Four For Friday

Oscar time means pre-Oscar parties and pre-pre parties. Well, OK, Hollywood does not need much of an excuse to party. However, at one party, this actress who married above herself never let her husband get more than 3 feet away from her. Some would say she was just affectionate, but it got to the laughable stage very quickly when she kept trying to interject herself between any woman who dared speak to her husband. The only time he was alone was when he went to the bathroom. She waited by the door after escorting him there.

This former female reality star has called in every favor owed to her for one reason. She is obsessed with this singer. For the last ten days he has made appearances at four parties and she has been right there every step of the way. She crashed one party and came as the "date" of another woman just so she could keep trying to get him to notice her. Still hasn't worked but there is another party tonight so...

Life must be getting harder for this married A-List actor. Long thought to be sober, he was spotted at a recent party chugging down a drink before spending the rest of the night with a bottle of water.

I am a diva, get me out of here. That was the attitude of this recent actress who made the briefest of brief appearances. Thinking there was going to be name talent, she found herself surrounded by C&D listers and she was just too good for that. She walked through the room once and then was gone. Next year she may well be on the other side looking in.

American Idol or Porn Star?

I have not watched American Idol this season. I know I am the only one in America who doesn't watch it, and am therefore unsure of new rules on the show. Do you automatically get to stay if there are photos of you on the internet servicing guys? I was aware that Antonella Barba had some risque pics out on the net and even some semi-nude, but no porn. Until today that is. IDLYITW has some alleged photos of Ms. Barba going down on a guy and I am sure that will win her even more votes from the public. (If you click, it is safe for work sorta. If you click on the sorta pics then it becomes NSFW) I know that I am a little ignorant, but didn't Frenchie get kicked off Idol for having some topless photos on the internet? I guess time have changed.

In other news, American Idol is opening a summer camp for kids. No word on whether Ms. Barba will be an instructor or just a role model for America's youth.

Tom Cruise Not First On The Speed Dial Anymore

This article from Slate is really long and really good and basically summarizes how Tom Cruise is not the first or second or even fifth choice for film projects anymore and how Katie severely damaged her career with her actions during promotional appearances for Batman Begins. The article briefly mentions Scientology, but it is not a focus of the article. Like I said, the article is long but it will give you something to read over the weekend. If you are really bored this afternoon you can watch the two segments from David Letterman that allegedly caused Katie's career spiral.

Thanks to Mistik for finding the article and sending it my way.

And the Winning Country of the Next Brangelina Baby Is...Vietnam

Oh that is a big shocker. Most people had a South American or Central American country at the top of their list for the country of birth. There are going to be some mighty disappointed orphans in those countries tonight. Angelina and Brad have really confounded the experts with their selection. Well, for all of you orphans from around the world who did not get picked this time, don't worry because there will be a next time and a next time with a break for a natural baby followed by a next time and next time followed by a marriage and then quickie divorce followed by a next time and next time. Brangelina will adopt all of you sooner or later.

Kimmy On Entertainment Tonight

The real story at last!! Thanks to everyone who pays such close attention to every word I write I was able to avoid the fate of the NY Post this morning. They actually printed that the Kimmy website was real. Can you imagine making a dumb ass mistake like that? They are a full-time news organization with staff and people who get paid and have no other jobs except to make sure they get it right. Thanks to all my readers for taking care of me and making sure I would never do something dumb like that.

Scarlett Johansson In India--UK Tabloid Logic Headline--Scarlett Johansson To Adopt??

Scarlett Johansson is in India doing some work for the charity Oxfam. She has been there since Monday and I have not heard a peep about it. She is just doing what needs to be done and is not giving away cars or adopting babies or having her dad come around telling her to show more skin. Thanks Scarlett. Here is the Oxfam news release for more details about what Scarlett is doing there and how you can help.

Perez Interviewed By BBC --Article Linked To By--Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Actually it is a pretty good interview and Perez discusses his objectivity in relation to Paris Hilton and even hints at it some more when he talks about access and how it can be a hindrance. Unlike me, the BBC reporters can write well and do not just throw out softballs. It is worth five minutes of your time reading it and I don't want Perez to be the only site linked to it all day because no one wants that throwing a party and no one showed up kind of feeling.

