Why The Hell Am I Writing About Donny Osmond Twice In One Week?

When you are on a Britney break and don't want to get all excited about 3 people getting arrested for a quarter ounce of pot, then all you are left with is Donny Osmond. Actually, that's not quite true. If I were really at the bottom of the barrel, I could reach down and scrape a Kardashian right there on the bottom. Just grabbing the scraps.

So Donny Osmond once asked Michael Jackson for advice on how to reignite his career, and Michael told Donny that he should change his name because it was poison. Donny misunderstood and started a band called Poison and has been living a secret life as Bret Michaels ever since.

Michael Jackson obviously didn't want to share the really good advice with Donny. Michael wanted to keep the whole bleaching your skin and molesting children advice to himself because it was gold, and he didn't want to share.

Why is Donny Osmond in the news so much? Does anyone know what he's promoting? You know Donny Osmond would be a great game show host. I think that's what he should concentrate on. Forget about music. Just host game shows. Game shows and porn. I think on the Spice Channel and the other porn channels there should be a guy like the one on AMC who introduces all the classics.

Donny Osmond could say something like "In this film, made three days ago in a Valley basement, the acting by Jesse as she gets nailed by three guys is something on which she could build a career. Director Ron was worried about the lighting cast by the harsh shadows of light, but then figured f**k it, it's porn. So, now, here is Bum Sex 34. I'll see you after the show."

If you need to laugh today. I mean really laugh out loud, then click on the photo above and try and read the interviews with each singer. Michael and Donny had a long rap session and Michael had some heavy thoughts for a pretty young cat.