Britney Bald Video

Vanessa Minnillo Naked

Britney In Rehab Reports Are False

Britney Spears did not check into a rehab program and then check out 24 hours later as TMZ is reporting, nor did she enter a rehab program as Extra is reporting. I am not saying she will not enter rehab or looked into rehabilitation programs. I am saying that the current media reports are untrue as reported to me.

Blind Items Revealed

I removed one of the items which had one bad fact in it. I cannot confirm his wife is involved in the goings on and so it would be unfair to HER to reveal HIM.

January 3, 2007

So this starlet who has been mentioned everywhere had a little drink Sunday night or was it two or three? Seems she got rejected by an ex in a VERY public way and proceeded to drink the night away and came on to any guy who headed her way. Except for one.

Lindsay Lohan

January 5, 2007

This rockstar’s divorce was recently finalized so he could bring on the next wife. Everyone assumed she walked away with HMM money, but it was not to be. He has a long history of wives and girlfriends who think they are going to take him to the cleaners. What they don’t realize until it is too late is that he has all the ammunition. During their time together he records every incriminating moment whether it be drugs or drinking or another man. When the time comes for parting and they are looking for money, he invites them into his room and shows them why they will not be getting a penny above what he wants to give them.

Rod Stewart

January 9, 2007

In order to support his drug habit, this cat like rock star used to be a gay prostitute. Wonder if he thinks his current girlfriend is as pretty as the boys he used to love.

Pete Doherty

January 12, 2007 (the one I could not find yesterday)

This actor has always been known for his HUGE ego. Well now it turns out he has something down below that is just as huge. Talked about in London, but really was just talk, even a legend. It was all supposition really, until he was filming his latest movie. Thinking our star was out and about, an assistant walked into the actor’s trailer without knocking and saw our actor changing clothes and what he saw has been repeated over and over and would put even Mr. Diggler to shame.

Ricky Gervais

January 17, 2007

#1 This singer is out of his mind. His model girlfriend was not beautiful enough for him or he thought he could do better. Somehow he thought his aging, one hit wonder self could get him someone better. What he got was a lesson in how the grass is not always greener on the other side. After bedding a series of 18 year old girls and acting like the wannabe rock star he thinks he is, his ex was seen in public with a collection of men befitting her beauty. Our singer broke and is begging for her to take him back. So far she just keeps laughing at him.

James Blunt

#2 Seeing this actress and her complexion Monday night reminded me that she had to miss the world premiere of a movie and almost another because her face had turned into one big zit.

Cameron Diaz

January 19, 2007

#2 A friend of someone mentioned earlier today has been acting like a diva despite the fact it has been years since she could even pretend to be such. Banned from her health club for wanting to work out alone and to bring in her dog, this pseudo diva has also been trying to convince friends she has a relationship with a well known singer despite the fact that no one believes a word of it.

Geri Halliwell

January 23, 2007

(NOTE-I have heard 3 or 4 versions of this now, but it is still fun)

#1 Sometimes you hear about something and you just do not even know where to begin. Nevermind, I guess we will start at the beginning. See, there is this singer/actress who has had a bit of a drug problem in the past. Perhaps she has kicked it, and perhaps not. While visiting the UK recently she met an actor who is A-list in the UK, but no one has heard of here although he is in one of the year's biggest hits. He was so enamored of his little doll that he followed her back to LA. She was flattered and loved the attention. He began telling her of his special needs in regards to sex. Think KK video and you will get the idea. Although she did not find it appealing, she was flattered that he wanted to do it with her and so she agreed. UNTIL she found out that while in LA and not seeing her, he was finding some women who accept money for those kinds of things and doing it with them. Serious bonus points for getting his name.

Courtney Love and Steve Coogan

#2 What happens when you are at a nightclub and think you are the shit, but no one is paying any attention to you? What happens when you think you can get away with anything and not suffer any consequences? Well this Seinfeld reference decided to take matters into her own hands. An A-list model was dancing on a four foot high stage and drawing the attention of the entire nightclub not only with her beauty but in the way she was dancing. This did not sit well with our spoiled princess and so she pushed the model off the stage and down to the floor. It was only because she happened to land on someone that she avoided a possible career ending injury. Those who saw what happened began to boo at the princess, but she was so into herself that she did not even care. She did not really dance, she just kind of did red carpet pose after red carpet pose. She was loving herself even more than normal. The only problem in her little plan was that the model and the owner of the club are really close so the next thing you know, the princess was yanked from the stage and shown the door. The crowd went crazy and all waved buh bye.

