This Is Painful For Me To Say

As much as I would love for it to be true, it seems that the Eva Longoria sex tape rumor that is sweeping the nation faster than she and Mario Lopez can have sex behind Tony Parker's back is in fact false. I wanted it to be true. Not because I wanted or needed to see the evil EL naked and having sex with her 14 year old husband. I wanted it to be true because it would have been fun to watch her squirm for a few weeks.

For one brief shining second I thought it could be really her when I heard she bugged out of the Elizabeth Taylor Macy's Ceremony at the very last second and that usually is a good sign something is amiss.

But alas, I received a phone call from someone who would definitely know, and the world will be spared her naked body, and for now, her career will continue it's nice slow descent into oblivion. This is not to say that the evil one doesn't make sex tapes, just that none have left the area guarded by her flying monkeys.