If You Don't Get Drunk At Your Birthday Party, Then You Must Be Pregnant and Some Other Baby News

Every week the UK newspapers hammer home the fact that Charlotte Church is a party animal and that she supports her boyfriend much like Kate Moss supports Pete Doherty. Not in an enabling drug stupor/coma kind of way, but more of a let me pay for everything because you think I am good looking kind of way. Anyway, Charlotte Church turned 21 on Wednesday and was going to have a huge party and get drunk and the pap were going to be there and then, nothing. She had a quiet party at home and allegedly didn't have anything to drink. Therefore, she must be pregnant. I like the logic. Works everytime.

In actual baby news, Amanda Peet may have recently lost a television show, but she gained a daughter. This job loss/baby gain will probably make her happy in some kind of weird way because she does not have to juggle work and Frances Pen. No, not Frances Bean, it is Frances Pen. No, it is not the name of some pen manufacturer it is short for Penny who is Amanda's mom. The baby was also welcome news for Amanda's husband who was wondering if Amanda could do any project that did not involve Matthew Perry.

Harry Potter Naked - Again With The Horse

I am starting to worry about Daniel Radcliffe and his obsession with that horse. If you want to see what Daniel is packing, then click away, but I will warn you that it is NSFW unless of course your work goes for that kind of thing. That would be kind of fun to work at a place and everyone invites each other over to their respective computer and checks out each other's porn. Of course there would always be that one guy who did not want to share or had pictures he took of his mom sleeping which would freak everyone out.

My Sister Is In Rehab And All You Got Me Was This Joint

Ahh, the joys of family. Mischa Barton, who wrecked Nicole Richie's car and saw her sister enter rehab all in the span of a couple of days wants to be a good example for her sister. The best way of course would be to show her that she is not drinking or doing drugs. If that fails, perhaps she could have a drink or two. Of course you could go the route Mischa is going and maybe the two can share a room in rehab. Mischa wins the 1st annual sister of the year award here at CrazyDaysAndNights. It will no doubt be one of the few awards she ever earns and we are happy to present it to her. Her new boyfriend looks thrilled to be apart of the awards ceremony and is so stoned will not notice that she forgot to thank him for being her guiding light and rock and for not exposing himself to the world like her last boyfriend.

Thanks to flynet for the photos

Kimmy???? Goes Off on Howard K

UPDATE**Several of you have written in to say it is not actually Kimmy's website. Whether or not she is having second thoughts or, if in fact it is not her site, it is still definitely worth reading. Her MySpace is set to private, so if anyone has a copy of the statement stating the site is not hers, then please post it in the comments.

After reading her website, I don't think anyone will ever want to be on Kimmy's bad side. If you are at all interested in the ANS situation, you have to read Kimmy's site. Even if you do not want anything to do with ANS you have to read this website. Why? Because it is the rant to end all rants and will make you grateful that she is not coming after you. Sleep with one eye open Howard. Kimmy is on the loose.

Today's Blind Items

Prior to the Academy Awards this weekend, stars and non-stars alike will be begged to visit or have to worm their way in to various swag bag suites to get free stuff. If you want free stuff for yourself or even a guest, then no problem. The problem is when you are a middling star at best, and decide you want to invite five of your friends to each suite. This C list actress on a big hit show decided to throw a fit in one suite when she was told that her friends would not be able to grab any of the high priced goodies for themselves. She yelled and cursed and threw a fit that would make Naomi Campbell or Foxy Brown proud, but the staff would not budge. So, our actress decided to leave. Before leaving though, she managed to break and or damage several items and was stuffing everything else she could grab into her HUGE purse and then walked out without looking back. (Not Hayden P.)

This movie actress who has been known to lose her top once or twice or maybe twenty times has always professed to love all men and women. She will love them together or separately. At a recent party she went only for the women, specifically one woman. Besides leaving together that night, she and her prey also share at least one other common bond.

Britney Update

Every site has something to say about the Britney Spears situation. At this time, I really do not have anything to add, but want to make it easier for you to find the information you need.

The general background on today

Who is watching the children?

