Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Weekends With ZX Are Crazy Enough--Throw In Nudists, Ticket Hassles, Car Trouble, And Coachella, And You Have Insanity

Coachella was stupendous. Let's start off with two tickets and no friends. Went through my entire phonebook, careful to make each prospect think they were the first and only person I'd invited. I knew they would find out the truth, but I feel warm and safe in my blanket of lies.

Finally found someone who cancelled her whole weekend but had to pick her up in Pasadena so we got on the road at about three on Friday and were resigned to our fate.

Traffic was booking at about two to fifteen miles an hour giving us plenty of time to listen to the two cd's I'd brought, (my brand new ipod still boxed in the trunk,) and take in-focus pictures of interesting motorists. The first was this:
Oh yeah, Buddy, we want to be just like you, cool car, stuffed animals, the whole package.

The second was a pickup truck with a message on the gate: "This falls open," so of course we had to tempt fate and tailgate him until he foiled us with his evasive genius.

Got there eight hours later, went to the celeb suite to pick up the tickets, and arrived in time to miss Interpol completely. Bjork was terrific, however. I'd never seen her live before and not only does her"Sank you!" sound like she's sneezing, I thought she sang to synthetic dance music but she had an entire orchestra and had this dance that looked like her body was making all the sounds.
We met up with a friend who said he didn't have any accommodations either. "Yeah, where are WE staying?" my friend asked. OOOOOOooooh yeah. Minor detail. So we piled into my convertible- both my guests standing on the one seat belting Paula Abdul's "Straight Up," and cut off about two hours of disgruntled drivers in our escape. It was shitty, but not half so shitty as the time I drooled in a wheelchair with a chicken hat on so I didn't have to wait in lines at 6 Flags Great America. I know, I'm going straight to hell, do not pass go, but I was a kid, so it was funny.
My friend ended up calling her mom who hooked us up at Desert Hot Springs where she used to run a nudist colony. The receptionist was a stressed out heavy breather who yelled at me twice to MOVE MY PURSE OFF THE COUNTER! I thought he was going to have a heart attack right there. My guy friend took the nudist thing seriously and stripped upon entry, but he has a nice body so it was okay.

I think the caveman from those Geico commercials was in the jacuzzi but I couldn't get a picture of him either because it was dark and I couldn't use flash accidentally on someone that strange, and there was no way I was getting in there with his cooties.

The next day we went back to the celeb suite to pick up our passes and I did an interview of rainbows and sunshine praising Coachella and the people sponsoring the celeb suite and blah blah blah. As soon as I'm done, the PR girl says, "Oh. We didn't think you were coming back. We don't have any passes for you today, but we can probably get some for tomorrow." I just stared at her for about five seconds trying to keep calm. I had just shelled out mad cash to the heavy breather for the caveman hotel merely to see my favorite band Travis, who was performing in 20 minutes.
"So," I said, choosing my words carefully, "When your boss told me I had passes for all three days," Oh fuck it. "She WAS LYING?!" "Well, we'll try to find some passes for you. Why don't you just relax and have a drink?""I'll wait right here." I was kind of blocking the entrance with my black, seething energy, but she found one pass and I strung it on my FRIEND'S wrist. (This is key. They definitely would have told my friend to wait for me back at the Caveman.) It was shocking, however, how fast they were able to produce another pass. Was not fast enough, only saw Travis' last song, but it was golden honey and a friend got me tickets to see them in San Francisco if the logistics are not too complicated. I was going to stay in Sacramento and make a weekend of it, but that truck driver who demolished the bridge really pissed on my parade.

We saw Kings of Leon, great plus the singer's a babe, and Red Hot Chili Peppers, epic.

We went back to the celeb suite and met two very nice guys who were impressed with the pile of pork ribs I was putting away. I don't think my eating is really that spectacular, but enough people have commented on it this week, I really must be a goop. I went in the pool because I had my bathing suit in my purse and how could I not, but mid-dive, changed my mind to save the hair and doused the whole party. On our way out, one of the hosts told us, "Drive safe.""Oh. I will. I'm sober."He winked, "Yeah right."
We started to drive and my car almost careened into a row of parked cars, it was listing so hard to the left. When I got out, wouldn't you know, I had a flat tire. At the service station when we were putting air into it, that tell tale hiss told us we were toast, but when I started freaking, "I just bought these motherfucking things, they're fucking brand fucking, fucking new," these two guys came up and asked if they could help. I said, "Sorry for that temper tantrum but I JUST FUCKING BOUGHT THE MOTHERFUCKERS!" I kicked the tire and hurt my toe but then pulled it together and thanked them sweetly for their help.

