friend Tuesday, fat, bald, 65, you know the guy, and I noticed that he only has one eye. I didn't want to ask because he seemed very embarrassed about it. The reason we took my car was because his socket was on the right, and he was trying to hide it. I started laughing, but mumbled something about low blood sugar.
Let's talk about her car shall we? ZX has a very nice convertible, and she said we should take her car so she could put the top down. I asked her if she was going to be embarrassed to be seen with me with the top down, but she said that she wanted to see the fat on my cheeks jiggle in the wind.
We cruised around Santa Monica and Venice looking for a patio eatery.
She makes it sound pleasant and Southern Cali-ish, but in actuality it was a thirty minute terror ride because ZX has a goal to never come to a complete stop. So, she is sitting there weaving in and out of traffic, hair blinding her, open purse in her lap and checking her cell phone every five minutes while swerving, cussing, chatting, and looking amazingly beautiful all at the same time.
Finally, we sat ourselves down at a seafood place.
We were seated next to a man celebrating his 36th anniversary and his spectacular eyebrows.
We gorged ourselves on seafood and rolled away in pursuit of firearms.
We decided to share a few things because ZX was concerned I might have a heart attack. The problem is that when you share food with ZX you have to be really quick. Like lightning. Most women in Hollywood just pick at their food. ZX has a whole different game. She really only eats one meal a day and so when she eats, she's hungry. She was simultaneously using chopsticks from our appetizer and a fork to attack two plates at once. Her only pause was when she distracted me long enough to take a shrimp off my fork and put it on hers. When you look at her, she just smiles like an innocent angel and you realize that you maybe had two bites of food but really just don't care.
We ended up at The L.A. Gun Club and my friend asked, "Have you been here before?" I said "Yes, but it's not like they'll recognize me or anything." We walk in, the guy says, "You've been here before."
I'm guessing they don't get many women coming in who are wearing dresses and four inch heels to come fire guns.
I shot a Smith and Wesson .357 Revolver, but was shaking so badly as I do in all life and death situations that I was only able to puncture the spleen, lung, (twice) liver, spinal column, heart, and cerebellum.
They actually had all those organs labelled, and for all you non-gun people, the paper targets are the outline of THE BACK of a man's head,which I think is in pretty poor taste.
I on the other hand shot some type of Beretta with a clip. Well, I had never fired a gun before and it takes some getting used to. I kept trying to load the clip and was having a tough time with the safety and cocking the gun. There were three gentlemen there from a local gang who stopped laughing long enough to help me many times. They also offered to help fire my rounds while also staring non-stop at ZX's legs. When she had a problem emptying her revolver, they practically killed themselves to help her. Meanwhile, they let me look into the barrel to make sure there were really no more unfired bullets. A note to those of you going to fire guns. It seems that if you are having a problem with a gun, the people at the counter appreciate it if you don't come over to them waving the gun and complaining about it at the same time. Something about gun safety which was mumbled as they were all taking cover beneath the counter.
I'm getting the different colored heads framed, though, like a twisted Andy Warhol. We managed to bring home an intact target which I'm going to use as a Pin-the-Tail-On-The-Corpse, at my pinata Enchilada party, as soon as I can get my house clean. Gonna have to have a Home Day soon because it's really getting out of control. I blame getting ready too fast. I have this view of myself of a fashion goddess who would look good in a gunny sack. So I layout what I'm going to wear, look in the mirror, scream, and tear my whole house to pieces looking for items I've loaned or do not own in the first place, and end up panting in a $5 dress.
I went to the rehearsal for the film and the director is so tickled to have me doing such a tiny role that he won't shut up about it. "Thank you, ZX, We're so honored you decided to do this movie, ZX!" And I told him "Chill out. I'm really looking forward to working with you. Now you'd better write me an Assassin movie for real next time," and he said "Okay."
I went to the Fashion District to pick out Coachella clothes from Miss 60, and the outfit the lady had selected looked like infant Osh Kosh B'Gosh overall cutoffs that I couldn't get one leg into. They really have a shorts fetish which is fine as long as you are:
?
?
?
Well I was trying to make a list of people who look good in shorts but I couldn't come up with anyone. Maybe Cameron Diaz but even Nicole, I think, wears shorts to make her look beefier. If you have a "donkey butt and some big 'ole legs," you get the double bubble no matter what size it says on the label. Shorts? Sheesh.So I tore outside to Los Angeles Street for the $10 fashions- see? I splurged- and was very impressed by their racket. They don't put any mirrors in the fitting rooms so if you want to see your reflection, you must strut it in the main cabin of the store where they've hired a personality to tell you how"AMAZEEEN!" you look. One girl was so boisterous, I bought myself a strapless dress without "an eighth of the bod to fill the freaking bust up." -Sammy Baker Davis Jr.