Every detail, plus some quotes from her dad

Attempted suicide story

The People Magazine version of events

More Proof That The Ladies Love Katharine McPhee

I do not think any of us expect to go on the Tyra Banks Show and be groped. It would be fun and I would enjoy it but it is certainly not expected. I of course would be willing to out out if the green room food was good or if she flirted with me a bit. Well actually, I am pretty easy so I am probably not the best judge of what is appropriate talk show behavior. Tyra did say that Ms. McPhee's breasts were real so I am guessing this is not the first time she has had hands on experience with this kind of thing. Several questions pop into my mind. (1) Does every talk show host get a free fondle of Katharine's breasts now? (2) If she goes on The View does everyone get to touch or do they have to pick one of the four? (3) Will Tyra be an equal opportunity groper in the future? (4) Is Pete Wentz going to be a guest on Tyra anytime in the near future?

Did I Miss The Memo?

When did Hilary Swank turn into a teenage boy or Matt Damon's doppelganger from ten years ago?

Jessica Simpson Mixes Charity With Publicity

I am not going to give Jessica Simpson a hard time. I am happy the orphanage in Nuevo Laredo is going to get a new van and that Jessica is going to auction off some clothes from a Pizza Hut commercial and give the proceeds to the orphanage. What I am going to say is that the press release known as People Magazine is filled with plugs for two different types of Chrysler vehicles and Pizza Hut all within the span of a 300 word article. In addition Jessica got paid for the Pizza Hut commercial and got the Chrysler for free. I am not sure I see the sacrifice. Like I said this is not about Jessica and I am glad she is doing something. The problem is in Hollywood when charity is all about publicity and not about charity. Call me when someone just has Pizza Hut send their fee directly to the orphanage and we do not hear about it from the star.

Everyone Has Seen Me Naked For Free, and Now I want To Get Paid!

Yes, Kim Kardashian, the self-described television host, model, stylist, celebrity, and successful fashion retailer is suing to stop the release of her sex tape. It is a shakedown and she will get some money. Everyone has already talked about it including me. What I want to do is focus on what she lists as her jobs.

Television Host- The next time she is a television host will be her first time. I guess she could say that she was kind of the hostess in her sex tape, or perhaps she hosts an unknown video of Paris Hilton and describes the action for everyone, or introduces who will get to sleep with Paris that day.

Model- Some friend of the family probably let her get up on a catwalk one day, but did not pay her. I am sure Kim was walking down the catwalk looking everywhere for the stripper pole, but I am guessing that she did model. Her modeling could have been for whoever was with her at that time, but I think we all agree she is or was a model.

Stylist - For herself? Her sisters? (who are hot btw, although one is 8 feet tall) For Paris or Lindsay? If you say to someone, those shoes look awful, or you should be totally naked when you are doing me in the video I guess those could be called style tips. OK. She is and or was a stylist.

Celebrity - Only a friend of Paris Hilton could describe being a celebrity as a job description. She has not even been asked to be on the Surreal Life. At least Paris Hilton has been in actual movies and had a highly rated television show.

Successful Fashion Retailer - I really do not know if she sold anything to anyone or had a store or a shop or if she is just talking about the time she worked at The Gap when she was 16 and they said you are doing a good job folding those shirts Kim, but you may want to consider a future in porn instead.

In Case You Have Not Laughed Today

Bobby Trendy was spotted by TMZ last night and got him on video spouting off about Howard K and Larry Birkhead. Is it just me or does Bobby Trendy look like Boy George from the mid 90's right before he entered rehab?

The Pete Wentz Story

"Hi, I am Pete Wentz. You may remember me for being in the group Fall Out Boy. Of course I have also managed to have nude pictures of me show up mysteriously on the internet and I love being with men from the waist up. Those pics are out there on the internet for all my future hookups because I don't want there to be any surprises or disappointments when all is revealed. This way you know what I am coming to the table with. Everyone thinks Ashlee Simpson and I are dating, but really I just use her to score other guys and girls. She thought she was my girlfriend, but she is just not quite freaky enough. She is freaky enough to let me make out with guys, but not freaky enough to keep me satisfied or to understand why I would date Rumer Willis. OK, no one in America understands why I would date Rumer Willis. Maybe it was a bet I lost or maybe she is the only one who understands a man sometimes needs to play both sides of the street. Ashlee and I started fading when Nick was no longer her brother-in-law. While they were related, I always held out hope that some kind of sick love between he and Ashlee and myself could be worked out."

