Ted C Blind Item
‘Kay, we know last week everybody got so damn grossed out over Sha-Sha Shimmy’s accidental (due to too many laxatives) poop session at a Hell-Ay mall. Well, all we have to say is, after you read today’s latest Blind installment, you’ll be screaming to bring Shimmy and her brown-stained antics back, already!
But we’ll give ya one saving grace on this new one: It’ll be brief. It’s just too gross not to be, really.
Here goes: Now, we’re not prudes at Awful, not by any means. Can’t speak for Cristina, really, but certain elder members of the Truth team have pretty much done it all. Spanking, peeing, bondage, cellophane, groups, ho-hum, whatever. All kinda boring, in the end, as it were. Nothin’ like plain ol' nasty one-on-one, we (predictably, and romantically) say! But Super-Dooper Cooper hardly concurs, of that, we are sure.
See, not only does Super-Doop live to urinate on—and be peed on by—his sexual partners, always very pretty, not often terribly smart gals, but now, we’re hearing he likes it even dirtier than that. Yep, you guessed where we’re going here, surely.
Mr. C just thinks it’s so orgasmic-fantastic to get shat upon by whichever curvy pretty hon he’s seeing. So yuck-o! And when his sizable, legendary talent isn’t enough dangling bait to lure whatever wary baby he can find to his rank boudoir, SDC simply orders out. And hookers charge a lot for that kinda merde, trust.
This is just too sick even for us. So, we’re outta here! Good luck guessing! Remember to towel off afterward, please.
I guess I'll be first. Gross.
ReplyDeleteJack Nicholson
Hehee I am guessing old school. Peter Fonda
ReplyDeleteIsn't John Mayer rumored this way? And there was something about Jessica in an Italian hotel and they had to replace the bed, supposedly she was sick with food poisoning while there or something along those lines?
ReplyDeleteJohn Mayer John Mayer John Mayer. Who else?
ReplyDeleteJohn Mayer. I heard the same rumor about him and Jessica Simpson.
ReplyDeleteJohn Mayer is hardly legendary.
ReplyDeleteI'd go with Nicholson too,he's just that gross. Plus 'sizable' made me think tubby and Jack's got that down too.
Long time reader, never posted until now.
ReplyDeleteThis has to be a Ted C giveaway BI!
John Mayer = Super-Dooper Cooper
ps "sizable legendary talent" could also refer to the size of his c*ck. who's got a big wang in Hollywood??
ReplyDeletePeter Fonda, Liam Neeson are 2 legends..
ReplyDeleteThis BI just shows how weird Ted is with his lingo..the obvious name for me would have been Super Dooper Pooper..no? lol
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday !!!
The first thing that pooped - oops - popped in my mind was John Mayer, but that just seems way too obvs.
ReplyDeleteI could see him being that skanky though.
I also thought the "legendary" referred to the size of his member
oh, wait, maybe John LEGEND???????
ReplyDeletewho were the "and it's not" photos?
my first thought BRUCE WILLIS
ReplyDeleteWait! When has all the talk about John Mayer and Jessica Simpson doing all those rowdy acts? I totally missed it! Yikes! He sounds dirty...
ReplyDeleteHere's the Jessica/John hotel mattress story
ReplyDeletehttp://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/04/jessica-simpson-thinks-beds-are-toilets.html
those well hung: ALEC BALDWIN, ANTONIO BANDERAS,LARRY BYRD,MATT DILLON,ARSENIO HALL, WOODY HARRELSON, DAVID HASSELHOFF,DENNIS RODMAN,QUENTIN TARANTINO, MARC WALBERG,**JAMES WOODS**,MATT LEBLANC,DAVID CASSIDY, WARREN BEATTY, SCOTT BAKULA,DON JOHNSON,TOMMY LEE JONES,MICHAEL JORDON,LARRY KING,EWAN MCGREGOR,EDDIE MURPHY,JASON PATRICK... i can't personally vouch for all......
ReplyDeleteTom Cruise eats shit
ReplyDeleteIn Ted's website he says that the Pooper is famous and a heartthrob. The aint's Kiefer SUtherland, Chris Rock, and Nick Lachey.... actor, comedian, singer. Hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteThis has been a blind item on another column. The main guess has been Leonardo DiCaprio, and I cant remember if its been confirmed officially or not, but its accepted generally as the right answer.
ReplyDeleteAnd who's this Cristina? Aguilera?
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ReplyDeleteI think it may be someone in a super hero movie. Super-dooper, orgasmic-fantastic, yuck-o. Sounds very super heroish to me.
ReplyDeletejohn mayer totally....have a friend in CT where he's from and apparently it's a known fact he loves to pee on girls
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ReplyDelete"Cristina" is one of Ted's co-workers who frequently helps write his column.
ReplyDeleteYes, the pee-er was John Mayer. Sounds like he's moved up a notch. 'always very pretty, not terribly smart girls' = Jessica Simpson. Didn't Jessica used to be married to Nick Lachey, one of the 'it ain'ts'?
ReplyDeleteim going with marky mark. only because the cooper comment, he was in the itlian job which featured mini coopers. also, with the and it aints, mark was in music and now films. plus, legendary...boogie nights when he whips it out in the end, its not him, but still.
ReplyDeleteI thought the phrase 'sizable, legendary talent isn't enough dangling bait to lure....' referred to his dangling bait. You know...his thingie....his frank and beans...James and the giant peaches.....
ReplyDeleteThe key is Ted's use of the words dangling bait.....
what about cisco adler? i will never get those pictures out of my head.
ReplyDeleteThis has GOT to be RayJ. We already know about his "legendary talent" (yes, the twigs and berries) and about his encounter with the "curvy" Kim K. And wasn't there some pee involved with them, too?
ReplyDeleteThis, ladies and gentlemen, is Harvey Keitel.
ReplyDeleteArecibo, my grandfather is from there! Santiagos!!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, this could be Mayer! I also hear that Jessica is really into anal play as well.