Maybe Elyse Walker could use their customer service tips but one of you already pointed out that I probably bought those shoes to prove to that bitch that I could afford to shop there. Which is 100% true and I was sweating profusely under the sheep's hat, hoping I actually had that much money in my checking account when they ran my card. In all honesty, I got some lovely pieces from Miss 60, one dress in particular that No Pants might consider. It said it was a shirt on the label, but with some tugging and coddling, looks rather bodacious. Drove to my new best friend's house and we spent three hours gossiping and eating a five pound barrel of chocolate covered popcorn. Then I went to the gym.
*If this seems boring it's because it's the second time I've written it. The first time got erased, and I swear, I with the elbows and self awareness of a gosling or three year old, I have destroyed a fraction of the things that my computer has. So bear with me. I was so livid, ENT said "Remind me never to make you mad," and I think I might have hung up on him.
In full disclosure, she hangs up on me frequently. Honestly, computers drive her mad when something goes wrong. ZX is a world champion cusser and her favorite thing in the world is to yell at me for five minutes using every possible word combination that can realistically go with F**k and then hang up. She then just goes back and redoes what needs to be done. Most people would just say forget it and that's why ZX along with many other reasons is truly amazing.
The Gun Range.
I picked up my friend Tuesday, fat, bald, 65, you know the guy, and I noticed that he only has one eye. I didn't want to ask because he seemed very embarrassed about it. The reason we took my car was because his socket was on the right, and he was trying to hide it. I started laughing, but mumbled something about low blood sugar.
Let's talk about her car shall we? ZX has a very nice convertible, and she said we should take her car so she could put the top down. I asked her if she was going to be embarrassed to be seen with me with the top down, but she said that she wanted to see the fat on my cheeks jiggle in the wind.
We cruised around Santa Monica and Venice looking for a patio eatery.
She makes it sound pleasant and Southern Cali-ish, but in actuality it was a thirty minute terror ride because ZX has a goal to never come to a complete stop. So, she is sitting there weaving in and out of traffic, hair blinding her, open purse in her lap and checking her cell phone every five minutes while swerving, cussing, chatting, and looking amazingly beautiful all at the same time.
Finally, we sat ourselves down at a seafood place.
We were seated next to a man celebrating his 36th anniversary and his spectacular eyebrows.
We gorged ourselves on seafood and rolled away in pursuit of firearms.
We decided to share a few things because ZX was concerned I might have a heart attack. The problem is that when you share food with ZX you have to be really quick. Like lightning. Most women in Hollywood just pick at their food. ZX has a whole different game. She really only eats one meal a day and so when she eats, she's hungry. She was simultaneously using chopsticks from our appetizer and a fork to attack two plates at once. Her only pause was when she distracted me long enough to take a shrimp off my fork and put it on hers. When you look at her, she just smiles like an innocent angel and you realize that you maybe had two bites of food but really just don't care.
We ended up at The L.A. Gun Club and my friend asked, "Have you been here before?" I said "Yes, but it's not like they'll recognize me or anything." We walk in, the guy says, "You've been here before."
I'm guessing they don't get many women coming in who are wearing dresses and four inch heels to come fire guns.
I shot a Smith and Wesson .357 Revolver, but was shaking so badly as I do in all life and death situations that I was only able to puncture the spleen, lung, (twice) liver, spinal column, heart, and cerebellum.
They actually had all those organs labelled, and for all you non-gun people, the paper targets are the outline of THE BACK of a man's head,which I think is in pretty poor taste.
I on the other hand shot some type of Beretta with a clip. Well, I had never fired a gun before and it takes some getting used to. I kept trying to load the clip and was having a tough time with the safety and cocking the gun. There were three gentlemen there from a local gang who stopped laughing long enough to help me many times. They also offered to help fire my rounds while also staring non-stop at ZX's legs. When she had a problem emptying her revolver, they practically killed themselves to help her. Meanwhile, they let me look into the barrel to make sure there were really no more unfired bullets. A note to those of you going to fire guns. It seems that if you are having a problem with a gun, the people at the counter appreciate it if you don't come over to them waving the gun and complaining about it at the same time. Something about gun safety which was mumbled as they were all taking cover beneath the counter.
I'm getting the different colored heads framed, though, like a twisted Andy Warhol. We managed to bring home an intact target which I'm going to use as a Pin-the-Tail-On-The-Corpse, at my pinata Enchilada party, as soon as I can get my house clean. Gonna have to have a Home Day soon because it's really getting out of control. I blame getting ready too fast. I have this view of myself of a fashion goddess who would look good in a gunny sack. So I layout what I'm going to wear, look in the mirror, scream, and tear my whole house to pieces looking for items I've loaned or do not own in the first place, and end up panting in a $5 dress.