Paris Hilton and the attacked was Serinda Swan

BONUS**

January 31, 2007

So this is barely a blind item, but we will count it as such. Last night at a movie premiere, it was discovered that a recent romance with a very unlikely couple should actually be categorized as a "romance." Seems our actress was looking for some publicity for her new film while her new "boyfriend" agreed to help because he had started to fade from the limelight as well. Our actress made one other recent attempt to garner some headlines, but no one was buying what she was offering. Whatever kisses you saw on camera were the only kisses these two shared. Although good friends, they are only good friends and more like brother and sister than boyfriend and girlfriend.

Mandy Moore and Adam Goldstein

January 30, 2007

This B list television actress is a new relationship with a guy only she could love. The problem is that the the guy really thinks he is God's gift to women. She wants this relationship to work out so much that she is looking past his blatant flirting with other women, while she is standing there. She thinks it is love and he is just using her as a free ticket for award show season. He has no interest in her outside of being that extra ticket, and has acted accordingly. Whether her back is turned or not, he is always looking for the next one. Her friends are appalled, but know it has been awhile since anyone cared and are just hoping things turn out for the best.

Teri Hatcher

Much Better Video of Paris Getting Trashed

This video is clearer, closer, and much steadier. It also shows the priceless look on Paris' face when the trash starts hitting her.

Cameron Diaz Wins Libel Suit

Remind to be VERY careful about what I say or write about Cameron Diaz. She won some money off the Enquirer which is a followup victory that she got from The Sun last year. You remember the story. It said she was cheating on Justin Timberlake with a married MTV producer. Well it turns out she wasn't and so she won some money. I remember the story but it was not life changing or anything. I am sure the wife of the producer was a little pissed at the story, and the producer may have had to sleep on the couch a few nights, but the rest of the world forgot quickly as we always do. Did you know Anna Nicole Smith died? OK, maybe we do not forget that quickly.

Keri Russell Makes an EL faux pas

Keri Russell got married on Valentine's Day. I am really happy for her and I think her husband is the first contractor to score a celebrity since Larry Fortensky waylaid Liz Taylor in rehab (that was the wedding where I believe Michael Jackson was the best man and bridesmaid and the chimp was the ring bearer). Her husband, although a pony-tail wearing man which is one step away from a beret, did accomplish the often difficult, high degree of difficulty, get married on Valentine's Day trick. The purpose of said trick is to combine Valentine's Day and your anniversary on one easy to remember day and to not have the burden of expressing your love twice in one year. **EL satire coming up**The contractor who had never seen a film or television show prior to meeting Ms. Russell is now in talks to produce and direct a feature based on his life. He wants gross points though and so, he could be in for a long fight.

I am happy for them. Now, let's talk about the article for a second. The wedding was confirmed exclusively to US Magazine, but the wedding itself was reported first on Perez. So basically US Magazine is jumping up and down in the hallway saying Keri's people are not going to confirm there was a wedding to anyone but US Magazine?? WTF?? How desperate are you to feel good about yourself and your magazine that you take credit for that?

Rachel Hunter Got Her A Boy Toy

I do not really have much to say about this except for the photo. She looks like she is saying, "I am bored now. I guess I should tell him to take me inside and have him be my sex slave for a few hours. "

Madonna wants to be Gandhi, MLK Jr., and John Lennon

When I think of Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr., Madonna does not usually compete for space in that thought. To go to Africa, do a photo shoot and bring home a baby does not make you Gandhi. I think Gandhi would be appalled at Madonna. I think Martin Luther King Jr. would be appalled. I think John Lennon would be amused by Madonna. Madonna is the queen of publicity stunts and career makeovers. I just do not think anyone is buying her new found save the world mentality. If you want to be taken seriously Madonna, then give 80% of your money away and do not tell anyone you did it. Let people discover it on their own and not have you tell us or document it on film.

Harry Potter Gets Naked Tonight

All of you who enjoyed seeing Daniel Radcliffe shirtless and bare chested, take note. Tonight is the real deal. He will be going the Full Monty. If I were Daniel I wouldn't be doing this but then as I have said, I am old, fat, balding, and have one eyebrow that is abnormally large. Anyway, Daniel should avoid immersing himself in anything cold. He should also be aware that his female co-star will also be naked and so before the performance he may want to tell her if he has the hots for her because she will surely find out. I was going to post the photo of Daniel's naked butt for you, but I know how you hate that NSFW stuff, so click on the link above to get your free taste so to speak.