My Name is Howard K Stern aka Anna Nicole Smith's Bitch

Yes, you to can go to law school and become someone's bitch. When things are not going right with your Sugarmomma, then feel free to ask your parents for money and while you are at it, go ahead and take your old room back. You are sneaky and managed to get yourself a huge fee agreement which you do not want to slip away. Therefore you pretend to like ANS and are there when she makes you watch her get it on with other men. People laugh at you and call you names. Whoops, better stop there I was going to sing the Rudolph song there for a second. This guy basically sold his soul to whatever God told him he just needed to stick it out and get the 6% contingency fee if and when ANS collected. He probably thought he could handle it for a year or two, but there he was, still sucking up to her ten years later. When you look at the picture of him, understand that he did not pay for any of what he is wearing.

Oh, and Larry and Anna's mama are no good also. I just do not want to spend the whole day talking about this. Everyone who knew ANS used her to get stuff or money or both.

I Guess That Jennifer Aniston Topless Photo was Real--aka Perez Sued Again

Being the biggest on the block and making your distaste known for Jennifer Aniston puts your head squarely on the chopping block when you post a photo she does not want posted. Although every gossip site published the photo from the film The Break-Up, and millions of people now have it on their hard drive, Perez will be footing the bill for everyone involved. Universal wants Perez to shop showing the image and also wants the US Marshals to confiscate the material.

See, the problem with the law is that it moves slowly. No one cares about the picture anymore because we have all seen it. Even if they take Perez's copy who is going to get all the rest of the copies from every guy and many ladies who downloaded it. No money damages were asked for in the complaint and I don't think Universal will ask for any because Perez will make their lives miserable. It is interesting that Ms. Aniston did not actually file suit, unlike in the last topless action, but let the studio handle it instead.

Finally, the studio attached a copy of the photo(sans good parts) to the complaint, so now fair use would apply when publishing the photo (sans good parts) in the future.

Today's Blind Items

This B list actress who was a regular WB/UPN one shot wonder has her own television show now. This past weekend she wanted company each night and she did not discriminate when it came to men and women. She flirted with each gender almost non-stop and her report card reads one night with a guy, and the next night with a guy and girl.

This television host despite being married spent some a whole bunch of time hitting on someone almost half his age. Thinking he was going to get lucky he made his move, only to be rebuffed when the girl said there was no way she would do anything with him because he was old and her mom's favorite star.

This newly single female singer literally should have passed out numbers to get in line to speak/hit on her. Throughout the weekend one celeb and NBA player after another would spend a minute or two trying to make a dent in her facade and to see if they would have any luck. Although she did not hook up with anyone, she did utter the best line all weekend. An NBA player was making the moves on her and she said, "First of all I am not interested at all in you, and second, do you think you could show me and your wife some respect by taking your wedding ring back out of your pocket and put it on your finger where it belongs."

Britney Update

I know Perez is reporting the sighting at the attorney's office, but I have not heard that at all. I am depending on one person for my information and they are obviously quite busy right now. All I know is what was told to me early this morning and that is she was going to move to a new facility. The attorney Perez mentions is not Barry Tarlows, but Barry Tarlow and he does specialize in criminal law.

Zodiac Director Loved Making Jake Gyllenhaal Cry

Robert Downey Jr. called Zodiac director David Fincher, tough, and a disciplinarian. Jake Gyllenhaal on the other hand wanted to call mommy. David Fincher admits he loved screwing with Jake's mind and seeing how long it would take before Jake would cry.

Grey's Anatomy to Spin Off New Show

In an attempt to be the new CSI or Law & Order, Grey's Anatomy has decided to spin off Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy and make a new show, thus trying to control the world.

Mommie Dearest Sequel

Naomi Campbell wants to be a mom. I think the headline says it all. BUT, if you need a refresher on why Naomi Campbell would not be parent of the year, then here you go:

In 2000, she pleaded guilty in a Toronto court to a 1998 assault on Georgina Galanis, her then assistant; Campbell had assaulted Galanis with a telephone in a hotel room and threatened to throw her out of a moving car. Under an agreement with the prosecution her record was cleared in exchange for her expressing remorse; Campbell also paid Galanis an undisclosed amount of money and agreed to attend anger management lessons. [3]

March 2005, the model was said to have slapped assistant Amanda Brack and beaten her around the head with a BlackBerry hand-held personal organiser. The star's spokesman Rob Shuter denied the incident ever took place.