I went to the rehearsal for the film and the director is so tickled to have me doing such a tiny role that he won't shut up about it. "Thank you, ZX, We're so honored you decided to do this movie, ZX!" And I told him "Chill out. I'm really looking forward to working with you. Now you'd better write me an Assassin movie for real next time," and he said "Okay."
I went to the Fashion District to pick out Coachella clothes from Miss 60, and the outfit the lady had selected looked like infant Osh Kosh B'Gosh overall cutoffs that I couldn't get one leg into. They really have a shorts fetish which is fine as long as you are:
?
?
?
Well I was trying to make a list of people who look good in shorts but I couldn't come up with anyone. Maybe Cameron Diaz but even Nicole, I think, wears shorts to make her look beefier. If you have a "donkey butt and some big 'ole legs," you get the double bubble no matter what size it says on the label. Shorts? Sheesh.So I tore outside to Los Angeles Street for the $10 fashions- see? I splurged- and was very impressed by their racket. They don't put any mirrors in the fitting rooms so if you want to see your reflection, you must strut it in the main cabin of the store where they've hired a personality to tell you how"AMAZEEEN!" you look. One girl was so boisterous, I bought myself a strapless dress without "an eighth of the bod to fill the freaking bust up." -Sammy Baker Davis Jr.
Maybe Elyse Walker could use their customer service tips but one of you already pointed out that I probably bought those shoes to prove to that bitch that I could afford to shop there. Which is 100% true and I was sweating profusely under the sheep's hat, hoping I actually had that much money in my checking account when they ran my card. In all honesty, I got some lovely pieces from Miss 60, one dress in particular that No Pants might consider. It said it was a shirt on the label, but with some tugging and coddling, looks rather bodacious. Drove to my new best friend's house and we spent three hours gossiping and eating a five pound barrel of chocolate covered popcorn. Then I went to the gym.
*If this seems boring it's because it's the second time I've written it. The first time got erased, and I swear, I with the elbows and self awareness of a gosling or three year old, I have destroyed a fraction of the things that my computer has. So bear with me. I was so livid, ENT said "Remind me never to make you mad," and I think I might have hung up on him.
In full disclosure, she hangs up on me frequently. Honestly, computers drive her mad when something goes wrong. ZX is a world champion cusser and her favorite thing in the world is to yell at me for five minutes using every possible word combination that can realistically go with F**k and then hang up. She then just goes back and redoes what needs to be done. Most people would just say forget it and that's why ZX along with many other reasons is truly amazing.
US Weekly Hot Hollywood 2007
So while I was being stood up. "She's not feeling well." All my friends and at least three of my future ex-wives were at this party.
Do you honestly think I would say something bad or snarky about Ali Larter? Besides she looks great. I would have made her wear her hair down, but still.
Ashlee Simpson just looks like every other wannabe now. Her nose made her distinctive. If she were an actress it would be Jennifer Grey all over again. I really liked It's Like You Know... and was seriously upset when it got taken off the air.
Amber Tamblyn is a very popular guess isn't she? I will say that ZX has a tattoo and look, Amber has one. Hmmmmm. ECA.
Lesbian or straight, it is Carmen Electra and she is someone that both teams can truly love.
I like it. I really like it. I hate it in purple and some of the colors of the rainbow David Arquette wears, but this is cool.
In every photo, Jennifer Lopez has the wonky look going in the face. I guess she's trying to be sexy, but to me it's like she's taken too much Ambien.
"Leave the guy already. I'm 65 and fat, I can't hold out forever."
WireImage took 55 photos of Lindsay Lohan. 55 different photos of her hair getting bigger and bigger.
"We really are famous even without Justin." Lance looks like he's getting fondled by JC.
This is the same damn dress Paris wore the other night just in a different color. The tan didn't apply very evenly either.
Ryan Seacrest is out (of it). Good god, were they just passing out stuff to everyone as they came into the party?
Do you honestly think I would say something bad or snarky about Ali Larter? Besides she looks great. I would have made her wear her hair down, but still.
Ashlee Simpson just looks like every other wannabe now. Her nose made her distinctive. If she were an actress it would be Jennifer Grey all over again. I really liked It's Like You Know... and was seriously upset when it got taken off the air.
Amber Tamblyn is a very popular guess isn't she? I will say that ZX has a tattoo and look, Amber has one. Hmmmmm. ECA.
Lesbian or straight, it is Carmen Electra and she is someone that both teams can truly love.
I like it. I really like it. I hate it in purple and some of the colors of the rainbow David Arquette wears, but this is cool.
In every photo, Jennifer Lopez has the wonky look going in the face. I guess she's trying to be sexy, but to me it's like she's taken too much Ambien.
"Leave the guy already. I'm 65 and fat, I can't hold out forever."