Paris Hilton Literally Trashed by Austria-Now with Video

Well, Austria did what Australia was unwilling to do. They threw trash on and at Paris Hilton when she arrived at a public square in Austria. Paris is in Austria because some old guy is paying her $1M to be his date. Every year he finds some female celebrity desperate for money and a good groping and invites them to the storied Vienna Opera Ball. Austria also did their best to keep Ms. Valtrex from entering their country. Her passport was expired and she needed the US Ambassador to vouch for the fact she was American. I hope he would do the same for all of us, and not simply because she flashed him and gave him the home game version of her videos.

Speaking of videos, I found this video of the trash throwing. It is directly below the photo of Paris and her customer. Towards the end of the video you can see security glancing around as paper begins to fall on Paris, and Paris quickly exits. However, the camera is so shaky that it seems like Blair Witch on steroids.

Blind Items to be revealed tomorrow

These are the blind items from January or earlier which will be revealed tomorrow. A few of them have already been revealed, but it was not my fault they were released ahead of schedule. There may be two or three bonus reveals tomorrow as well which are not included here. I also need some help. I cannot find my blind item about the gentleman who would put the H list to shame. I am going to reveal it, but CAN'T find it. It is not included in the bonus reveals.

January 3, 2007

So this starlet who has been mentioned everywhere had a little drink Sunday night or was it two or three? Seems she got rejected by an ex in a VERY public way and proceeded to drink the night away and came on to any guy who headed her way. Except for one.

January 5, 2007

This rockstar’s divorce was recently finalized so he could bring on the next wife. Everyone assumed she walked away with HMM money, but it was not to be. He has a long history of wives and girlfriends who think they are going to take him to the cleaners. What they don’t realize until it is too late is that he has all the ammunition. During their time together he records every incriminating moment whether it be drugs or drinking or another man. When the time comes for parting and they are looking for money, he invites them into his room and shows them why they will not be getting a penny above what he wants to give them.

January 9, 2007

In order to support his drug habit, this cat like rock star used to be a gay prostitute. Wonder if he thinks his current girlfriend is as pretty as the boys he used to love.

January 17, 2007

#1 This singer is out of his mind. His model girlfriend was not beautiful enough for him or he thought he could do better. Somehow he thought his aging, one hit wonder self could get him someone better. What he got was a lesson in how the grass is not always greener on the other side. After bedding a series of 18 year old girls and acting like the wannabe rock star he thinks he is, his ex was seen in public with a collection of men befitting her beauty. Our singer broke and is begging for her to take him back. So far she just keeps laughing at him.

#2 Seeing this actress and her complexion Monday night reminded me that she had to miss the world premiere of a movie and almost another because her face had turned into one big zit.

January 19, 2007

#1 This actor used to be A-list in the mid 90's but is now a straight to video kind of guy. Why you ask? Well it seems he likes taking projects that are international, and especially in Eastern European countries. The reason for this is so he and his current wife can enjoy the affections of VERY young girls who can be bought for a night in these countries.

#2 A friend of someone mentioned earlier today has been acting like a diva despite the fact it has been years since she could even pretend to be such. Banned from her health club for wanting to work out alone and to bring in her dog, this pseudo diva has also been trying to convince friends she has a relationship with a well known singer despite the fact that no one believes a word of it.

January 23, 2007

(NOTE-I have heard 3 or 4 versions of this now, but it is still fun)

#1 Sometimes you hear about something and you just do not even know where to begin. Nevermind, I guess we will start at the beginning. See, there is this singer/actress who has had a bit of a drug problem in the past. Perhaps she has kicked it, and perhaps not. While visiting the UK recently she met an actor who is A-list in the UK, but no one has heard of here although he is in one of the year's biggest hits. He was so enamored of his little doll that he followed her back to LA. She was flattered and loved the attention. He began telling her of his special needs in regards to sex. Think KK video and you will get the idea. Although she did not find it appealing, she was flattered that he wanted to do it with her and so she agreed. UNTIL she found out that while in LA and not seeing her, he was finding some women who accept money for those kinds of things and doing it with them. Serious bonus points for getting his name.

#2 What happens when you are at a nightclub and think you are the shit, but no one is paying any attention to you? What happens when you think you can get away with anything and not suffer any consequences? Well this Seinfeld reference decided to take matters into her own hands. An A-list model was dancing on a four foot high stage and drawing the attention of the entire nightclub not only with her beauty but in the way she was dancing. This did not sit well with our spoiled princess and so she pushed the model off the stage and down to the floor. It was only because she happened to land on someone that she avoided a possible career ending injury. Those who saw what happened began to boo at the princess, but she was so into herself that she did not even care. She did not really dance, she just kind of did red carpet pose after red carpet pose. She was loving herself even more than normal. The only problem in her little plan was that the model and the owner of the club are really close so the next thing you know, the princess was yanked from the stage and shown the door. The crowd went crazy and all waved buh bye.