Next day, drove around Desert Hot Springs to five repair shops that had been closed for ten years and finally found one with my guardian angel who fixed it for free on the hot pavement in 105 degree weather.

Came back Sunday and saw Air, and all five songs were amazing. They were a little late. Wish I had known they would be 'cause I would've planned the hour I spent in the port-a-potties accordingly, but we met these super nice Mobile Alabamans and took awesome pictures with them.

When we were watching Rage Against the Machine, there were two burly dudes who asked this will o' the wisp to go up on their shoulders. My friend said, "I'll go," and was hoisted up. She somehow missed the piggyback style and was sitting ON his one shoulder straddling his head. When he jumped around, she humped his face and her pants fell down and I kept putting things in her butt crack 'til she mooned me. Then on the dismount, something happened and the burly guy accidentally punched her in the face and she got a bloody nose. We don't like angry music anyway so we traded e-mails with the Alabamans and missed traffic.

So yesterday, I got fitted for a pregnancy suit and went bed shopping because I think I lost my virginity on the one I have now, and I bought it secondhand in Chinatown and someone else probably did too. Today I'm going to a lunch with a producer to play a flight attendant in an airplane comedy. Wish me luck!


66 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:32 AM

    I have no clue who ZX is, but I know she would definitly be someone I would want to hang out with!

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  2. 6 Flags Great America is in Illinois near Chicago... perhaps she's from the area or just visited as a child?

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  3. Anonymous11:48 AM

    I stopped reading when she said she impersonated a handicapped person to get thru lines quicker at Six Flags. Just because you were a kid means you can't have morals?
    No thanks, bye.

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  4. Anonymous11:49 AM

    Aren't there six flags everywhere?

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  5. Anonymous11:51 AM

    Wait, 11:48, don't leave before you give "them" your script!!!

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  6. Anonymous11:53 AM

    Funny, funny post ZX. Keep them coming.

    Cyn

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  7. Anonymous11:56 AM

    LOL - I LOVED the stories - had me laughing and smiling - keep it coming - next time try the wheelchair trick at Disneyland and we'll get rid of ALL the Anons who although don't believe ANY Of it are typically among the first to post comments - LOL. (And yes, 6 flags are everywhere)

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  8. Anonymous11:59 AM

    those 'bama boys were cute(albeit apparently taken)! i can see their sunniness from here!

    break a leg:)

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  9. Anonymous12:00 PM

    You can't be serious? Impersonating a handicapped person to get ahead in line is stealing a joke from the joke stealer himself - Carlos Mencia.

    GGA

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  10. Anonymous12:09 PM

    I haven't been here in awhile, but I do have to say that this is the best ZX post yet! I loved it.

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  11. Anonymous12:30 PM

    is ZX amber tamblyn? Someone has to know!

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  12. Anonymous12:37 PM

    That's so funny. i can't believe ur friend was humping that dude's face. Hilarious!!! Plus love trying on the pregnancy suit and losing the virgin bedding in the same sentence. Good luck!

    TB

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  13. Anonymous12:42 PM

    Thanks a lot ZX! Thanks to you, my coworkers think I have some kind of condition that causes me to burst into laughter for no apparent reason....

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  14. Anonymous12:52 PM

    Not that amused with ZX. She just sounds so....help me out here...ridiculous?...unamusing?...immature? Not sold. Sorry.

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  15. Anonymous1:12 PM

    Ridiculous sounds about right along with totally contrived and improbable. Definitely not sold, it gets more unbelievable each time.
    GAC

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  16. Anonymous1:17 PM

    what about this is unbelievable?

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  17. Anonymous1:45 PM

    who really cares if it's real or not? Don't read it/come here/post/etc if you're not buying it.

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  18. Anonymous2:16 PM

    I'm disappointed too. The handicap 'joke' just isn't funny - if true, no matter what age, it's unkind.

    I found the rest of the post immature, I think I'll give ZX a miss in future.

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  19. Anonymous2:17 PM

    ZX don't listen to the haters...that's what they do. Life is pretty sad for them so they need to spread hate just to feel important.

    If you don't like ,why you keep coming back??? LOSERS! LEAVE!
    It's not brain surgery,if you don't beleive then leave...simple for you simpletons.

    ZX is awesome..and her story of her friend humping his face was hilarious!

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  20. Anonymous2:18 PM

    Six Flags parks exist everywhere but the one outside of Chicago was called Great America before Six Flags bought it and is now Six Flags Great America

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  21. Anonymous2:19 PM

    RE: Handicapp Six Flags etc.

