The Alice Ginger Letter

Hello,

I am miss Alice Ginger, 20 years old from ivory coast. daughter of mrs Sandra Ginger the Secretary Wife and Personal Assistant to former ivory coast president. I have 8.5 million USD which was made by my mother before she died in oct 2004 which is left in a suspence account in a bank here in my country. I seek your permision to remmit this amount into your account so that i could come to your country for investment and to further my studies. I have accepted to offer you 20% of the total sum for your desire to assist me. Please, i humbly seek for your assistance.

Best Regards. Miss Alice Ginger.

My reply

Hi Alice,

Nice to meet you. It's great that your mom left you so much money. It must have been hard to lose your mom at such a young age. Don't you think she would have been better off spending some of that money on a maid, a secretary and a hooker so she could live a longer life. I mean basically it seems like it's all your dad's fault that she died at such a young age.

What happened to your Dad? Did he get overthrown? I've never been to the Ivory Coast but I saw that Leonard DiCaprio movie about blood diamonds and that Nicolas Cage movie about gun running so I feel like I know everything there is to know about Africa.

I would be glad to give you my authorization so you can get your money. Hell, I'll authorize for anyone in the world. It's funny that a simple guy like me can control that much money in the world just by saying yes.

So you said you are coming to to the US to study. I think that's great. Do you need a place to stay? My mom doesn't normally let me have guests stay overnight but I think that for 20% of $8.5M she might make an exception. There's not much room in my room. I have a futon you can use. It's kind of old and the sheets haven't been changed in awhile, but hey, with as much money as you are going to have I figure you could spring for some new sheets and some air freshener. That's a must.

I've always wanted to date a co-ed, especially one from a foreign country. We always had exchange students in school when I was growing up, but I was more like Ricky in Better Off Dead and not even close to John Cusack. We never had an exchange student actually stay in our house. The closest I ever came to one staying with us is when I would have a party and they would pass out from drinking too much.

Do you drink? Know any good drinking games? You really should practice before you come over here. So where do you live? Do you live at home? Is your dad kind of cool or he is like Jessica Simpson's dad?

Anyway, just let me know what I need to do to get the money.

Ted