Match Game 2007 - Heather Mills is a stuck up__________

See, I was going to give the porno star/alleged escort/gold digger the benefit of the doubt. I thought she was coming to her senses and was going to have fun with herself and be self-deprecating. I am sure you have seen the rumors that HMM was going to be on Dancing With The Stars. (yes, it should be called the Surreal Life Dances, but that is not for now.) Anyway, I thought it would be a great idea and really let us see here in the States that she is not the bitch we all think she is. It turns out, she is not going to be on the show and from the tone of her PR person would never stoop low enough to be on the show. I have some advice for you HMM. Your gold digging days are done and you are going to get quickly bored having 18 year old boys have sex with you and play hide the prosthetic limb. (When I have sex I call it something else, but she is the porno star, so we will let her have her due.) In a few years no one will want your tired, drag queen looking self on our shows so you better sign up quick. Your only hope in the future will be if Flava Flav can come back from the dead and makes you one of his tasty flavors of love.

When Charlize Theron panics, making out is #1 on her mind

Charlize Theron made some comments that were not exactly well received by her interviewer on CNN. Like most women (in my fantasies) she immediately tried to re-assert control by propositioning the reporter and telling him how she wanted to make out with him. Charlize made a mistake in her comments about Cuba. However, you have to admire her for having the ability to just throw that one liner out there. Where did it come from unless she had done it before? Hmmmm? And Rick Sanchez, the reporter from CNN gave his wife the best Valentine's Day present ever. He basically said, "baby, you are so much hotter than Charlize, and it was easy to say no." You have to watch until almost the very end to hear the remark.

So you think your Valentine's Day sucked?

How would you like to be the girlfriend of British musician James Morrison. See, James had an awards show to go to last night. He went, and won for Best Breakthrough Act at the MasterCard Brit Awards. ( I wish we just came out and sold our naming rights like that. I can see something like the Bank of America Academy Awards. That would of course be superior to the Budweiser Academy Awards, or the Boone's Farm Academy Awards) I am sure his girlfriend would have loved to have attended. There was only one teensy problem. See, Joss Stone was in attendance and James has a thing for Joss and so wanted to leave the girlfriend home. It is tough, but not impossible to hit on someone while your girlfriend is watching, and is in rather bad form to do so on the night reserved for lovers. So, she watched him win on television and hit on Joss while sucking down the box of chocolates he gave her before going off to the show. Notice Joss in the background when James is accepting his award. She seems pretty happy for him doesn't she?

Bret Michaels is no Flava Fav

Bret Michaels is set to replace Flava Flav in a new show on VH1. Flav, who is probably undergoing an antibiotic barrage like no human has ever experienced after two seasons on the hit show Flavor of Love had no response except a mumbling smile. Michaels who may actually be more famous for being in a sex tape than being the lead singer of Poison will assume the duties of skank monitor. The problem with Bret Michaels doing the show is I see it as a Bachelor gone lounge singer. Flavor of Love was raw and right at you and the women/tranny's were right in your face and would slap and hit and back stab and still probably all hate each other. I am sure the women on the show will hit each other and scream, but it will be Jerry Springer staged and not real. After the first two episodes it will be like NyQuil. (which really should come free to every American)

You're Fired aka I Quit

MTV is going to cancel TRL. They are not going to announce it yet because they want to come up with a program that is going to keep all those impressionable young minds glued to their television on weekday afternoons. So with no TRL, what to do with Vanessa Minnillo? Well you can fire her and make her look bad and probably tick some people off. You can let her quit which then will allow her to say that she loved her time at MTV, but had outgrown the format and really wanted to see what else was out there. (E!, Access Hollywood, ET). Then there is the mutual decision not to renew a contract. Well it is pretty tough to renew a contract when the show is gone. So, Vanessa will quit, move to LA and start redecorating Nick's place pretty quick. Are you ready for her Nick?

Teri and Soul Patch will NOT be together next Valentines Day.

Haylie Duff and AJ Discala will NOT be together next Valentine's Day.

Sophie and Benji Madden will NOT be together next year.Joel Madden and Nicole Richie WILL be together next year. Maybe even married or with a kid on the way.

Eva and Tony. For all that is holy I hope not. In five years, Tony is going to wake up and scream and by then it will be too late. Run now Tony. Run away quickly.
There are a couple of BI's that are revealed in all of these couplings today. Not just this post. Have fun figuring them out.

When I first envisioned talking about couples today, I of course imagined Denise Richards and Richie Sambora. It was just going to be a simple one-liner that said they will stay together until he either runs out of money or finds someone younger. I think that premise still holds true. However, in the spirit of Cupid's arrow I will spend some more time talking about Denise and we can all make up our own minds. Denise has actually spoken about Valentines Day. This is excerpted from an interview she did with dealmemo.com. They actually make People magazine look snarky.