    PEOPLE GET OVER IT ALREADY.
    She was young it was a joke...now back to your ever so fuckin boring PC lives...GET A LIFE.

    -jaxie

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  22. Anonymous2:22 PM

    "If you don't believe then leave ..."

    I like it!

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  23. Anonymous2:27 PM

    I am so excited, after scouring the internet for pics of the person I believe is ZX at Coachella, I FINALLY found one. And it is a pic of her taking a dip in a pool (just like she says in her story). YAY ME!

    http://www.style.com/peopleparties/street/050107

    Kim

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  24. Anonymous2:52 PM

    Oh give me a break! Get off your soapboxes! I'm sure many of you have done things you are now too embarrassed to confess. Who hasn't impresonated a "special" person physically or by voice. You people bore me!! (Eyes rolling!) ZX was young and I did some deplorable things when I was young. Blahbitty boo to you!

    TB

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  25. Anonymous2:56 PM

    Kim,
    yeah you! You really did find the pic. everybody give Kim props! I'm clapping Kim! I definitely believe now!
    TB

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  26. Anonymous3:12 PM

    I think that the joke is stolen, but at least it's a funny joke. People are so sensitive nowadays. All I can say is WAAAAH!

    Now tell the truth, would you not put an alka seltzer tablet in your mouth and let it foam if you took you to the front of the line at the DMV??

    GGA

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  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  28. Anonymous3:21 PM

    coachella sounds so fun

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  29. Anonymous3:22 PM

    Excellent work Kim -- uhm, speaking of work, sounds like maybe you -- well, you know, have a lot of free time. You would make an excellent RESEARCHER, though. Hope you're making $$$ with your skills. Thanks for the link
    kellygrrrl

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  30. Anonymous3:23 PM

    And by the way, Six Flaggs Magic Mountain is just outside L.A. and has been here forever!!!!!!!

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  31. Anonymous3:26 PM

    Hope you had fun at Coachella Dominique!

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  32. Anonymous3:30 PM

    kim you really are good!!! wow.

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  33. Anonymous3:36 PM

    kellygirl - I was a journalism major so I tend to gravitate towards "investigating" things. I work in the boring world of finance now and have days (much like today) where I have very little work to do and spend a lot of time on the internet.

    Don't give me too much credit though, the pics were found thru a link on ONTD (another gossip site).

    ;)
    Kim

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  34. Anonymous3:43 PM

    True, Anon 3:23. But Domi didn't write Magic Mountain; she wrote Great America.
    Great job, Kim!
    Juju

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  35. Anonymous5:12 PM

    Kim--are you the author of the blogspot Blind Item Collective?

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  36. Anonymous5:13 PM

    Great America is also in Santa Clara, CA.

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  37. Anonymous5:24 PM

    dominique swain. yes.
    not really sure i would describe her career as going anywhere.

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  38. Anonymous5:47 PM

    Zx SPOILER ALERT! The author of BLIND ITEM COLLECTIVE who obviously reads/visits here, has just put up who they think ZX is...so NOT COOL Blind Item Collective author!!! You RUINED Enty's reveal!!! Go find your own Mystery Actor to blog on your site and not STEAL the limelight from Enty just so you can post an article on your blog!

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  39. Anonymous6:12 PM

    Scarlett Johansen and Cameron Diaz were at the concert ...

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1501119/story.cfm?c_id=1501119&objectid=10436770

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  40. Anonymous6:38 PM

    there is a six flags Great America in santa clara and she talks later about san francisco and sacramento in the and it says she did that at great america when she was a kid so i think she is from the bay area...? northern california...also she mentions the truck driver that ruined the bridge...there was a really bad accident on Sunday which ruined the overpass on a major convergent point for like six freeways..so i think she is from the bay area

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  41. Anonymous6:44 PM

    It was my understanding that the comments section is for just that~people's comments on what they've read on the website. So because some of us express our distaste for a section you begin name calling and b*tching about it? Get over yourself, it is you who lack any life if you have to make rude comments just because others don't think the way you do. I believe what makes a comment section interesting is not a bunch of sheep making similar comments over and over, but hearing what people really think~hence commenting.

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  42. Anonymous8:14 PM

    I didn't really think it was DS but I guess I believe it now.... I dunno to be honest I don't think she'll ever be A-list or be up for an Oscar as Ent made it sound....

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  43. Anonymous8:24 PM

    No I am not the author of that website you asked about. To be honest, I had never heard of Dominique before, and I had no idea who ZX was. Until...I read the CDAN message board about ZX and there were many guesses as to her being DS.

