Ted C. Blind Item
Pricey Dicey is a mucho gifted performer, everyone agrees on that. The Emmys adore him and occasionally show that fact, come fall. TV fans just go on about the sorta-cutie dude every time they blog, cheer ‘n’ gab about him, which is often. This helps P.D.’s latest boob-tube project, which is a bit o’ a gamble for the network currently employing Dicey’s always amusing talents.
Are these check-doling TV suits aware Pricey likes the boys, not the girls? Of course they are. People aren’t dumb in this town, they’re just stupid, know what I mean? Like, come on, these network ninnies actually expect Pricey to be discreet and keep his peter-on-peter ways in private? If they only knew. ‘Cause here’s what P.D. lives to partake in from time to time, whenever he gets the he-man hankering:
He gets his horned-up snake on a plane, flies it to a medium-size midwestern town, checks into a nondescript old hotel near a truck stop, which is next to a stripper joint, which is next to a dirty-movie arcade—see where we’re goin’ here? Yep, you guessed it: The “straight” truckers hit the girlie joint, get all worked up, and then stop on over to the arcade to utilize one of the many glory holes, behind one of which Pricey always parks himself. After all, it’s always anonymous, right?
Wrong. See, some of those holes are—like Hollywood egos—bigger than others. And while Mr. Dicey was doin’ the deed one time recently, the recipient stuck his eyeball right at the cutout opening and grunted, “Hey, aren’t you on TV?”
“Oh, no,” blurted P.D., before promptly going back to work and finishing off the job—an impending orgasm is such a reliable tool for getting a guy’s mind off what you’d prefer him not to be thinking about, don’t you agree?
Pricey hasn’t been back to his salacious stomping ground since. But we’re sure that’s merely a temporary situation, much like Lindsay Lohan’s nascent sainthood.
I've been reading Ted's column for two-three years now and...honestly I'm getting soooooooooo tired of wading through his convoluted hot-air snark, just to read about some actor in the closet (again). I mean I shouldnt have to feel as though I need an Egyptologist well versed in heiroglyphics by my side every time I just want to have a nice little read. Im a writer, myself, and I read constantly, so I know its not an issue of my intelligence. Its an issue of him holding on to his ridiculous style because it covers up the fact that he doesnt seem to have anything new to talk about....what would be a mere sentence or two blind item, is suddenly the length of a colum.
ReplyDeleteEgads.
wow! great story...poorly written. i have no idea who this is.......
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you Trix, does Ted every do any blinds that don't involve the fact that someone is gay?
ReplyDeleteDrew Carrey - "Price is Right"
ReplyDeleteor
David Spade
Kelsey Grammar
Brad Garret
I don't know maybe Kesley Grammer? He is always winning Emmys and has a new show on Fox?
ReplyDeleteHmmm I like the Drew Carey, and isn't he from the mid west? He likes Strippers too....Hmmm
ReplyDeleteseacrest?
ReplyDeletePatrick Dempsey
ReplyDeleteKelsey Grammar
ReplyDeleteHey, I'd rather have his endless gay blind items than those other recent ones that veered into toilet territory.
ReplyDeleteKelsey Grammar has such a distinctive voice, though (and he can never "act" his way out of it if you've ever seen him in a movie), and didn't he recently just have a baby? The "oh no" rebuttal would have confirmed it was him.
ReplyDeleteI think we're looking at someone who is unattached. Also I don't think Kelsey Grammar has ever been described as "sorta cute".
Drew Carey is from Ohio, but he's never even been nominated for an Emmy.
ReplyDeleteseacrest produces the red carpet pre-shows for E. they took a chance with him producing ".........Kardashians". he has been nominated many times, won 1 emmy. i thought of him because the BI does not say singer or actor but "gifted performer". he hosts a lot of tv specials.
ReplyDeleteAnd neither has David Spade, Drew Carey, Kelsey Grammer, or Brad Garret. Sorta cutie to moi would be someone slightly hideous like The Piv or something...but he doesn't really get good PR from the 'loids.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's Seacrest, Cap, because everyone on planet earth knows he's gay, plus Ted HATES him and would never refer to him as mucho talented.
ReplyDeleteBut wait, didn't Drew recently admit to how kinky he was? Perhaps this is just all part of his sexual kicks?
ReplyDeleteI think Drew probably is kinky, but he's never been nominated for an Emmy, which I think discounts him.
ReplyDeleteKelsey Grammer is a five time Emmy winner and nominated several more times
ReplyDeleteJames Spader? He's very talented and was nominated for leading male actor for Boston Legal in 2007...