"Since we're discussing Valentine(a movie she was filming at the time), Richards talks about what is so special about Valentine Days, even for simple girls like herself. "If I'm in a relationship, I think it's fun to get flowers and candy and go on a romantic rendezvous. If I'm not actually dating, I think Valentine Day is really yucky." Her most romantic Valentine rendezvous occurred during the filming of The World Is Not Enough. "The guy I was dating took me to the Eiffel Tower to drink champagne." At the moment, Richards remains coy about her private life, preferring, she says smilingly, "to spend time with her dogs", which includes a Pug. "I love animals with squashed faces, and he's sooooo adorable."

This article was well before Richie, but his face does look a little squashed as well sometimes.

I could go on and on about Denise Richards. But, you know I thought she was pretty hot in The World Is Not Enough and everyone has made some bad career choices. I think she has made some bad career moves recently. I actually think she should not have posed nude in Playboy. Part of her appeal was as a tease or as a mystery. Also, she should have had final approval on her cover.

Here is what one writer from the NY Post had to say about the cover photo and the pictorial.

"We know Playboy isn't noted for its beautiful covers, but the new Denise Richards issue is particularly hideous. Just because she's got the IQ of a plastic Christmas tree doesn't mean you should dress her like one. The pictures inside are marginally better, but the novelty of Denise Richards nude wears off instantaneously."

Her choice of stylist could also be considered poor if they were to blame for the Billboard Awards nightmare that is shown below.

Now, I think that in the spirit of Valentines Day, I will provide some websites that adore Denise Richards and I am sure they all think that Denise and Richie will be getting married any day now. Did you know they were planning on getting married?

Star Magazine stated that Denise and Richie were going to get married by the end of the year. That is 2006, not 2007. They also stated she had been trying on wedding dresses and had fashion houses send her things for her Christmas wedding. Well if she was going to get married in December, then when did she get engaged? Well, I am glad you asked. Seems she was asked in the backseat of a limo on the way to a boxing match. No one has seen the ring since. Now they plan on marrying in Italy in the summer of 2007.

I am tired of talking about Denise Richards. As one commenter said today. We are done talking about her unless she shoots someone. Happy Valentines Day Denise!!!!!

As you know Friday is fast approaching which means more blind items will be revealed. All of the items will be from January's blind items. Tomorrow I will post the items which will be revealed so that you may take one last guess before the blindfold comes off. Today I will post some blind items from the last few weeks and provide some hints. Nothing as tortuous as the last time I provided hints. Instead of being wordy, I am hoping this time, the answers can be found with as few words a possible.

January 2, 2007

This former A list actor primarily known for his television roles had a vice paid for by his employers without them even knowing it. Our intrepid actor would haunt various seedy massage parlors until he found a special lady or two who gave excellent happy endings. He would make a deal to the owner of the parlors to buy the girl or two and then convince the studio to hire them as his masseuses. This allowed our actor to indulge in his fantasies while at the same time always seeking out new parlors and new ladies to replace his current ones. Everything was great until his last show tanked. Paradise was no more for our actor who soon found out that in many of his visits to massage parlors he was videotaped. With no more money coming to the parlor owners from the studios they wanted it from the actor and were threatening to make the tapes public. With no work coming in, the actor sold everything he had and even made some questionable legal decisions all to keep these not so nice people from coming after him. Meanwhile he could never say goodbye to the parlors and they were ruining his life. He finally has given up the parlors and paid off his debt and new work is finally starting to come his way. No word on who his new masseuse is.

1. Read it carefully
2. Something in common with Matthew Broderick

January 8, 2007

JACKASS

This past weekend I was leaving one of my favorite restaurants in LA. I love a good steak and this place has the best. Like everyone else does here in LA, I was waiting in line for the valet. There were about four people ahead of my group. I had seen this actor inside, and although we are not friends, we certainly know each other enough to say hello. Throughout the evening I had seen this actor enjoying drink after drink and growing louder and louder. He was being obnoxious, but nothing out of the ordinary or worth a mention here. UNTIL, he and his companions emerged from the restaurant and proceeded to push their way through to the front of the valet line. For some reason there was only one valet working and so things were moving a little slow. However, everyone was in a good mood and no one was complaining because they could all see how hard the one valet was working. He was not walking anywhere. He was running flat out. The valet looked to be in his mid 20's and was from Mexico. His English was poor which was going to cost him in a few minutes. When our actor came outside, the valet was not there because he was running to get a car. This immediately sent Mr. Ass into a rant about how no one has good service anymore and he had a movie opening soon and companies just did not value customer service.