    So I just starting looking up stuff on DS and that was it. I have no concrete proof, I am just another reader passing my free time at the office by harboring guesses at the BI's.

    Kim

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  44. Anonymous10:20 PM

    5:47 people have been posting that they think ZX is DS for a while now. No-one has spoilt anything. All the guessing and "mystery" has generated plenty of interest and , therefore, traffic to the site. Why post pictures and clues if not for people to guess? Get over it.

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  45. Anonymous10:21 PM

    Oh, and Great job Kim! :)

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  46. Anonymous12:20 AM

    She talks about cutting off two hours of disgruntled drivers... after the first day one of the parking lots was jammed for two hours.. and this damn PT Cruiser (convertible) cut us and everyone around us off when they finally got the gate open... probably not her.. but it was very shitty...

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  47. Anonymous4:15 AM

    i live in paris, and i have no idea who dominique swain is. i just looked at her stuff magazine pics/interview online though. i have to say, she's kinda cute, she has a really nice body, and not in a cheap playboy way either. it's odd, i could imagine being good buddies with the pretty woman-esque shopper, crochet hat wearing, silly, well read ZX, but i can't imagine being friends with the girl in stuff magazine. weird, huh. I dunno, you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, maybe i shouldn't judge her by her magazine cover, rather continue to respect and enjoy her personality as ZX. i must say, all the clues point to DS, especially being born in a car called a ZX. any girl who shares my hobby of overspending to spite snooty sales girls a la pretty woman is OK in my book.
    lexi

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  48. Anonymous4:52 AM

    This may have been addressed and I missed it, if so I apologize - in an April 2002 interview, found through imdb, DS says she is now happily sober. I remember reading at some point that ZX hadn't had a drink in 5 years, timeline fits. Just thought I would add to the DS bandwagon, from someone formerly of the "not sure it's her" brigade.

    -Li

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  49. Anonymous6:34 AM

    i'm not worthy Kim!! excellent groundwork!

    i'm still not sold on ds completely cos she doesn't seem have a film that all young girls would want to see and she doesn't have a lot of talk show appearances according to imdb.

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  50. Anonymous6:55 AM

    I was all aboard the Dominique Sqain train too, and then I saw this:

    From Defamer Celebrity Sightings:

    · Sun. 4/28, 8pm, waited behind Amy Smart for the bathroom at Coachella. Tall, skinny and tan, braless, wearing a cotton jumper so loose it afforded all in the vicinity a healthy portion of sideboob with a frequent helping of pert nipple.

    East Coast Lurker

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  51. Anonymous9:14 AM

    I enjoy reading the ZX posts. When I was younger, I did plenty of things that I think is terrible now. Funny but terrible... Give her a break!

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  52. Anonymous10:55 AM

    Kim 2:27--- YAY ME?! It's been all over Blind Item Collective that they think it's Domonique Swain. So please spare us that you think you've cracked the mystery.

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  53. Anonymous11:00 AM

    Isn't Swain vegetarian? Eating ribs wouldn't fit. Also, it said that she changed her mind "mid-dive". Kim- you should be ashamed for taking credit for the guess on another gossip sight. I read that at 8AM, and a few hours later, you're taking credit for the guess?!

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  54. Anonymous11:39 AM

    I never once said I cracked the mystery. I even said that the people on CDAN message board guessed it. I was excited that I found a pic that supported the person who I think it is. Oh and btw- it says she changed her mind mid-dive to not get her hair wet. It then goes on to say that she got everyone at the party wet! before you jump down my throat, you may want to read a little.

    Oh and another thing, there are plenty of articles that say Dominique is not a vegetarian, she is against fur but eats meat. From IMBD "Everybody thinks people who promote PETA don't eat meat, but I think animals were made to be eaten. I take my part in the food chain very seriously. I eat meat, the rarer the better. I just don't think animals should be slaughtered for their fur".

    Don't know why I am choosing to defend myself against anon internet people, but....I have never even been to that site where the guess was made, so nice try on the stealing someone elses guess. But I will say this again, I have never taken credit for guessing DS was ZX (as I said above). I had never even heard of her before this ZX thing. The readers on CDAN message board guessed her, I just researched into it to see if it could be her!

    sheesh

    Kim

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  55. Anonymous11:53 AM

    "I am so excited, after scouring the internet for pics of the person I believe is ZX at Coachella, I FINALLY found one. And it is a pic of her taking a dip in a pool (just like she says in her story). YAY ME!

    http://www.style.com/peopleparties/street/050107

    Kim "

    Maybe you should re-read what you wrote Kim. You took credit for your fabulous find. You seem awful defensive.

