ZX-Syrians, Hula Hoops, Aliens And St. Anthony

My best friend had an assassin themed birthday party and I chose to go as Matilda from "The Professional."It did 19,000,500 at the box office but you'd be surprised at how many party goers had not seen the film. I had even chopped into my best wig to imitate Natalie Portman's bob, and brought a potted plant and a gun.


I went into my best friend's apartment building and got off on the third floor, knocked and rang the doorbell irritatedly, 'Come on people, if you're having a party, leave the door open.' A Syrian girl whom I'd not yet met, came to the door, and I smiled at her and breezed right past, into the living room. Hmmm. I didn't recognize anyone yet. Maybe out on the balcony. Nope, more Syrians. And they'd moved the couches- nice touch. "Are you sure you're in the right apartment?" asked the door girl. I just looked at her. I had a freaking GUN and a potted plant, hadn't even introduced myself, and marched inside SOMEONE ELSE'S APARTMENT like you only would if it were your best friend and you'd been there fifty million times.


WHAT?! I pressed two, not three on the elevator, DIDN'T I?!! Apologized, blushing and sweating and feeling a total fool, but all of them were very nice. When I finally found the right party it was awesome and boasted some extremely talented hula hoopers, I mean, it was like pole dancing with a hoop. Pole dancing is sold short as stripping. It's actually an amazing art form, and requires superior strength. Hats off to those who can hang upside down and slide down a pole, while still looking seductive. I think I'd be able to master it, but look awkward and anxious and probably crash to the floor. I get all my dance moves from Snoopy and Little Miss Sunshine.

ZX's best friend

I went to an appointment for a sci-fi script, which was at LAX, of all places, drove right past the address and finally parked my rental in short term airport parking. The meeting went fine until I compared the script to Alien and asked whom they had playing the main antagonist. The director said, "Lance Hendriksen." Oh. I don't know who that is. The director looked at me simperingly, "You know, the guy in Alien."Oh shit. I still had no idea who he was talking about." The guy who played Bishop.""Ooooohhhh! Yeah. He was great!" I felt like a total idiot. I have no appreciation for actors- I didn't grow up with TV since the time I was watching Mr. Ed on Nick at Nite and our twelve foot satellite dish took off down the mountain in a wind storm. He said that he was raised on TV and I said, "Oh, then we'll never get along," and left, feeling like a complete idiot.

The feeling was multiplied when I couldn't find my car, and realized with a wilting sensation that not only had I been looking for the wrong car for half an hour, but that I had no idea what the stupid rental looked like, except that the back was too high and had limited visibility when you were trying to reverse. Oh, and it was silver... Definitely silver. Rainman, why, why do you posses me? I prayed silently to Saint Anthony, patron saint of lost things, to whom I owe about thirty dollars by now. When I was at Olvera St., I bought a St. Anthony medallion, but I can't seem to find it.