So, the valet comes back with a car and now there are three people ahead of my group and the first in line prepares to give his ticket to the valet. The valet is about to grab it, when Mr. Ass says, "Hold it, I need to go first. I have a talk show I am supposed to do in twenty minutes." Well it is almost 11pm and no one is buying that story. The valet did not really understand what Mr. Ass was saying, just that there was an angry man getting more angry by the minute right in his face. The valet kind of gave a half smile and a shrug, and went back to the person who was first. At that point, Mr. Ass decided to play the do you know who I am card. I hate that card and to have this almost A lister recite what he has done and is doing to a man who did not understand a word was really humorous if you were not being the guy yelled at. It is so LA and so annoying. At that point, Mr. Ass lost it and his friends were trying to slink away. Mr. Ass said he would just go get his car himself and where were all the damn keys. The valet pointed and Mr. Ass got his keys and then asked where the cars were parked. It turns out the cars were about two blocks away. That sent Mr. Ass into a rant about how could the cars be protected if they were that far away and there better not be any damage to his car, etc. BUT it was too far for him to bother with it and that the valet should get it NOW. Well, it looked like we were in for another outburst of yelling and screaming, but everyone agreed Mr. Ass should go first. We just did not have the guts to watch it and you could tell the valet just wanted to escape the wrath of Mr. Ass.

The valet got back a few minutes later with the vehicle and Mr. Ass actually had the nerve to say it’s about time. No tip, no manners, and not the first time. Needless to say, the valet made a ton of money off the rest of us, but Mr. Ass needs a good ass kicking.

1. Something in common with Bill Murray

January 10, 2007

This B list actor is starting to ride high. He has been in the business since he was a toddler but has just started to change everyone’s perceptions about him. He is loving life right now and in his mind things could not get any better. In addition to acting, he owns his own company with two of his friends. Moving from one project to the next and his rise up the ladder caught the eye of a still teenage C list actress on the way up. She has always moved from one guest spot to the next and always finds someone to sleep with at each of these stops. Whatever she is doing is working. Instead of one off guest spots, she is starting to get some multi-episode jobs from her grateful previous co-stars. She used our actor to gain a couple of film roles and now wants to move on. She is tired of sleeping over at his place, pretending to still like him and making small talk like she still cares. She has larger fish now to find in the film world. He is crazy about her, knows nothing of her past, and would be crushed to learn that she is using him and his name and is counting down the days until production starts on her new film next month. Thanks to his help, it is her biggest role yet and should vault her to the B list. But for him there will not be that fairy tale ending.

1. Is the Andy Griffith show too many degrees of separation?

January 10, 2007

Anyway, so at lunch yesterday. Popular place, but nothing outrageous or pretentious about it. A few celebrities were there and this particular B actor(movie and television) was in a corner being friendly with his date. VERY friendly. The kind of friendly where you know that this is date 1 or 2. The kind of friendly where she did not bother to wear much on top or bottom. The kind of friendly where this was just the start of something that was going to continue long into the afternoon. They were definitely getting their groove on. I had no reason to suspect what was going to happen next because I did not know he was married. I just thought he was enjoying being someone. A waiter interrupted their groping/petting at one point to whisper something into the actor’s ear which was unintelligible. However, he stood up quickly and said "My wife?" He grabbed the girl, pulled her up from her chair and dragged her out the back door of the place in about 15 seconds. I really did not think someone could move that fast. At about the time the laughter died around us, a woman I did not recognize, but presumably is his wife came through the front door with two of her friends, and the entire place, en masse kind of shifted to look, looked, and then went back to what they were doing. Only in LA.

1. Not Mel Gibson
2. Has been on approximately 10 canceled tv talk shows

January 17, 2007

A few weeks ago, this actor was at a party with his award winning actress wife of a few years. Also at the party was his former girlfriend and co-star now married but solo that night. The two have remained close. Throughout the night our actor and his ex flirted outrageously. Enough so, that the notoriously jealous wife really wanted to leave. Our actor sweet talked his wife like a poet and said there was nothing to worry about. He was just friends with his ex. Twenty minutes later another guest at the party opened a locked bathroom door that had not been completely shut and found our actor and his ex with certain parts exposed. The intruder apologized and left and proceeded to tell all at the party what they had seen. Most couples caught in the act would end it right there. However, our actor continued on until completion. After emerging from the bathroom tryst, our actor was a model husband and never left his wife's side. If she knows, she is not telling.