In July 2006, Brack began legal proceedings against Campbell, claiming the supermodel abused her verbally and physically on three continents. Brack accused Campbell of assault, battery, false imprisonment and infliction of emotional distress in incidents that started a month after she began working for her in February 2005 [4]

Italian actress Yvonne Scio has claimed the model left her "covered in blood" after a spat at a Rome hotel. Yvonne claimed: "She punched me in the face. She was like Mike Tyson." [5] Interestingly enough, Campbell once dated Mike Tyson.

On 30 March 2006 in New York City, Campbell was arrested for allegedly assaulting[6] her housekeeper with a jewel-encrusted mobile phone, resulting in a bloody head that required several stitches. She was charged [7] with second degree assault, a felony that carries a minimum sentence of one year and a maximum of seven years in prison. [8]

On 28 September 2006, she did not attend a required court appearance in New York City, and the judge ruled that he would order her arrest if she failed to turn up on court the following week, on charges of a second degree assault on her housekeeper, and could be jailed for up to seven years if convicted.[4]

On 25 October 2006, she was arrested in London on suspicion of assault. [9] She has been released on police bail.

On 14 November 2006, another former Campbell housekeeper, Gaby Gibson, began a new court case against the supermodel seeking unspecified damages, and accused her ex-employer of being a "violent super-bigot."[5].

On 15 November 2006, Campbell appeared in criminal court in New York City regarding her March 2006 assault charges. Her defence lawyer and the prosecutor told the judge that they were "still in the process of working out a possible" plea deal in the case.[6]

On 16 January 2007, Campbell pleaded guilty to a charge of reckless assault against Ana Scolavino. She was sentenced to five days community service and ordered to attend an anger management course. In addition, she was ordered to pay medical bills of $363 (£185) to Mrs Scolavino who needed four stitches after the incident. [7]

The Boston-based law firm Sullivan & Worcester, which had assigned a top litigator to defend Campbell throughout her many escapades, severed their relationship with Campbell in 2006.[citation needed]

Brangelina Seeing A Counselor

I would call it a marriage counselor, but since they are not married, we will just call it couples counseling, or how do we get out of this without the whole world laughing at us counseling. No matter what you call it, I think this kind of thing can be expected when you have not spent more than a week in any place for the last year, drag three kids wherever you go, are followed by pap, gave birth to a baby, had your mom pass away, filmed eight movies, did publicity for eight more and do not eat enough Twinkies. Here is my advice. Stop working and traveling. Buy a small country, or just bribe a government to keep out pap and just relax in one place for six months. If you both are still alive, and the children are still reasonably intact then I think you will be ok. Otherwise, it is not going to last much longer.

Need some attention? Get Pregnant! or, at least make people think you are

Trista and Ryan (yes we used to be able to call them just by their first names) from the Bachelor and Bachelorette announced they are expecting a child. Trista, who no one has thought of in almost a year broke the joyous news to her jet lagged husband in the baggage claim at Denver International Airport. She then immediately went in search of a phone to call People and tell them the news and to make sure they sent a photographer.

In baby news that is designed to make Nicole Kidman either jealous or work harder to get pregnant, Naomi Watts has announced (intimated, photographed touching a belly) that she and her boyfriend Liev Schreiber are expecting a baby as well.

Finally, in the you can never go shopping for any kind of baby gift in LA without someone thinking you are pregnant. Christina Aguilera walked by some baby store in Beverly Hills the other day and the store employee fantasized X-Tina and Jordan coming in and telling her and only her they were expecting a child. Instead of just getting a glimpse of the couple through the window, she imagined they would come in and gush and hug and cry and be best pals. According to the clerk, the couple also spent $3000, and there are some imaginary quotes as well. Funny thing is Christina to her knowledge has never been in Bellini.