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  56. Anonymous11:58 AM

    In response to the anon person, I am not a hater. I've followed the ZX blog since the first posting and enjoyed it. I'm not on a soap box. People are allowed to post comments here by the way, that means they can say what they feel.

    I AM personally offended by the 'handicap' joke as anyone would be in my situation. I don't know what relevance the 'special' person comment has by the way. People use wheelchairs when they can't or have trouble walking. Hopefully you won't have that experience in your life.

    And I've never joked about anything like that, not even when I was young. ZX obviously isn't so young now and yet she still finds it funny, which speaks volumes to me.

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  57. Anonymous12:10 PM

    You go allyuk!!! It does speak VOLUMES about the "writer's" character or lack of character, an adult stealing an offensive joke and passing it off as "her" own experience. GAC

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  58. Anonymous12:45 PM

    I found that picture, like I said on ONTD. If you read my post way up above, I said "Don't give me too much credit though, the pics were found thru a link on ONTD (another gossip site)."

    Kim

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  59. Anonymous8:52 PM

    Wow. You people need to calm the hell down. Somebody needs to start handing out xanax in here. The Six Flags thing is a joke. And even if it wasnt and someone really did, like I have considered many times at Six Flags, BFD. Have we seriously gotten to this point where we have to filter everything we say or write ten times over so we don't "offend" someone. If some of you didn't have anything to bitch about, you would probally go down the road and borrow something. Or just come here. Whichever.
    And anon 11:53 and whatever other time u are, maybe you should read Kim's post before you speak. It's pretty clear you're really reaching here.
    Can't we all just get along?

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  60. Anonymous6:06 AM

    i think we all get cranky around here from time to time, cos let's face it, there's nothing nice about blind items. we're damn curious and control freaks--or i can at least safely admit that i am--and dying to solve a mystery and touch the hem of inside celebrity.

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  61. Anonymous8:29 AM

    Mel, if you are handing out Xanax I'll take one! ;)
    Kim

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  62. Anonymous9:37 AM

    i'll be the first to admit i don't know who dominique swain is, all though i've heard the name. :( and i'm from the bay area.

    i must be old.

    i still wanna know about the dress you wore in the photo and what shoes. :)

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  63. Anonymous1:28 PM

    ok, shit, you people bum me out.

    anyway, before rudeness was slammed in my face-perhaps i'll just stop reading the comments- i was laughing histarically. the whole 'Rage' paragraph had me rolling!hahahha lol, love it! I also thought the six flags thing, though awful, sure, was funny as hell. those lines blow. Hell, I thought you were saying you did it recently and still laughed a little, so doing it as a kid, shit happens when you're a kid. have fun and try not to take life too seriously when you dont have to.

    Coachella sounded awesome, would LOVED to have gone, Rage would have been amazing; Air would have been quite fun..all of it really. ZX, love you, will you be my friend? teehee =)

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  64. Anonymous4:52 PM

    1. many years ago, bally bought all the six flags.
    am not sure if they simply maintained the name, or if six flags bought back the frachise. marriott owned great america. all parks owned by whoever owns them now, dubbed ALL of them six flags. magic mountain was not originally a six flags. in the beginning the six flags parks were only built in states that had flown six different flags (georgia, texas- astroworld was also six flags owned- i can't remember the others).
    the history lesson is due to the fact that my first job was six flags over georgia.
    2. i think the wheelchair thing is funny as hell! and this is coming from someone who was confined to a wheelchair for two + years. most (handicapped, disabled, gimpy) folks have a pretty good sense of humor, unless you take our parking spots. one HAS to laugh, the other choices are crying or dieing. of course, the drugs help.

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  65. Anonymous9:57 PM

    Mel, you said it right! Xanax is definitely in order. As for Kim, I did not take your post offensively. I too found out is was DS a long time ago and when I posted how I knew it was her I got slammed. Don't ask me to explain, not enough time and it's all on the past message boards. People need to take a chill pill and calm down. Sounds like a minority that post here get a little star struck and defensive whenever you try to explain yourself. I dunno maybe some of us are shitty writers and what we are trying to say doesn't get transposed correctly on the internet (which is what I am doing now, isn't it?) goodbye.

    Holli

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  66. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by these comments. If you people had a life you wouldn't spend your time getting into arguments about "stealing credit" on a gossip site, would you? Wake up fools, it's a bit of fluff and fun, find something real to worry about.

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