WireImage took 55 photos of Lindsay Lohan. 55 different photos of her hair getting bigger and bigger.
"We really are famous even without Justin." Lance looks like he's getting fondled by JC.
This is the same damn dress Paris wore the other night just in a different color. The tan didn't apply very evenly either.
Ryan Seacrest is out (of it). Good god, were they just passing out stuff to everyone as they came into the party?
Ted C Blind Item
Here I go again: another damn Vice ‘bout yet another limp-wristed Hollywood hubby. And I use the antigay terminology only because it’s deserved in this sitch.
Fey Ray had it all. Beautiful woman. Gorgeous friends, hangers-on and so forth—all the accompanying high-life accoutrements that strangely just seem to come to heterosexual couples playing house, so rarely the gay ones, save Ellen ‘n’ Portia.
Fey-stud also had such nice teeth (I know, I have a thing with sparkling molars and incisors, so please forgive me). But he also had a penchant for little boys—nothing underage, mind you—something his gal was actually okay with!
Still. It wasn’t enough. A once-in-a-while little fagola fling (even with his baby’s blessings) just wasn’t enough for F.R., so he just had to go and bust things up with his gorgeous honey, so stupid-ola. I say dumbo time ‘cause Fey actually is one of those rare creatures who is bisexual. So many folks say they are just to get more headlines (or cash). Why does Anne Heche come to mind right about now? Never mind, back to Fey.
So, Mr. R. had a regular dude on the side. F.R.’s gal knew all along—and she still tried to keep the relationship going okay between her and her man (what some women will put up with!). Didn’t work. Fey needed his tumescent nooky time too much.
But get this: As soon as Fey busted up with his gal, he also busted up with his guy. Didn’t want people thinking he was gay, or anything.
Oy vey. I think my straight girlfriends are correct: Men—and not just the hetero ones—are dumber than Tom Cruise in love.
Fey Ray had it all. Beautiful woman. Gorgeous friends, hangers-on and so forth—all the accompanying high-life accoutrements that strangely just seem to come to heterosexual couples playing house, so rarely the gay ones, save Ellen ‘n’ Portia.
Fey-stud also had such nice teeth (I know, I have a thing with sparkling molars and incisors, so please forgive me). But he also had a penchant for little boys—nothing underage, mind you—something his gal was actually okay with!
Still. It wasn’t enough. A once-in-a-while little fagola fling (even with his baby’s blessings) just wasn’t enough for F.R., so he just had to go and bust things up with his gorgeous honey, so stupid-ola. I say dumbo time ‘cause Fey actually is one of those rare creatures who is bisexual. So many folks say they are just to get more headlines (or cash). Why does Anne Heche come to mind right about now? Never mind, back to Fey.
So, Mr. R. had a regular dude on the side. F.R.’s gal knew all along—and she still tried to keep the relationship going okay between her and her man (what some women will put up with!). Didn’t work. Fey needed his tumescent nooky time too much.
But get this: As soon as Fey busted up with his gal, he also busted up with his guy. Didn’t want people thinking he was gay, or anything.
Oy vey. I think my straight girlfriends are correct: Men—and not just the hetero ones—are dumber than Tom Cruise in love.
Morning Links--Two Separate ZX Posts Today
Britney Spears to perform next Wednesday at the HOB in Anaheim.
National Enquirer says Angelina Jolie has a potentially fatal health problem.
Tyra Banks makes good on her dine and ditch from last week.
No one wants anything to do with Joe Francis anymore. Well, except for his cell-mate. He just cannot get enough of the whimpering and whining each night.
National Enquirer says Angelina Jolie has a potentially fatal health problem.
Tyra Banks makes good on her dine and ditch from last week.
No one wants anything to do with Joe Francis anymore. Well, except for his cell-mate. He just cannot get enough of the whimpering and whining each night.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Today's Blind Items
So I've been thinking of eyebrows a bunch this week and you will see why tomorrow. When I mentioned eyebrows at work yesterday, someone related this to me.
This A list actor was dating someone a few years ago. His girlfriend said that his eyebrows were overgrown and took him to a salon. He agreed to have his brows waxed. Well, our actor didn't like the result at all. So he shaved them completely off. The problem was that he was scheduled to start filming in two days. During the film in which he won an Academy Award, he sports the following looks:
1. Eyebrows colored in with magic marker.
2. Fake eyebrows in one color.
3. Fake eyebrows in a different color.
4. His barely there own eyebrows towards the end of filming.
This A list actor was dating someone a few years ago. His girlfriend said that his eyebrows were overgrown and took him to a salon. He agreed to have his brows waxed. Well, our actor didn't like the result at all. So he shaved them completely off. The problem was that he was scheduled to start filming in two days. During the film in which he won an Academy Award, he sports the following looks:
1. Eyebrows colored in with magic marker.
2. Fake eyebrows in one color.
3. Fake eyebrows in a different color.
4. His barely there own eyebrows towards the end of filming.
Kindness Plug
Listen, I know that you occasionally put up “sites to check out” and I was wondering if you would want to put this up. I received an email about this site that helps out animals, but their “clicks” are low, therefore the sponsorship fee’s they get (which is 100% for the animals) are low. Here is a copy of the email I received – I also posted something on my blog about it, too. Just thought you may be interested.