ReplyDeletetwis - yes we know he's gay but we didn't know about the truck stop hole action...gay or straight that's nasty. wasn't seacrest a working boy when merv "discovered" him?
ReplyDeleteSeacrest isn't "mucho gifted". He's a host.
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to like my James Spader guess...Casablanca sometimes uses monikers that have initials in them...sP(pricey)aD(dicey)r....
Also, Kelsey Gramer isn't a "sorta-cutie dude", at least in my opinion. Spader is cute in mischevious kind of way.
Am I the only one who thinks it could be him?
Nope, I think James Spader is totally hot, actually. But does he really get talked about all that often? Just devil's advocate...
ReplyDeleteJames Spader used to be cutie, now he's kind of fat. Although he probably is gay.
ReplyDeleteCap, I think he was a radio d.j. when Merv discovered him for television. But honestly, Ted hates Ryan. He'd never call him mucho talented.
ReplyDeleteSpader isn't gay.
i am not a seacrest fan. he hosts and produces a lot of shows/specials on three networks from rockin'eve to idol(and all of those E shows). many of the higher ups think he's mucho gifted or he wouldn't be making a fortune.
ReplyDeletehow do we know Spader isn't gay?
ReplyDeleteI think Spader would be a cool gay man. If I was a gay man, I'd do him.
he fits the hint at the end of the first paragraph."keeping up with the kardashians" anyone else think it's an odd career choice for him to produce that mess?
ReplyDeleteHmmm I dont know if Drew Carey or Kelsey Grammar have projects out right now that could be considered "boob tube project" thats "sorta a gamble"...do they? Boob tube makes it sound like its a little more superficial than The Price is Right or that god awful show Grammar has right now.
ReplyDeleteTed C. rocks he's influenced a new generation of gossip bloggers like Lainey, Perez and Micheal of DListed you heffas need to bow down to the king of the twisted phrase!
ReplyDeleteThat said I have no damn idea who the blind item is!
I so just got another clue. If you go onto the e!online homepage (www.eonline.com) It says the word "funnyman" in relation to Ted's BI - Which Hollywood funnyman.
ReplyDeleteSo we are looking for a comedian here people, which would put weight to the Drew Carey thing.
Ted says "and it ain't" Brad Garrett, Taye Diggs or Alec Baldwin.
ReplyDeleteBrad is on Fox, Taye is on ABC, Alec is on NBC, so maybe Pricey Dicey is on CBS. Which Carey's Power of 10 is.
Boston Legal isn't "a bit o' a gamble," so I doubt it's Spader.
I'm from Cleveland. I have met Drew Carey. He is very much Hetero. He loves women. He loves beautiful women. He loves scantily clad women. He loves to pay women to be more scantily clad :) He just got engaged in the last few months.
ReplyDeleteI have met him more than once, and he is not at all into men.
So how do the Emmy's adore Drew if he's never been nominated?
ReplyDeleteI would think it's got to be someone who isn't easily recognized in the Midwest. And I have no idea.
ReplyDeleteSomeone figure this out. I'll be untangling Christmas lights.
I'm getting tired of Ted C. You know he is going to drag out this Toothy Tile thing as long as he possibly can!
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for Kelsey Grammer.
Ryan Seacrest isn't a performer. It has to be an actor.
ReplyDeleteT R Knight!
ReplyDeleteOk, kidding, but after going through this year's Emmy noms, the list is very short as to who this can be.
Funnyman? It leans toward Jeremy Piven because I stand alone when I say that Jew is hot.
James Spader is not gay from what I know back when I had friends who knew his family of 100 children.
No one else who is nominated really is in the blogs or is sorta cute. JS was hot so 25 years ago in Less Than Zero, one of my faves.
What about emmy noms from the last couple of years?
ReplyDeleteoh and I present exhibit A as evidence of an upcoming project:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492389/
TS- Drew is from Parma, about 10 minutes from where I grew up. He was a frequent strip bar client. And he is a great guy. If he was gay, he'd admit it. He is very open. I did double check, and he has nothing in regards to Emmy's. No nominations. No nothing. I really don't think it is him. And he did just get engaged. It saysPricey likes boys NOT girls... It doesn't even say boys AND girls.
ReplyDeleteguess #2...tony shalhoub, he has 2 other projects going and he's from the midwest
ReplyDeleteExactly, Parisss, that's why I keep saying it can't be Drew. It has to be someone with at least two Emmy nominations and possibly some wins.
ReplyDeleteOh! Gotcha! I thought you were asking what other way the Emmy's could "love" him.
ReplyDeleteHe's such a great guy though. Really a sweetheart.
