All of this happened two years ago this month. That being said, in order to deduce who is whom, you will need to consider what their status was two years ago this month. In some cases, if I can't remember if they had just broken up with someone or had just come out of rehab, I will use their present description and indicate as such. Originally this was going to be two parts, but instead, because of its length, it is going to be four parts. Thursday-Sunday this week.
Around Labor Day of 2005, I go a call from a law school classmate who was living in New York. He had a favor to ask. It turns out his much younger brother had won some money in the lottery. Not multi-millions or anything, but about $50,000 or so after taxes. His brother, who was 25 at the time decided he just wanted to blow it all on one glorious month in Los Angeles. The friend called me to see if I could help find his brother a place to live, and also to make sure that he got into the right clubs, and just introduce him around.
My friend made it sound fairly tame, and so I agreed. When I first spoke to Eric, he put it more plainly. "I want to live like a rock star, or at least like the guys in Entourage." Eric had just finished law school, taken the bar, and now just wanted the blowout of a lifetime before he started his new job in January. He was planning on bringing one friend, but maybe others would fly out during his visit. Eric didn't want to hold anything back. He wanted to find a house to rent and just live the life of a star for one month.
Eric planned on coming out the last week of October, and planned on staying until just before Thanksgiving. The first order of business was to find him a place to stay, and the second was to get he and his friend into the Playboy Mansion Halloween Party. After talking to another friend who is a real estate agent, I managed to find a house right next to Yamashiro, which had the most incredible view. It was a house that is used for filming, has a pool, was furnished and was a bargain at $15,000 for the month. I think Eric almost backed out when he had to wire that $15K. The house should have gone for probably $25K, but this was a guy who was used to paying $600 a month for an apartment he shared with three other guys. I actually didn't think he was serious until he put that money down. Then, I knew I had to make sure he at least got his $15K worth.
To that end, I found he and his friend two former Playmates who thought it was a cool idea to help someone live like a rock star, although I think to this day they are convinced it was for a reality pilot that never got picked up. They kept looking for cameras and asking if they had to sign a release or something.
When the boys arrived in town, we went over to Beverly Hills Rent A Car which I highly recommend. Instead of just getting one car for the month, they planned on changing cars every week to make it seem like they had an unlimited source of funds for new cars.
The look on their face when they saw their house was priceless. It is kind of like when kids go into a hotel room, and realize their parents aren't going to say crap if they start jumping up and down on the beds and acting like crazy people. They had seen the photos of the house on the internet, but now, they had the car, and the house, and you could just feel their excitement. It was contagious. Not like herpes contagious, because that kind of sticks with you forever. This was one of those new love, or new car smell kind of contagious excitement feelings. Just smiles, not doctor visits and lengthy explanations to the 400 people you slept with.
The pair had bought some clothes back in New York and looked like extras from The Sopranos. I really wasn't worried about their clothes because they would soon realize that Nutley, New Jersey isn't Beverly Hills. They had agreed to meet their dates at the party. I talked myself into going, rationalizing that I could make sure they mingled and got noticed. The fact that divorce #6 had just become final a few months earlier and I needed a wife #7 had nothing to do with it.
I think they thought they were just going to drive right up to the front doors of the Mansion. I don't think they realized a shuttle was going to be involved. But what a shuttle it was. On the shuttle was this B list film actress (#1) who had just got engaged for what seemed like the 20th time, or maybe she had just broke up and found some other guy. Even the tabs couldn't keep up with how much this actress changed true loves and bed partners. When she finally did settle down she stuck with it though for better or much worse. Well, our actress who was wearing practically nothing and was instantly recognizable to the pair decided to sit right down on Eric's lap and introduce herself properly. One thing you have to realize about actresses and flirting. Even a B list actress can make you feel like you are the only person on the earth for that time you are speaking to them. It comes from the fact they are always selling themselves and having to be "on." It also comes in handy since most producers in this town are men. If you have never experienced this sensation, you would swear that she was totally in love with you. Eric was hooked, and she knew it. He hadn't developed that immunity or sixth sense yet. It is tough to describe in words. Once you have seen it a few times and see how quickly they can turn the switch on and off, you get used to it and realize it is all for show, and there is rarely a tell.
When the shuttle stopped, the show and tell turned off like a light switch, and Eric got his first lesson in Actress 101. This one had determined from his reactions, that he was new or had won the tickets on a radio show and was not someone worthy of more time. Don't worry though, #1 will return later.
At the party itself, your senses are overwhelmed by costumes, nudity, and guys with big grins from ear to ear. It is even more overwhelming when this is your first night in town, and one of you has basically been given a partially clothed lap dance by someone you had only previously seen in films.
Eric and his friend had decided their cover was going to be as music producers. Producers have money, and no one ever recognizes them, or their names or so they thought. Within 30 minutes of arriving, they were confronted by a record producer. A great record producer with a recognizable name, but not face. As soon as Eric and his friend went into their spiel, they were busted. I was about five feet away and laughing so hard, my fat was actually jiggling just like Santa. I decided to get Eric and his friend off the hook, and went and made introductions. Our record producer thought what they were doing was a waste of money, but could see the attraction. Once he had processed it all, he decided to take over the introduction process for the night, and to make it seem like Eric and his friend were really connected. I think he also did this because he was grateful his sister (B list film/television same role actress/singer) (#2) did not become wife #4. Little does he know. What can I say it was Vegas, we were drunk. At that time you could still get a license at 3am. Two months later we got wise, and I took care of it. I have lots of love still for her because she is the only one I never had to write a check for. She also introduced me to the spy who you all love so much.
With Eric and friend in tow, our record producer (#3) finds the "dates." Seems like they had already forgotten the fact they were supposed to be with our boys that night. One of them was already being groped, and making out with a former B list television actor on a huge hit comedy for many years, now E list (#4) who was engaged at the time, and eventually married. The other one who was supposed to be dating Eric's friend actually was waiting for the friend. By the way, the friend and this Playmate now live together so I guess his fairytale came true.
#4 has an interest in music and thinks he is the next great producer. #3 just blows him off, calls him shorty and takes the boys and one Playmate with him. While all this is going on, I am just doing some ogling and some people watching. I decide to be a little proactive. Not to be confused with proactiv. I talk to some people I know who love to party and invite them to a little after party at Eric's house. Promise them lots of free booze and beautiful people. The beautiful people are easy, but reality hits and I realize that a stop at a liquor store is going to be necessary. I decide to give Eric a little present. I walk up to #1 who I know and know very well. At that time we were cordial, but not friends. Friends had gone bye bye a long time ago. As she did a few lines of coke off the side of her hand, I explained that Eric was from out of town, and that she should come over to the house for the party. Kind of like a welcome to the city kind of party. She was welcome to bring her makeup artist friend (one of LA's biggest coke suppliers), which would guarantee that she would be doing coke all night and probably want to give Eric a house warming present. She did an incredible amount of coke that night by the way. It was truly an impressive performance. She ended up staying at the house for a day and a half and was awake the entire time. Oh, and yes, she did Eric the entire 36 hours also. Welcome to LA.
Tomorrow is the after party and the first week in LA.
Saturday is will be the 2nd and 3rd week in LA
Sunday will be the final blowout, and a party that is still talked about to this day for the amount of drugs and alcohol consumed.