Hi, all you animal lovers.
Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough
people to click on it daily to meet their quota of
getting free food donated every day to abused and
neglected animals.
It takes less than a minute to go to their site
and click on “feed an animal in need” for free. It’s in
a purple box in the middle of the page. This doesn’t
cost you a thing.
Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily
visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange for advertising.
Here’s the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Hi, all you animal lovers.
Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough
people to click on it daily to meet their quota of
getting free food donated every day to abused and
neglected animals.
It takes less than a minute to go to their site
and click on “feed an animal in need” for free. It’s in
a purple box in the middle of the page. This doesn’t
cost you a thing.
Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily
visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange for advertising.
Here’s the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
So Felching Isn't A Crime, But Kissing A Woman Is?
Richard Gere has a warrant out for his arrest in India. BTW, the above headline is in no way supposed to imply that Richard Gere has ever felched or is even aware of the term. I was simply making an observation that felching was not mentioned in the article but that Mr. Gere could spend up to three months in prison for kissing a woman.
Drew Barrymore is the Most Beautiful or in this case, the one with the publicist who was owed the biggest favor by People.
Justin's fans can touch him, but cannot grab him. They can fondle him, but not grope him. They can kiss him, but not tongue him. They can show him their sunglasses but not make him wear them.
Tyra Banks grabs Rosie's breasts.
LA jumps on the send Joe Francis to jail bandwagon. I won't rest until all 50 states come up with something to charge him with. I don't care if it's mopery, come up with something.
Drew Barrymore is the Most Beautiful or in this case, the one with the publicist who was owed the biggest favor by People.
Justin's fans can touch him, but cannot grab him. They can fondle him, but not grope him. They can kiss him, but not tongue him. They can show him their sunglasses but not make him wear them.
Tyra Banks grabs Rosie's breasts.
LA jumps on the send Joe Francis to jail bandwagon. I won't rest until all 50 states come up with something to charge him with. I don't care if it's mopery, come up with something.
Armani Exchange Sunglass Launch
When you have a wonky eye, it's better to let us see both of them or else we might get the wrong impression and think you are some kind of freak. Nicole actually looks good. They both must have got their extensions done at the same time and place because they are an exact match.
Lindsay looks like she was transported from Studio 54 into the future. Maybe her girlfriend likes her to look that way.
Speaking of which. Isn't it supposed to be a no-no for an alcoholic to be involved in a relationship with someone who drinks. Of course it could be water in that beer bottle. If you can put liquor in a water bottle, who's to say that you can't put water in a beer bottle. That must be what she's doing. Glad I figured it out. Is that really a peace sign or can I be a guy and infer something perverted about it?
"So they're free huh? They're not too big for my face? I hope Justin likes them."
"Yes, my brother is a freak, but I'm normal." Actually Kimberly Stewart looks really good here. I can't believe I just typed that. The Harold & Kumar fumes must be affecting me.
"Hey Lance. They are too big for your face. That's why I just hook them on my vest. I hope Justin likes it. The Yoko Ono of Spurs basketball didn't."
Lindsay looks like she was transported from Studio 54 into the future. Maybe her girlfriend likes her to look that way.
Speaking of which. Isn't it supposed to be a no-no for an alcoholic to be involved in a relationship with someone who drinks. Of course it could be water in that beer bottle. If you can put liquor in a water bottle, who's to say that you can't put water in a beer bottle. That must be what she's doing. Glad I figured it out. Is that really a peace sign or can I be a guy and infer something perverted about it?
"So they're free huh? They're not too big for my face? I hope Justin likes them."
"Yes, my brother is a freak, but I'm normal." Actually Kimberly Stewart looks really good here. I can't believe I just typed that. The Harold & Kumar fumes must be affecting me.
"Hey Lance. They are too big for your face. That's why I just hook them on my vest. I hope Justin likes it. The Yoko Ono of Spurs basketball didn't."
Coachella Information And Set Times
So I know ZX is going and I know James from Australian Idol is going. AP is going, and yes, even I'm going. Probably. If I go it will be just for tomorrow and for one act in particular. We are supposed to have dinner tonight though and that always overwhelms me to the point that I'm goofy for a few days. I always buy. With once concert she paid for an entire's year tuition and so I'm eternally grateful. Anyway...
