Emmy Awards Report

This is the first time we have done this with her knowing about the blog. What that allowed was for me to get a clarification on some of her text messages and some explanations although since we did this on the phone while she was half in the bag at an after party my text message translation was probably the way to go. Again, if you don't want to look back, she is a very solid B lister and everyone would know who she is as long as you have a television. She does movies but is more known for television.



Hi everyone. I'm really excited to be doing this.

Step out of the limo and the first thing I see is a guy grabbing his balls. Hello Jeremy Piven. Jeremy takes two steps, adjusts his balls and then takes two more steps.

I just saw Felicity Huffman's breast and so did half the world. She needs more tape. Someone just ran up to her with some tape and they are going somewhere to fix it.

Eva Longoria keeps going up to reporters and asking them if they want to speak to her. I know why you hate her.

I'm tired of the same questions. I want Borat or someone with an imagination to ask some questions.

I think Al Gore dyes his hair. It looks like some got on his shirt.

Mark Harmon is old enough to be my dad, but I definitely wouldn't say no. Damn.

I need to find a guy like Jerry O'Connell. He's so whipped. I keep expecting him to get down on all fours and start barking. It would be like having a butler except you wouldn't have to pay him.

I think Hayden P is trying to look pregnant because there is no excuse for that dress.

I got to meet Tim Gunn. There is a line of people wanting to meet him. BTW Hayden is off the hook, Laura B's dress is by far the ugliest.

I was excited to see Kayne West in person but he's just keeping to himself. I think he's wearing tennis shoes but it's hard to get close enough to see for sure.

Going inside now

My friend (female that went with her) just saw a former Soprano's actress doing coke in the bathroom. Not Jamie Lynn so don't worry. BTW, I told her you said hi when I saw her outside.

Jennifer Love Hewitt just made her boyfriend change places with her like ten times as she tried to figure out camera angles.

We're sitting really close to Ellen Pompeo and I think she heard us talking about her hair. She doesn't look friendly when she's pissed.

Second most popular person tonight so far is Jon Stewart. I'm loving grey hair tonight.

Katherine Heigl just said f**k when she won.

Kelsey Grammer has had some work.

Kathy Griffin needs more work. Lots more.

I think Helen Mirren is the only person Mario Lopez hasn't hit on yet. Yet.

Kimora Lee Simmons wants her seat changed. Someone said she's complaining about the smell around her or the seat itself. Not sure.

Kate Walsh and her husband only seem to be interested in each other when the camera comes near.

Kimberly Caldwell used the toilet and it overflowed when she flushed. Wonder what was in there?

Joely Fisher is now barefoot. I think she broke a heel.

You don't ever forget seeing Lisa Rinna in person. Her lips are bigger than my mouth.

Charlie Sheen can't stop groping his girlfriend. Commercial = copping a feel.

I got to meet Levar Burton. I don't know why that made me excited but it did. Just someone from my childhood.

Milo V and Hayden seem to be a couple.

That's it for now.