Tom Cruise Coughed

In what can only be an example of the extent to which any celebrity is written about and reported, on, I saw a story about Rowan Atkinson over the weekend that will blow your mind.

Rowan (aka Mr. Bean) was in Aspen. He was backing out from a parking space on the street and dinged the car behind him. We all do it. Everyone does it. It was in the middle of the day, no one was hurt, no damage was reported, Rowan was not drunk, had not been drinking, and if he hadn't been Mr. Bean probably would have just driven away. Like everytime you hit a bumper parallel parking you stick around to let the person know.

Anyway, because he is Mr. Bean the story was picked up by the Associated Press and the Aspen Police Department gave a statement to the press. The Associated Press actually called London to try and get a statement from Rowan's people. Their calls were not returned but if they had been, what exactly would his people have said?

"Ummm Mr. Atkinson was backing out of a space and thought he had more room than he actually did, hence the accident."

It was a slow news day that day though. And it was Mr. Bean.

If all of this was done for Rowan Atkinson, you can just imagine that if this were to carry itself out to the nth extreme, we would have our television and radio programs interrupted by breathless announcers clamoring to be the first to tell you Tom Cruise coughed. Inside sources would describe if it was a mere clearing of the throat, or something with just a touch more phlegm, or a dry hacking cough. Viewers around the world would sit on the edge of their seats, and thousands of reporters would be waiting outside his door, waiting to be the first to see if he coughed again.