The Return Of Gift Clement

Gift is back. I know we have all wondered what became of her. When we last heard word from her she was so close to death that I know all of us thought she surely must have passed. Nope. She is alive and well and still sending out e-mails. Instead of me just writing to her this time, I thought I would write the first paragraph, and then everyone who wants to add a sentence or two or whatever, can, and I will copy and paste the whole damn thing and e-mail it to her. I also will take it upon myself to call this bank sometime this week and see what they say.

Here is Gift's e-mail. Notice the different font and size for her name and for Ted. I know there is a small joke there, involving Ryan Seacrest and Ted, but I just can't quite find a punch line.

If you are new to the site, clicking here will take you to the original Gift Clement post. You can always click her name in the tags to read them all.

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Good news from mrs Gift Clement.

Dear Ted

I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from India. Presently i'm in India for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. Meanwhile,i didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.

I can never forget how you tried to help me but due to you can not afford to pay some money,it failed,i will like to invest almost my money in your country,that is why i have decided to organise with you so that we can know what to do about it,i want you investigate clearly and get back to me so that we can start the arrangement.

I have decided to give you some money to start with, i have also issued a cheque of $200.000.00(two hundred thousand dollars),you can take it and also use it for the negociation of the business i told you ok !!!.

I think i have a lot of money with me here,i dont even know how to start using it,i dont have anybody to give,no brother, no sister,GOD has finally blessed me so much!!!!!.I want you to go ahead and contact my new lawyer overthere,as i told you that i am now in Nu Delhi India investing a lot there!!!.
I am building a charity organisation center which my new partner that helped me is behind the contract because i dont know anything about it,i want you to Contact my new lawyer and ask him to send the cheque to you,the cheque is made with your name,you dont have to fear or worry over it,once you tell my new lawyer your name,he will immediately send the cheque to you ok!!!.

Now contact my lawyer in Cote d' ivoire, his name is Barrister Idris Mustapha Principal Attorney. and here is his phone number 00225-08399513 and his email address is :

Email; international_chamber@yahoo.fr

Tell him that Mrs Gift Clement issued a cheque and kept in his chamber,that you are ready to receive the cheque,the amount is $200,000.00. I appreciated your efforts at that time very much, so feel free and get intouch with my new lawyer Barrister Idris Mustapha and instruct him where to send the cheque to you.

Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share the joy after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, I’m very busy here because of the investment projects which me and the new partner are having at hand, finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to the lawyer on your behalf to receive that cheque, so feel free and get in touch with Barrister Idris Mustapha he will send the cheque to you without any delay.

Please try and get back to me as soon as you have contacted him.
NB: Do not contact the old lawyer since he is not the right person whom finalize the transaction so you have to contact the new lawyer immediately and get back to me as to know when you receive the cheque. Please make sure you send your telephone and postal address were the lawyer will send your cheque for you.
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs Gift Clement.

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Dear Gift,

I am so happy that you are alive and well. When I last saw your photo, you looked so near death which is why I had offered to help you get the money owed to you. When I had not heard from you in so long, I just assumed that your dead husband's relatives had finally succeeded in killing you off. How did you escape? You are wily aren't you? Has anyone ever called you wily? Notice that the spelling is slightly different from Wile E. Coyote. He really wasn't that wily. You would think that at some point he would catch the damn roadrunner, but he never did.

Have you lost weight? I would love to see a new photo of you. Now that you are healthy, you should take some of that new found money and get some work done. Not to be rude, but maybe a little lipo would be a good place to start. A breast lift should be at the top of your list also. Last time I saw you, they were exchanging greetings with your knees. Are you enjoying India? It is a crazy place huh? Did you see the girl with eight limbs? Was it you who paid for her surgery? That was really sweet. While you are there, you should watch out for the ghee. I don't know if you ever watched The Sopranos while you were hiding from your greedy in-laws, but Tony had a real problem with ghee and had some crazy nightmares and sweats. Anyway, I love Indian food, just make sure they don't leave the ghee out in the sun.

OK, your turn. You can write anything you want, and at the end of the week I will send it to Gift and enclose a new photo of Ted for her pleasure.