SET TIMES & FESTIVAL MAP 2007
Set times are posted! CLICK HERE
Customize your schedule! CLICK HERE
2007 Festival Map is posted! CLICK HERE
COACHELLA WEBCAST, LIVE THIS FRIDAY
Can’t make it to Coachella? Watch Coachella LIVE online in the AT&T blue room April 27-29. So, go to attblueroom.com/music or, while at Coachella, visit the AT&T blue room Refresh and Recharge Tent.
Listen to Coachella artists on the AT&T blue room Radio: CLICK HERE
MEET BANDS
The Virgin Megastore is once again hosting band Autograph signings at the festival this year. (schedule below is subject to change)
Friday, April 27th
Busdriver 2-2:30pm
Silversun Pickups 3pm-4pm
The Noisettes 3:30-4pm
Stephen Marley 4:30-5pm
Amy Winehouse 4-5pm
Rufus Wainwright 5-6pm
DJ Shadow 5-5:30pm
The Brazilian Girls 5:30-6pm
Benny Benassi 6pm-6:30pm
Peeping Tom 6-7pm
Saturday, April 28th
Good, Bad & The Queen 1-2pm
Regina Spektor 1-1:30pm
Jack's Mannequin 1:30pm-2pm
Peter, Bjorn & John 2-2:30
Ozomatli 2-3pm
Travis 3-4pm
MSTRKRFT 3-3:30pm
The Frames 3:30-4pm
The Fratellis 4-4:30pm
The Rapture 4-5pm
Ghostface Killah 4:30-5pm
Fountains Of Wayne 5-6pm
LCD Soundsystem 5-5:30pm
The Nightwatchmen 6pm-7pm
Hot Chip 6-6:30pm
Tiesto 6:30-7pm
Sunday, April 29th
Klaxons 2-2:30pm
Kaiser Chiefs 2-3pm
Mika 2:30-3pm
CSS 3-3:30pm
The Roots 3-4pm
Mando Diao 3:30-4pm
Jose Gonzales 4:30-5pm
Lily Allen 4-5pm
The Feeling 4-4:30pm
The Kooks 5-5:30pm
Placebo 5-6pm
Tapes n Tapes 5:30-6pm
Air 6pm-7pm
Kickin It Old School Premiere And After Party
It appears that some guests came kickin it old school and some didn't.
Bobby Lee is a little early for the new Harold & Kumar movie. Actually, now that I think about it, it's never too early for Harold & Kumar. "Damn. Now I'm going to have to watch it tonight."
"Come on Webster. Why are you pulling away? I'm telling you that Gary Coleman was just a fling baby."
Jason Biggs was overheard stating, "Movie premiere? I thought this was a Kabbalah meeting."
Joey Fatone's brows and hair go together nicely. Even the same shape.
To think Jamie Kennedy is not actually kickin it old school, but wears this outfit everyday.
Maria Menounos wants to know who's next on the career ladder.
Without looking at IMDB can anyone think of any thing Jonathan Lipnicki has been in since Jerry Maguire?
Ummmm.
This is why porn stars stay naked.
You either had a thing for Tiffany or for Debbie. I think I've made it clear who I preferred.
Well obviously he's not a true baseball fan. Young Dre's just faking. Yes, he's got the Chicago White Sox hat on, but that is a Washington Nationals tattoo on his hand. If he was a true baseball fan and not a fake he would only support one team. It makes no difference if one is in the National League and the other in the American League.
Bobby Lee is a little early for the new Harold & Kumar movie. Actually, now that I think about it, it's never too early for Harold & Kumar. "Damn. Now I'm going to have to watch it tonight."
"Come on Webster. Why are you pulling away? I'm telling you that Gary Coleman was just a fling baby."
Jason Biggs was overheard stating, "Movie premiere? I thought this was a Kabbalah meeting."
Joey Fatone's brows and hair go together nicely. Even the same shape.
To think Jamie Kennedy is not actually kickin it old school, but wears this outfit everyday.
Maria Menounos wants to know who's next on the career ladder.
Without looking at IMDB can anyone think of any thing Jonathan Lipnicki has been in since Jerry Maguire?
Ummmm.
This is why porn stars stay naked.
You either had a thing for Tiffany or for Debbie. I think I've made it clear who I preferred.
Well obviously he's not a true baseball fan. Young Dre's just faking. Yes, he's got the Chicago White Sox hat on, but that is a Washington Nationals tattoo on his hand. If he was a true baseball fan and not a fake he would only support one team. It makes no difference if one is in the National League and the other in the American League.
NY Daily News Blind Item
Which chick-lit author was so hung over after a Saturday night on the town that she vomited into her jacket sleeve at church the next day?