1. One word in the blind item will make it all very clear.

Now when Ben Affleck compares a colonic to losing his virginity should I read something into that? Last I checked, I used a different part of my anatomy when I lost my virginity. Did he use something different? Just asking.

In the world of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson there are three camps. No, I am not talking about Pimpa Joe and his ladies. I am talking about those who want Nick and Jessica back together and so all news of either of them being single makes their world a happy place. Then there are the Jessica fans who complain loudly when I say she looked like a drag queen last week. She did. She can be beautiful, but last week she looked like a drag queen. Get over it. Finally, there is the third set of fans who adore Nick and so whenever I say Nick and Vanessa are done, I get a whole bunch of comments from them. SO, you can see whatever I say about either of these two makes someone unhappy. Not to mention you my daily reader who enjoys Pimpa Joe stories as much as anyone, but is tired of Nick and Jessica. So, now, let us go through all the possible combinations.

Jessica and John. Are they a real couple? She thinks they are a real couple. Every guy she has been with since Nick has been the next true love. Jessica goes from relationship to relationship. She is not a dater. John, who I actually think is NOT gay, is having some fun and enjoying the sex, but is the kind of guy who has something to do early the next morning. You can see the look on his face. I loved you last night, but not here in public in front of the cameras. I think his relationship with J. Love Hewitt was real and I actually think he got hurt and is getting back at Jessica now. When he is lonely, he will give Jessica a call. They will NOT be together next year at this time.

Nick and Vanessa. Yes, it is a real relationship. No, they are not getting married anytime soon. They are both having fun when they see each other and it could turn into something serious if one were willing to move. If one of them does not move across the country, then it will fade. I think there is a 20% chance they will be together next year at this time. Look, I like Vanessa. She is always nice to me and I think she is incredibly attractive. They make a good couple, but that does not always mean it will work out. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz - Hey, you just told the world you go both ways. What do you expect to happen? Pimpa Joe likes watching the ladies. I do not think he into that extra guy thing. I could be wrong though. Ashlee, unlike her sister is a dater and this will probably roll right off her. Can you ever see Jessica dating a guy who admitted they go both ways? Yes, I can see the comments section about John. I do not think Ashlee and Pete are a "couple" and so I think they will still be hanging out next year.

Pimpa Joe and Mrs. Simpson? I think the drawing says it best people. Of course the collage of other photos doesn't hurt either.

I have never been more proud of Australia. Yes, there was a real downturn in my love for them when they let Paris Hilton into their fine country at the end of the year. There was even more love lost when they decided to let her return to the US. Sure they gave us the punisherz, but Andrew G did not kick Ryan Seacrest's ass like he told me he would. I told Andrew I would watch out for his girlfriend Noa Tishby if anything happened to him. Anyway, I am digressing here. Australia has shot down The Hoff. In a poll of 5000 Australians, no one )zero, nada, zilch, zip) chose David Hasselhoff to be their celebrity Valentine's date. And yes, he was a choice. I will ignore the fact that many of them chose Eva Longoria and be happy with my small victory.



So, to thank the people in Australia, I will analyze Andrew G and Noa Tishby. For those of you in the US, I will explain, Andrew is the co-host of Australian Idol, and of course a dear friend of the blog. (even though he stood me up Grammy night) Noa Tishby is a lovely actress who lives in LA and therefore, Andrew needs to move here or move her there. Australia-LA does not work forever. Marry the girl Andrew because you know you are dating waaaaaay over your head.

Might as well start with a tough one. Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. Definitely a real relationship. No marriage. Children a possibility, if not a probability. She will stick it out longer than he will. They WILL be a couple this time next year.

I guess I will make some people mad now. Oh well, it is what I do. Not that I am happy about it. Although I do admit when I talk about Denise Richards later it will make me happy. BUT only her. Everyone else I want to be happy, but this is the real world, Hollywood style, and most of the time relationships do not last. So, Katharine McPhee and Nick Cokas. I think this was true love and marriage and babies and happily ever after. UNTIL Idol. Now, I see it is a love lost kind of thing and would not be surprised to see him out with someone else in the future. I think she will stay single longer but we may not notice it because I do not think pap are following Nick. I have seen and been up close with Katharine at least six or seven times in the last two months, and this is the vibe I am getting. So, this couple will NOT be together next year at this time.

I actually think that getting engaged on Valentines is probably not the best move because it seems kind of cliche. As a guy, I can see the advantage to getting married on Valentines because it is kind of a 2 for 1. Yes, I know. I am a cad. I am extremely romantic and definitely do my part to support the Valentine industry. However, I also hope you are in a relationship where you get flowers more often than once a year or when you fight. Now, here is a couple breaking with my Valentine engagement taboo.