Heather Mills to Appear on Dancing With The Stars

The cast of the new season of Dancing With The Stars was announced today. Of course nothing shows a commitment to seriousness than having your announcement made by Jerry Springer. That being said it is a nice mix of athletes and D listers and a friend of the blog. Hopefully this will allow us some inside info on how divaish HMM is on the show and if Ian Ziering hits on everything that moves. I noticed that Miss Usa 2004 is going to be on the show. Funny how no one knows her name or even what she looks like (see below), but everyone for all-time will know Tara Conner.

Britney Leaves Promises--Entering More Secure Rehab Facility Elsewhere

As a consequence of the media feeding frenzy at Promises, Britney Spears is moving to a rehab facility which is more secure. With the pap swarming, the staff, other patients and Britney felt it would be best for her to check out of Promises and enter a more secure rehab facility where she can begin the process of healing and not have to worry about hiding from the cameras 24 hours a day. I will keep you updated.

Britney Spears Enters Rehab

According to my sources Britney Spears entered rehab today. I think it is Wonderland, but I also heard a mumble that sounded like Promises so I will try and confirm it for you. (Confirmed it is Promises) I am happy that she is getting the help she needs, and I really do not have anything else at this time. It is my understanding that her family did a semi-intervention and that her mother will be watching the children while Britney is in rehab.

I sent an e-mail to Larry Rudolph to get the "official" statement but he has not got back to me yet. He did get back to the suck up artists at People though, and this is the "official" statement.

"Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today," Rudolph says in a statement. "We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time."

My source did say that Britney entered rehab to deal with her addictions and needs some very serious grief counseling because of two specific incidents which have occurred recently.

The National Enquirer is reporting that Britney entered Promises. They are stating that they learned this exclusively. Where? From here?

Today's Blind Items

This B list movie/television actor became one of the few. Yes, he was rejected by none other than Paris Hilton herself when he made a very public move on her this past weekend. He said a few words and then she turned her back. For the rest of the night he insisted that he did not try and hit on her, but everyone knows he couldn't get her to say yes.

This "actress" was on the prowl. It turns out however that her definition of prowl is much different than most everyone else. An NBA player took an interest in her and she right back at him. When he suggested they go back to his room, she informed him it would be $5000 an hour for her company. He laughed, and then walked away.

I Knew There Was A Reason I Did Not Like Jeffrey Sebelia

If you have the time, this is a really good article about why Jeffrey's career and romantic life has tanked since winning Project Runway. The thing that I noticed was that Jeffrey was advised to try out for Project Runway by his good friend Santino Rice. Yes, Santino was the ultimate funny guy when he impersonated Tim Gunn, BUT he was also the same arrogant, better than everyone ass that Jeffrey also sought to be. The video below is the best part of Santino.

Owen Wilson Doesn't Want People to Know He is With Kate Hudson

I would be shouting from the rooftops if I was with Kate Hudson, but I guess Owen Wilson doesn't like the other ladies to know he is taken. Keeping his options open. Therefore when a photographer in Australia tried to take a pic of Owen and Kate, Owen went ballistic. He shoved the cameraman, and Owen even swore. I know, I know, he said a dirty word. Anyway, one wonders what Owen is hiding for, or from, or perhaps he had his first taste of Vegemite. Stop! No one from Australia write in. I LOVE Vegemite, but some people do not and maybe Owen is one of them.

Sylvester Stallone's Hotel Room Raided By Australian Police

Sylvester Stallone and his entourage were detained trying to import a a type of steroid into Australia known as human growth hormone. What was routine turned into the outlandish when police turned up at Stallone's hotel and the members of his party started throwing items out the window. Yes, that is not suspicious at all. I am sure they were simply tossing water balloons on unsuspecting tourists. Sylvester Stallone faces up to 5 years in jail and a $110,000 fine if convicted of importing prohibited substances.

I think that instead of doing time he should be forced to watch all of his movies without interruption and explain to the world why the hell he made most of them. I also would pray to all that is holy that there was a prison talent show and he and a cross-dressing inmate could do a Sly and Dolly Parton duet from Rhinestone.

I guess Tom Brady forgot to tell Gisele about being a Daddy

Tom Brady's "people" are upset that Bridget Moynahan went public with the news Tom is going to be a daddy. Why would they be upset that she told the world? My guess is that Tom maybe has not told his hot Brazilian girlfriend that he is going to be a daddy and wanted to wait until the baby was actually being born before sharing the good news. No need to get Gisele Bundchen angry, especially since she just gained 14 pounds to be able to model in Milan next week.