**Someone actually told me they saw this and I didn't believe them because I didn't think it was physically possible to do so. I don't know if the story just traveled or if it really happened.**
**Someone actually told me they saw this and I didn't believe them because I didn't think it was physically possible to do so. I don't know if the story just traveled or if it really happened.**
Some Morning Links
Sanjaya's mom and sister busted in 2005 because of the 310 marijuana plants at their home. Sanjaya's mom then decided to turn on Sanjaya's step dad and have him busted as well. Awwww. That's love baby.
Anorexia "is the nice girl's way of becoming a crack whore." So Kate Beckinsale used to weigh 70 pounds and was anorexic. But what she's really saying is that she was a crack whore and not anorexic after all? I'm confused. Has she wanted to be a crack whore? Is she a nice girl who dreams of a life caring about nothing but crack and using her crack whore body to get that crack? A crack whore is generally someone who has sex for crack. Anorexia is doing everything possible not to eat. So logically does that mean that Kate Beckinsale is someone who wants to have sex so she won't eat?
Some really good dirt on Diddy.
Popsugar is trying to convince themselves that Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are a couple. Click on these two photos from their site, and then get back to me. One. Two. I guess I have seen men walking and standing like that but it's usually during a ballet. Yes, I go to the ballet. Not very willingly though. It's hard for a man of my girth to fit into those tiny seats for long.
Anorexia "is the nice girl's way of becoming a crack whore." So Kate Beckinsale used to weigh 70 pounds and was anorexic. But what she's really saying is that she was a crack whore and not anorexic after all? I'm confused. Has she wanted to be a crack whore? Is she a nice girl who dreams of a life caring about nothing but crack and using her crack whore body to get that crack? A crack whore is generally someone who has sex for crack. Anorexia is doing everything possible not to eat. So logically does that mean that Kate Beckinsale is someone who wants to have sex so she won't eat?
Some really good dirt on Diddy.
Popsugar is trying to convince themselves that Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are a couple. Click on these two photos from their site, and then get back to me. One. Two. I guess I have seen men walking and standing like that but it's usually during a ballet. Yes, I go to the ballet. Not very willingly though. It's hard for a man of my girth to fit into those tiny seats for long.
Beans, Beans, They're Good For Your Heart. The More You Eat Them The More You
want to throw them at the paps. First of all I think Hugh threw the beans simply because they were not Bush's baked beans. He wanted them to roll that beautiful bean footage and they didn't. Hence, the throwing of the beans, and the subsequent arrest. It appears that Hugh has a normal delivery for throwing beans. In the future, he may want to switch from the Glad plastic container to a true Tupperware container for greater heft and its ability to inflict greater damage on a human. In addition, I think he will find the Tupperware would make for an easier cleanup. Should he just not want to clean-up and instead just inflict as much harm as possible, then I would suggest a corning ware dish or even dare I say it. Glass. Lots of damage to the pap, and because it will no doubt shatter into many pieces many of which would embed themselves in said pap. The remaining material and beans would be left in the street for a public sanitation official to remove. No personal dish washing necessary.
He may throw like a man, but he kicks like a wee little girl.
He may throw like a man, but he kicks like a wee little girl.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Today's Blind Items
I want to make it clear that no blind items EVER come from ZX. She tells me things all the time BUT with the assurances that none of what she says will be repeated here. Her friendship means way more to me than any gossip. Plus, she can kick my ass and she knows it.
Star is publishing this tomorrow. This seems familiar.
Lindsay’s Secret Gay Affair!
Lindsay Lohan’s taken a break from chasing boys and plunged into a hot and heavy romance with her lesbian DJ pal Samantha Ronson, sources tell Star!
“They are lovers,” claims one insider. “The rumors about them hooking up are totally true. Lindsay is trying to be low key about it, but everyone knows that they are way more than friends!”
Earlier this month, while in Japan doing a photo shoot, Lindsay was spotted by a source locking lips with Samantha in a Tokyo nightclub. “They just started making out right there like they didn’t care who saw them,” the source tells Star. “Maybe because they were across the globe, they didn’t think anyone would notice.”
The pair were also spotted sharing a long, passionate kiss and groping each other at least once before, at New York City hot spot The Plumm. One source tells Star that Lindsay described her relationship with Samantha as an “on-again, off-again” romance, which has been going on since last year.
Lindsay said they were lovers,” the friend claims. “She said, ‘We hook up all the time!’”
OK, for today.
This openly gay female singer is going just a little nuts. At a recent visit to an office superstore, she dragged her assistant?/lover? with her and went down EACH row and asked if they needed this and that. Not just one item in a row, but literally almost every item in every row. If the assistant/lover said no, she had to back it up with reasons why they didn't need it.
Not Melissa E.