Howard Stern (the Howard Stern who is not a candidate to be a daddy. Well, actually I guess all men are candidates to be the daddy. But you know who I mean) got engaged to long-time girlfriend Beth Ostrosky. See, they have been dating 7 years and now they are engaged. Howard just bought himself like another 7 years. There is no wedding date announced, and I just don't know if Howard can pull that trigger again. I know he wants to, because he does not want to lose Beth, but I am sure he is really nervous. They are definitely a real couple and will be together a VERY long time.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!

I hope everyone got what they wanted or will get what they want. I also hope that you do not perform unnecessary surgery on your significant other if nothing wonderful comes forth. Sometimes a box of Whitman's from the gas station says I love you also. Last night as I lay awake thinking of this blog, I thought to myself that we should examine some of today's celebrity couples and decided if they are what they say they are and if so, how long they will last. So, I will be doing that all day long and hope you will trash me or agree with me or anything in between.

But first, I think nothing says Valentine's Day more than the confession that you love going both ways. Yes, Pete Wentz says it only involves kissing. Sure. I can see that, and the photo of Morrissey right behind your pillow also. If you are admitting to making out with guys in a national magazine, what are you doing with guys in private?

I was not planning on posting anything about Nicky Hilton being sued, because I really do not care. However, when I read the article, it made me realize just how good Elliot Mintz is as a publicist. If you ever need a publicist, this is the guy to hire. I have said it before, and I will say it again, he is the BEST. Nicky is being sued and is really looking at some serious allegations. Elliot does the proper thing and says that he and Nicky had not received a copy of the suit as of yet and so could not comment. That is PR101. Even if you have memorized the lawsuit, always say you have not seen it the first time you are asked. It buys you a few extra days. BUT, this statement is why he gets paid the big bucks.

"Things are not always as they appear," he said. "When the facts surrounding this matter are known to the public I think you will find out that the person who has been most impacted by this action will be Nicky Hilton. ... In the meantime, I don't think anybody should draw any conclusions based on the simple filing of a lawsuit."

He makes her seem like she is the one getting the shaft in this whole episode. I love that. Check out how Elliot says that Nicky is going to be the most impacted by this action. Well, it is her name on the suit. She stands to be losing money and future business and have her name dragged through the mud. So, yes she is the person most impacted. But the way he said it makes it seem like she has been used by unknown forces and she had no knowledge of anything going on in this situation.

In case you are bored this afternoon. Here is a clip from the new Heather Graham movie. Specifically the clip is she and Bridget Moynahan enjoying their first kiss.



Video courtesy of egotastic.com

This sometime actress and I am being generous there. This sometime singer and I am being generous there. This woman who rides on the coattails of __________. That is much better. Anyway our actress/singer/leech has a new love. Well, she thinks he is a new love. To him, our actress/singer/leech is someone kind of cool to say he had sex with and you can close your eyes and kind of imagine___________. Anyway, she thinks it is love, and everyone else including__________ knows it is all about sex and nothing else.

This allegedly happily married singer. Well, maybe not so happy and maybe not going to be married for much longer. When someone asked him about his wife the other night, he said that they have an understanding. She knows it is tough for him to be across the country or on the road and so he can see who he wants when they are not together. I really think this would be news to the wife.

You know me. I am always willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I do not think anyone is using drugs or drinking unless I have clear proof or am watching Howard K on Larry King. As far as I know, Ashley Olsen does not use any drugs. She does however seem to be enjoying an adult beverage or two in these photos, and those beverages have caused her to run around in a white t-shirt and panties. I notice that her beverage of choice is Corona. Perhaps, they will see the wisdom in giving her even more money and she can sell their product. I am getting really tired of the Corona at the beach commercials. I actually think these pictures are kind of funny. It is just someone having fun on vacation. They are actually kind of innocent. If it was Lindsay in these pics, she would be posed entirely different, and you would feel like taking a shower after looking at them.

Kate Moss's new wax figurine was unveiled at Madame Tussuad's waxwork museum in London. There is no word on whether it snorts coke while you watch, or whether it bends over and gets repeatedly kicked in the ass while people chant "How could you be so stupid to keep staying with Pete Doherty?" BTW, I used the photo below the waxwork photo, to ask the very simple question. Where is Kate's daughter?

I really was beginning to think that Ashlee Simpson was staying away from the grape Kool-aid that Pimpa Joe offers, but this lame excuse about why she had to turn down a movie, shows me she is sucking it down just like her sister. Let me tell you something. No one turns down a movie role because they are working on an album. EVER. I have no doubts Ashlee may have been turned down for the role and is using the recording as an excuse. You can record an album ANYWHERE, and at anytime of the day or night.