Kim Kardashian and Children's Television Channel--Brilliant!

"Hi, I am Noggin. I am a channel that is devoted to children's programming throughout the day and evening. We at Noggin think that Kim Kardashian represents the family values that we are striving for as we fine tune our network offerings when the pre-schoolers go to bed. There is nothing that says to a parent that we care, like 30 minutes of Blue's Clues followed by that sex tape star Kim Kardashian guest starring on Beyond the Break. We know Kim has no real acting experience but we think she did an incredible job with Ray-J and proved to the world that a 26 year old needs to be on a show geared towards 13 year olds. We hope that she continues to make sex tapes and in the future plan on hiring Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson for a new show with Joe Francis directing and producing. Here at Noggin we care about your family. Can't you tell?"

Nicole Richie did not have the Best Week Ever

So, you finally got past that whole Paris Hilton thing and you have a new sex starved boyfriend. Things are looking up for Nicole Richie right? Well if the past week does not send her back to rehab, then I think she is home free and my Valentine's Day prediction will come true.

In the last week, Nicole Richie found out she was going to have wiggle and evade to stay out of jail because of her second DUI in California. Now, we are not talking Pelican Bay jail time here, but jail is jail. I think Nicole can handle it better than Paris though. What are the odds that someday Paris will spend some quality time in jail? Take a moment to reflect on that scenario. I saw you smile. Yes, I did. Anyway, so Nicole might go to jail. Then this week, in Details magazine it appears Brody Jenner dated Nicole Richie solely on the advice of his publicist/manager with the sole goal of getting Nicole Richie to eat. His agent advised Brody he would be a hero in America. Sure, cure for cancer, getting Nicole Richie to eat. About on the same level. So, this guy who you thought liked you and who you may have had feelings for was basically using you. Instead of keeping his mouth shut about it though he told everyone in the world. Finally, you let your friend Mischa Barton borrow your Mercedes SUV and she wrecks it.
Nicole. Seriously, this week can only be better.

Shotgun Wedding, Bride Drunk & Pregnant, and a Punch

See, another problem with Valentine's Day weddings is that there is so much pressure because they are supposed to be romantic. Kerry Katona who is the former lead singer of Atomic Kitten got married to her long time boyfriend on Valentine's Day. Kerry who is 7 months pregnant, was pretty drunk and her new husband asked if she should be drinking so much. Well, I guess she enjoys drinking when 7 months pregnant, but enjoys fighting even more. She threw a punch, but missed. Read the last paragraph to see a publicist with a vivid imagination.

Want to buy Britney's Hair?

No, I am not selling it, and am not getting calls returned either, so updates will have to wait. There are some ridiculous claims on E-Bay, but this seemed to be the most authentic.

Description

This is a genuine strand of hair shaved off the head of Britney Spears. I am fortunate enough to be in possession of this item as a gift from my eldest brother who is currently working as a hair stylist in Ester Tognozzi's hair salon, Tarzana, California. When Britney walked in Friday evening she was refused by all staff, including my brother, of having her hair shaved - "Britney came in and said she wanted them to shave her head." Once refused "Britney grabbed the hair clipper and started doing it herself." According to my brother. Britney later quoted "I don't want anyone touching me. I'm tired of everybody touching me." Britney left the hair for employees of the salon and my brother was lucky enough to obtain several strands of the pop princesses's hair. This is a rare piece of memrobilia of one of the most famous pop icons ever. I CANNOT PROVE THIS IS HER HAIR, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU THAT IT IS TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE! Happy bidding, No timewasters or fraudsters, Thank you.

A Wedding that Wasn't

This woman is no stranger to Vegas weddings and almost did it again. She and her boyfriend of fifteen minutes got drunk enough to take out a license and were IN the chapel when she realized maybe a quickie wedding was not the way to go. She backed out, but the license is still valid and still ready to go should she change her mind.

The Young, Black, and Fabulous Roundup of the NBA weekend in Las Vegas

I was at some of these parties, but they were many I was not. This roundup and the photos are great. There are probably like fifty photos, but for you ladies who want a really big ring, check out Dwayne Wade's wife. I saw that up close, and have NEVER seen anything that large.