Star is publishing this tomorrow. This seems familiar.
Lindsay’s Secret Gay Affair!
Lindsay Lohan’s taken a break from chasing boys and plunged into a hot and heavy romance with her lesbian DJ pal Samantha Ronson, sources tell Star!
“They are lovers,” claims one insider. “The rumors about them hooking up are totally true. Lindsay is trying to be low key about it, but everyone knows that they are way more than friends!”
Earlier this month, while in Japan doing a photo shoot, Lindsay was spotted by a source locking lips with Samantha in a Tokyo nightclub. “They just started making out right there like they didn’t care who saw them,” the source tells Star. “Maybe because they were across the globe, they didn’t think anyone would notice.”
The pair were also spotted sharing a long, passionate kiss and groping each other at least once before, at New York City hot spot The Plumm. One source tells Star that Lindsay described her relationship with Samantha as an “on-again, off-again” romance, which has been going on since last year.
Lindsay said they were lovers,” the friend claims. “She said, ‘We hook up all the time!’”
OK, for today.
This openly gay female singer is going just a little nuts. At a recent visit to an office superstore, she dragged her assistant?/lover? with her and went down EACH row and asked if they needed this and that. Not just one item in a row, but literally almost every item in every row. If the assistant/lover said no, she had to back it up with reasons why they didn't need it.
Not Melissa E.
Big ZX Post On Friday
So don't want to give too much away about yesterday's adventures with ZX, but there are tons of pictures and enough excitement to make any other Tuesday look like crap. Also, I must have been on my best behavior because ZX only flipped me off twice. Usually it would be more like ten.
A few things not really relevant to ZX but which I noticed yesterday.
1. For those of you who live in LA you may want to avoid looking up from your car as you head north on Fairfax towards Sunset. I looked up to see David Hasselhoff staring down at me from a huge billboard. I literally shook. Turns out he is in The Producers in Vegas. Whose bright idea was that?
2. We decided to meet at the Coffee Bean. Yes, that one. He was huddled in his corner with 4 layers of clothes on beneath a 20 watt light bulb that would make a crypt seem alive. Outside it was 80 and sunburny as you will see later this week, but in the corner it was depressing.
3. So on the patio was a very hot looking woman who was paired with a Johnny Knoxville look-a-like. The woman had a puppy that looked like a rat. The rat needed to go to the bathroom so Johnny put down a NY Times on the ground. The rat decided to go on the patio instead. One man got up to yell at them because he didn't enjoy dog piss pooling around his feet while he was trying to eat.
A few things not really relevant to ZX but which I noticed yesterday.
1. For those of you who live in LA you may want to avoid looking up from your car as you head north on Fairfax towards Sunset. I looked up to see David Hasselhoff staring down at me from a huge billboard. I literally shook. Turns out he is in The Producers in Vegas. Whose bright idea was that?
2. We decided to meet at the Coffee Bean. Yes, that one. He was huddled in his corner with 4 layers of clothes on beneath a 20 watt light bulb that would make a crypt seem alive. Outside it was 80 and sunburny as you will see later this week, but in the corner it was depressing.
3. So on the patio was a very hot looking woman who was paired with a Johnny Knoxville look-a-like. The woman had a puppy that looked like a rat. The rat needed to go to the bathroom so Johnny put down a NY Times on the ground. The rat decided to go on the patio instead. One man got up to yell at them because he didn't enjoy dog piss pooling around his feet while he was trying to eat.
How ZX Spent Her Monday Plus An Update Shortly
Is this legible?
They turned off my power Monday. I came back from the read through, (which actually went well despite my prev. griping,) to find that lovely note stuck in my door. Gosh Darn it. And I had very busy day planned- I was going to help my new best friend, the interviewer, look into buying a new car. Despite my inability to pay bills and file taxes, I have been the car fairy to a few people in my friends and family, managed to have two cars stolen, and crashed a few others. So all in all, I have more experience buying new and used cars than other people I know and it's actually a lot of fun. My horribly atrophied right brain gets to play. Somehow, between taking the note off my door and climbing in my car, I must have wadded it up and tossed it on the ground because it just wasn't there and I didn't have the address where I needed to go to turn back on my power. In addition, my new phone decided it would only dial letters, no numbers so I couldn't dial information for the DWP. I pulled over in a tornado of epithets all the while taking me nearer to 5P when my efforts would be moot. Turned out the Sim card had come loose and was scrambling my phone's "brain". That's actually a direct quote from Stacy at Cingular. Everything worked out and all candlelight was aesthetic, thank God. Very boring day plus was so tired when Dad's Bags called me, I started whining and he said that I was too complicated and he should probably take some other girl to this concert on Thursday. I said he probably should. Jesus, I'm too busy for this rigmarole. Yipe, I have to go to a meeting!