Peter Krause was on Six Feet Under and his newest endeavor is Dirty Sexy Money. Doesn't appear to be married, but imdb references a son. Has also produced. Is from the midwest and has been nominated for 3 emmy's.
ReplyDeleteI also like the 'peter to peter' reference. Ted doesn't usually use that word. Plus, if you google 'Peter Krause gay', you do get some interesting things that pop up.
I'm gonna throw Howie Mandel's name out there, even though I'm EXTREMELY skeptical it's him b/c of his OCD/germ phobia.
ReplyDeleteHe's a funnyman:
- Started out & is very well known as a stand-up
- Everyone loves him
He's been nominated for/won Emmy's for:
- St. Elsewhere (won)
- Bobby's World
His "latest boob-tube project" that's a gamble:
- Deal or No Deal, on NBC (where contestants gamble on which suitcase to choose)
He's a regular on TV talk shows, often on Tonight Show (got this from NBC bio)
I just cannot imagine it's him, but after doing a tiny bit of research into network shows involving Emmy winning/nominated comedians, he's the best fit.
I doubt it's him b/c he won't even shake someone's hand, it's hard to believe he'd engage in the type of conduct described in the blind item.
NOOOO not Peter Krause. I have an inappropriate crush on him!
ReplyDeleteYellow Rose - well done! He would be absolultely PERFECT, but I think you're right that his germ phobia may rule him out.
ReplyDeleteGammagirl - sorry! I'll keep looking.....lol.
Howie won't touch the contestants. Watch his show. If he won't shake hands... I think glory holes are a little out of his comfort zone! Ha!! That would be funny though. He kindof creeps me out.
ReplyDeletei can see shalhoub being a freaky little monkey. he's packer fan and has season tickets. great excuse to be in the midwest area w/o wifey.( yes i know there's a good packer pun somewhere)
ReplyDeleteI ditto parisss...Howie a germo-phone. No way he's doing truck stop BJs. I liked the Drew Carey guess, but the Emmy thing is the "off" part. But Pricey = Price is Right? He also has a video project right now for the reason Foundation, which, since they are politically-oriented and on controversial subjects, could be risky for the network. It doesn't say the network is emplying him ON the boob-tube project, just that it's risky. Anyways, gay or not, Drew totally rocks.
ReplyDeleteThis has nothing to do with anything, but my colleague just showed me the FUNNIEST website...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/environment/people-who-know-how-to-f*cking-park-on-brink-of-extinction-20070912397/
I am laughing so hard at these articles that I have tears in my eyes....
How about Emmy hosts, not necessarily nominees/winners? Didn't Seacrest host this year?
ReplyDeleteI think Ted C. is full of baloney half the time which is why my guess is Jon Stewart
ReplyDeleteDavid Spade? Just shoot me.
ReplyDeleteOkay - Wild Guess: Brad Garrett
ReplyDeletea) THREE time Emmy winner for supporting actor on a COMEDY series
b) he has a higher-pitched natural voice (not the deep manly voice he has on TV)
c) can be classified as a "sorta cutie"
d) His "new" thing on TV could be Til Death
The only thing off is that he's married...but then aren't a lot of 'mo's in Hollywood?
Oh, oops. Brad's not married anymore.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that convinient...
Its definitely Seacrest.
ReplyDeleteHe hosted the emmy's; it says performer instead of 'actor, singer' also this line
This helps P.D.’s latest boob-tube project, which is a bit o’ a gamble for the network currently employing Dicey’s always amusing talents.
Meaning, the Kardashian thing is a bit of a gabmel for the network (E), currently employing his amusing talents (hosting E).
I agree 100% w/ oklahoma hippy - PD = Patrick Dempsey. I'm going with him not just bcs of the initials, but bcs Lainey's been dropping major hints about his sexuality and his wife looking the other way.
ReplyDeleteMatthew Perry is an Emmy nominee...
ReplyDeleteI would say Drew because Ted mentioned the tv execs doled out big bucks and took a risk with him...when he took over the Price is Right?!?!? He's lovable and not an "actor" but a "talented performer."
ReplyDeleteWhat about....Hugh Jackman?
ReplyDeleteproject which is a gamble or gambling project=Viva Laughlin
gifted performer=actor, Tony's host, actor in musicals
Emmys=2 nominations and one win
However, if you've seen those shots on the beach, you know he's not just a "sorta-cutie" and they'd recognize him from TV rather than movies(although he's on the Tony's and that Kate and Leopold is ALWAYS on)
What do you think?
PS. The alimony's hasn't shown up yet this month!!!! Don't make me go all Denise Richards on you!!!
ReplyDeleteWayne Brady
ReplyDelete